It’s time to dress like the Artic - Bangkok Cold 2016

As of now...

We all know that Thais like to overdress when the mercury dips. Well here is their chance again. Strange weather phenomenon, temperature in Bangkok plunged since late afternoon yesterday and by the night, I was having awesome Jim Jum by the road side being kept warm by the charcoal fire. And then this morning, the temperature was an impressive lovely 15 degrees. According to forecast, this will go on for 3 days.

In my decade long lifetime in Bangkok, it had never gotten so cold before in winter months. The past month was supposed to be cool, but it was not. Climate was much more predictable 10 years ago where the cool spell was more or less guaranteed in the month of December. Let it snow, let it snow, will it ever I wonder. And if it does, it’s time we find another planet to live in.

Dinner yesterday, Jim Jum

Stupidity in Thailand’s Post Office

Collection Counter

Thailand Post, other than a place to pay fines conveniently, it’s a place to send and collect parcels of course. When someone sends a registered letter to your address, or a parcel, if you are not home, there will be this mysterious piece of paper all printed in Thai appearing in your mailbox. The only clue one will have that it’s time to visit the post office is the Thailand Post logo. So, let’s head for the friendly neighborhood post office that’s only really linguistically friendly to Thais.

On arrival, the only words in English you see will most probably be “One Stop Service”, “Toilet”, “No Smoking” and “Push” “Pull” on the doors if you are lucky. You will have no clue where the collection counter is until you start asking the people there, that is if you can speak some Thai.

Queue Number

Eventually. I found the collection counter behind the building, obscured, and there was a long queue on a Saturday. Stood like a fool stupidly for a good 15 minutes till I realized there were yellow queue numbers held in the hands of the crowd. Then, only to realized I had wasted my time and so I went to eventually locate the printed stack of paper located next to the collection counter a label in Thai words indicating God knows what. So… remember, must take queue number when collecting things from post office, look for secret box with stacks of printed paper and take one. Then listen hard and wait for number to be called. I missed my turn because they had no PA system, so next time must hang really close to the counter.

How about sending parcels? I only recognized the word “One Stop Service” written on counters 1 to 4. I was aware they had a new automated ticket machine (in placed of laminated cards previously). Instinctively, I approached the machine and molest the screen until it produced a ticket with a number on it. And then I got curious why counter 4 in particular had a queue long like dragon going all round inside the post office. Soon my number was called, I sent my single parcel after some struggle, the counter staff packed everything for me and instructed me to fill forms here and there, as usual.

Counter 4 Going Around like a Snake

And so I asked, what’s the long queue at Counter 4 for. She said it was an express queue for sending no more than 3 items. And then I asked, what about the rest of the counters including the one I was at speaking to her, which I took a queue number from the ticket machine in order to be served and sending only one single item. She said they were for sending items too as well, just that we can send any number of items. So I asked, why are the rest queuing up at Counter 4 which was so long? Express was not really express when we could be well served fast if we took a queue number for Counters 1 to 3. She shrugged, smiled, and we agreed telepathically the rest were stupid idiots.

Fact is, I was the stupid one not knowing what to do, but somehow, all wrong things lead to the best outcome.

Bangkok Erawan Bomb, The Days After

Life Goes On

Life goes on, back to the norm in a very short time. They washed up, they cleaned up. The shrine is up and running, it was as if it never happened. People are back to their own business, working, stuck in jams, eating out. Just like the so many other cases, the burning of Central World, the blast that killed many here and there, the shootings in school rivalry fights that left some poor teenagers dead, the road accidents caused by the rich, recent bomb on Samui and etc. To Thais, yesterday is the past and the past is fast forgotten. The saying locally is, Thais forget easy. Chill chill happy Thailand, sabai sabai.

Foreigners and Landed Property in Thailand

Primitive Department

There are just no friggin benefits on many terms when we foreigners purchase a house in Thailand. It’s just friggin unfair that we are spending our money in here genuinely for a living and yet having no whatsoever decent returns. Do you know that as Thais, they get significant tax reductions annually where we have to pay full terms without any reductions? I have not seen the environment improve while many of us paid heavy income taxes. Traffic only got worse for sure with the “My First Car” entitlement, the general public which had their purchases happily subsidized with our money.

