Monday, May 29, 2006

The Guards R Gay

Recent additions to the apartment blocks I am staying in are 2 young and well groomed security guards. Neat cut hair and tidy uniforms. Different from the usual old sloppy ones we have around.

This morning I saw them frolicking in the garden of cars in the parking lot. Holding hands, giggling as they patrol, playing god knows what I touch your left ball and you touch my right ball romantic games.

Disgusting? No… after almost two years in Thai, this seems the norm.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Daily Thai

Possible Things in Thailand

Possible Things in Thailand

Sent to me by a friend, the above shows the possible things that could happen in Thailand. Even when substation is flooded, the operators still hangs around, in their underwear.

Other very strange and sometimes frustrating stories:

Paid to use the highway but got stuck after the tollgate because the police blocked the highway for VIP. So we pay to be stuck in a jam.

Watched DaVinci Code but when they spoke French, there are only Thai subtitles. Fug the movie industry here that ignores the minority English speaking population.

Thais are educated since the beginning of childhood never to throw any solid objects into the toilet bowl. As such, majority of the toilet here have a disgusting bin next to the toilet bowl that contains all the soiled toilet paper.

When thunderstorm, sure have power failures.

The temperature in the hot months can drop to 22 degrees Celsius on some strange nights.

Employees never want to use the highways because they have to pay the toll fee in advance. They prefer to be stuck in the jam and waste petrol that the company pays.

90% of guys here have more then one girlfriend. Girls here don’t like Thai guys and they jump at any opportunity on the foreign man.

The Zouk like pubs here are meant for Europeans. Girls in such pubs never want to talk to anything that looks Asian. Thai version of Sarong Party Girls. If you are yellow you will be welcome more elsewhere.

Drivers here do not how to use the circle. They were never taught to, considering the crappy driving test system here. As such, many accidents occur at circles. Drivers here cannot comprehend the meaning of the speedometer. They have no sense of speed nor braking distance.

Observe during wedding ceremony, whose hands is above gripping whose when cake cutting. That will determine who controls who after marriage. Marrying couples sometimes wrestle on the stage over this discreetly.

They wash the dead people’s face with coconut water as a soul purifying process.

Most sausages bought from street side stores are strangely sour and gives you a feeling that you are eating rat meat.

K… enough…. More next time. Experience the Thai way of life. Not be tourist, be embedded here.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Thailand's Wannabe

Knowing ones one limits and capabilities is something genetically missing from majority of the Thai brain. Thai people have some odd behavior. Soak yourself here then you will know but share I will.

Mr A wanna be a manager. And so we made him one. Bosses his employees around and injected hierarchical fears into them sure he did. But all left him quitted the company. For one thing, all his people were good workers… efficient, hardworking and knowledgeable, traits Mr A does not have and they knew it. I liked them. When employees are faced with a situation beyond their own decision control, approach the immediate manager they will for advice. Mr A would be approached and his advice back will be oh-shitty-stupid. Not only did that dismayed the employees since they were expecting a wise answer, but turned away the customers he did. However some customers were smart to realize that they have an intelligent edge above our Mr A. They ate him for breakfast. The company lost money through one sided contracts.

When Mr A does site, worse. Answer to questions by customers contains only diminutive amounts of intelligence, relative to size of brain in spacious skull compartment. And he will be calling all over the world to look for me or my partner and we have to answer for his so simple technical related questions. Looks stupid in front of the customers isn’t it? So… if one has not enough knowledge then one should self improve? But not so the majority Thai personality. Mr A just spends more time bossing his people around calling for meaningless meeting and act smart. And the result is we lost our good workers because they can’t stand him. Mr A can’t think nor judge. And the things we teach him so many times over do not stay. Not only that, the advice we tell him, he does not follow. His memory is volatile. If only we could squeeze a 200GB 7200 rpm hard disk into that spacious compartment between his skull and brain. His personality is stubborn, sort of the like skid marks in the toilet that your shit leaves behind. Zero smart capability and yet manager wannabe. Exhibited every characteristics of empty vessels making the most noise.

Don’t ask me why we did not fire him. It’s a Thai thing… give chance for time to learn… even if it takes a decade.

