Stress in Bangkok

When I am eating, I am on holiday. When I am sleeping, I am on holiday. When I am in the toilet, I am on holiday. When I am smoking, I am on holiday. Whenever I am not on my computer I tell myself I AM ON HOLIDAY. I am on holiday because I am in Thailand, away from Singapore. So anytime when I am not working, I am on holiday. These are the things I tell myself to prevent going crazy. I am stressed from work. Too much work.





Past Saturday, me and gig was looking for a place for dinner. We wanted to have seafood by the shores of Bangkok and so we drove south. We stumbled upon undiscovered territory. This area of Bangkok has elevation profile so low that when the tide gets high, water is everywhere.







Saw factory outlet, therefore shopping time. I liked this place. Bad business, no noisy crowd. Peace and quiet.





Stumbled upon boat ride without knowing where it is going, except that it says Bangkok shores tour or something. This place, no tourist knows because it is nestled in the neglected areas of Bangkok.



Boat transverse the marsh waters of Bangkok in the network of farms. It reached the open seas where the boatman said that on occasions, they get to see dolphins. There right at the edge of the water, stood a restaurant. And the boat is the only method of transport to get there.





So we dined by the sea, the sea wind marinating the food, drinks and my big fat body. It was a short period to rest my mind, detached from work. I call it holiday.

Da DoGGie Code

Decode this....



... quite shocking....

I Boycott Shell Thailand

Recently, Shell petrol stations here started to give out fridge magnets. However, the attendants are buffalos. Buffalos without brains. Several times I have paid using my cards for petrol and they returned my card with the bloody magnet next to it. Then when I go shopping, I can’t use my cards as the machines can no longer read it.

Told the bloody attendant about the problem but they bo-chap. These low-knowledge people do not have credit cards… so they never knew this problem I guess. They are gaping stupid ass holes without any common sense. No more Shell for me.

I love Shell, but she turned stupid on me.

The Guards R Gay

Recent additions to the apartment blocks I am staying in are 2 young and well groomed security guards. Neat cut hair and tidy uniforms. Different from the usual old sloppy ones we have around.

This morning I saw them frolicking in the garden of cars in the parking lot. Holding hands, giggling as they patrol, playing god knows what I touch your left ball and you touch my right ball romantic games.

Disgusting? No… after almost two years in Thai, this seems the norm.

Daily Thai

Sent to me by a friend, the above shows the possible things that could happen in Thailand. Even when substation is flooded, the operators still hangs around, in their underwear.

Other very strange and sometimes frustrating stories:

Paid to use the highway but got stuck after the tollgate because the police blocked the highway for VIP. So we pay to be stuck in a jam.

Watched DaVinci Code but when they spoke French, there are only Thai subtitles. Fug the movie industry here that ignores the minority English speaking population.

Thais are educated since the beginning of childhood never to throw any solid objects into the toilet bowl. As such, majority of the toilet here have a disgusting bin next to the toilet bowl that contains all the soiled toilet paper.

When thunderstorm, sure have power failures.

The temperature in the hot months can drop to 22 degrees Celsius on some strange nights.

Employees never want to use the highways because they have to pay the toll fee in advance. They prefer to be stuck in the jam and waste petrol that the company pays.

90% of guys here have more then one girlfriend. Girls here don’t like Thai guys and they jump at any opportunity on the foreign man.

The Zouk like pubs here are meant for Europeans. Girls in such pubs never want to talk to anything that looks Asian. Thai version of Sarong Party Girls. If you are yellow you will be welcome more elsewhere.

Drivers here do not how to use the circle. They were never taught to, considering the crappy driving test system here. As such, many accidents occur at circles. Drivers here cannot comprehend the meaning of the speedometer. They have no sense of speed nor braking distance.

Observe during wedding ceremony, whose hands is above gripping whose when cake cutting. That will determine who controls who after marriage. Marrying couples sometimes wrestle on the stage over this discreetly.

They wash the dead people’s face with coconut water as a soul purifying process.