Come on Thailand, even when we have a decent job and a proper house to stay in, the official residential address for us is the office (work permit address = residential address = WTF?). Who eats, shits and sleeps in the office for crying out loud! We can’t even get our names into that mysterious household blue book of yours. (Having a name registered in there is a prerequisite for some other financial related businesses).

The question…. so how do we buy a house you wonder? We have to buy in our spouse’s name (mandatory to be opposite sex I guess, and cannot be animal). And we are made to sit and wait in the ridiculously chaotic land department office that you have never thought of improving for decades. The legroom between the rows of chairs was less spacious then that I had on AirAsia. And during the signing procedure, all documents were in Thai. The only word said to me by the staff was “You sign this document you know house and property is belong your wife. You pay. You no to own the house, everything belong wife”.

Thai Airport Toilet

Thai Airport Toilet

If you stayed long enough in Thailand, you will learn that culturally, Thais wash backside in toilet after doing their business. There will always most certainly be that water hose located next to the toilet bowl. This is a Thai thing, it is just Thai. Just like how Somtam is the main dietary supplement in every Thai meal, they could do without but without it, it wouldn’t be Thai. So amazingly at both international and domestic airports in Thailand which they wanted to show Thainess to visitors so much, there is no option to wash backside. They only have single option which is to use paper, with the texture to polish marbles and stones. Come on, let the world know it, the Thai backside is very clean because Thais wash their backside. So do I, so do I. Freaking toiler paper that felt like sand paper.

Getting a Car Loan for Foreigners in Bangkok

Fortunately we can, the bank approves our loan. And they seemed to be lenient now compared to a couple of years back. First time I applied for a loan, I had to fork out maximum down payment of 25% just because I am not Thai. This time round, I could go below the 20% mark. Its unlike getting a condo where we are in no way eligible for loans. The only criteria, you need to have a work permit, if not you will need to pay in full up front. Also, you will need to bear with silly excuses the dealership cooks up when the delivery is late. The best I heard this time, "Sorry khun, we try our best to deliver, but in factory the car park too big, they are still trying to find where my car is parked..... "

WTF? But... never mind na, I am used to such things already.

King Narai Fair, Lopburi in February

Sound and Lights

Every February in Lopburi, on dates that shift about, a festival is held to commemorate the deeds of King Narai in an extravagant sound and light show within his 400 year old palace. Long long time ago, in this province far far away, this King, most famous of Ayutthayan kings, boosted the regions commercial and diplomatic .. . . ok this is getting to be boring . You can read all about him on Wiki. Lets talk about the experience.

This was a festival where there were a traditional dances performed, fireworks raining down on your hair, screeching male vocals of I-San male singers, food and then more. There was also a parade reenacting the glory days of Lopburi where royalties who sat high on thrones were carried on the shoulders of their loyal servants. And of course there were the crowds of visitors who came from Bangkok and all moo bans in the vicinity swarming the streets that were turned into night markets.

All Dressed Up

The only difference from all other festivities I had experienced was that for this occasion, visitors were also clad in traditional costumes of all sorts. I myself put on a Chinese coolie shirt. It was sort of out of place yes, but it beats trying to hold on forever onto a Thai Jong Ka Ben. I don’t want to lose my Thai loin cloth to result in un-volunteered indecent exposure within the crowd mayhem.

My friends the ladies, they put on traditional Pha Nueng (Thai skirt). It was easy and convenient. But it was a far cry from many of the other who went all out with a full splendor of glittery costumes and traditional gold pointy headdresses that you could skewer a ton of fish balls and some meat cuts.

Traditionally in Thai culture, Thai woman were naked from the waist up, I was disappointed that none in the crowd don this style I so looked forward to. There was however the more sexy few, they went bare shouldered. Those in the name of traditional village folks called chao ban. Their minimum age was a decade older than mine, and their flabby tummy, about the same extent as mine. Towards the extreme end, were the drag queens. Elaborately dressed in Thai costumes with likely an inch thick of make-up, they mingled with us crowd and welcomed photo sessions. They were true beauty and they confuse foreigners who wondered why Thai women have deep voices.

