ChowCheeBye xPerience

Sunday night… was my last night in Singapore. I had a good time catching up with two favorite aunties of mine in Marina. And I had darn solid western food. Can’t find no good burgers and steak in Thailand.

2230 in Marina on a weekend is hell. I just remembered that it was hard to get taxi on weekend nights there. Taxi queue was darn long all over Marina, so fooking long and so slow moving. Fuck u all CHEEBYE people waiting for taxi. So 2 aunties and me walked on the pavement next to big road and waited for taxi. Fuck u all CHEEBYE taxi don’t want to stop at pavements. Then… some taxi did stop but they choose passengers. Fuck u all CHEEBYE taxi that for some reason all going back to Tampines to change shift. Aunty Jac stays in Sengkang, so near Tampines but the Taxi dun wan to go. Then eventually one Tampines change shift taxi did. But he stared at Jac like a X-Ray scanner from top to bottom and paused his eyes on Jac’s mini skirt. WTF!!!!???? Then he say ok… come to papa. Jac stared at me in bewilderment. I look back at her with a silent “good-luck with uncle horny”. Piangs.. Fuck u CHEEBYE taxi who pick up mini skirt girls (and aunties) only. I waited until 11PM ok!!

Still no cheebye taxi so I walked to the bus stop outside convention center. Why my bus never come, wait so long for 502. Fuck u CHEEBYE 502. I was perspiring like mad. Fuck u CHEEBYE weather in Singapore. 1130PM. I want to kill something already.. bus still not come. Then saw the bus timetable and FUCK U CHEEBYE SBS BIG BIG! Where got last bus at 2223 from Marina one???? So early LAST SERVICE for FUCK!! KEE KA LUM PAR TUA SUAY LIAP DUNNO WHAT TO DO.

And so I called Taxi booking. Fuck u CHOWCHEEBYE taxi booking fee. $4 just for booking??? With $4, I already can reach my office about 15 – 17 km from my Bangkok home ok????!. And the IVR put me on hold for 2 minutes no response. FUCK u NTUC Comfort IVR system.

Dragged my angry big small balls under City Link all the way to the bus stop near City Hall. Took 7 back home. Fuck u CHOWCHEEBYE Bus Fare so much more expensive then that of Bangkok. It was the last bus just after midnight. FUCK CHOWCHEEBYE EVERYTHING. I took 2 hours to reach home from the time dinner ended OK!!!? And i had not even packed my luggage for the early flight next day yet. CHEEBYE!

Now I am happy. I am home… my home is not Singapore. My heart, my soul, my home is in Bangkok. Cool December, chaotic traffic she has. All my projects driving me nuts and draining me dry end of year season. But.. I feel home.

Pacific Rim of Fire

Well… that’s how my ass hole feels like right now. Sway lah. Wednesday night and I visited the toilet every hour in the night. Thursday morning 5am and I had already dragged my damaged body to the airport for my trip to Singapore. 7am and I am in the plane and for no apparent reason I started to feel cold and shivered for the entire journey. 1045 Singapore time I was dizzy and had a darn high fever. Strangely, airport security missed screening me for fever. Ah Boon came to pick me up, saw my sorry state and so sent me all the way home.

Once home, my anus had karaoke, singing bubbly in the toilet very very frequently. I laid on the bed, on the sofa for the whole fugging day and felt so weak. Slept at 9pm. Now its 8am. I have a headache. Slept too much I believe.

I think this is the way my body is telling me that it is rejecting Singapore.

Nipple Standing Season

Huhuhuhuh….. yeah yeah winter is here (officially reported 15 Nov) However, in the afternoon… the weather is still blazing hot. It is only from the late afternoon till mid morning that’s cool….

Its been quite a while since I blogged again. Lets see…

Loi Kathong festival just over. Did what other Thais did. Went to hunt for a place to release my floating lantern with gig. Bloody packed every place that’s near the river. Buay tahan. Too darn crowded. So went to hunt for a place less crowded at some weird pier. Released my floating lantern only to see it rammed by a stupid passing boat nearby. Assholes.

Drove lone ranger style (my engineer can’t drive) all the way to Kon Kean and back for a servicing job. Its 1000km drive up north east and back. Had my meals on the hills, the petrol kiosk and such local places. Oh yeahhh the weather so cool, drive with my windows down, the cool breeze messing my hair. I am in paradise.

Weekend just past was spent traveling on the Chao Paya river on the public boat transport. Just like public buses. You hop onto the boat from the pier (yes… jump onto boat over gap of treacherous water), tell them your destination, pay a mere THB11 (40 cents SGD) and enjoy the bumpy ride. The river is very high this time of the year. You see houses along the river partially submerged in the water, the temples and some pier too. There has been lots of flooding lately. Reached my destination called The Wet (pronounce tee-wet). Oh my Buddha…. Soooo many many many big fishies… Didn’t have my camera… shit. Me and gig bought a pack of bread and fed them. There were so many…. They created quite a stir when frantically gobbling the bread that water splashed all over onto the pier. (And the Thais say this is normal…..)

Now back to work… busy like fug.

Old Man Me

Wah…. Incredible…. My office so sweet. They surprised me with cake, birthday song and a present. Shit.,,, me old man now. Big THIRTY FOUR… shit.

And I know why I got bloody toothache. Last Saturday… I went to good old Oishi buffet again with gig. For only SG$16 per pax… u get free flow of Alaska crab, abalone so juicy, tempura, salmon sashimi… etc etc etc. Eat until explode once again. As u can see… Thailand is a place where u can suicide by overeating on good food.

Me Driving License

Heheheh…. I got MY DRIVING LICENSE… legal legal!!!! Fug the strict driving test back home. I got mine here in just one day, and only cost me SG$4. Gig got hers on same day today, after only 16 hours of driving lessons in 2 weeks. Cost.. SG$140 for all the lessons.

Its quite an ordeal. Morning reach test center at 8am. Was handed a bunch of forms. All in Thai. Moody big sized woman officer talked to me in Thai only and I lan-lan try to listen. Medical test for color blind. I shout out colors in English as officer point to colors on a board. Next guy in queue came and also did the same. Officer shouted across the room in Thai “You don’t need to speak English, you are Thai, tell me colors in Thai. You are not from another country…”. Eheheheheheheheh. Theory lessons, one hour in Thai. I catch no ball. So sit in front of computer after that and anyhow press button answer questions. I passed.

Then afternoon, practical test, must use own car. I used the truck. Drove into small dead-end, reversed back out. Then parallel parked to the left in not more then 7 gear moves. Drove out and stopped before a stop sign, had to park within 25cm of the kerb, not more then 50cm away from sign. Got out of car, signed name. Passed the test. Wee hooo…..

Today is an odd day. Me and gig drove in a truck to the test center without license, and drove out with it. We were not the only ones doing that FYI. Some other guys that went for car and motorcycle test, all have no license and they drove to the test center for test too.

And I have a fugging toothache for three fuggin days straight. This is so fug. I hate going dentist. I need to go…. Maybe tomorrow..



As for this prawn picture, the biggest prawn I ever seen when having a business lunch one day. Don’t park under or go near. May be killed by falling prawn head.

2 Trips 1 Month too Many

October.over.so.darn.fast.and.i.will.be.34.soon. FUG!

Time flies. Scary as shit. Half of lifespan over. Piangs… Lao liao lao laio. Si beh sianz.

A bunch of monks came to office on Monday. Blasted the office with chants and holy water and painted graffiti on the wall. In Singapore we get lion dance but here, we get 9 monks.

See pictures here under Office Blessing 2005.

Been on 2 trips, Lopburi and Samui. Pictures here under Thai Trippin Oct 2005.

And if u notice from the billboard above, i be going SG soon on the dates specified.

Shake me Bangkok

Hey guys. I am still alive. I am still alive because I am not dead. (U must be wondering WTF am I tokking about.???) I am not dead because there was no earthquake. Beginning of this month, there were reports on news. A group of geologist has confirmed the high possibility of a tremendous earthquake hitting Bangkok between 13th till 29th October 2005. Over a million people will perish and there will be floods as high as the second story. There was a great crack discovered in jungles of northwest regions in recent years. That was a clue that Thailand could be prone to quake. Geologist discovered lost cities under the ground in north region, indicating entire civilization has perished in the past due to natural calamities.

I sit on the toilet bowl every day. My balls never even swing left to right. There was no quake. The only time the buildings was swaying left and right was when under influence of alcohol in Samui last week.



See… that’s me in the pic, still alive up on the roof doing my usual smoke in the sunset routine. Weather is pleasant now near winter. 4pm on and the sun is kind, the wind is cool.

