Thursday, November 29, 2007

18 to 28 in Thailand

The weather is simply awesome now. Even working in the polluted Raying industrial estate is enjoyable. You can sit in the middle of noon, under the sun and yet not break a sweat. The breeze blows and you will be immersing in winter air of just 22 degrees. Enjoyable omnipresence of 18 to 28 this season.

Go for the Moo-Ka-Tat … The Thai version of cheap Marina Korean BBQ buffet that’s just over SGD$4. Cool air, warm pot. Nice winter season.

Beer at the brewery with beer towers at just SGD$20. Chivas.. under SGD$40. Piangs… and we paid SGD$230 at Mohammed Sultan.

DIY your own coffee at the food stalls. This is common in Thailand. Pour as much coffee powder as you want and be owl at night. Feed the wondering dogs coffee power and watch them go hyper.

Refill your gas for a full tank that takes your car 300kms for just SGD$16. Whats with the horse at the LPG station?…. I don’t know.

And fear…. Be very very fearful that one day, Thailand will go nuclear. Without a good command of English grasp by the average engineer, Chernobyl WILL happen in Thailand.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Let’s Litter the River

Loi Krathong. A festival where Thais pay respects to the river, thanking her for bringing precious water into the rice fields tirelessly 24x7 so that we can have food 24x7 just like Seven Eleven. Ironically, on this festival, the river is thanked by dumping loads of litter called Krathongs by the millions into her. It’s also considered a family event, so expect most restaurants by the river to be packed full of chatty aunties. The lower income will spend time by going to the parsa-malams set up in 99% of the temples throughout the Kingdom. Yesterday was almost like hell broke loose as every festival in Thialand is celebrated by Thais drinking themselves senseless followed by driving or riding. Sirens of the ambulance was heard frequently among the recurring bangs of firecrackers and fireworks. The police were all busy, and so were the volunteers.

Schools held Krathong making competition.

Most shops will sell them so no worries getting one.

Even the Mercedes owner was banging in on the profits.

Having one of these land on your head is no fun.

My rabbit almost died when I played these fireworks and crackers at home.

They are called Krathong… not Kapong as I have mispronounced. Kapong means mini skirts. I did like to be looking at the students if their Kapongs were floating in the river.

Just another weird dish you can find in the restaurant.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Car Insurance Thailand

And here’s on how to claim insurance in Thailand.

First of all there are three types of insurance. They term it Level 1,2 and 3. Level 1 is cover mountain cover sea. Level 2 is cover third party and only a small amount on your own car, does not cover fire or thief. Level 3 is purely third party and your car is your own business. There is now a Level 3+ that has a bit of covering your own car as well. Level 3 (referencing a 5 year old Euro car)… about SGD$300. Level 2 about SGD$400 and Level 1 about anything from SGD$800 to SGD$1200. Old cars more then 10 years old can never get Level 1.

So… normally, Thais wait until their insurance almost expires before they go and claim, even for nothing. Then after they claim, they simply switch companies to avoid high premiums on the second year. It is not like in Singapore where all insurance companies are linked telepathically and your premiums only increase as you claim. Thais.. never seem to treasure NCBs. They always will definitely claim for something every year… and here’s the how to.

First.. be very polite and need to speak Thai. Then drive to designated garage of insurance company. For scratches and handiwork of assholes parked next to you leaving behind door dents, pay SGD$80 extra and tell them you ran into multiple poles or protruding structures that you can’t remember. The extra payment is necessary where a third party is not available for the insurance company to witness and blame. This also applies to hit and run accidents where you are unable to remember the license plate number of the whisky motorbikes that victimize you.

For things missing, such as lower lids, fog lights, skirting broken or whatever at the bottom of you car, say you drive into flood and knock into unidentified floating objects such as dead cats or dogs. Of course, they will ask you when it happened and do pick a day that has heavy downpour.

Dents in your rims due to stupidity (such as lending your car to women), or transmission issues due to wear and tear, you can try to cook up a story that you avoided a buffalo crossing the road and swerve into a pit in the middle of a dark moonless night 10,000 miles away from Bangkok in the jungles. But they will investigate, so your story must be solid and you did have to do your own homework first.

Every year… you will get a renewed car. This is how Thais do it. Some of the stories are authored with the help of the nice lady in the garage. I will have a looking-new Volvo next week with a fresh paint job. Oh yeahhh baby. And I will never lend my car to women.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Singaporeans are Easy to Rip Off

Just found this out. The studio unit of 30 sq meters in which I stayed, was bought for SGD40k. Then some smart companies went to promote City Living Condo in Singapore.. and sold them studio for a good SGD72k average with promise of rental opportunities at about SGD400 per month. Coz.. you can’t get anything for SGD72k in Singapore and not surprisingly, people fell for it, thinking it could be long term investment that is self funding via rental.