The Currency

On the fairgrounds were clusters and clusters of vendors selling that much needed sweet cold drink and a multitude of hot Thai delicacies. From the spicy and sour som tam with strong smelling pickled fish to the sweet aroma of caramelized barbequed meats on skewers, everything north eastern was there to fill our hunger. Interestingly we traded cash for seashells which in turn were used to purchase the food from the straw laden stalls. I was told seashell was the currency of old in the Kingdom.

Seriously???

A word of advice for you readers who are thinking of visiting next year. Parking will be hell. The fair actually started from noon, but the bulk of visitors arrived only towards the cool evening. Arrive four-ish or forever give up the idea of finding a spot 2 km in the immediate vicinity. We arrived late in heavy traffic, was coaxed into parking in an empty garage turned car park where all seemed too good to be true. The entrepreneur workshop turned parking area took about 8 cars max at 100 Baht each. Then they also took on about 10,000 bikes and squeezed them into whatever crevices they could find, even under your car if they had to. So, when it was time to go home, we waited the time it took a snail to cross a 6 lane highway 10 times for the attendants to shift the bikes about like a friggin Chinese puzzle.

My car survived the obstacle course out from the parking area without a scratch fortunately. It was after 9, the traffic was still heavy. Fireworks lit the skies as we crawled in heavy traffic out of the fair. On a dark Lopburi highway, cool wind in my hair (from the air con), warm smell of my sweaty foot, rising up through the air.. … Two hours there or so, the return to Bangkok.

Monkey God

And traditionally, they all use cell phones.....

Performers

The Old Wall

All Lit Up

Even the Vendors were Dressed

The Guard and the Crowd

Packed

He can break glass with his voice.

Trading

Men or Women?

High on Something...

Fair Grounds

Hua Hin I-Am-On-Vacation Syndrome

Chilling Out at Hua Hin

Hua Hin does beat all places in surrounding Bangkok to top herself as the number one dress pretty and walk around to be seen destination. Bangkokians who travelled there looked like they came out from Esprit’s summer fashion posters. They dressed pretty to be seen eating as gingerly as possible on English cakes or cookies. They also feature that raised pinky when sipping from English teacups both men, women and the undefined.

Bangkokians can also been seen in their fancy I-Am-On-Vacation outfits near any inanimate object that had a hint of I-Am-On-Vacation in them such as the road signs, that old bicycle and always the bright red letter box. For some reasons, they are always attracted to letter boxes. It is believed that Bangkokians on vacation ritually wear the same I-Am-On-Vacation outfit into bed so that the next morning, the first thing they do is a selfie and a post to Facebook and Instagram.

Middle East ain;t It?

Anyway, it had been near to a year since my last Hua Hin trip. We left early, very early at just before 7 and reached in 2 hours. It was wise to do so. Saturdays are when Bangkokians make their mass pilgrimage to the seaside town. Any later and it would have taken 4 or even 5 hours to reach our destination. Stayed at Wora Bura, it was a good hotel, but pricey. Colonial styled she was and that added uniqueness of sorts to our stay. Hua Hin had changed much. On this trip we discovered that Camel Republic had sprang up. The Middle Eastern influence had arrived in this seaside town. Great magnet for seflies in I-Am-On-Vacation outfits. We had to pay get in, so we did not.

For good cheap live seafood picked from buckets and have their lives BBQed painfully outta them for our enjoyment, it would normally had been the shores of Cha Am. But we found a new place this time round. And it was the area around Khao Takiap where a small peak of a granite hill with a temple on top extended out to sea. Laid on the outcrop facing the sea, a restaurant. I think the whole town was there for lunch. So we went elsewhere. The fishing boats were all moored along the dock alongside the road leading in. The fresh catches were laid out for purchase in concentration denser than those in Cha Am. Opposite the road that divided, the row of many simple restaurants that produced a wide array of gastronomy from the fishermen’s catch.