Samui AGAIN

Guess where I went? Samui again!!!!! It was a long weekend just and my colleges decided to go there and so, yipeeyayea… Samui.


That’s where I saw the greatest big mutha fuggin house lizard in my life. Bigger then your dick and I am sure it has got no problem biting your precious extruding genital off as well. It’s a Tok-Kay. Gecko in English. It has got red spots all over and it is about a feet long.


We had drinking session in the night. See the pic… that’s the way Thai’s do it. Find place put mat on floor and drink. Then just sit talk eat tidbits until senseless and wonder like red face ghost into room and sleep.


Sea was rough this time of year. Rainy too. If you don’t wanna have sex, there nothing much else to do. Cant make love. All colleges there. And I am sure it is not a good idea to penetrate your female colleges. But… hehe my gig was there. (Do not assume I fug like a rabbit there, too much people. Not a good idea.)


Spent 2 nights there. It was a 10 plus hour drive on Friday night from 8pm till 6am on Saturday morning. On the way back, the Corolla blew its engine. I think I am getting quite use to this engine blowing up thing when on long distance. First it was the Volvo a few months back when I was in Kon Kean and now the Corolla. So we sat by the road and fed mosquitoes for a while. 10 people cannot squeeze into remaining car. We spend another night in Surat and took a bus back in the morning.

Nice holiday. Relaxing. And witnessed the death of Corolla.


And here’s a pet squirrel. Can nibble fingers off, dun play play.

Cool Bangkok Ahead

It’s the third day now, the third day when the night is cool. Breezily dry wind that chills your body. I love it. Its like early autumn in Perth. I stand in the shade on a sunny day, the air that blows is cool. I am totally stressed from work. But this feeling I get from the weather makes me bask in delight. I smoke on the roof to see the sunset. I smile for no apparent reason. I love it. Winter is here.

U there… in Singapore still sweating like pigs, ahahahahahha.

Singaporean’s one Bigger n Longer

Fug Dell crashed again on Thursday. Spend whole day reinstall everything. Think ever since ants decided to make their nest in my Dell… things are going abit cranky.



Came to office 630 am today, started working to recover lost time. Saw food stall outside selling Thai version of you-char-kuay and hum-chim-peng. All small small ones… very cute.

Since taking about food, want to tell u guys that I stumble upon bak-kuar lately. Just like then Mei-Chen-Xiang ones in Singapore. Here got one brand called Lin-Chen-Xiang. You won’t believe this….. TH$32 per 100g. That is TH$320 (SG$12) per kilo. Weeeehooooooooooooooo…. Waist expand waist expand.

Stormy Thailand

Had a fever last week and mum so kanchoing she thought I gonna die for sure of Dengue fever. C’mon…. if the mosquito carries dengue, then it will have high fever and die of dengue fever first. Also.. I smoke so much that I look like a walking fumigating machine.. no mosquito dare come near me…. Eheheheheh

Talk about smoking…. Recently Thailand had a new rule. No one is suppose to sell ciggies in public anymore. They can only sell them discreetly. So… if u need to buy smokes… u did have to walk into a shop and asked for it. They do not display it anymore. Its hidden. Still… I can live with this, much better the SG$10 (THB$250) ciggys in Singapore.

Cousin of mine came again and went back. Invited me to attend his wedding in October. Whats with this year??? So many people getting married. Already have 3 that I know in October alone. Spawning season??? Nay… didn’t go back for any of them at all. Too busy with work.

And.. its been raining and raining everyday. Gale wind darn fierce. Stay at home watching The Day After Tomorrow live outside my apartment. Wind blew rain skywards, visibility zero. More then 20 lightning per minute. Solid… never seen anything like this before. Then flood flood flood. Heard that in some parts of Thailand when it floods, crocodiles come to visit your house.

Rain means terrible traffic. Got stuck in the car park trying to get out of a shopping complex. 15 minutes and I turn my car into the nearest lot then continue to shop. Give up trying to get out. Interesting… can have heavy traffic jam in car park. Never knew that could happen.

Bought pirated games to play. Ass luck…. And should have expected. The instructions on how to run and crack the games… in THAI!!!. CB… can’t play game. Have to wait for someone to help me translate text.

Some Thai friends of mine went to Singapore over the weekend. When they returned… I asked how is Singapore. Reply was expensive-and-boring. Ehehehehe… I love Thailand.

Sway Sway Week

And so read in RK’s blog its mooncake festival again. I forgot when it is already… lost my darn Chinese roots. Saw mooncakes selling in Bangkok but did not see people playing lanterns. This is Thailand… Chinese although many, cultural practices little.

Its been a sway week. Returned from lunch to find my hard disk gasping for breath on Tuesday. It went tick… gluck gluck gluck… greeeeeeeeeee… tick tick… breeeeeeeeeeeeee.. gluck gluck followed by tons of error and blue screen plus a “ni nam bu CBY” loud loud contribution from me. Also in this same week… some asshole stole my beloved giant Zippo from my table. Why in the world would anyone want that I wonder??? Things has been missing from office lately. There is a thief… and we don’t know who. Lightning will strike him in broad day and his mother will be raped. Fug him.

Brought a new 80G drive. Now my Dell fat with space but I lost my data and my work. This is arse luck.

Saw the show Madagascar, it was good… it distressed me good for that short hour or so. The hippo with the bikini crab made me laugh until die.

And Ed… are u dead… ur blog so long never update.

As for Jacq…. Yeah…. Run Forest… Run…. Run until Jacq neh neh become payaya. Good luck with the name-your-mother thing too... hehe.

Skype Mum

.... My mum uses Skype..................... !

Car Tried to Swallow Me

If you open the boot of your car really fast and with all your might, the boot will re-bounce and come crashing down right onto your forehead just when you are about to bend over into the compartment to retrieve your things.

My car tried to eat me last Saturday night. It was raining I was in a hurry. Pain pain pain pain… now fuggin balukoo still on my forehead.

Bangkok Population Survey

The majority working force in Bangkok who can afford cars holds the occupational post of: Causing Major Traffic Jams. For the part-time work force in Bangkok, their main occupational post is: Causing Major Traffic Jams on Weekends and After Office Hours. The significant unemployed pool of people, freelances as: Contributor to Traffic on Roads Whenever. Bangkokians do not like to stay at home. They prefer to live their free time out in cars.

Article done based on research of Dr Kings, majored in IGotStuckInTheFugginJam,Again.

Live Screensaver

Yesterday morning.. reached office. Usual routine.. plug-in notebook turned on and had a smoke while waiting for system start up.

The first thing that appeared on my screen was not Windows. It was ants. Ants ants ants…. Everywhere ants… Ants came out from my keyboard. Ants came out from speaker socket. Ants from Ethernet socket, CD-ROM drive, the bloody PCMCIA slot.. So many small pesky tiny red ants. Every orifice of the notebook, you name it, it has ants. Ants on my screen. Can squish them and see juice all over my screen. Live screensaver.. can squish one… not bad not bad.

Ants decided to make nest in my notebook because overnight coffee mug left beside notebook is close food source.

I Wanna F*.* The World....

It was evening again… life is routine now. Most have left the office and I was still here yesterday, up in the roof. Life sucks when all around me are play but alone I stride on with work late into the night. Life sucks when my entire mind is set on work regardless of office hours but those around does not. I want to shout the F word loud but I am sure the vigilant security guard below will think I wanna jump of the roof and summon the black car.

Another new sunset I watch, another peaceful moment. It is short moments like these when I stare at nature’s painting that keeps the stress in my head from exploding.

Tranquility among Bangkok Stress

Every day if chance permits, I will take a walk right up to my office roof. My coffee, my ciggy and tranquility. In solitary, I seek silence within the bustle of working stress. The sun sets at 6.30pm. A new evening, a new painting.

Birds Use Tools

Hmmmm lets see. First of all… busy like F.

Pew, Charles, Kenny, Shin and their wives, wife to be, were all here over the weekend. Shop like some tourist they did trying to buy the whole Bangkok back to their new love nests. It was good to see them… have not laughed at silly singlish jokes for a long time. Felt darn good to see them again… an element of I-am-missing-something-from-home arise. Nowadays… encounters with good pals happen only within short burst of transient time. Next window to see them may be 3 months away. Miss them all.

Short Reports:

Saw someone with a pet Slow Loris. Didn’t know u can have them as pets. Its one of those nocturnal animals with eyes so big that if u hit its head from the back, its eyes will pop and roll onto the floor.

Mum on MSN says:

*-)AK(f)Mrs Fu*-) says: Loong, if you go to the sea, pls pls pls don't play the something flying in the sky, the one pulled by a boat, very dangerous

*-)AK(f)Mrs Fu*-) says: the wind will blow to other direction and make you get injured or killed. It happened to one of Uncle's friend recently in Thailand

*-)AK(f)Mrs Fu*-) says: no joke, ok?