Most sausages bought from street side stores are strangely sour and gives you a feeling that you are eating rat meat.

K… enough…. More next time. Experience the Thai way of life. Not be tourist, be embedded here.

Thailand's Wannabe

Knowing ones one limits and capabilities is something genetically missing from majority of the Thai brain. Thai people have some odd behavior. Soak yourself here then you will know but share I will.

Mr A wanna be a manager. And so we made him one. Bosses his employees around and injected hierarchical fears into them sure he did. But all left him quitted the company. For one thing, all his people were good workers… efficient, hardworking and knowledgeable, traits Mr A does not have and they knew it. I liked them. When employees are faced with a situation beyond their own decision control, approach the immediate manager they will for advice. Mr A would be approached and his advice back will be oh-shitty-stupid. Not only did that dismayed the employees since they were expecting a wise answer, but turned away the customers he did. However some customers were smart to realize that they have an intelligent edge above our Mr A. They ate him for breakfast. The company lost money through one sided contracts.

When Mr A does site, worse. Answer to questions by customers contains only diminutive amounts of intelligence, relative to size of brain in spacious skull compartment. And he will be calling all over the world to look for me or my partner and we have to answer for his so simple technical related questions. Looks stupid in front of the customers isn’t it? So… if one has not enough knowledge then one should self improve? But not so the majority Thai personality. Mr A just spends more time bossing his people around calling for meaningless meeting and act smart. And the result is we lost our good workers because they can’t stand him. Mr A can’t think nor judge. And the things we teach him so many times over do not stay. Not only that, the advice we tell him, he does not follow. His memory is volatile. If only we could squeeze a 200GB 7200 rpm hard disk into that spacious compartment between his skull and brain. His personality is stubborn, sort of the like skid marks in the toilet that your shit leaves behind. Zero smart capability and yet manager wannabe. Exhibited every characteristics of empty vessels making the most noise.

Don’t ask me why we did not fire him. It’s a Thai thing… give chance for time to learn… even if it takes a decade.

I am in a car now actually, some free time to type a blog. Next to me is this new nerdy chap that I just hired. He can’t drive well. Just got his license 1 year ago and only capable of auto transmission cars. He seldom drives. Occasionally he drives around his neighborhood for groceries in his parents’ car. To let you have a better idea of his logged driving hours, he had driven with hand brakes on for a smoldering 5 minutes when we were just out of office in the morning. However, we are now traveling at 160 on the highway to site… and the way he negotiates situation causes my balls to shrink to size of pea. Pea can shoot out from banana when in traumatically frightening situations. Hero wannabe not knowing limits and consequences wanna drive the Toyota like a V8 car. I asked him… is this his first time driving long distance. Nodded he did. And yet.. this speed. I am stopping my blog now… gonna screw him and swap drivers in the coming petrol station. I still want my life.

In Deep Shit

My assumption of just snapping the speedo cable was 100% misjudged and 100% wrong. The loud snapping sound was the alarm relays going on and off at a very fast rate.

My timing belt broke. My engine is gone.. This is very very shitty.

Landed at Airport

Announcing the arrival of flight Mi16 from “toll way” at gate “beside the road”. She has zero engine power and had made an emergency landing, without brakes.

Was bloody driving to site 600km away this morning. There was a loose speedo cable in my dashboard. It had been making a lot of clicking noise for the past few weeks. I had imagined the cable snapping and twirling all over inside my dashboard so hard that it cuts the surrounding cables loosed, shorting every circuit and causing mayhem.

It happened… this morning.

Was beginning my journey out of Bangkok in the morning. Was at my using cursing speed of 140 when the soft clicking sound turned into a loud series of snaps followed by instant engine failure and Christmas lights on the dashboard.