Now… this area is Red Light District. Average rental is between SGD140 – SGD280. Who then rents the condo for SGD400. And to add to that, the market price of these units as of current date are about SGD60k.

Kena rip off lah.. .some Singaporeans.

The moral of the story is… do your own research if you intend to invest in foreign properties. Yes… one day, maybe the price of the units will go above initial purchase price, but still.. you have been ripped right from the beginning. If you have cash to invest, then bring them over by yourselves. Walk into the showroom, and the deal will be done, transparent and at the real local price.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Frigging Discovery

In life, we discover many things along the way. As we transverse the passage of time, we hear, we question, we discover. Holy cow.. I didn’t know cock hair can grow white!!!

Yeas ago during our whacky school days, we often joke about nothing but genital objects. Subjects linked to genitalia are of often the best candidate for a good joke. Hey… you ever ask your ah-mah or ah-gong, their cheebye or lanchio hair are white or not? I mean look, they got a whole head full of them.. so does it apply to their privates?

We almost wanted to strip one of our classmates who genetically have white hair during adolescent to find out. But we never did.. and so this mystery remained in our childhood minds, carried on with us through the decades. It became an urban legend in my life. Thanks that classmate who never did answer our question truthfully. May your cock hair burn in hell.

Then exactly one day before my 36. I was crapping, I looked down, and I saw my very friggin first white strand of glorious curl.

I , NRIC blah blah blah, here-by declare that I solemnly process with pride, my very first strand of undercarriage silver glory, have thus officially reach the milestone in my existence on third planet from Sun, bow down to admit and carry the title of anything related by Thesaurus to uncle-hood. Amen.

Now I admit I am uncle. But only when my armpits turns silver.. shall I admit I am Ah-pek.

Oh my Buddha… are we old…..

Oui… Melvyn same age as me.. u got white hair already bo? Oui.. Antz.. u are Jurassic compared to me.. u got white hair bo? Regine… Orgu… time of your life yet? Bang Bang brothers.. u shaved your heads.. .do u shave your down there too? And if you do… do you first apply shaving cream? What about ur assholes? Do you shave ur assholes?

Any of you have white hair yet? … compare notes leh.. (I… have Ageingunclephobia..)

To my sister who reads my blog…. Dun ask.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Of Dek Skoi and Dek Vann

Dek = small people. Example… teenagers. It was brought to my knowledge of Amazing Thailand lately by one of my young technicians. In the south provinces of this Kingdom, you may be driving and all of a sudden you see a naked chee-bye (vagina) under the short skirts of a local girl on scooter coming your way. Cock stand, jams your steering wheel, and you fly off the cliff.

It’s a trend now.. The teenage girls, knows as Dek Skoi, are catching on this trend like wild fire and have the local police in a fit of uneasiness. I would be very happy catching these Skois however.

Dek Vann. Vann.. Thais says that’s the sound of high pitch scooters. Instead of vroom vroom like how we always say it, Thais thinks scooters goes vaaaaannnnnn vaaaannnnn. So Dek Vanns are the teenage boys on scooters chasing the naked easy Skoi-byes all over the Kingdom.

Dek Vann competes illegally on roads and the winner wins over the Dek Skoi riding pillion with his competitor. After that, what the Vann does to the Skoi is up to the former. But it is carnal… oh yeahhh . Skois keep records of how many Vanns they slept with, and compete among Skois themselves. Damm… where was Vann and Skoi when I was a teenager.

Have no fear oh farangs and foreigners who are Vann wanna-be. The scooters of the Vann cost only an average SGD800. With our middle age income level, we could buy a Harley and cream them Vanns. Oh yeah.. we can screw a Skoi every week, day or every hour. Just ride your big ass bikes into a group of Vanns & Skois and do your stuff. If you are over 50.. do prepare bags of Viagra.

…. How shitty I can’t ride a bike.. I am a bike idiot. However we do have plans to sponsor a bike for our technician, on the condition he must win races and win us 3 Skois per day.

Sex crazed aye?… Amazing Thailand.

Explosions Everywhere

No, its not 9-11 in Bangkok, only thing you can 9-11 here is Baiyoke Sky Hotel. No, it is not the southern insurgents blowing up people here. And no, it is not Takshin’s revenge to set off the explosives at the telephone booths. Ever since the end of October, the country has a widespread phenomenon. Firecrackers and fireworks set off every now and then. The Kings birthday is around the corner, and so is the Floating Lantern festival. The Loi Krathong (floating lantern) is like an annual prom event. People are pairing up boy girl, guy gal, man women, old man old lady and of course man and man to celebrate the event by releasing the fireballs into the river by the couple. It is suppose to be romantic. Weather is cool now, onset of winter is here. Bang bang in the sky …. bang bang in the bed.