Wilaiwan Interior

And to Wilaiwan for lunch. Nice cottage styled restaurant, yet another picturesque venue for I-Am-On-Vacation pinkie raised tea sipping. I was skeptical if the food was as good as the place looked. I took my skepticism back when I had a mouthful of the spaghetti that had dried tomatoes, bacon and grinded basil which made the dish green. Spectacular, if it can be a word for taste. That was what I would call that awesome creation. The Wagyu burger was not at all too bad, but I did not know how much of a Wagyu cow was actually in that patty. Many Thai restaurants had gotten to know of the new Wagyu word and are profusely acquainting their dishes with it. It was just like when everyone was going nano this and nano that. There was nothing nano about those products, other than naturally occurring nano bacteria. Anyway, the burger was cooked right, had that trait of juiciness within and the searing on the surface I liked. The French Fries that accompanied was aromatic in flavor, not your average fries done in normal cooking oil. Till this day I wondered, what did Wilaiwan fried them in. There was this red mysterious BBQ powder of some sort sprinkled over them which made the taste even more dazzling. Wilaiwan tasted as good as she looked. Not every themed restaurant in this country I know can achieve that.

Hua Hin Hill Vineyard

And then there was Hua Hin Hill Vineyard. Food was not impressive at all. I had the spicy bacon spaghetti. Home delivered spaghetti from The Pizza Company actually tasted better. This vineyard was located deep within the mountain range westwards and she was pretty isolated. She produces what is known as new latitude wines (aka, wines produced in the wrong climate). There was a crowd at the wine tasting station, girls accessorized like a Christmas tree in their long flow white dresses, again the I-Am-On-Vacation syndrome where iPhones and Samsungs were heavily involved. The vineyard offered elephant rides among the grape vines and I bet the huge chunks of elephant dung are use to fertilize them grapes. I did not know how good these wines were, but the last encounter with such wines by a seasoned drinker was - “please put this wine away”. Still, maybe things had changed just like how Hua Hin had evolved, and Thais had figured out the art of wine making.

Lone Monk on the Beach

Hua Hin is now filled with so many attractions. With 2 artificial floating markets now and many more artificially inseminated cultural sites such as Santorini, I wonder how long more will it be before the Pyramids of Egypt are plagiarized there. A relative of mine from Singapore who visited said “only the blue and white colors looked like Santorini she visited”. She was not too impressed with her stay in this seaside town. However, to many, Hua Hun is a place still to get excited for. For me, she is a pleasant stone’s throw away from city life. To be in a pool surrounded by clear skies not obstructed by tall buildings, the sound of the reverberating sea to accompany.

The pool in Wora Bura

Fresh Catch at Khao Takiap

The street of Khao Takiap

Where our food Comes From

Along Khao Takiap

Boats at Khao Takiap

Wora Bora

Wilaiwan

The Dog that Swam Back to Koh Lipe

The dog that Swam Back

Everywhere we went strolling, there was always a dog nearby. And there was a big bunch out the newly opened Seven Eleven enjoying the cool breeze as them doors opened and closed. Dogs on Koh Lipe seemed the luckiest mammal. Most had no owners and venture freely anywhere and everywhere on this speck of paradise. People loved them, people enjoyed watching them. These seaworthy dogs played along the shores and sometimes headed out into the sea to beat the heat. They were all friendlies, though we were told by the hotel staff to be weary of some in the more obscure parts of the island where the dogs were not used to much human contacts. In Idyllic resort housed a resident dog. It was there every day. Weather intentionally or not, I wished it there to stay. The dog had a legend. A loner not accepted by the other packs that roamed the island, it often got into fights. Thus it was once transported and let loose on Koh Adang for its own safety. Smart dog appeared in Idyllic the next day, it swam across the ocean back to where it wanted to be. Idyllic let it be from then on, and hopefully for a long long time to come.