Fugged big time… on an elevated toll way with no power and fast traffic. Saw exit on left leading to international airport terminal. Swerved left and out of the toll way. Then realized the descending slope lead to a sharp u-turn ahead and I had no fugging brakes. Put low gear into action and heard engine made a lot of strange noises as the computer controlling it is out of action.. lots of exhaust backfiring… pop pop pop… like some supercar… had to use handbrakes as well to decelerate. Negotiated the turn and proceeded to the next descend using a balance of hand braking and the car’s momentum for controlled forward motion. The car rolled on… and on… and finally I eyed a nice spot beside the VIP building and just rolled my car into the position. There I was… beside the road… in the bloody hot sun. Was there… waiting for tow truck. Searing sun suddenly turned into heavy downpour after I cursed the weather. Then I became partially drenched chicken as I ran for shelter.

What a fugged day. Back in Bangkok… appointment rescheduled.

Searing Sun

The past weeks happening…. Lets see…

You know these are the hottest months when u reach home for shower in the night and the water is warm. I do not have a heater by the way.

The weather is so hot that stupid pigeons keep getting knock down by cars because they are dizzy. Some more dead birds that were ran over by cars in the parking lot.

Amazingly… maybe because of the weather, birds get to shit sideways. I found a big splat of bird shit under the cover of my car’s door handle.. impossible, unless car is turned sideways with door facing skywards. Now I am still wondering how the hell the shit got under there….

When I say my car is Peugeot (pew-geo or purr-geo as we in SG pronounce it) no one knows. They pronounce it purr-yo.

Stupid Honda jazz thinks he very the powderful came to tailgate me for a race. I blew him away leaving his engine breathlessly roaring at its 90bhp. BUT… strained and broke something in the undercarriage. Car was swerving left right center for the next few days as something on left wheel that controls steering got loosed. Darn.. .

Still cannot find a lot of time for myself, have time for myself to do what I want to do myself. Fugging work.

So many fatal motor bike accidents lately.. weather must be baking their brains within helmet. Also saw big pickup overturned on highways when I was going to site. So many accidents.

90% of the people in Bangkok are not from Bangkok. When there are long holidays such as Songkran, the traffic in Bangkok is so good… so little cars… so not congested and everywhere that took 1 hour to get took only a mere 20 minutes.

Petrol prices kept going up… now standing at about SGD$1.20 per litre for 95. It used to be just around SGD$0.90.

The climate now is searing hot… avoid Bangkok unless your option is for baking your body.

A Time for Myself

Finally….. some time for myself. Songkran is over, same water splashing ritual all over Thailand. Very happy festive mode all over the country. And where was I? I was working, working and working. Worked 24 hours at site one of those days. Ridiculous. I need a break. Sometimes I wonder… to know more, or not to know more is better (Translated from Thai: Roo yer, ler mai roo de kwai? Arai dee?)

I am now, in the car wash. My car pampered by the washers. Sitting in the car wash café with its small garden next to the pond. Yet another small speck of luxury in the middle of cosmopolitan messy Bangkok. My coffee, my ash tray. And my new HP notebook, with my Wireless CDMA internet connection. This is life.

Reading Koon and Orgu blog. Wow… koon in Taipei again. Watch the food dear… legs growing out like trunks from under your skirt. And Orgu… your blog is very educational, very interesting and entertaining about the 4 Vices. However, here is my analogy:

VICE 1: Gluttony- eating too much:
Coz there is too much nice food in Thaland. Images from eyes and smell of food overwhelmed brain. Neurons in brain short circuit.. Causes mouth to lead body to food. And mouth control brain.

VICE 2: lim jiu- drinking too much:
Thirsty. Need water…. And here, some beer cheaper then mineral water.

why blackouts occur when i drink too much..
Because over-drink. Simple answer. And memory blackouts occur because the place where we have drinks are normally dark, can’t see anything clearly.

what's real - there are people who jump into small fountains when drunk.

How to avoid drunkness
Over-indulge in Vice 1. Too full for beer.

VICE 3: smoking- why i crave :
Oral fixation, better to suck on a ciggy then another man’s equipment.

what's real - Ciggys are only SGD$2++ here, big pack.

VICE 4: Gambling - why my hands itch
Because nothing else to do, or too much money dunno how to spend.

what's real - mahjong may cause brain to stress so much and sometimes causes Vice 1 2 and 3.

