Thursday, March 31, 2005

Head Exploding

Having a really really big bad hangover now. There is a pump in my head pounding against the insides of my skull.

Squeezed some time out yesterday and went with Alvin to some pubs. Finished ¾ bottle of Chivas left from my last visit there. Just me him and gig. Piangs… the world was spinning.. its been almost a month since I last drank and my drinking skill are getting worse and worse. Anyway, Alvin will be here till end of this week.

At about 12, we finished the bottle and headed to a “club” where Alvin’s course mates were. Met this guy from CNB Singapore… On arrival, they were tipsy already and near the end at 2am, CNB guy was going abit haywire up in the brain.

He started blurting to Alvin… “Dun think just because u got a SG friend here in Thailand u can blahhh bla bla…” (didn’t catch what he said). Then Mr CNB looked at me and say… “This SG guy u cannot trust… do not trust SG guys in Thailand, especially those that can speak Thai.”.

What the fug did I do? Alvin was staring blankly at me as well.

I looked back at Mr CNB and said “Yes… please be careful of me, u are absolutely right.”. Weirdo…. Must be becoz of some bad experience he had previously.

Found out that Alvin only got to know this fellow in Thailand during the convention they were attending. Bo chap him lah….

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Village Encounter - Continued

Spend a couple good hours yesterday migrating me blog from spaces to this new one. Seen silly cat and RK using this. Well… it’s a pain to set up Blogger truly, but yes it does offer lots more control, especially if u are a tech freak and knows exactly what u are doing. Well here I am anyhow and to continue my village story I will.

Been working frenziedly, averaging 12pm to 3am everyday for last 2 to 3 weeks. Decided to take a break and severe all associations to work and modern world for a while. Gig (gig is a Thai thing) asked me to go with her to some isolated strange out of this world province where her relatives are for a “festival”. And so I agreed.

Drove 5 hours in me Volvo, following a busload of aunties to finally reach a village. Was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by scorched farms (because of drought), cows, buffalos, chickens and all the things u can find in Babe the movie. Temperatures soared high as usual, and me perspiring in my underpants.

Then came a very colorful village lorry, those that are powered by a lawnmower and which hogs up single lane roads real well. The mechanical snail was fully loaded with amplifiers, drums, guitars, electric generators and all that seem to come from another parallel dimension. It parked outside the house. And at about 4pm, three kampong teens clad in bright orange boarded and started what sounded like Guns & Roses gone really really really bad. Those sharp strange melodic tones woke me out of my wobbly melt in the sun mode instantly. They call it E-San music and apparently it is very popular in the rural areas. U can even get to see their MTVs on TV. It is song and dance from another age.

Then came along an old guy, reeking of bad alcohol, and he started dancing and terrifying a toddler that was initially standing in front, amazed by the band. I thought it was strange, but what followed was even more alien. Aunties came out of the house and people from the village emerged and followed. Soon, the whole road was filled with about 200 dancing souls of all ages. All seemed to be hypnotized by the tune and in a state of trance, hands performed twirling motions and bodies swinging in rhythm. My jaw was then reaching the floor as I stared with bewilderment.

North East Thailand Village

The procession started and they danced, transverse the road for a good few kilometers as I followed and snapped away on my Canon. In front of the crowd, leading, was an aged woman, hugging a grayed photo of an old man. And so I realized, this was a death anniversary of my gig’s grandfather.

North East Thailand Village

North East Thailand Village

They reached the village entrance, passed what look like small white church with a high chimney, and proceed onto the main road blocking traffic and all. They didn’t care. I asked what the small house was and got replied they burned dead people in there. They have personal village crematoriums.

North East Thailand Village

North East Thailand Village

Occasionally there were oncoming traffic but they had no choice but to slow and ginger their way through the crowd. Men, women, children, all dancing to music so loud u can hear in the next village. Some were already drunk from downing beer as they danced. Village law enforcers holding crude wooden batons were out patrolling and keeping order. It was rowdy and raunchy. Fireworks were let off interrupting Guns & Roses from time to time. Sweets and money were strewn high into the air, falling on a crowd of children who scrambled for them.

It went on forever, and after one and a half hour, gig’s mother came in a van and said she was going to visit some relatives in the next village. We boarded and sat behind on a truck that followed, leaving the procession behind.