First of all… no way I gonna play that. Imagine… kena bird strike… not very pleasant to have a flock of birds tattering your body into pieces. Also… fly so high… balls drop for sure. What if.. aeroplane run into u…. ok lah.. that won’t happen. But.. what if fly into swarm of hostile bees?

Then on Animal Planet… saw birds very smart. They use pointed sticks to poke into holes on trees. The stupid fat worm in the hole attacked the stick by biting. Then bird pull big fat white worm out.. and munch munch munch… didn’t know birds uses tools.

For the first time in my life… saw a durian like tortoise at some night market. Pew says that’s a Star Tortoise. It looks like half a durian and its brownish, spiky as hell, visually really dangerous. Throw tortoise on road sure can make car tyre flat. If u don’t like your friend, can strategically place tortoise on seat where his balls are predicted to land too.

Ate Japanese buffet lunch (Killer Oishi Grand at Siam Discovery Center)… THB650 SGD24+++. Better then Kushin whatever bowl back in SG. Eat eat eat… then saw Sharks FIN SOUP!!!!!!! That killed me. Then… WAHHHH COD FISH COD FISH!!!!! That really killed me. Tummy detonation.

Saw the movie Stealth. Darn good darn good.

Weekend Report

6am Saturday. Got stuck in lift. Wait in complete darkness pressed alarm bell. Wanted to smoke but no oxygen will die. So no smokes. Climbed out of lift when rescue team came. Total waiting time 20 minutes. Sway.

Krabi Weekend

Just came back. 4am reached Bangkok. Came to office straight for work.

Krabi had less people compared to the last time i went, less shops too. All the inside shops behind the front row shops, all gone.

However, delicious Krabi pancakes survived the Tsunami.

This season, waves too strong. Speed boat ride around the islands resulted in serious testicular trauma. Balls blue and black, much worse that what ah pew experienced the last time when his balls slamed flat againts the seat up in the front of boat.

Went around trekking this time round. Found some nice places.

Oh… and one other boat capsized because wave too big. All the ang mohs got thrown into water. Lucky I not on that boat. They rescued all of them. No one die.

Photos are here.

Krabi Paradise

Happy belated stinking propaganda national day F*.*ing Singapore!!! I wish u rot in Hell!

Ok… not all rot in hell lah…. hope all the friends I know there are well and fine. But… I still hate Singapore.

I got my permits… my visa, my everything. I am 1/2 Thai now. Life’s good. Yeah! Will be going Krabi find tsunami victim remains today evening. Yeah…. Crystal waters here I come.

Business Lunch

Just came back from one and half hours drive away up north. Hot like F... then suddenly now back in Bangkok, rain like F.

Meeting delayed, so we detour to have lunch. Eat prawns eat prawns.....


Life snake head fish has stick poked right through em. Then salted heavily and BBQ instantly.


Otak, Thai version.


Deep fried God knows what fish....


Ohhh yeah... come to papa.... BBQ live.


SGD$ 6 per kilo!!!!

Now... u see why my horizontal waist expansion seems to go on forever since i came to Thailand?

Mother Of Water Has Big Penis???

U guys know Bridge Over The River Kwai? Well.. River Kwai… is known as Mae-Nam-Kwai-Yai (direct translation – Mother Water Kwai Big). Kwai… very interesting word. A slight tone difference and it means Penis. Naturally, I been saying it wrong many times over.

Was around that area, Kanchanaburi, Friday till Sunday for a site visit, business meeting plus small rest and relax.

By the way, be going Krabi coming Wednesday…. Ehehehehe…

Photos are here.

Massage Thai

Uncle Presvin came along with some other biz pple from Singapore. So, met them yesterday nite for a catch up. Where to go we dunno. My back, hands and neck all tense from work.. so here we come, massage Thai (not sleazy ones ok… real Thai massage).

Nambleh… two out of the three good massage paradise around my house infested with chatty and loud Asian tourist. So we ended up at a Vej Thai massage or something parlour. Vej Thai = Vietnamese Thai style. THB$250… 2 hours.

More then 2 months never massage liao.. so.. when the old lady press on my big fat white chicken thighs… I burst into laughter. Too darn ticklish. Next… press on major blood vessels located at inner thighs with her hands and partial body weight. Blood stopped flowing to both my legs. Where blood goes I dunno… but I think into my balls. After a good minute of holding on to that position, she released the pressure gently and I could feel warmness flow down both my legs…. very very relaxing.

Next came some amazing anus stretching exercise. She bend my legs up into the air, open them wide and twist here there stretch snap and a whole lot more. I think Kamasutra went on for a good hour. Then she move up to work on my arms shoulders. Flip me like a burger next and worked on my back. Snap twist turn stretch pull me like rubber band (big and thick rubber band that is). Wow… 2 hours… after that went home sleep so good that I woke up 45 minutes late this morning. Alarm clock rang but I slept throughout.

So… late for meeting lor.

Bangkok Bus Ride

It is one of those days where all company cars are gone on a weekend because people took it for god knows what non-company purpose. So late in the night, I decided to try the public bus. Legend has it the number 30 can take me to my destination for only 6 baht (24 cents SGD).

• Bus stop has no sign indicating what bus comes here.
  
• Bus stop…. Very very dark.
  
• Bus no air con. Not surprised.
  
• Bus don’t stop fully so u had to run and climb aboard. Have not done this for 20 plus years.
  
• Bus floor made of wood!!!!!
  
• There is a conductor on bus. They have a magic tin can that contains everything. Coins, notes, bus tickets… and it goes clank clank clank.
  
• Realized that bus fare went up by 1 baht. It is 7 baht now.
  
• Engine very loud and big, beside driver at front of bus.
  
• Got small little fans attached all over ceiling twirling round and round.
  
• Must press button to stop bus. Just like Singapore… so this is normal.
  
• Got no idea when to press button because can’t see and dunno where the blardee bus stops are ahead. So… anyhow press.
  
• Bus do not stop fully for you to alight… so have to dismount and run abit due to momentum of heavy body fats.
  

A Bangkok Ghost Story

Darn scary… it was about 2 or 3 nights ago. Was driving a college back to his home late in night about 10 plus. His apartment is located deep in somewhere and the truck I drove had to go through some very narrow and dark lanes. I was on the return trip back to the main road, was the only car on the dark lanes then. Then I notice a silhouette of a man in my rear view mirror. Friggin CCB…cant see his face some more. Can only see an eerie figure floating to the right rear of the truck, swaying a bit to the left and right as I traveled. It was like the ghostly apparition was riding on the wind behind the vehicle.

Balls shrank and dropped on floor…. pee almost came out. Stay cool… maybe I was tired and this is a hallucination. Looked back at rear view mirror. Still the thing was following me. The dim street lights behind casting a shadowy ominous dark silhouette. KNN… this time die liaos… why the F is that thing following me. Step on accelerator… truck no sports car… can’t move fast, balls rolling all over the car floor. The faceless shadow was somehow attached, stuck to my rear right. No matter how fast I move or slow when breaking, it was always there… floating in the exact same position about 2 feet away.

Then I was glad to see the street lights on the main road ahead. It was like light at the end of dark tunnel.. okok drive faster… hope the thing will go away.

Kan paur tua CB. When I reach the bright roads ahead, the ghost behind me, was a blardee pesky motorbike. Drive without his CB lights on! KNN how I know it was a motorbike???? If bike behind… I sure can see his headlights mahhhhhhhhhh… why the F#@$@# did he not turn on his light?? Energy saving ah? Kan paur bye.. And his head made of metal izit??? Why never wear helmet??? If the shadow has an outline of helmet… at least I know it is a bike mahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… F#@#$#k pesky ass hole.. don’t even know basic safety road rules. No lights, no helmet.. and tailgate so close to me for f**k??? Addicted to diesel fumes izit??? Want to smell my exhaust izit??? … Ass hole.

Blardee Bangkok Spaghetti

You know u can get lost on highway? Lost for two hours on the highway this morning… going round and round and somehow reaching back to the same starting point. And all the different highways seems to be interconnected somehow. I think I just had a very good aerial (the highways are elevated here) tour of Bangkok this morning. Blardee signs… 50% in Thai. How the F I know where I am going. Did I reach my destination?? NO! These are not highways. These are blardee elevated Thai spaghetti.

Killer Aircon

Hehehe… went to customer place. Four people in total were then discussing something in his room. We were all feeling hot and perspiring. So the IT manager (aka my customer) went to check on the aircon that cools the servers located in an adjoining room. He came back hilarious. The air con was missing from the ceiling…… hehehe… smashed everything directly below, computer parts, peripherals and stuffs. Must have fell the night before.