Un-caged Yellow Birds

This blog entry has nothing to do with the two birds mention killed in the last entry….

Another week gone by, another mad week of driving in and out of Bangkok. Another week of work, another week of meeting the endless queue of people from Singapore. My ex girlfriend was here and so I finally had the chance to bring her to a good real Thai dinner. It was good to see her again and be briefed on the life of others I so not seen for long.

Time. Where are they? Gathered in all the small fissures of work periods, meetings and ridiculous project schedules. How can I gather them altogether? I need time management. I can’t work like a machine. I will burn a fuse sooner or later. I need time for breaks and to catch up with people around. But for now I can’t rest, I have to work to the limits of my capabilities. But for this stage of my life, when one is still in the mid of nowhere burning fuel fast towards one’s final dream, one can’t rest. I want to overwork my mental pistons and yet I want to rest. I want to be lazy and yet I want to excel. Where am I?

I have to juggle all jobs at one go, with only one self, one mind and one body. This land is lacking in engineering skills and professional workmanship. I showcased my talents and suddenly I landed myself in a deep work ditch. Expectations from others I know has now been set at a new height. I drove myself into this. I will work on. I will learn on. Oh shit.

A long time ago, I was a lazy soul embedded in a cycle of everyday mundane work. Knowing what will come the next day, and how little work I should do. I was just the typical employee, do what I am paid and please not ask more of me. Then when I self picked a skill not related to my work, I told to myself, someday it be useful. I never knew this decision could land me here and now, ten years later.

Everyday, I look mentally at my friends back home. The same life everyday, the same routine. The same small land. The same places to go for dinner. The same places to go for show. And surprisingly, the same category of complains and mental state from so many different people, from all walks of life. There is only so much they can do back home. Most of the time, a beautiful dream there, can only be a dream. The environment does not allow for them to steer towards a dream, unless of course they are fitly rich. However, the good side is life will be more or less predictable. They know what’s coming and they know their life is dependable on everything surrounding that they can find or live in. Life is controlled, safe and certain. And all, share one common goal. Work, get married, pay through nose for house, have kids. Die.

But here I am, in land of uncertainty. Don’t know where my guts came from but it must be in my blood. My cousin once said, that all in our family are weird. Where our ancestors tried so hard to move into an island so far away from China, we, this generation has exploded like the sparks of fireworks out of the Island. She is in Hong Kong. Another is in States. And more are all over the world, but never in Singapore. We share the same elements in our blood. We are birds not to be caged. We are too big for the Island.

My family are not the only ones that has outgrown Singapore. There are many of us now. I have met others form the Island and some have really impressed me on how they blended in. There are many of us here now in Thailand and other places. And I discovered we have one distinct characteristic that people on the Island does not have. We have the inner peace and satisfaction glowing beyond the boundaries of flesh and skin. We are happy, we the un-caged yellow birds.

2 Birds Killed in One Day

Pigeons… Was driving into office when I saw pigeons on the parking lot. Klunk…! One down and I saw a pile of feathers in my rear view mirror. Then later on, when I was removing something from my car, on came another car and I heard a Pop!. Another pile of feathers on the floor. Didn’t know birds go pop when run over by cars. Suicidal birds, stupid birds.

Working with Thais

Almost 2 years ago, Mel, Evan, Brian, Ah neh and me was sitting at a kopi tiam before I started my life in Bangkok. As usual I cracked my stupid slapstick jokes and Mel said.. “Imagine Kings cracking all these stupid jokes in Thai…” .. I made it. Now I can. I am now mostly independent and my partner can leave me alone to work with Thais.

Blog has not been updated lately. Am just busy, not killed by angry anti-Singapore protestors. Worked at a town called Kaeng Khoil. I was at a power plant construction site for more then a week, driving in and out of Bangkok.