Droved passed farms, rivers, and dams till we reached our destination. This village produces silk cloth. They grew particular tress which leaves serves as food for the silk worms in their wooden hut and almost every house has a weaving machine made out of wood in them. As they talked and I wondered around, one of the relatives plucked some really strange fruit from a tree and ate it. Gig came and did the same, but shoved it into my mouth instead. And soon, she was plucking different crop from different trees, all shoved into my mouth. I was afraid to offend the relatives and so I consumed. They tasted sweet on the inside, but I did have to overcome the taste of dust, mud and maybe even insecticide from the exterior first. No joke… u can taste mud on first bite. I did not wanted to eat I am not an overgrown silkworm.

After sundown, we returned to the village. The procession was over, the musical lorry parked outside the house. But, the band was still playing, and people were still dancing. They never got tired. Had dinner, went to a temple next door which strangely had an open-air cinema set up. People swarmed in from surrounding villages for the event.

Power failure - whole village in chaos. Guns & Roses stopped. People under the influence displeasured and began creating trouble. More villagers whom held crude wooden batons beefed up security. Drunken motorcyclist arrested and held in custody in house premise (gig’s uncle is a police). Struggle occurs then followed by fight. Heard baton go “bish bish bish” and then suspect wailing. More police came and arrested two people suspected to be on drugs.

Power restored after an hour. Watched a Thai movie, sitting on the floor. Didn’t pay a single cent because families involved with this “festival” sponsored the event. Bought freshly BBQed cuttlefish from makeshift stall setup around the temple and ate as I watched. Guns & Roses played in the distance. 11 pm movie finished. Watched live Thai boxing in temple. See village kids as young as 10 years old thumping the life outta each other on the ring. 12 am, tired, go back home. Guns & Roses still playing to the crowd outside the house.

Cant sleep.. too noisy. Guns & Roses stopped but cinema and boxing continued till morning. Didn’t sleep well as cheering and movie was still on. Should be about 6am then. Movie stopped and maybe the boxing kids bled to death. Finally……. PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can sleep. 5 minutes later… Guns & Roses started. Went to the toilet and brushed my teeth with anger, cant get no decent sleep.

Procession started again and they danced their way to the temple. Monks came and they had their rituals and rites. It did not end until about lunchtime. It was time for us to return to Bangkok and so we bid farewell to all. We left for our long distance return trip, stopping along the way at some attractions. Guns & Roses was still playing.

North East Thailand Village

Full photo sets at cllim photography.

Coconut Milk Chicken

Was at some place after work, and having a good chat with some Thai friends. We talked about food. He brought out the topic of this very interesting dish – Coconut Milk Chicken.

1. Dig hole in ground.

2. Catch chicken.

3. Put chicken in hole.

4. Leave only chicken head above ground and bury the rest of the poor struggling creature.

5. Feed chicken nothing but coconut milk.

6. Continue feeding for up to a week.

7. Take chicken out of ground.

8. Chicken feathers will all naturally fall off. Chicken will be naked and would have acquired a ghostly white color. Chicken will be unable to run nor walk nor stand.

9. Kill chicken and cook. Very delicious.

Earth Quake

Again… Sumatra… the ground shook. Heard from friends in SG tremors were felt. News reported it was even experienced in Bangkok. Nay… didn’t feel a thing, balls too heavy. No tsunami this time. Lucky for the people down south else all rebuilding efforts go to waste.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Village Encounter

No time to write blog today... just got back from north east. See latest album taken in 2005 Mar at my photo album . Will write about it when i have the time.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Elephants and Food Don’t Mix

Late night supper at 12 midnight yesterday after work. In Bangkok there are lots of beggar elephants. Many blokes here… think it is an easy way out for them to earn money. They buy a baby elephant (probably using their live savings) and they use it as a begging tool. How?

They bring the elephants all over Thailand, rode on them. They are mostly nocturnal and so they have bicycle-flashing lights attached to their tails to warn motorist. They approach people with a bag of bananas or something. Then they asked u to buy the banana and feed their elephant. Crazy ah… why must I buy bananas that you have brought already and then feed your animal? Maybe it appeals to tourist… but not me… I am localized already.

Feed elephants and then getting my arm fully lubricated with slime is not going mix when I am having food but these people dun care anyway. These elephants are all over and they infiltrate all kinds of places. They like to go begging at food joints, where people are seated and their trunks sometimes really gets all over you, slimed u in the process as well.

One meal can sometimes enable u encounter up to three elephants, all big and small kinds and they make really sharp noises frequently. Thus giving u a nasty shock that lodges your un-chewed food in your windpipe. “Plop-Plop-Plop” I hear and see shit bigger then my head drop in front of my table because the elephant’s arse happens to be facing me. Shit is not the worse. Look under the elephant and sometimes I see what looks like water being pouring out from a very big pipe. It really looks like waterfall it just go “Splassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssshhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhh".