Thailand workmanship…. Better be careful. Don’t place your bed under the aircon. Die cock stand when aircon falls on you in the morning.

Amazing Singapore???

Am i missing something here? See this paticular report form Bangkok post.. Singapore so sat-sat now ah?

If Prime Minister Thaksin is really serious about creating economic recovery then the solution is easy.

Allow the nightlife to flourish by allowing nightspots to remain open to 3am or 4am or whenever, and allow tourists to spend their hard-earned cash in Thailand instead of Singapore which now has more bars and less police harassment than Bangkok.

It is a crying shame that the most popular anecdotes swapped by visitors to this great country is about the police arresting tourists for not having their passport on their person, rather than the place for the best holiday of their life.

If Thaksin really wants recovery, he should let this country turn back into `Amazing Thailand'.

All Dogs Go To Heaven

I hate to dream about dogs. I love em too much. Phases of your lives that seems to withstand the transient of time. Lives with you forever, permanent programs imprinted like resilient virus of hard disk that no matter what you do to format, they remain there. My dogs are gone, long gone.

Why do humans have this big fug-up authority to decide on everything not capable of speech? Why do we put our dogs to sleep? Oh no…. my friend just got into a roller blade accident and his arm is fractured. Lets send him to a doctor and stick a needle up his arse, put him to sleep, he is damaged. Gee… my wife looks weird, she’s already 55 and she seems to walk slow tripping over her own saggy breast. Sent her to the doctor, put her to sleep. Why don’t all of you, put your old grandfathers or grandmothers to sleep? See the point?

Instead of nursing them dogs for all the joys you had, u put them to sleep.

Evoluton

Erm….. ok… I remember reading Orgu’s email some time ago regarding her previous working experience in Penang, about her unforgettable visit to the beach there.

Well yesterday (gig pre booked me 2-3 weeks in advanced so I had no excuse of being busy) I had to go with gig’s young energetic friends to Bang Sean (pronounced - bung sand) which is a place much like Pattaya. This place however is much cheaper, and nearer.. and is the Pattaya for Thais. Pattaya is for ang mohs and tourist and man who wanna penetrate other man or vice versa and sex tourist.

Was sitting and melting under the stupidly hot sun when suddenly I witness what Orgu mentioned…. But more…. Incredible… really really incredible. They go into the water in their full costumes… they run around in the hot sun in their full costume. Cant believe my eyes.

Software Feature

I'm gonna build this into my program someday. Why are users so stupid! Fug em!

A Typical Work Day

Today is Thursday…. Darn time pass stupid fast. Tuesday.. 6am, drove 6 hours to Kon Kean. Work 7 hours there, had dinner… then took turns with me college drove back to Bangkok. Then deep in the nite 12 am, me drove truck at 120km/h plus plus… plus a few more I guess… and out of no where.. see waving red light in front.

What the heck was that I dunno… but as I approached… see police waving. Hmm… who he waving at wah…. ? asking me to stop??? Dun look like leh… he just wave wave only… maybe he saying “hi” … so … zoom past at also… 120km/h.. plus plus plus… plus a few more lor…

Got back yesterday 2am, reach home 3am, flip in bed because Redbull for driving still in blood stream. Slept short hours, woke at 8 am, zoomed to customer place meeting until 2pm, came to office rush work and reports until 7pm, met Japanese until 12 am.. go home wash underwear and sleep …. Blah blah blah.. .

Now blogging… eyes heavy… brain stoned. Wat a wonderfully stressful life.

MSN

Some joke on MSN... and no RK (my ex payaya tree),... its not about u, really... kekekeke...





Last words in Thai are : Alot of time izit?? Why are you not working?? Want to die izit??

Honda vs Toyota

Lets see… hmmmm over the weekend… nothing much. Came to work both Saturday and Sunday.

Yesterday… went to some amusement park called Dream World with me GF.. almost died.. no have energy like I used to last time. I mean… look.. work non stop, think non stop for 5 x 24 hours per week.. plus work eating into sats and suns, naturally, very tired when the weekend is here. Want to idle, want to rest, want another holiday but I had to go to a theme park and walk non stop, queue non stop, and scare my balls with all the rides. Well yeah, it was fun, but I almost fell asleep on the roller coaster.

Nite time, swung over to office for some work. No bloody internet access at home u see. Anyway was shitting happily on the fourth floor. Then realized not enough tissue to wipe my big butt. Alternatively, I turned on wash backside tap… no FRIGGIN WATER SUPPLY!!!!!!!!!!! Had to run butt naked in towel down to first floor toilet. Nambleh.. They forgot to turn on the water pump that channel water to the upper floors.

Then deep in the nite… some goondu ran into my company car parked outside the office. Bloody hell… waste time.. go down stairs and waited for insurance representative to come. It was Honda vs my company’s Toyota. Toyota, parked stationary. Honda Civic brand new, reversed into rear of Toyota. Honda bumper sustained huge damage, dislodged. Toyota… one small dent and 2 small scratches. As u can see… Honda’s are sure die cars if in big accidents, they are soft tin cans…makes me never want to buy one if I ever gonna buy a car here.

Just Another Day in Thailand

It is not everyday that u bump into someone and discovered that she used to stay in the same apartment block as you do now. It is also not everyday that this someone tells u your apartment block has many haunting stories. It is definitely not everyday that this someone tells u your apartment ROOM used to have a woman occupant whose HEAD GOT SEVERED off and placed in the fridge.

Died Working

The only time I can work, is in the night when I am suppose to sleep. Daylight means meetings, discussion, stuck in jam, curse at lousy drivers who cut into my lane and fighting the sleepy spell. This is so F*** up! Rome cannot be built in one day …. Rome also cannot be build by one person.



Went to an interesting open air restaurant after a meeting on a day this week. Darn cool place. It even has geese… and err… some really colorful bright short leg duck (dunno what it is called but I am sure it is a duck) roaming freely around. We sat beside the stream and saw mama fish swimming around with hundreds of her little baby fishies. It was a snakehead, known to be very aggressive when protecting her young. So…. I threw ice cubes at the swarm of offspring. Mama disappears and tiny little fishies scramble all over like ants..... kakakakakaka



See… Thailand is so nice… there are many spots of undiscovered pleasantness and many things you get to throw ice cubes at. You only get to see them if you stay here like I do.

Photocopy me Please

No more Samui Updates…. Ask me if u want.. f**king busy. Stupid exhibition over weekend took up all my time.

Come back to office to be bombarded by stupid emails carrying titles like “Skinny Babe Hardcore F**king And Cumshot”, “Nude Shaved Blond Bitch F**king Black 11 Inch Cock”, emails asking you to take Viagra and whatever to make your dong so strong that if u swing it hard it breaks your dining table, and of course that innocent blank email with the virus attachments. Internet is full of cock.

And to top it off, realized that after so many days of lonely busyness, no movement in business progress for the past period because no one else seems to be worried about money and taking their own sweet time to fulfill their F**king responsibilities and instead do unproductive activities… no one else can move as fast as I and no one else can catch up…. let out a silent scream I did….. Why? Am I the only worker ant? I wish I can Xerox me. One does not deserve my respect unless one work as efficient as me. F**k the world.

Coconuts Samui

Coconuts… we just love them. Nice and sweet the fluid, cool and white the meat. Especially after sizzling your skin in the sun, one good cold coconut taste like the fruits sowed from heaven. So… we went coconut hunting. Here there everywhere, drive around for long. No coconuts! I could see coconuts for miles, stretching into the hills. Even in the distance high hill tops, you could see the distinguishable shape of the pointy leaves but no one sells coconuts!



“Coconuts are rare” on Samui but we eventually found them. Talked to the locals and asked why no coconuts. The natives of the islands said that only crazy tourist and foreigners like me will BUY a coconut. It is all over the darn place so why should they sell. They could just pick one up from the floor… Free coconuts. We are nuts to buy them.

Samui Photos

Lazy Dayz Samui

One of those sun soaked lazy days of sleeping by the pool on the island, we decided to ride them big smelly elephants near a waterfall. Touts approached us on arrival like marauding hordes of hungry ants. Kept quite… kept very quite… looked busy and let gig talked. Trying to get Kun-Thai (KT from now on) price na. Ok… tricked them. We got on the elephants at KT price.



Pace was slow… strong steps one by one, strode on like Jurassic mammals steady. We had seat belts. How interesting, why not they put airbags on the elephants as well. I worried if the elephant will miss a step, tumble and overturn. The seat belt will kill me for I will be rolled on, with the belt still secured, by the giant grey body for sure.