Yesterday I drove in a sudden heavy gale and downpour back into Bangkok, alone. Scary as hell. Lightning when touchdown 200 meters away, was a beautiful ball of green radiant fire, followed by fireworks of equally green luminescent sparks. It was terrifying beauty as the tarmac lit up shimmering green in reflection, followed by the plunge of darkness as the street lights went out. The sky was lit green every then and then as the thunderous blots was striking close by. Green, the color of lightning as I only found out yesterday.

My Peugeot was not happy with all the heavy driving. It has died once again. Brakes jammed this morning and smell of burning metal discs. Now it is in the work shop again, my mechanic grinning as I, his customer, in my car crawled into his garage.

Working with the Thais has been pretty interesting, especially if you are the lone foreigner in the sea of their men. Someone would walk up to me and consult on a technical issue, and I would answer like a retard. Then they would realize my alien originality, and what followed will be communication at 50% efficiency. But I got my message through.

After a first few day there, all would have known me by then… and then all hell broke loose.

“Thai girl pretty… u like?”

“You marry? Have girlfriend? Want to go massage?”

“500 baht beside hotel… very good… very good….”

Those are just some of the stuffs they talked to me in English… and after they realized I can communicate rather okay in Thai…

“What do u want to ride to night? Tiger or Elephant…?” I was at dinner with them. There was a Tiger Beer and a Chang (Elephant) Beer promoter nearby.

“Eat these friend frog skins, it is delicious. After you eat all of them you will be very STRONG MAN…” They were referring to genital performance.

“Good book… read!” I was in the middle of a very difficult technical issue when one of them pop a Japanese porn magazine and flip it opened, revealing all the oh-my-Buddha so beautiful round things. I had to start solving the technical issue all over from the start again.

“There is a condom called KingDome, some has studs… it is very thin…. Blah blah blah…” That was when I was typing a report and they were trying to make fun of my name. I had to redo one page of my report.

I learned, the Thais are really beautiful funny and friendly people. Even when working, they have these relax and joking attitude. It is good… it makes work easy for me as I delivered each and every technical solution. If there is a big problem, they just crack some genital related jokes on me. And so do I. And I will correct the problem and get back to them, my friendly customers.

Red Blue Pill

Am sick for a week downing pills and all. I can’t rest for I have to work. Been out country for over a week. I had a dream that I was driving. When I looked at my dashboard, I see not my speedo but just lines of coding. My name is not Neo, nor close to Agent Smith…. Curse that matrix, get out of my dream. I want to slumber, sleep in peace.

Brain Breakdown... Car Breakdown.. Cock still can use.

I drove out of my office after Sunday work yesterday. I stepped the clutch pedal and then “Pueng!!! Trakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk” … FUG!. No clutch. Death of my Mi16… once again. Clutch cable snapped.

Its been shitty lately. I had to teach when I was having a high fever last week for two days. I worked non stop everyday till midnight. I am having a cold now, I have a bad throat, I had fever and my body shivered in class. And I had nightmares about work. I cant sleep.. when I sleep, visions of my coding and solutions came up my mental screen. When I am about to fall deep into slumber.. my imaginative program crashed and I had to wake a little and I thought of solutions that makes my products better. I am dead meat, for now… Thanks to a 500MW plant project nearby, 2 hours away.

My interviewee never turned up today at 10am. F the engineer who dare not face me for an interview. He must have known he sucks, and resume is just a bunch of bull. I could have slept.

I say Holiday. I am going for a three day beach holiday, I have to de-stress… that’s after I pay through my nose for my car in the workshop later in the afternoon.

Rally Rally

I ain’t into politics so I have no idea what’s going on, but it is kinda like a sudden election thing going on here in Thailand soon. Election means mass rally and cars with loudspeakers going around promoting the political groups. We have in Singapore the trucks with loud speakers going blah blah blah. Put a picture of the political person up the front of the truck and it would look like he died with the campaign speech so monotone alike its prayers for the dead. Similar events here in Thailand. But….

I was having my lunch at the roadside kopi tiam. Then very loud Thai pop music got nearer and nearer, then pickup emerge in the small one lane road with big big posters promoting a particular political figure. Music… not boring speech of blah blah blah. Loud bass thumping Thai pop music. Amazing, sort of shows the light hearted land of smiles side of wonderful people in Thailand.

