Monday, January 30, 2006

Oh Shit... Canada made me FAT

Back from Canada, first words that came out from my colleague’s mouth as I strolled back into the office: “You fat already….. (in Thai)”….

Blame it on the cold. Like how bears gobble salmons to store blubber for keeping themselves warm during winter, my subconscious mind did that to me over in Canada. I feasted on burgers, lots and lots of juicy burgers. This is temporary…. extra blubber on waist is not permanent body fixture. This is transitory stage…. I must not be fat…. I must not be fat…. Burn me waist down oh hot Bangkok sun.

Friday, January 27, 2006

I Found Perth in Canada


I’ve always wanted to try peeing in winter land and see if I can shoot yellow icicles from my wee wee. Well… I got the chance in Canada but try I will not. It was minus 18 degrees. Having my sperm factory (aka balls) instantly freezing and drop off is not exactly my idea of fun.

10 over days, just gone in an instant. I am now back in Bangkok, back to my busy life and ever increasing pile of work. Canada is a place much like Perth, but better. It is a place where Chinese don’t get whacked for no apparent reasons. It is a place where if you happen to stand by the side of the road, the cars will stop for you to cross. A place where there are Indians, Chinese, Pakistanis, Africans and Canadians all rolled into one, living in surprising harmony. It is a place where you can find double layered big Mac and wonder what acrobat your mouth will have to perform in order to consume that mutant burger. 4 layers of beef patties, no joke. It is also a place where your nipples hurts, too much wind chill.

Luckily for me, my rugged double layered fishing jacket from Australia 10 years back withstood the act of radioactive decay and was still usable. My gloves however, brought new but made in China, was useless against the freezing land. Most of the time, I did not know if my fingers were still attached while I frantically snapped away on my Canon. Pictures so many I took.

Left hand drive was a real challenge. Ever seen a squid out of water? Better still… ever seen a squid out of water in the cold half frozen to death? That was me… blur like a sotong. Hands like lost tentacles all over the steering wheel and controls. Cruise control the rental car has. Transmission gear I could not locate initially for it was stuck to the side of the steering. Handbrakes were activated by a foot pedal. Driving in snow, a whole new experience. Slide all over the road our car did for a while. It was fun. Road was wide, cars were so polite. Snow it did and the tarmac was blanketed white. The hunt for a bear that I want to ram my car into never materialized. Out rental car had full insurance coverage paid but unfortunately, we were told the wild bears were in hibernation.

Banff was the next city we took our rental cars to. The number of language calculations and transformation my brain did as my Thai navigators guided me mutated me into C3-PO, the protocol droid from Star Wars. The scenery in the outback, I cannot describe in words. See my photos and awe with your mouth so open. Stopped all over we did, jumped in and out of the car and snapped away. Every corner was a new scenic discovery, every breath out in the cold so fresh. Every 3 minutes my brain disconnects from my toes and my fingers that were warped in the lousy gloves - too bloody cold.

Calgary was where we were for our 5 day intensive training. Food was unusually delicious. Tried my first double quarter pounder. The double big Mac was too challenging for my mouth. I don’t give blow jobs therefore mouth not tuned to eat that. The pounder was wrapped in the cardboard box, the box was damp on its sides. Since when did Macs have such a soggy presentation? Our Asian Macs, all burgers so dry. But the Canadian Macs, one bite and the essence of cow leaks from the crevices of the so thick patties. I can’t help, but miss the burgers there much. The city, was dotted with Chinese restaurants opened by Hongkies. Larded in sugar the batter fried pork, beef and chicken were. As I ate, I thought of Perth. It tasted exactly the same. Chinese food made for the white skin men.

Back in my office, my skin is all peeling now. I thought you get this only from sunburn, but too much cold has the same effect as I discover now. The Canada experience hopefully not once in a lifetime. Back to Canada if chance permit I will. The white winter place so cold that my Canon ran out of juice because my battery froze to death.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Drving Along – Canada

I, me… designated driver for the past three days. Why? Becoz can read English. Thai colleagues are my navigators…. DISASTER!....