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Tree Falls Monkey Scrams

Just got back to the office… it is late night as usual. Got outta town yesterday and slept at Udon, 700km away, for a night. Was there because somehow my client thinks that his database is a gaping black hole and can swallow anything he wants. 36million records in a matter of three months broke my application and the database… and I had no choice but to go there and fixed it.

On the way back… slight drizzle… strong winds. Then a car came from opposite with headlights flashing. Tot it meant police ahead but it was not. Up ahead.. was a tree fallen across.

Tree Falls

Tree Falls

Then all the cars started to jam up back the road. And soon doors open and curious onlookers all came forward. Nee nee nah nah… dunno what they say.. all gather ritually in front of tree. Then more cars came and more people walked forward. This time.. got parangs in hand walking towards and passed me. Wah piang… look liked the Gu-Wat-Jai movie.

Tree Falls

Tree Falls

One lao hero started chopping first and the rest followed. Eventually the lao hero was up in the branches chopping. Very on the ball. They all seemed to know what to do, like they are pretty used to this kinda stuffs. Public volunteers and all, chopping and taking the debris away. Impressed…. In Singapore what do we do? Like little children we sit in the car, like little children, we wait for someone else to come do the job. Shit spoilt we are.

Tree Falls

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Late Night Dinner

On Friday… it was near midnight. Was driving around, looking for a place for a late dinner around my office. Crossed a bridge of no return… got really lost. Finally I stumbled upon a very big sign “Welcome To Bangkok”! Piangs....

By the way… I had some free time finally yesterday. Went to catch a Thai movie with a friend. I specifically asked the cashier (in English)… are there English subtitles. She blur blur look at me.. then went to ask manager or something.. and came back and just said “mee mee” meaning yes. Thai friend also asked her (in Thai) as a double confirmation. I sat in the whole one hour plus movie trying to see if the English subs was accidentally misaligned and cast on the cinema floor. Paur Bye. Everything these cashiers also answer to yes even if they don’t know what u asked. They also answer to yes when they are not sure of something. I bet with you… just walk to any attractive female cashier next time and say “do you want to suck the cheese off my cock and use my pubic hair to floss your teeth” and I bet they say yes.

By the way... Alvin (newsroom gang) is here for training. See... i dun get to miss my friends.

Thursday, March 17, 2005


Staying in Bangkok…. Do I miss Singapore? No. Do I miss my pals.. No also… why? Almost every darn week.. there are people coming form Singapore. And with so much work stuffed up my arse.. I had to squeeze time to go visit them. 2 weeks ago.. Uncle Presvin, Gary. Last week, Willie Tan. This week, my cousin (The Wong Fei Hong look alike one that sold me my car.) and yesterday.. my mum and the whole ching gang of aunties inclusive of my antique grandmother.
Been really able to drive around a lot over Bangkok lately. But as my mental road map of Bangkok gains in size, so does my frustration. By the way, we got our Volvo back.. repaired the gearbox.. I was hoping for an engine swap (Supra engine) but I guess that will have to wait till next time. Ok… I have a map of Bangkok… but it is no darn use. When reach junctions, roads that were physically present does not appear on map. And when looking for subjects in map such as a highway exit, on reaching physical location… the junction mysteriously disappeared from the face of Bangkok. And when I am lost.. all blardee signs are in Thai.

When asking friends for directions… broken English leads to lost driver in Bangkok. And when driving on highways, the number of exits encountered on some locations are like cock hair. On reaching cock hair junction, all exits signs have very unfamiliar names. Will die one!
Therefore… I navigate like a sailor now. I ignore all road signs. I use tall buildings as landmarks and I drive in general directions. Seems like all the roads are squarely crisscrossed in Bangkok and I always managed to reach my destination somehow. I use the sun to tell which direction I am heading too.

Drawbacks…. Drove in wrong directions occasionally on roads and caught by police once. Drove into roads that do not have u-turns. Drove wrongly up some expressway that leads me to a u-turn only 2 kilometers away. Drove passed the same 7-11 more then four times. Drove and on reaching junction realize cannot turn right. Drove into lanes with oncoming traffic because I did not understand the road sign that suppose to say time of traffic direction change. Drove wrongly up the toll way and have to pay. Drove to strange place that if want to make u-turn, got no choice but to go off-road into some fields and come out form junctions that I made myself. Drove like tortoise and held up traffic. Drove and made sudden turns almost making carpet out of some motorcyclist. Drove up pedestrian road pavement to park my car illegally. Dove into very small lanes that does not look like it is meant for a car. Drove into a bird. Drove constantly with Hokkien verses blabbering out of my mouth. Bla bla bla bla bla….