Now to the darker side of things….. Thanks to Temasek Holdings Singapore buying up AIS, seems there is a “I hate Singapore” thing going on here now. In addition, I see the red crossy sign of UOB popping up here and there in Thailand. Wonder what other Singapore things I will see next. Singapore… what the heck is Singapore doing… buying up everything here just because its cheap?? I got a call from a friend… asked me to be caution… stay home. Why??? Read on...

Extracted from The Nation, Bangkok, 07 March 2006...

ANTI-THAKSIN PROTEST PAD stages protest at Singapore embassy A group of 50 members of the People's Alliance for Democracy rallied in front of the Singapore Embassy Tuesday afternoon demanding Temasek Holdings to cancel its plan to buy shares of Shin Corp. The protesters carried banners, saying "Temasek Get Out" and "Thailand is not for sale" outside the embassy. They turned up at the embassy at 2 pm. They chanted "Temasek get out" for about 20 minutes until Michael Chuan, the secretary of the embassy, came out to receive a letter from Somsai Kosaisuk, a PAD leader. The open letter demanded Singapore Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong to cancel the deal with Shin Corp by Thursday or the PAD would campaign for Thai people to boycott goods from companies under Temasek Holdings. The letter said the Singapore government would be regarded as interfering in affairs of the kingdom, which could affect the national security. The letter said the PAD would not cancel its campaign against Shin Corp and Singapore until the deal is cancelled and it added that the PAD would return to rally outside the embassy again on Thursday. Vuthiphong Pribjrivat, an academic who has helped organise weekly rallies against Thaksin, said protesters would march to the Singapore embassy by Thursday to ask the city-state to "reconsider the takeover". "We will inform the Singapore embassy that the Shin Corp deal has created a lot of political problems," Vuthiphong said. At 2:30 pm, a group of some 30 students also marched from Lumpini Park to the Singapore embassy and submitted a letter to the embassy's secretary, demanding the cancellation of the deal. Chua assured both PAD and student representatives that their letters would be forwarded to the Singapore government as soon as possible. Singapore's state-linked investment company Temasek bought a nearly 50 per cent stake in Shin Corp from Thaksin's family in late January. Thaksin's family made Bt73 billion on the tax-free deal, sparking public outrage that has snowballed into mass weekly protests against the prime minister. Earlier Tuesday before the protests, Foreign Affairs Minister Kantathi Suphamongkhon said the Singapore government did not inquire about rallies which the anti-Thaksin coalition would stage outside the Singapore embassy in Bangkok. Kantathi said Singapore understands the situation well but Thai police would ensure that would be no problems to the embassy.

I say Holiday

And so I said… I want a holiday, I need a break. I went. Hua Hin was where I decided to be. Well not exactly Hua Hin, but a place further down south known as Ta-Kiab or something like that. Have time will travel. Gig and me explored and found this next town. Quiet and peaceful - tranquil.


I worked by the pool on my notebook. The wind so strong, the coconut tress swayed in coordination like synchronized ballerina. My working holiday and if only everyday could be this good. Not a soul to interrupt my concentration, a far contrast to office. Only the sound of breaking waves and the gentle soothing roar created by the breeze that blew passed my ears. Broadband in nature enabled me to upload my work. It was nirvana for the programmer.

In the morning, we walked by the shore among the debris of sea shells. The breaking waves caressed our every step on the powdery beach. Five horses stood nearby as a tout came to approach. No… ain’t gonna pay for some stupid horse ride meant for tourist. In the night, we ate around town. Drove over to Hua Hin which was of completely different atmosphere. Whole street full of foreigners. Lights, pubs and music, very touristy. The placed had turned Pattaya. Drove and explored the locale, a place stranger to many Singaporeans. Secret beaches and local restaurants sprawled on the sand, temples amazingly embedded on the mountains. It was like reliving Perth where once I was the lone Asian schoolboy adventure among friends who discovered nature spots too many for scenic pictures and good fishing.