After a Swim

Lazing

Play the Water

Basking and Smiling

Sunrise Beach

North of Sunrise Beach

In front of Idyllic

Long Tail Boat

Artificial Sunset

My Memorable Boat Ride, Koh Lipe Low Season

Overcrowded But it did not Matter

So different, so very much different in this low season compared to 2 years ago. The schedules of boats crossing over to Koh Lipe was limited to only one trip a day, 11:30 am. So was the return trip back, started at an early 9 am. What was so very much different was the chaos getting on board the speed boats. There used to be a queue system but during the low season it did not happen. First I will blog about the leg from Pak Bara to Koh Lipe. I got queue card number 1 for I was early. It did not matter anyway when we were lined up for boarding. The native islanders, many, strolled right in front of me and boarded. The boat was overloaded but so what. As long as the boat did not sink at the pier, it should make it to the island.

Transit

When we arrived near Koh Lipe, as the sea was rough near shores, the speed boats were unable to approach. As such, we transited on a floating platform set out in the deeper water. It was the start of spoilage to my idea long awaited holiday. We had to buy additional tickets for getting on to long tail boats to get on shore. The she-boy handed us slips of paper and pointed us to queue over somewhere there. We realized 20 minutes later it was a wrong queue, it was for a private charter to one of the resorts. So we asked the impatient she-boy again and she annoyingly pointed us somewhere over somewhere again. I think she was having a bad artificial vagina day problem or something. Anyway, we finally got on shore after shoving among hordes of people who were unable to comprehend a queue system, all trying eagerly and impatiently to jump onto the long tail boats.

Scramble for It

Now, the trip back. I will have to describe it with the lingo of Singlish in order to fully illustrate in words how it really went. To begin with, there were no queue cards issued. Again this was unlike 2 years ago. We were all bundled up in disorderly scattered groups on the beach. Where there were shades, there were some of us. Under the trees, under the shack, and all over the wooden bar selling fruit smoothies to fight the already searing morning heat. And then, it was 9.30 and them operators announced it was time for boarding. Everyone rushed for the boat and I really meant everyone. The kiasu syndrome I had not seen in a long long time suddenly come out in all kinds of pattern and color.

In Thai culture, everything should be rather orderly, just like how we see Thais queue up for trains and buses. But here on Koh Lipe, with the perfect mix of nationalities, things started to turn strange. On the onset of boarding, the Singaporean (me) and Malaysians sprinted faster than cheetah to the front of queue. Then the China woman cut queue and board the boat without tickets ignoring the commands of the Thai operator. Then the Singaporean (me again) and Malaysian kiasunisim come out full battle order and hell broke the queue line. Then the Thais in the queue buay tahan and also anyhow start to cut left right center and upside down. We all had a wild time crowd at the boat try to squeeze our way up. Malaysians and Thais then, in a strategic move, released their tiny kids to stream up the boats through cracks in order to chop seats. And then the China woman's husband shouted for her to get off the boat because she board wrong boat (yes she is bimbo + kiasu + kiasi beating us Singaporeans and Malaysians). Then she squeeze herself out in the market of chaotic rojak Thais Malaysians and Singaporean snatching seats. By right the bulky angmohs will come from behind and bulldoze us to the corner, but they decided to let us kill ourselves first. Perfect storm.

Long Tail Boats to Island

See, during the low season, not only were the schedules limited because of the perceived lower number of travelers, so were the number of operating boats. As such, if there were, and always were, greater number of travelers then what the number of operating boats could take, did not matter. Just pack us all on board without safely concerns. The operators told us, this happened because they can never predict the number of native islanders who will be making the crossing as they have the rights to board without pre-bookings. They had to take them all in, and the islanders were immune to the concept of civic orderly queuing system. So boats will be packed to the brim on some days, passengers had to crowd and some sat on the aisle and everywhere a butt could fit. The planned departure of boats from Pak Bara to Koh Lipe will also likely be delayed. They waited for passengers who arrived on later flights in Hat Yai as there were no more scheduled crossing after. This year, I tried Easy Lipe speed boats, I was totally not impressed. My 11.30 am departure was delayed a good hour, it ate into my quality island time. I wished I had used the same Ploysiam speed boats as I did 2 years ago because they were the one that left on time. It was an unpleasant experience, definitely was, the journey to and from Koh Lipe during the low season.

Rough Seas

Sunrise

I Should Have Use This

Storm Clouds

Under Repair

In the Shadows