Why don’t they have more multilingual road signs!

Thursday, March 10, 2005

What the heck is คิง ถิม?????

Today... i had a look at my name card.. never knew i had this คิง ถิม in it... i got no idea what it is.. but i think it is my name.. gosh... someone printed my name card... got thai name.. and i dont even know what it means npr how to pronounce . No one to ask now becuase it is late and everybody go back home already.

Anyway.. have not been able to blog much coz been really busy and had a spate of bad luck with cars.. dunno what’s goin on. Some days.. I get stuck because car cannot start. And when try to call for help, phone cant call out because accounts forgot to pay me bills. Then today.. the most sway thing happened.. Key got dislodge from key chain when putting notebook in boot. Slammed boot shut and NINAMBLEAHHHHHHHHHH!… Stuck at home, waited for mechanic until afternoon then come to work. All work schedule cock up and now have to work overnight!

By the way... it took me forever to find these คิง ถิม characters on me keyboard....

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Knock Knock Nobody There

Thai style: When knocking at office door and no one seems to response, locate the electrical circuit breaker and trip it. Naturally, in less then 5 minutes, the strange darkness within will flush any living soul out through the front door, thereby answering to your calls eventually. However, after tripping the circuit and still no one answers, you can be assured that there is really no one home.

This is a very effective method, I never though about it until I seen my Thai friend did it. This technique is especially useful in multistory complexes, whereby natives of the residence may be obscured audibly from your desperate knockings if no doorbell is present.

Warning, if method is to be applied to stranger, stealth is advice or undesirable outcome may result. Survey for nearest hiding place whereby upon the exit of attendants you may manifest yourself naturally, without suspicion from the former. Be also aware of any surveillance equipment setup in the vicinity. If such is present, advice standing away from view and flinging hard objects with accuracy until subject visually looks inoperable. If subject appears to be smoldering after a few hits, you can be certain that no one will see you do whatever you are about to do later. Else, continue flinging hard objects on subject.

Depending on the level of desperateness, response time and weather conditions, sometimes you may wish to pull out some telephone lines from the main distribution box if one is present. Connect severed voice lines to lighting ground circuits nearby and wait for the heavenly bolt to descend. Upon electrical discharge of the atmosphere making a continual circuit to the connected lightning rods, there should be multiple burst of visual display within the compound. This is a sure attention grabber to flush out the inhabitants. Should this variant technique be used, it is advice you have coffee nearby.

Trip-Circuit-Method, without projectiles flinging, has been tested personally with a response rate of 100%. As for the rest of the mentioned techniques, do try at your own risk.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Boat Ride Balls Crack

Yesterday… was late already… supposed to be at a pier in Pattaya at 10am but at the stroke of 10 we were still crawling on the expressway. We watched the temperature needle cautiously every moment. Dunno what kinda luck is this but all cars we drove seems to be dying. This Civic is overheating and we cant rev the engine to high else car explode. Darn..

By the time we reach the pier, it was already 11.30am and all the people have already left for Koh Larn. Bo bian, lan lan… took a speed boat with me partner at B$1500 to the island where we are supposed to survey some equipments. The weather was as usual, brains baking.

Koh Larn

Koh Larn

Koh Larn

Speed boat very slow.. because wave very high. If travel too fast and encounter high wave, will become submarine and we will add to the toll of missing tsunami victims. Finally we reached the island after the balls breaking boat slamming into heavy waves ride. Great… now low tide.. all the jetties too high and we were not spiderman. Moved from jetty to jetty… cannot find landing space, no steps, no ladders and shore too rocky to beach the boat. Boatman finally located a big barge by one jetty.. said we can step up the barge and then climb onto jetty. Climb???? After our balls had gone through a draining 20 minutes of slamming ordeal? Still want me to stretch my legs and risk dislocating my balls? Ok lor… no choice.

So we parked next to floating barge… and then smelt very bad odor. Win already.. it is a rubbish container barge, to dispose of the waste from the island. Wah piangs… as we were climbing up the sinister foul smelling stairway to island, there came along a vehicle dumping more rubbish into the barge. Every black bag that landed secreted, oozed and sprayed some I-do-not-want-to-know fluid. This is like playing something on PS2.. we have to step around the side edge of the barge, avoid falling into sea, and avoid being sprayed by unclassified juice. We made our way to land eventually.

Had a fiery chili hot meal for lunch, surveyed the site with the customers that were already waiting there. Had a discussion for two hours under the sun. And thereafter returned to Pattaya. Very fun… but very tired too.

Koh Larn

Koh Larn

Koh Larn

Koh Larn