Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Conservatives of Thai Girl

I was driving when my gig was chatting to her girlfriends behind. Me the only alpha male in the herd of chatty young things. The conversation grew stranger with every click of the odometer. They were talking about g-strings. Frankly, I never have or will wear one, I fear my balls may get entangled on that thread like apparel and I bet they will turn green and die eventually of strangulation. Seems like the only one in the herd that ever wore a g-stirng was gig. The rest were asking her funny questions like ain’t that uncomfortable, don’t people get to see your butt meat when in skirts? Does it feel weird to have your butt hanging freely and an assortment of other very extraordinary and wonderful questions. Well, since there were only three passengers, I would assume then from simple conclusion that 66.66% of Thai girls have never wore a g-string before.

Its Thailand, where when going for a swim, girls are in full t-shirt and shorts, padded bras and panties within. Daring bikinis are only seen in hot tourist zones but never in a normal local setting.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

King Naresuan vs LKY

The second part of this trilogy movie was out. I went to watch it. Finally for the first successful time in Thailand, I watched a Thai movie with English subtitles available. The King, still a prince then, was of righteous and virtuous royalty. Being sabotage many times over by new King of Hongsawadee (Burma’s strong city), the big bully who continually waged war on all other small cities, he managed to sway some small cities over to his side. To wage an unfair war on Hongsawadee, an army of 500,000 to a small strength of 30,000. He was intelligent as hell with his war strategies and knocked the life out of many the enemy whose only strategy was headstrong stubborn attacks. Thus eventually, he gained the independence for Autthaya (the stronger city in Thailand back then), away from the crutches of a higher control - freedom. The final scene was that of the King, who was passed down a secret weapon, a rifle well over the height of a man. And from across a wide river, he shot the general on the opposite force dead. It stirred something in me, that I am proud to live in this land. The history of Thailand is rich and original, and I felt for the bravery of the past wars. I will eagerly await part III, to learn the full history of Thailand and how her provinces came to be as now. There is identity in Thailand, there is the courage to be proud of. There is the language that only Thailand speaks, originality again. Part III will only be out in December, to coincide with the King’s birthday. Such loyalty in Thailand, such unconditional love for the King.

Now… Singapore… what culture, what history? Singapore is but a mongrel of cultures. We have no originality and no rich history. No bravery and only the war that Japan came was more like a takeover then a fight. And it took the Americans to defeat Japan on the other side of the world leading to a natural surrender on Singapore. The only thing we have is money and now we throw at other peoples’ faces. The Anti-Singapore sentiments grow stronger in Thailand each day. Yesterday I read in the news that there was a group of protesters demonstrating against the use of Thailand for Singapore’s Air Force training northeast. They carried the signs that read “Singapore Get OUT”, “Thailand is not for Rent”. They burnt the Singapore flag and stepped on it. They made a voodoo doll of Lee Hsien Long and burnt it. And the Thailand papers reported that in Singapore, the remains of an elderly woman were found. She died alone. Her foot bones were found on the two sides of the toilet. The rest of her bones were found in the toilet bowl. So what I wrote about the Singapore Dream II is but coming true.

Ok… the only thing I proud for Singapore… our language. That one got abit originality, but again it’s a mongrel of languages. There was a show called Windtalkers, where American soldiers spoke in code and the enemy could not understand. If Singapore got war, no foreign enemy will be able to decipher what we say. We do not need any encryption technology, we are Cocktalkers.

So, if we were to make patriotic movie about the history of Singapore for the people, I am afraid it would only meant failure. Or the government could pass a rule to force all to watch or be thrown in jail, which will be success. There will be no substance, and the ending scene of the Singapore Movie would probably be that with a background of PAP logos, of LKY shouting some famous hokkien mother versus on some ah-bengs who stuck chewing gum on his new found MRT toy.

Friday, February 23, 2007

TicKam Thai (Thai Lucky Draw)

This is how they do it. Seemed home made to me. Sold at local joints such as the neighborhood coffee shop for THB$2 (SGD$0.80) per ticket. Just pick one and open it. Can get to win rather stupid things like Redbull, Pepsi, dangerously cheap alcohol and what not. We won a bottle of that inexpensive whisky after lunch.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Yellow Supremacy?