I am in a car now actually, some free time to type a blog. Next to me is this new nerdy chap that I just hired. He can’t drive well. Just got his license 1 year ago and only capable of auto transmission cars. He seldom drives. Occasionally he drives around his neighborhood for groceries in his parents’ car. To let you have a better idea of his logged driving hours, he had driven with hand brakes on for a smoldering 5 minutes when we were just out of office in the morning. However, we are now traveling at 160 on the highway to site… and the way he negotiates situation causes my balls to shrink to size of pea. Pea can shoot out from banana when in traumatically frightening situations. Hero wannabe not knowing limits and consequences wanna drive the Toyota like a V8 car. I asked him… is this his first time driving long distance. Nodded he did. And yet.. this speed. I am stopping my blog now… gonna screw him and swap drivers in the coming petrol station. I still want my life.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

In Deep Shit

My assumption of just snapping the speedo cable was 100% misjudged and 100% wrong. The loud snapping sound was the alarm relays going on and off at a very fast rate.

My timing belt broke. My engine is gone.. This is very very shitty.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Landed at Airport

Announcing the arrival of flight Mi16 from “toll way” at gate “beside the road”. She has zero engine power and had made an emergency landing, without brakes.

Was bloody driving to site 600km away this morning. There was a loose speedo cable in my dashboard. It had been making a lot of clicking noise for the past few weeks. I had imagined the cable snapping and twirling all over inside my dashboard so hard that it cuts the surrounding cables loosed, shorting every circuit and causing mayhem.

It happened… this morning.

Was beginning my journey out of Bangkok in the morning. Was at my using cursing speed of 140 when the soft clicking sound turned into a loud series of snaps followed by instant engine failure and Christmas lights on the dashboard.

Fugged big time… on an elevated toll way with no power and fast traffic. Saw exit on left leading to international airport terminal. Swerved left and out of the toll way. Then realized the descending slope lead to a sharp u-turn ahead and I had no fugging brakes. Put low gear into action and heard engine made a lot of strange noises as the computer controlling it is out of action.. lots of exhaust backfiring… pop pop pop… like some supercar… had to use handbrakes as well to decelerate. Negotiated the turn and proceeded to the next descend using a balance of hand braking and the car’s momentum for controlled forward motion. The car rolled on… and on… and finally I eyed a nice spot beside the VIP building and just rolled my car into the position. There I was… beside the road… in the bloody hot sun. Was there… waiting for tow truck. Searing sun suddenly turned into heavy downpour after I cursed the weather. Then I became partially drenched chicken as I ran for shelter.

What a fugged day. Back in Bangkok… appointment rescheduled.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Searing Sun

The past weeks happening…. Lets see…

You know these are the hottest months when u reach home for shower in the night and the water is warm. I do not have a heater by the way.

The weather is so hot that stupid pigeons keep getting knock down by cars because they are dizzy. Some more dead birds that were ran over by cars in the parking lot.

Amazingly… maybe because of the weather, birds get to shit sideways. I found a big splat of bird shit under the cover of my car’s door handle.. impossible, unless car is turned sideways with door facing skywards. Now I am still wondering how the hell the shit got under there….

When I say my car is Peugeot (pew-geo or purr-geo as we in SG pronounce it) no one knows. They pronounce it purr-yo.

Stupid Honda jazz thinks he very the powderful came to tailgate me for a race. I blew him away leaving his engine breathlessly roaring at its 90bhp. BUT… strained and broke something in the undercarriage. Car was swerving left right center for the next few days as something on left wheel that controls steering got loosed. Darn.. .

Still cannot find a lot of time for myself, have time for myself to do what I want to do myself. Fugging work.

So many fatal motor bike accidents lately.. weather must be baking their brains within helmet. Also saw big pickup overturned on highways when I was going to site. So many accidents.

90% of the people in Bangkok are not from Bangkok. When there are long holidays such as Songkran, the traffic in Bangkok is so good… so little cars… so not congested and everywhere that took 1 hour to get took only a mere 20 minutes.

Petrol prices kept going up… now standing at about SGD$1.20 per litre for 95. It used to be just around SGD$0.90.

The climate now is searing hot… avoid Bangkok unless your option is for baking your body.