Sunday, June 14, 2009

Thai Crushed Cats

I didn’t do it.
Disclaimer: No cats were hurt in anyway physically, mentally or sexually during the documentation of this blog. They were in a deep state of weird sleep.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Thai Girl Scouts so Cute

If these were the girl scouts I have seen during my schooldays as a young boy, I would have definitely developed an attraction towards boys and turn gay in midlife.

Friday, June 12, 2009

The way Thais Prepares Garlic

Back home we peel our garlic clean before we eat them, that’s what our mothers taught us in the kitchen. The only time we leave the skin on is in certain dishes like Bak Kut Teh (pork bone soup) where we throw the whole glove intact to be boiled forever in the soup.

In Thailand, the large garlic we have, they called them China Garlic. Thais don’t really like em as they are too spicy and not that fragrant. Thais uses Thai Garlic. Very small cloves of garlic which will kill you just trying to peel them all. So how? Don’t peel (Anyway many Thais are lazy people so why should they?). Just crushed em all up, not even washed them beforehand. Their excuse, the garlic skin gives additional flavors. True to an extend depending on what had clung onto the skin.

This is the way we do it, we grab a handful blind, we throw em in and just pound them with all our might. Little critters, small stones, soil and some, do we bother, not we do. Which was why I lost half a tooth four years ago eating garlic fried fish happily as I chomped onto a small rock and my tooth then after rots.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Packs of them in the Wet Market

In the wee hours of the morning they come by genetic instincts to the wet markets. Never alone but in pairs or in packs some will arrive. There will always be that alpha male of a different breed leading and seeking food for the pack. They wonder the narrow lanes of the market, or they stand guard on corners accepting whatever people will feed to them. These are territorial creatures and warrant a fierce brawl should one pack accidentally step onto the other’s ground. No, they are not dogs nor wolves. They are monks from the so many nearby temples.

The alpha male, usually not a monk, leads and collects the alms into bags when a person gives. He is more like the manager and seeks out territory and resolve disputes should one occur. The yellow robed monks, walks along quietly and performs rituals when people come forth and kneel. These are everyday scene one could experience when visiting the markets in the mornings – aka legalized begging. If this would to have happen in Singapore, the lockup cell in your neighborhood police post would be overflowing with yellow robed monks filled up like sardines, with the occasional one or two drunk drivers from earlier.

Ad so I snapped away on my phone curiously. That is until the alpha male gave me the stare. I walked away and stood having my Nestle coffee in my hand waiting for my friend to arrive. Alpha male came forth and “bark! grrrrrrrrrrr… woof woof… rrrrrr (growling… )”.


Alpha Male: “Why take picture you many many? 7 am it is not. I have rights and permission to stand at corner!”
Blogger: (silence and blur)…..
Alpha Male: “I have card from police I show you now!”

He took out a card with the police logo hung around his neck hidden by his shirt.

Alpha Male: “Why take picture? Nothing wrong I do, I follow my permission given, this my card permit from police, see logo police.”
Blogger: “Big brother, I take picture many many because in Singapore land home of I, market no have monk. I see monk interesting, want to take picture show friend friend. Holiday I am in Bangkok, I not Thai person big brother.”

The after that it was all smiles and pat on my back and welcome to Bangkok very warm feelings. He even bid me goodbye when I was carrying bags of veggie along with my friend walking to the car.

I am Thai now.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Cheaper by the Dozen

Thailand, a land so much bigger then Singapore. Although Bangkok has the most number of Seven Elevens crammed into one single street, it will not be every time a convenient store such as that or that Minimart is around the corner, especially in the outer regions. So you need Durex and you cycle through the narrow dark street risking crazy dogs chasing you in an attempt to separate your balls, and on arrival, no stock. So what to do when a convenient store is just not a convenient amenity after all and how to prevent mass village unwanted teenage pregnancy? Spray Shelltox into her CB* after load deployment lah!. I mean look, if you ever spray insecticide on a tadpole, it dies. Sperm is same shape as tadpole but 1000 times smaller and opposite color. Just imagine shooting tadpoles out of your dick one by one, same shaped things come out expect may be uncomfortable. Same shape them both, so insecticide should work as well **.

Makro, is the place I am talking about in this entry. It is a giant warehouse where goods are sold in bulk. Soy sauce, pepper, eggs and such, all bought by the dozens, packs of one kg and one fifty respectively. One liter Pepsi sold in bulk of twelve and I so happy they are really so much cheaper then in Seven Eleven. We buy, we store and we use them for long. So we could skip the Shelltox into CB* procedure, buy a cargo load of Durex like you never seen before in Singapore.

* CB = vagina in Hokkien.
** The author of this blog shall not be responsible for any disfigurement, pain, long terms effects on CBs and will not be held responsible in any legal or non legal manner should the reader attempt to try the birth control method mentioned herein.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Students in Uniforms

In the dim atmosphere of the Kareoke venue, the young student waitress in her so tight blouse served, her flaring back mini skirt exposing legs as drooling old men eyes gazed.

“New here?” I asked.
“Yes kha…”
“Study where?”
Blank stare back….. then “No we are not students. We just came from the south a day ago looking for jobs. We have no suitable work attire.. so we brought the cheap uniforms and wear them for work.”

And so now we know, not all students are students. Both 18, young and fresh. An apartment they will share for THB$3000 per month. 2 hours into the night I asked “Much tips you have collected I see, how much already?”

“Just THB$1500 kha”.

Run this through your mind. 1500 x 30 days per month = THB$45,000. Better then working in the office as an educated accountant starting at just THB$10,000. The easy money of the night life, the salary scale of the working world which was never adjusted over the years in a Kingdom. The simple thinking of the many young girls' minds. And so thus the many fun for the seasoned working men with loaded pockets, Bangkok the city of cute young Angels.