Friday, June 29, 2007

Weird Car on Thai Roads

I swear to Buddha that if I had wind down my window and shout at that thing, it would jump off the flyover and explode into a fireball.

Cars like theses are invented for one purpose, to reduce the traffic congestion on roads by occupying less space. So many political figures in Thailand had promised to curb the traffic, pollution and energy problems of the country and none have done so in reality. Why haven’t they thought of heavy subsidies or mass orders for economic of scales reasons on such easily frightened cars and then increase the tax on fuel guzzling big vehicles by an unreasonable amount (just like Singapore’s COE)? All talk and do nothing, traffic jam = burning fuel for zero work done = energy waste = pollution.

Welcome to Bangkok, land of a thousand smiles, smiling in our cars because the monoxide had rendered our brains spastic, watch for that uncontrolled twitching side of our lips.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Dolly behind Car

Lately, there has been a trend that every driver seems to be picking up. Hanging cute soft toys below the rear of cars and have it exposed to every possible environmental hazard, killing them eventually at maybe 80 mile per hour on the highway. At first, it seems hanging the cuddly toys boost performance of your car. The bigger the better. Hello Kitty + 10hp. Ultraman +15hp, Superman + 20hp, Garfield +50hp no need turbo and can beat WRX. You can see them on Jazz, Taxi Vios, pickups of all makes and others. The more you hang, the better. So again, I asked the Thais…… Why?

It all started when some driver long ago ran into a pedestrian and killed him. The Thais believe the ghost will then linger in the car. So the killer driver then hung a human like figurine behind the car in the hope that the ghost will move into it instead of staying around within the cabin. I guess it will be even better when the toy is accidentally severed from the car, taking along the ghost within it, only to be run over by a 10 wheeler behind and letting out a soft but long “chow chee byeeeeeeeeeee…..” in the process. So, kill one pedestrian, hang one toy. Kill two, hang two. Kill fifty, fill up your boot with a shit load of soft toys. Having them lingering outside the car is better then having them in. Apparitions of dead materializing at the point of climax when you are doing it with your gig can result in an irreversible condition known as SPSCC (severe permanent standing cock cramp).

Anyways, the real purpose of having toys behind cars has now been lost and it became a fashion statement instead these days. This is monkey see monkey do without knowledge of basis. Now a superstitious group of Thais believe that following this trend may result in uninvited tenants of your cuddly toy, such as when you drive over the spot where the 10 wheeler ran over the detached toy of the car up front, still in the midst of softly screaming the last word “byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….”.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Blogger turned Stupid

With so much intelligence in detecting which country I logged in from or whatever, Blogger has gone Thai on me. There seems to be no way I can turn it back to English. There is not any English word to indicate “Change Language Here” on my dashboard. Blogger intelligence is thus stupid and it is making it very difficult for me to trial and click all over the stupid site just to publish my blog.


Snake… ngoo in Thai. Man with snake on head = Thai proverb for a horny man out on a hunt for girls. Snake in picture above dead. Reminds me of a Discovery Channel show about a Singapore guy who got his testicles bitten in the toilet of a golf course. Snake.. you can find them at your work place too, so the security guard whacked it dead.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The Black Car

A man suited up in bright coveralls, carrying a dead lady. I asked the Thais why are there so many of these stickers around.

Well, this sticker means the truck/van/car is meant to pick up the dead body of accident victims. Means the guy is a volunteer, sort of like Civil Defense personnel in Singapore but on an unpaid or un-forced basis. When disaster strikes, you can see a whole bunch of these people. I saw on TV one of them swam in the dirty “klong” to retrieve a dead fetus.

Strange to me it seems that I see many of these stickers on taxis, cars, buses and everything else. Maybe they think it kinky to carry attractive scanty dressed dead women. So, this is the Black Car (orh-chia) of Thailand. From our Chinese superstitious point of view, you sit in a Taxi with this means you gonna be really unlucky, because the sticker is cursing you dead.