Navigator: Strange.
Me: ?
Navigator: Strange there. … Strange Strange.
Me: ??? What? Where got strange things?
Navigator: Go strange.
Me: You meant straight?
Navigator: Yes.

Navigator: Last time see mountain mai? (mai = or not)
Me: (initial blank then…) Err… I never come Canada before, never see.
Navigator: (blank face, then point to the back of road)…. There we pass.
Me: U mean just now I see mountain or not?
Navigator: Yes.

Navigator: 28 kilo leg lwee.
Me: (brain shutdown… then restart, car on auto pilot)… What???
Navigator: leg lwee…leg lwee… cold have a ice.
Me: Lake Louis?
Navigator: Yes.

I've been drivin and drivin …. Lotsa fun… but 80% of the time… my brain hangs from error in processing navigator instructions. All the destinations… they make it sound so Japanese…

Here are the Canada pictures. Look under Canada.
And the sunflower pictures in previous blog are up. Look under Saraburi here.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Canada… Hamburgers so Yummy


Ok some short free time in Canada for bloggin.

We, me and my 2 Thai colleges, had our first Canadian meal when we arrived on Saturday, A&W. Why… coz we dunno where to eat and hungry like F. Hamburgers…. First bite… the aroma of the beef… I can only say.... Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hamburgers… they taste different in different countries.. and who would expected A&W to taste so good. Rankings… A&W Singapore: 4/10, service too slow, run by minas with bo chap attitude, burgers are small like those in Thailand. A&W Thailand: 3/10: can finish burger in 2 bites, so weak and flat, beef so lousy and dry and it takes you forever to tell the cashiers what u wanna eat. All they say is yes or nod their heads without having any idea what you are talking about. Then their brains shutdown (you can tell from their eyes and blank face) and you have to repeat all over again. A&W Canada: 10/10, served by strange immigrants with strange assent, fast service, burgers so big and juicy, grilled to perfection. Mmmmmmmmm. Expensive though.

Now… just had my bath a while ago. Soaked myself a good 30 minutes in hot bath tub. 3 men, staying in one room. Toilet = filthy. 3 men using one toilet and u can see lots of curly hair on the floor. I am always the last to take my shower, so it is definitely not me that is shedding. I’ve notice this shedding for 3 days straight. What’s with all these curly pubic discards? Thai people not used to freezing cold so they are shedding their summer genitalia fur for new winter coating? (I see animals do this on Animal Planet) Dunno…. But I guess to find out… when I get back to Bangkok, I have to place my girlfriends CB in front of full blast air-conditioning for one hour straight to see if she starts shedding…. That will definitely be a challenging feat.

Gotta try to sleep… its 1:13 am now… still having a jet lag. Its 3:15 in Bangkok… Goodnite dudes.

Snow Snow Snow!!!!!!

Me in Canada!!!! Busy now. Will update more later.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Xmas and New Year in Bangkok

Ever since I came back from Singapore last month, I been drowning in a sea of work. That will explain why I’ve not been bloggin lately. Summary of life since last blog:

  • Work.
  • Work upcountry (on Chirstmas).
  • Work everywhere.
  • Brought a small wabbit to keep GF company while I busy with work. However murderess girlfriend killed the small fluffy fellow in three days. You are not supposed to change the diet of small wabbits suddenly. It will diarrhea until die. No more wabbits for her.

  • Christmas…. Brought myself a big present. Peugeot Mi16. 1900cc twin cams. 150hp. 1100kig. Not very fast like my past Civic, need some major work to make it fast. No fuggin time to mod it now. TEN years old. Its cheap, new paint job, but internally, mechanics are all wacky. Imagine you walk all day with your balls leaking sperm. Get the picture? It is now spending a lot of time in the workshop.

  • New year. Squeezed time out for a one day sunflower tour. Sunflowers everywhere!!!! Really… whole darn field of them. Will put up the pics when I am really free.

  • Found one darn good place for dim sum. Only one I can call real Chinese food in Thailand. Guys…. All dishes… 60 cent!!!!
  • Work…
  • Work work….
  • Going Canada for training Saturday…. Work….
  • Now sick with flu.... shitty shitty....