Three days in Singapore now. And to think that Thailand has no Chinese New Year atmosphere, Singapore is worst. What festive mood where there when there were no firecrackers. What festive mood when you are controlled and can’t celebrate like a real Chinese, your cultural and all? At least I was woken by a thousand loud firecrackers 6am on the eve of New Year, some rare Chinese in Bangkok, tradition preserved and freedom.

Taking a flight now is a lot like taking a bus. In the waiting room I was, no plane in sight. I asked "Flight delayed?". "No delay sir, 10 minutes plane coming." And true enough she did, taxing to a stop, letting the passengers off, and a fresh bunch of us in. And then flew. And repeats at the next port. Scary if you think about where the maintenance and inspection time has gone. One screw loose, one engine drop off the wing, bye bye world.

I stared around, I scanned the people of Singapore. I closed my ears and I see Thailand. Hey. We are all the same. Take away the speech and the yellow looks Thai Chinese, descended from the mainland. The brown just look like local Thais, true people of the land. The black.. cannot hide… I know they came from India. In fact, a thousand years ago, I think there were only the brown throughout this region and that they are now separated by the line of religion, language and nationality.

I have to admit, we Chinese are assholes. We infiltrated the other lands. We spread all over like wild monkeys, driven by greed. Thais told me in the old days, no one worked hard. All is easy, a farm, some food, simple enjoyments, life in nature. And when we Chinamen came, we drove the economy up, and the locals were left with no choice, but to reluctantly work harder. Or then be left in the slumps of modernization which many are in as now. Australia again, Chinese and all now. Land prices doubled over five years. So how’s the easy Aussie life coping? Work harder, work longer, kill the chings. Even at young, we Chinese are thought to be competitive. I was at the pool, a father forced his children to compete and timed them. Crazy Singaporeans, nothing better to do, in fact, really nothing better to do. One up side, we are smarter, professional, efficient and cunning. Bad for others. Want proof? Chinese New Year in Singapore, who’s been left to work? My sister ordered pancakes from Macs, delivered for breakfast. Then came them without butter or syrup. She called complained. Then came a free delivery. Same missing items. She called, was put on hold forever, she gave up on them brown brothers. I bet if we got the third delivery, it will come with mutton curry. Anyway, we Chinese – industrious ambitious ASSHOLES.

Why? Too regimental. My mum, Singaporean, Malaysia PR. Drove KL car in. Got stopped by police. Was told the rule Singaporeans cannot drive foreign cars in Singapore. How the fuck was she supposes to know? No second chance give, ignorance is not an excuse. They sent a letter three months later to her home in Malaysia. Ordered her to Singapore court. She pleaded guilty. Fined SGD$300. Fuck u lawmakers of Singapore. May your mother sleepwalk off the balcony, fall traumatically on a pole penetrate into her chow cheebye and out her mouth, like in Cannibal Holocaust. May she then burn in hell and when you swim, she drags you down. You wife/husband and your children down. Fuck u lawmakers in Singapore. Why so many of us left Singapore… now I know why. It’s a cage and you put toys in there for them blind Singaporean rats to occupy themselves with. Why not put the rule book at causeway and make every entrant read them for one hour and undergo a test before permitted to enter then. Fuckers.

Yellow supremacy? Yellow nothing better to do in Singapore. Rat race life. The chase for materialisms. My friends, all in the chase till death. I choose to be simple and to experience the true meaning of happy-hood.

Friday, February 02, 2007

A Coffee Story

Here’s an interesting story I read from the menu in one of the cool coffee outlets I visited in Bangkok. Could be propagated wrongly due to bad picture quality…

Men began to drink coffee in the 12th century in Africa. A legend says that around the year 1400, a shepherd in Ethiopia named Kaldai noticed his goats jumping merrily after they ate a red fruit. He tried to eat it and after that, felt merry and fucked all his goats, both male and female. His wife, angry, then gave the red fruit to the priest who baked it to reduce its powers. But perceiving its attractive smell, he pounded it and put it in the water to extinguish the fire. He tried to drink that water and felt vigorous and fucked the watching wife, all of the shepherd’s goats, the shepherd himself as well as the priest’s pet dog. Later it was propagated by merchants who drank and fucked each other and whatever goats they can find around the immediate area…..

I can’t read from that image anymore.. words too small …