Wow… elephant shit looks like huge old brown coconuts. They were roundish. Saw them exit from the rear of the animal whoes huge anus was facing us. The guide, talked on and on… and so he finally discovered that I am not Thai when I expired my mental Thai dictionary.

Suddenly the guide was thrilled and spoke fast to the other guide that was then on foot. His preying eagle eye spotted something in the bush and was pointing jubilantly there and there among the outcrop. What? Gold he found? Money? Pack of free condoms? Cant make out what he was saying. That was when the other fellow went into the bush and pulled out 3 stalks of mushroom. “Tis good eat…. Happi mus-room expensive, tooo-thow-san baht. For full moon par-ti good good, wooo wooo, get happy like E (ecstasy).. buum bumm make love… happy happy..” and he went on and on and on about full moon parties, mushroom, drugs, sex and alcohol. Those innocent brownish top long white stalking fungus, were magic mushroom. First time I ever seen them.



The days always ritually ended with us back in the beachside pool by sunset. Watching the sky dim from a brilliant blue to the dark purple of the night and the stars glittering up one by one in mysterious space beyond. Sound of waves breaking, breeze of salt carrying, I want to be there again.

Samui Photos

Out of Luck with Volvo

Breaking away from Samui updates for a while… arse luck struck…

The frequency was predictable. Five seconds interval. It starts with an angry boil, fizzle bubble and steam. Then out came the water flowing and flowing. Then it stops… and it repeated. I had what looked like Yellowstone National Park under the hood of my Volvo. The smell of hot metal permeated the surrounding. The immediate area above the dead engine below the opened hood so hot you can BBQ and have metal flavored marshmallows.

1030pm, in the middle of mild traffic yesterday, I saw the temperature needle gone where it had never gone before. It a matter of seconds for some lousy luck reasons, the ominous red temperature gauge moved fast like a panicky ant towards the zone of death. The engine checked light glowed next, indicating imminent danger. Pulled my car to the side of the road as fast as I could. Opened the hood. The not so intelligent automatic cooling system turned on the radiator fan full blast and drained the battery dry. Cant start car no more. Darn f*ck luck. Stranded. Hungry, no dinner yet. And worse… no ciggy.

I Chameleon on Samui

Have to write blog about Samui in pieces. Too busy. 5 days on Samui with almost everyday I got calls from my clients. Over the last 2 day, clear all the piled up shit which normally takes 5 days to complete. Will die one. Anyway, now to continue on Samui.



Double standards, which is so wide spread on Samui. When hunting for a hotel, there are two prices. Normally the Kun-Thai price is 10% to 20% cheaper so I had to keep quite most of the time to hide my identity. The counter staff kept looking at me suspiciously as gig negotiated. The trick is to keep very silent and look busy so that the reception can’t talk to you. When the unavoidable happens, just answer in short burst of Thai (lucky I can speak some Thai now). And if they ask why one speaks weird, cook up an I-went-away-for-long-time story. Say something like your parents neglected you when you were 5 years old at Pattaya beach. A strong current came and swept you out to sea. With the floating support from coconuts, you filtered and consumed plankton from sea water through your teeth and survived for 45 days. Eventually you reached Darwin, Australian shores, where an aboriginal tribe known as WooKaNoooMookMuaw adopted you and renamed you Dances-With-Koala. You worshipped a Coca-Cola bottle for the next twenty odd years, eventually got discovered by authorities and got sent back to Thailand.



Well, the same goes for renting cars, eating in restaurants, massage and almost everything else. EXCEPT the trip back to Bangkok! Got no idea why some shops just refused to sell to Thais (fu*king racist against their own kind). For those occasions, I would start blabbering away in my native ah-beng singlish and then they would finally go to details. Darn bastards. And I had to pay B$150 more for gig's ticket because she is Thai. What kinda weird shit is this? The trip back cost me B$400 where for gig it cost B$550. Furious furious… want to take out Coca-Cola bottle and whack the life out of them assholes.



Had fun… as I got darker with everyday that I basked my naked belly in the sun, the suspicion that I am foreign faded out. I could be both Thai and foreigner, two sides of the same coin, best of both worlds under certain circumstances.

Samui Photos

[to be continued….]

7am Samui

It was a holiday to remember. Escalating stress, swelling amounts of work, I decided to break away from it all. Booked tickets on spur of the moment, by Bangkok Airways we went to Samui. Cost SG$80 per pax. Took the first flight, 6am, Wednesday morning. Went to the domestic airport and was greeted by the lady behind the check-in counter whom seem to have sand in her vagina. Not even a good morning greet nor a friendly smile, her face dark like rain clouds. Bangkok Airways sucks. Gig told me in Thailand, they do not use the phrase “have sand in vagina” to describe stuck up rude ladies. They use “ants in the vagina”… that’s new.



Arrived Paradise, 7am. The airport was a hut. Got meself a mini jeep, SG$40 per day. Took my time, drove all over the island and found the lodging of my choice. Lamai Wanta, bungalows clean and white. We took the apartment style lodging the first 2 day, for the bungalows were full. Lamai Beach, a quite destination. The tourist less compared to the commercialized Chaweng just over the breezy hills. It was low season, the crowds had ebbed away. Just a couple of roaming golden haired foreigners and the occasional street dogs lazing. The peace and the tranquility. It was fun, the first day. It was different the air. The sky so blue, the melody of the shore always near. The mountains and the greens. It was heaven.

Samui Photos

Timeless Paradise

Ever been on a real holiday? Ever been on one that you do not rush? Ever been on one that you know time is something within your grasp and not have to worry about the pre booked timeline set? Too many a times, we returned from a holiday more fatigued then relaxed. Too many a times, we wear ourselves attempting to squeeze in all activities within a restricted span of time. I was in paradise of a different kind. I had no worries. I lay by the beach under the brilliant blue skies scattered with delicious white fluffy clouds. I took my time to dream of plucking them like white marshmallows from the enormous tree of blue. I was there, Samui paradise. Spotless white beach encroached by sea of liquid crystalline cobalt and jade. White water washy sound envelops my everyday there. I stayed, for as long as I wanted. I am relaxed, I am satisfied, I had no plan and discovered as I went. Returned I did from a real holiday.

[more photos later....]

I Ate Diarrhea Bacteria

Hands shaking…. strength 10% left. Cant type. Weak. Walking problem. Internal battery critically low. Been visiting the toilet at a frequency of once every two hours since yesterday morning. Didn’t sleep well coz ass needs to sit on toilet bowl frequently. Must see doctor later if I can. Work piled all up. Can't work yesterday. Legs shaky. Can't think. Lay on bed all day and night. Serious food poisoning. Fu*k up week end.

Weekend was hell. So many things happened. Friend got expelled from girlfriend’s house. Followed him around gave him emotional support and help hunted for a new apartment where he can nurse his heart back to health.

Suppliers form Singapore came. Kept them happy, brought them around. No panties!!! No panties!!!! Brought them to a-go-go bar where the pretty young things don’t wear panties!!!!! Sperm swam up to brain. Yeahhh… go again we must. They went yesterday night, I did not. Because my ass fell in love with the toilet bowl.

Pain, pain… cramps cramps… this must be how women feel once a month. Back in office.. summoning all energy be it cosmic or spiritual…. Need to work…. Work piled up… weak weak… pain pain…

Brain Wraps

Been reading a book - The Fabric of the Cosmos : Space, Time, and the Texture of Reality by Brian Greene. Will die one… twist ur brain until juice come out from your ears. See this..

String theory is a recent development in physics that, by positing that all which exists is composed of infinitesimally small vibrating loops of energy, seeks to unify Einstein's theories and those of quantum mechanics into a so-called "theory of everything.

Catch the ball or not? And also things like…

If no one is looking at the moon (including video cameras and any equipment of observations)… is the moon really there? The moon is there only when we look at it. Reality is a something yet unexplained. We know the word reality… but what constitutes to it?

This is a darn weird book… darn interesting … but I think u need to read it a couple of times to understand. Its about space, time, wraps, quantum mechanics and dunno what curve. Read it and discover things that are real and yet mysterious.

Recommended for those who wants to get a real good headache. Do not read this when hangover… it blows ur blood vessels.

Smells Like Dog Shit

Finally managed to come across and buy this drain snack that Ed has been cursing me about for buying the wrong one. Firstly… this is not… durian CHIPS.. These are like meteoroids from space. I think they should be called durian CHUNKS.

