Saturday, April 22, 2006

A Time for Myself

Finally….. some time for myself. Songkran is over, same water splashing ritual all over Thailand. Very happy festive mode all over the country. And where was I? I was working, working and working. Worked 24 hours at site one of those days. Ridiculous. I need a break. Sometimes I wonder… to know more, or not to know more is better (Translated from Thai: Roo yer, ler mai roo de kwai? Arai dee?)

I am now, in the car wash. My car pampered by the washers. Sitting in the car wash café with its small garden next to the pond. Yet another small speck of luxury in the middle of cosmopolitan messy Bangkok. My coffee, my ash tray. And my new HP notebook, with my Wireless CDMA internet connection. This is life.

Reading Koon and Orgu blog. Wow… koon in Taipei again. Watch the food dear… legs growing out like trunks from under your skirt. And Orgu… your blog is very educational, very interesting and entertaining about the 4 Vices. However, here is my analogy:

VICE 1: Gluttony- eating too much:
Coz there is too much nice food in Thaland. Images from eyes and smell of food overwhelmed brain. Neurons in brain short circuit.. Causes mouth to lead body to food. And mouth control brain.

VICE 2: lim jiu- drinking too much:
Thirsty. Need water…. And here, some beer cheaper then mineral water.

why blackouts occur when i drink too much..
Because over-drink. Simple answer. And memory blackouts occur because the place where we have drinks are normally dark, can’t see anything clearly.

what's real - there are people who jump into small fountains when drunk.

How to avoid drunkness
Over-indulge in Vice 1. Too full for beer.

VICE 3: smoking- why i crave :
Oral fixation, better to suck on a ciggy then another man’s equipment.

what's real - Ciggys are only SGD$2++ here, big pack.

VICE 4: Gambling - why my hands itch
Because nothing else to do, or too much money dunno how to spend.

what's real - mahjong may cause brain to stress so much and sometimes causes Vice 1 2 and 3.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Un-caged Yellow Birds

This blog entry has nothing to do with the two birds mention killed in the last entry….

Another week gone by, another mad week of driving in and out of Bangkok. Another week of work, another week of meeting the endless queue of people from Singapore. My ex girlfriend was here and so I finally had the chance to bring her to a good real Thai dinner. It was good to see her again and be briefed on the life of others I so not seen for long.

Time. Where are they? Gathered in all the small fissures of work periods, meetings and ridiculous project schedules. How can I gather them altogether? I need time management. I can’t work like a machine. I will burn a fuse sooner or later. I need time for breaks and to catch up with people around. But for now I can’t rest, I have to work to the limits of my capabilities. But for this stage of my life, when one is still in the mid of nowhere burning fuel fast towards one’s final dream, one can’t rest. I want to overwork my mental pistons and yet I want to rest. I want to be lazy and yet I want to excel. Where am I?

I have to juggle all jobs at one go, with only one self, one mind and one body. This land is lacking in engineering skills and professional workmanship. I showcased my talents and suddenly I landed myself in a deep work ditch. Expectations from others I know has now been set at a new height. I drove myself into this. I will work on. I will learn on. Oh shit.

A long time ago, I was a lazy soul embedded in a cycle of everyday mundane work. Knowing what will come the next day, and how little work I should do. I was just the typical employee, do what I am paid and please not ask more of me. Then when I self picked a skill not related to my work, I told to myself, someday it be useful. I never knew this decision could land me here and now, ten years later.

Everyday, I look mentally at my friends back home. The same life everyday, the same routine. The same small land. The same places to go for dinner. The same places to go for show. And surprisingly, the same category of complains and mental state from so many different people, from all walks of life. There is only so much they can do back home. Most of the time, a beautiful dream there, can only be a dream. The environment does not allow for them to steer towards a dream, unless of course they are fitly rich. However, the good side is life will be more or less predictable. They know what’s coming and they know their life is dependable on everything surrounding that they can find or live in. Life is controlled, safe and certain. And all, share one common goal. Work, get married, pay through nose for house, have kids. Die.

But here I am, in land of uncertainty. Don’t know where my guts came from but it must be in my blood. My cousin once said, that all in our family are weird. Where our ancestors tried so hard to move into an island so far away from China, we, this generation has exploded like the sparks of fireworks out of the Island. She is in Hong Kong. Another is in States. And more are all over the world, but never in Singapore. We share the same elements in our blood. We are birds not to be caged. We are too big for the Island.

My family are not the only ones that has outgrown Singapore. There are many of us now. I have met others form the Island and some have really impressed me on how they blended in. There are many of us here now in Thailand and other places. And I discovered we have one distinct characteristic that people on the Island does not have. We have the inner peace and satisfaction glowing beyond the boundaries of flesh and skin. We are happy, we the un-caged yellow birds.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

2 Birds Killed in One Day

Pigeons… Was driving into office when I saw pigeons on the parking lot. Klunk…! One down and I saw a pile of feathers in my rear view mirror. Then later on, when I was removing something from my car, on came another car and I heard a Pop!. Another pile of feathers on the floor. Didn’t know birds go pop when run over by cars. Suicidal birds, stupid birds.