Opened it in my room and a cloud of what smelt like dried dog shit dispersed immediately all through my room. Took one disgusting piece out… well… looks like dried dog shit too. Put one into mouth and….. MMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMmm mm mm m MMMMM m m mm m MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM mm m … Ed you are right… !!! this is darn shoik… WAHHAHAHAA lulain lulain… MMMMMMMMM!!!

Yoda Is A Mutated Frog

Yesterday…. The cycle was completed. Man…. Start Wars Episode III, awesome!!!! Wondered why poor Yoda always gets things thrown at him. In Episode II, he got rocks and stuffs flung at him, and now in III, he got more stuffs flung at him too. Poor little green Jedi. Seems like the bad guys are pretty fond of throwing things at Yoda.

Anyway… I squeezed out some time to catch the show with me gig. U know.. in Singapore if u were to watch in GV Grand… cost $50 for a couple right? Well yesterday… same GV Grand class… big sofa, free pop corn and drinks plus great sound system… hehehe only S$20!!!!!

When the show ended, I felt funny inside.. some weird emotional syndrome. The first time I watched Episode V, I was 12. Then I rented video tapes, watched IV and finally, there was VI, Return of the Jedi which I watched some years later. And now… after almost a gap of more then 20 years.. the whole story finally links together.. Wow… its like.. wow… (overwhelming dunno how to describe emotional hurricane in me). Its like a major event in most of our lives, for all of us, who are around in this lifespan to witness all the 6 episodes and finally know the full story. That’s it… all has been revealed… and it took 20 plus years! (tears roll down)… No more…. END… we live 20 plus years and now we saw it all. No more next… no more in suspense.

Don’t know if u know what I mean but this final episode has a tremendously strange slightly glad and sad effect on me to know that there will be no more Star Wars.

Omen of Good Luck

It is still raining… maybe the artificial rain making thing that Thailand did over the last few month was too successful. Been overcast and raining for 3 days already. When I was here last year, I remember it did not rain like this before.



Woke up this morning and had my usual first ciggy and coffee at my balcony. Looked over to my condo and saw these jokers standing at the top of the building. The sky was dark and flashes seen at distance. Think they playing “Who Wants To Be A Lightning Rod”. Just after I took this pic, big giant flash in sky bright bright and then the initial earsplitting crack followed by thunderous roar. Hahahahah… see all these goondus scrambling for their lives like clumsy monkeys climbing down trees (Never seen a clumsy monkey before anyway.).



Arrived at office and was greeted by porno dogs in front of my office door. This position… I think we humans cannot achieve without breaking something first. Wah paingz… I thought sway to see this kinda stuffs but my Thai friend told me it is good luck to see this. No darm firecrackers with me.. else they die.. ehehehehheeh.

Fuen Tok Liaooooo

The dog is faster then me, so is the cat. The grandmother along the pavement is faster then me. The birds… well yeah… definitely faster. The bicycle is faster then me. And even the darn snail by the wet road has velocity faster then my car.

Some one up there turned on the shower and left it on. The raining season is here. It was like hot forever… and then suddenly this morning at 4am.. the loudest thunder made my balls jump out of bed and drop on floor…The roar… its like nothing I hear before. I thought part of my apartment collapse. Its been raining and overcast ever since. Rain come.. jam stays. That’s the way it is in Bangkok. Took me 1 ½ hour to get back from my meeting place to the office. Well.. guess the wet season has finally started.

("Fuen Tok Liaoooo" means raining already. I think "Fuen means sky and Tok means falling. Liao, just like in Hokkien, means already. So the sky is falling down? I dunno.. still pretty bad in Thai.)

Brain Hang

Sure most of u know who unlce Rick is. He was here yesterday... so i natural death... now hangover...

Cold Crab

I ate this yesterday… cold raw crab. Friend told me we have “cold crab” for dinner. In my mind was cold COOKED crab like those Hokkien or Teochew dishes. But… it was raw.. dead raw… meat was translucent.. crab eyeballs could have been still moving.. Seems to be freshly smashed to pieces by the kitchen hand, sprinkled with condiments and served straight to us. Some scary shit.

By the way… was out with Brian and his dad for the first half of the day yesterday. Brought them around eat good lunch, coffee and massage.

And as for Saturday being stuck in the office, I freed myself by climbing out the window.

Hungry Angry Man

A hungry man is an angry man. Worst if he ran out of ciggys and cannot have access to one. Very fuggin pissed… angry until lumpar tua suay liap. I am in a very very angry hungry deprived of ciggy state now.

I tried my best to dismantle the door with tools I have around, but I ain't no locksmith. I am just an angry angry man because they locked me the in office thinking I had the key. I can’t get out.. I am hungry… I am about to eat my PC. I decide to write angry Blog.

Colleague’s mama (she usually hangs around the office) and the accounting girls before leaving came to ask me if I had the keys. And I said yes I have, I have the keys to the metal door out in front of the office. Then they left… but they locked the inner bloody friggin CCB KNN paur CB kan puar zhi deh sai puar lumpar mutha friggin piece-of-shit pukimah glass door to which I do not have the keys to.

Very fuming now… waiting for someone to return to the office rescue me. Angry man bloggin.

Its Hairy And It Moves

Came to the office straight from the airport after arrival in Bangkok. Found this fluffy ball of hair in my room. Friend left his pet here while he went to site. Cute little fellow… only 9 months old and it kept licking my hand.

Bangkok I'm Coming Home

5 hectic days and 4 late nights, so fast and now my final morning in Singapore. Had so many meetings, so many catch ups, yesterday was the best. Four crazy people, sat outside a pub in China town and had four bottles of wine. Wine… an indication that we have grown. Talks on the table about life and about mothers. Talks about future husbands, talks about life and where it is going. Talks about the past and the times. Oh man…. Jac, Regine, Ade, we came a long way, we grown.

I am just dropping by, here to say hi for a while. And in a few hours, I’ll be leaving on a jet plane, back to chaotic life in Bangkok which is a stark contrast to the orderly fashion of life in Singapore. In my room now starting to pack. Wondering now, how am I supposed to move all my barang barang to my life in Bangkok. Guess I can’t move everything, just like how I can’t move all my great pals to Bangkok. Things I have to leave behind for that’s what life has gotta be. Its a torture emotionally I have to say but like I written before, I gotta move on.

We are all set on a course in life, but each in our own independent directions. And as we transverse the passage of time, we find that the distance in friendship stretches along the journey (for me it is a 10,000km stretch). As each individual get latched on to their career, their goals, their start of a family, gone will be the days where friends were bind by good classical physical closeness. Now they will have to be good memories living in a major part of my mind.

The strange thing about life, is that if we ever encounter each other once somewhere in time, somewhere in the future, some mysterious cosmic forces will definitely put us together again for just brief moments. It has already happened many times, like chancing upon a long lost friend at Sydney airport when I was up the escalator and he was down. Whatever it is at work on all this, I am glad it is there.

My best pal Evan will be on his way soon. To stuff curry fish head into my digestive track before my leave to continue my new life in Bangkok. It has been joyful, the past few days. I’ll miss all of you a great deal for sure.

Are Singapore women FAT???

Am high… came back after drinks..must write this.!!!!

Was trying to convince myself that I am biased towards everything is better in Thailand. Been back 3 day… unconsciously realized the butts of Singapore women is at least 1 ½ times larger then that of those I see in Bangkok. Was telling myself I was just biased. But when I went to Devils Bar to catch up with my choeng friends…. all that I perceive was reality, not imaginary!!!

Bar top dancing, was a massive female (ask your friends who are at Devils on 11 of May, Ladies Nite).. The image etched permanently like radiation burns into the retina of my eye!!! All the swaying attributes..!!! All women around me… really fat!!!!! Holy fugging shit!!!! What is happening in Singapore????1!!!! All the old fat cows pubbing???? WHY? WHY WHY? What happened to the good old days??? Are all women now fat in Singapore???? Is this a fad??? Is saggy butts and drooping breast a fashion?? All waist size at least 30 and above??? Only women above 30 go cheong these days??? This is far out!!! Totally extreme from the dancing slenderness I see in pubs of Bangkok!!! Maybe it only happens in Devils bar!!! What did the government put in the tap water???? What??? Burned into memory unable to erase!!! Nitghtmate!!! WHY?? 10 months away!! Fugging drastic changes!!! TELL ME… what happened in Singapore ???!!!!?????

How You Know u Been in Bangkok Long?

Ok I am back in Singapore for a short while and experience:

• Singapore houses looks like pretty well organized Lego houses from the air and for the first time you find it pleasing.
• Also for the first time, you find that everything is pretty and clean around.
• You find the air is clean.
• Ridiculously, you actually find Singapore climate to be cool.
• You realize how gigantic the car license plates and their wordings are and wonder if all traffic policemen have eyesight problem.
• You realized ah-beng Honda civic is now rare.
• You see the new coffin shaped Honda Odyssey more then four times on the streets.
• You don’t see old cars, everyone seems to be rich.
• You need to open 3 locks on 2 doors to enter your home and you are not sure which keys to use.
• You try to swim and realize your body creates a lot of drag, you feel like a whale.
• Your cousin walked by you without recognizing you at the pool because you look like a whale.
• You find hawker food expensive.
• You accidentally speak Thai when ordering food and cannot speak Hokkien properly, mixing them all up. For a moment you do not understand what the F you are talking about anymore.
• You want to drink Bandung.
• You find food and drinks are not sweet.
• You are bloated because of over-feeding, feels like gold fish.
• You refuse to buy the blardee $10 ciggy to smoke.
• You understand all the conversations around you as you walk on the streets.
• You find good music in CD stores.
• You feel invasion of privacy when u are at home with your grandma.
• You enjoy bath because the water is heated.
• You don’t have SCV and yet appreciate what you see on regular TV even though they are rubbish.
• Foodball on TV has commentary in Malay.
• You find the advertisements lack creativity and are not funny.
• You are amazed at the speeds of the broadband you have at home.
  

The Strange Thai Durian

You know how we like our durians, soft pungent and melts in your mouth. Gig bought loads of durian over weekend. Thai durian meat is so hard that you can break windows with them. Don’t get it… its like eating chicken meat and its almost odorless. You can throw it on the floor and it bounces up to your face level too. Weird…

Someone Died Outside My Office

Just came back after dinner. 11pm in night. As I approached the junction outside me office, saw flashing blue and red. Saw dead man on floor covered in white blanket. Blood,… blood all over as my wheels transverse over them flowing crimson fluid and probably squishing some gray matter as the police guide me with their torches slowly through.

Motorbikes… almost every other day some idiot will DIE!!!! Stoopid ass holes think they superhuman or what… zoom here zoom there cut in and out. Neber check blind spot cut into my lane and I have to jam my brakes. Sometimes, when the opposite lane is jam pack, these pesky bastards will come onto my lane, driving in the direct opposite direction of me and zoom back into some traffic crevices at the last moment before they near. And then.. the teenage riders, motor so loud, and the pillions they try to impress has her skirts flying wild as they travel at stupid fast speeds. They think their motor bike 5000cc, 0 – 100 in 2 seconds or what. No helmet some more. Travel in gangs they will, and die by the pairs they consistently. The Thai people refer to motorbikes as flies. Those pesky 200cc squeaky screamers.. always causing accidents. And guess what? The rules here are… if an accident occurs between a car and a motorbike, the bigger vehicle is always the one at fault, no matter what!! Riders… no responsibility and no brain. Can’t they be more responsible??? Even if got brain also no use because most of the time, the brain will be somewhere out of body, splattered on the tarmac cooking instantly in the baking sun. Sprinkle garlic, onions and pepper on them and it did smell real good.

My Roommate Is Smaller Then My Dick

Not a single ant, no more irritating mosquitoe bites on my ears when I sleep. Where have all the insects gone? I noticed there was a lack of creepy-crawly activities in my room these days. I have a new roommate. Its home is in my toilet and its address is below my wash basin. I could hear my roommate. Almost daily, it encounters near death experience and croaks for breath when I do the shit. The dying resonating croak within the walls of my toilet, so cute. I could see my roommate from time to time making its way home at 2am. From the balcony, it scurries over the opposite wall where I lay, over the TV as I am watching and into the bath room. I love lizards and I do not mind cleaning its waste off my balcony. With it around, I sleep good at night.

Was lazing away at home after work yesterday. Put in the Spongebob Squarepants Movie and laughed my head off. Lying on the bed, the air-conditioning on. My DVD playing with Spongebob and silly Patrick on my small TV screen. Room smoldering with my L&M’s and it really reminded me of something, some good times I had before.

Anyway… MUST WATCH!!! SPONGEBOB!!! DARN FUNNY!!!! WAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA…. Tickle me balls pink.

Woke up 11. Looked out the balcony onto the parking lot below as I had my morning coffee and usual ciggy. My car was on heat… I meant … it was roasting itself in the scorching sun. Usually, these days my ass sizzles like pork chops on hot stones when I get into the car. I decided to bring the Volvo for a car wash as she was putting on weight from all the dust. Drove to the front of my apartment where there was a newly opened car wash. Darn…. 7 people washed my car and after the showering shampoo phase, all 7 of them wiped her squeaky clean. They even cleaned all the windows form the insides. All for just B$60 (SGD $2.40). Cant get this kinda standards in SG. As I watched the cleansing in the air conditioned hut having my second coffee, I kinda felt guilty that all 7 men worked so hard for just B$60. The laborious efforts I saw was completely lacking within the employees of my own office…. Sigh.



Back in the office, finishing everything I could before my trip to Singapore. Took a pic of Thailand’s ciggy for u guys to see. They just started these grossy pictures on the box thing to discourage people to smoke. Just like in Singapore. Nay, it aint gonna do me no effect… I’ll still smoke.

Relax at Corner

Why is it that, one only works what one is paid for? Why is it that, when one is left alone with no supervision, one simply stare into thin air trying to see if one could see the micro particles that constitutes to the atmosphere? Why is it that, under the mentioned circumstances, one would not improve oneself by learning but instead turn to indulge oneself in activities directly related to the sluggishness of life? Why is it that, under the same mentioned circumstances, one would not self-instigate perfection into the establishment that has been keeping ones delicate life afloat? Why is it that, when faced with difficulties, one simply halts all process of thoughts and regress ones brain into an inoperative slacken mode and not even bother to invite wisdom from others for an answer? Instead, one when faced with a situation just mentioned will straightforwardly sweep one’s responsibilities under one’s carpet, very sure that the volatile behavior of dynamic human memory will sneak up on all those around. One has forgotten the beauty of Task List in Outlook and when questioned on the outcome of duty given, genetically gives a blank look and positively attributes the anomaly of ineptitude onto another entity. Why is it that when time is in one’s hand, minutes turns to hours, hours turns to days and one has the inert supernatural ability to bend the boundaries of Space Time Continuum?

I have no answer. Welcome to Working in Thailand.

Uncle Presvin was here for a good week. Unfortunately, he took the wrong week to come. There are two holidays this week. In fact, Thailand’s calendar is sprinkled generously with holidays like Hersheys on a chocolate chip cookie. Yesterday was one such holiday and for the first time, I successfully attempted not to power up my notebook for more then 24 hours. Went out with Presvin almost the whole day, gig came along too. We talked about many, dined around twice and shop around plenty. I have not done something like that for a long time, to be absolutely detached from work. Watched several DVDs over the passed two days till my skin fused to bed, bought myself a blender and made icy cold drinks for contrast to the weather. Totally adopting the habitual practice of existence mentioned on the grumblings I written above.

May Day Blues

(i am stuck out side my office... no one to open door...)

Why no one works on Holidays? I know it is May Day today, but there should be someone in the office! Why? Becoz nobody deserve to rest unless they are generating loads of money for the company. I am now, out side my office, in the blardee car park, checking my emails through my wireless LAN and feeding the mosquitoes until they fat fat. Why??? Becoz, no blardee soul is in the fuggin office rite now. Fug!

And why did the fugging dog bite me on Friday? Why? Do I look like a cat? A Walking hot dog? Pork Ball??? Chinese Sausage?? WHAT?!!!! WHY???? Why the fuggin dog bite me in the nite when I am leaving my customer place???? Nin Nambleh!!!! WHY WHY WHY???

Tired of Answering

Ok... ever since i update my MSN nick to show that i am going back SG.. everyone has been bugging me about my exact ETA and departure. I show it with this picture better.



Cheers.

1 Rai is 1600 Square Meters

Just learnt that land here can be as cheap as B$5000 for one rai (400x400meters). Imagine.. Singapore $200 (B$5000 = SG$200 for simplicity’s sake) to buy land? Buy my nose shit ah! I think it can’t even get u one piece of tile for that price. Well of course this is not the land prices in hot areas like Bangkok, Phuket and Changmai. But wow… say u have SG$1000 to spare, that means you can but about 5 rais of land. That is a immense 4sq km of land. Friggin hell… a land so big… 4km by 4km for u to run naked in and no one will know. Plant fruit tress, plant durains, rambutan, marijuana, a race course, big fug shop whatever. Build old folk home, I mean look, they gotta go somewhere eventually and in times of changes like this, more and more offspring prefer to live by themselves and it would been soon that old folks will follow the trend in other countries. Buy 5 rais of land, use ½ a rai for the main building and the rest of the 4 ½ for cemetery. Wow man… just cant get over this… one rai.. B$5000… culture shock.

40 Bucks Hangover

Hey… for SG$40… what can u get? One jug bourbon coke at Zouk and that’s it. Yesterday went for small drinks, well not exactly small considering that we finished a bottle. Black Label plus too many bottles of mixers to remember. All for just B$1070. Incredible... neber thought it can get so cheap.

Nothing much happened over the weekend except for work. Traveled long distance as usual and this time witnessed a dog kena run over by truck. It was not like how we imagined, intestines brains etc spluttering all over the road. First u see dog crossing road. Truck brakes. See black flip flopping mass below truck. Then see rolling dog come out from under truck. The dog was still in one piece, motionless, probably dead by then from all the knocking under the truck. It is the following vehicles that came along after that creates the intestine all over mess.

I Cut a CD!!

Just got back from work site 500km away. Too tired to write blog. Will update u guys another day.


It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal,
You can do whatever you feel ...

Pontianak Thai Version

Heard something interesting. In Malaysia, there are Pontianaks. Here in Thai, the top charting paranormal character are also Pontianaks (I didn’t really catch the Thai name of that.). Now what is new is that, unlike in Chinese believes that ghost like to hang around bamboo trees for god knows what reasons, Pontianaks here are afraid of them. This is because if they fly around the pointy outcrop, they may get their entrails entangled like a la-yang (kite) and be stuck there for good.

Be going to Kon Kean and back tomorrow for 2 jobs.

Uncle Rick was here yesterday and he put aeroplane big time on me this morning. Went to his hotel (I got lost for 78 minutes in total) only to realize he went to the airport already. Nambleh… was trying to call him all morning telling him I’ll be late but the puki neber turn on his mobile.. neber call me some more.

Have a good weekend guys.

No Cow Sense

U did be surprise how little knowledge of things many people have here. Yesterday was at a dinner in between meetings. We had a BBQ meal at some open-air restaurant. B$99 all you can eat.. SG$4… yipeee…. Eat until your pat tor explode.

Halfway through, the table was left empty as we were picking our food from the buffet line. Came back to table saw waitress pouring the glass of mineral water into our soup! She was about to pour the remains of chicken, cows and pigs in there when we quickly stopped her. Darn!

She then struggled to put the electrical plug back into the socket of the cooker but the metal rods were bent from age of usage. And so she took one of our metal forks and started poking all inside the live plug! She crazy or what??? My balls dropped instantly and shouted “mai-dai-mai-dai-lewang!!!!” (“Cannot cannot becareful!!”) That was when the dugong stopped and apparently she does know the dangers at all. Wah piangs!!!!

And fugging hell, in the afternoon, dunno who the F dunno how to shit properly in my office toilet! KNN, went to toilet for a pee, only to be greeted by a two-colored piece of shit lying beside the toilet bowl. Why would anyone do that???? No one in the office admitted to the act! Must I put CCTV in my office toilet or what? Do they really know how to shit? Why so darn fugging stoopid??? Perhaps the fellow has a genetic defect and have his bunghole growing out the left side of his butt cheek. Or his asshole is so holy powerful that the shit simply bounced out from the bowl after making its ballistic exit out of the body? What the F, it spoilt my lunch anyway.

Surviving Songkran

Songkran Festival…. Yeahh… everyone take out ur little brother and spray mad at each other…. just kidding. The festival lasted for three days in Bangkok from 13th to 15th April. We decided to spend the time in Laos for we heard it was fun there and that they started early. Every area has different dates for the festival. For example, Pattaya has her festival last all the way until Sunday.

Pit Stop Kon Kean

Started journey 4am to avoid traffic getting out of Bangkok on Tuesday morning. Made a pit stop at Kon Kean. Had breakfast. Always wanted to show u guys their fantastic yet simple breakfast there.


Chinese sausage in odd-looking bun.

Egg in a pan served with fish cake and Chinese sausage toppings. And to wash them down, we had salty orange juice. Till today… I still do not understand why they put salt in the orange juice.



It was only the 12th, one day before the actual Songkran, and we could already see trucks loaded with barrels of water having fun.



Laos Disco

Reached Laos in the afternoon. Our plan was to spend our time drowning each other from 12th to 14th April over there. The news was that Laos had started the festival early. On reaching, the place was strangely quiet. Taxi driver told us they only start on the 14th, the day on which we were going back. Sianz… neber mind.. find other things to entertain ourselves.

So, went to disco at night. Then realized that the inertial generated by the swaying rubbery stuffs around my waist does not allow me to synchronize with music that has ratings higher then 120 beats per minute anymore. Ok so waited for something slower. But when that happened can’t dance too. It was those great grandmother music that u guys never ever hear before in this lifetime of yours. Surprisingly, the teenage crowds twirled their hands and danced to that. Brain cannot comprehend the scene. Take a look at the following CD covers, u should get what I mean.



Laos Food

The second day, we had lunch, and it was some Vietnamese Laos food we had. Wrap a very delicious piece of fragrant grilled pork sausage in lettuce with raw garlic, cucumber and sauce to go along. Munch it down good.



Went around town. Had fun zooming all over the place on scooter, as a pillion that is. Stopped by Mekong and sat by the river and enjoyed the cool weather. We were lucky, for the weather was kind.



Laos friend ordered boiled eggs. These are not normal boiled eggs. They had developing chicks in there.







Legend has it that these potent stuff is suppose to make u “very the man”. Think u can knock small animals unconscious with ur manhood after eating them or something.

No… I did not eat… no way am I gonna touch them. I am happy with the performance of my manhood, no need for me to participate in Fear Factor.

Final day in Laos. Got on scooter rode to friend’s house. Everywhere, we saw groups of people gathered outside their house, dancing to loud music and watering anything that move pass them be it on wheels or not. Got splashed on the way. Got pail of water poured over. Very cold, balls shrinks.

Went to temple, sat behind truck. Bad idea. Underwear drenched totally. Winds blows, balls vanished.

Reached Bangkok 4am Friday morning.

Kao San Road

Woke up in afternoon. Decided to go office and get car. Can’t get out of house. Huge crowd at road entrance of apartment preying. Got security guard to go out onto the main road to flag a cab in for me. Bangkok is wilder then Laos. Really everywhere. Out side shops, outside houses, outside shopping centers, out side petrol stations and suicidal children hiding behind the telephone booths ambushing motorcyclist without concern for safety. Where there were music, there will be I-can-see-your-bra girls all drenched and dancing. Eye candies to me. Shorts darn high too. Weeeeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoe.

Evening time, bought cheapo water gun. Went to the infamous Kao San road with gig. Hands attacked my face from all directions. They just walked right up to u, said “sorry” first and then ur face become Amazon man. Everyone looked the same there. All wet, all white. Could see many, and I mean really many round beautiful neh neh pok hugged in their soaked little bras. Only problem, can’t really tell the gender of the owner.

Crowd level was like Swing Singapore. Could hardly move. Suddenly crowd cleared. Odd. That was when I saw flying beer bottles landing near me. Mini riot started by drunks. Innocent bloodied people ran. Crowd dug into any restaurant they could find along the road overturning tables in the chaos. Almost 50 meters of road was suddenly cleared as bottles were flung from both ends. 15 minutes into the lets-throw-bottles-onto-the-opposite-crowd’s-head and still no police came. I asked gig why. She replied it was normal. In my mind I wondered. What the heck do u mean this is normal???? A riot and not even a single police? They can’t get through the crowd or what? Well I guess if I live here, I must get used to such stuffs.

Broken glasses on wet road. Everyone were in slippers. Dun wanna get no glass stuck under my tender feet. So I left for the next party place, an area next to Kao San. Came across a musical fountain, everyone was gathered around. I approached and then knew why. Short of bringing my shampoo and shower cream, I had a good bath there.

The roads were jammed with cars. Everything was wet. Trucks that came along side by side became an aquatic display of sorts. Passengers on toot-toot were sitting ducks. Motorcyclist and pedestrians were easy targets. The victor goes to the water truck that water the plants alongside the roads, yes they were playing too.

What, when barking and fighting disperses and stops when u spray water at them? No, not dogs. Children. Saw two seven year olds fighting and that was what I did.

And so we wondered there through the night, had a dinner all soaked and wet. I could say Songkran was a rather wonderful experience if not for the flying bottle episode. Go Kao San again? Nay, no control. I don’t recommend u guys to go there too. Fugging dangerous and senseless. No toilet too. I wanna be on a truck next year.

Here are some more photos for your viewing peasure...


Wrap all your stuffs like this, else die.


Songkran aftermath.


What your car looks like after Songkran. Full of powder.