Now… the trip was not all sweet like glistening honey. I drove for two hours and then kaboom. Tire exploded. When I came to a stop, my front left was smoldering and the rubber fumes was foul. The rubber had dislodged and my rim was close to scraping tarmac. We had to walked under the blazing sun and discovered a kind hearted car detailing workshop guy who drove us to get new tire and even helped with the replacement. Speeds of 140 does amazing things to your rubber. It melted. Tire was deformed when the mechanic removed it.

And… last Friday… someone stole my camera. I left my room unlocked. Some idiot walked right in and took my camera from my bag. There is theft in our office since last year and till date, we have not caught him/her yet. Wish his father mother die and his son and daughter born with no backside. Nin nambeh.

I Eat Kee Lee Co

Kee Lee Co…. what the heck is kee lee co???? That was when I figured gig was talking about the Glico snacks. It is strange how Thais name the foreign products. Then there was Why-rus…. My brain hangs in the middle of my training. Then I realize my students are talking about computer virus. Virus = Why-rus. I conducted my training nowadays in Thai. Must be doing something correct here in Thailand if I can conduct lessons in Thai language. Stressed out flat though. From nothing I learned to finally speak their language. Half fug still I am, but communicate my knowledge through I did. My students understood me.


The past weekend I had to dig time out from nowhere to go with gig for a boat trip. Hot as hell the weather was. But kinda enjoyable was the trip. A holiday that never ends as I did mentioned before, my life in Thailand. See photos here under Bangkok Boat Trip.


I had to rush to my customer’s place on Tuesday. With my colleagues I went, but no one sent me back as they had to continue on to visit other customers up north east. So I had to take the bus back. 6 hours. 32 seater coach, not even VIP to my standards. But little specks of luxury are scattered in the midst of Buddha land. The seats on the coach had massage features built in, but it was hard to figure out operating as everything was in Thai. Seat might have snapped shut and ate me alive if wrong buttons were pressed.

Kee Lee Co….. still ringing in my mind. Time to pack… time to go home. I am tired.

Thai Pubic Holiday

Nothing pubic or regarding groin area here.... heheheh

Tomorrow is another Thailand holiday, yet again. Oh yeah… all employees happy like bird. But me… now working in the office on a SUNDAY. As usual….

Asked gig what holiday tomorrow is… some royal birthday again? Buddha came down from sky day? Some big holy monk’s birthday? … And she tried to explain to me in her best English Thai vocab.

Once upon a time long long ago, in a land so far far away, there was a great meeting where many monks attended. Then the Buddha came without invitation. That’s the juice I roughly got from her… something like that. So… in essence, Buddha came from sky and crashed ZoukOut for monks… They made it a holiday.

Monday’s holiday is where last year, I went to temple and walk three rounds and had bloated eyes from all the incense fumes. No temple for me this year… no way… no thanks, especially with my infected wisdom tooth.

Error 500 Internal Brain Error

Wisdom toothache + headache + can’t eat solid food + work = fuck the world. Next week dental appointment to correct equation.

Reptilian Dinner

Last Saturday night… dinner in the south of Bangkok where sea meets land. Took gig and me forever to get there as we were lost most of the time. This place, known only by locals, has numerous seafood restaurants build above swampy waters.

As we had our outdoor seafood dinner, a brownish house lizard pop onto the table walked around among the dishes ignoring our presence and hunted for insects. I “boo” the lizard and it stared back at me. Then it walked away only to come back onto the table again later. Weird. Most house lizards would have scrambled in the near presence of humans.

We were sitting by the edge of the water. Then a water snake came out of the murky depths and entwined itself on a stick that was less then two metes away from us. Pretty wired outdoor dining experience aye? If this was back in SG, you would have seen panicky parents pull their child so fast away from their seats that their underwear drop out. You would have seen loud mouth bossy human nature demanding the presence of the manager to complain about the unhygienic lizard or girls screaming and flipping the tom yum soup in their hasty arms flinging state of hysteria.

This is Bangkok… welcome to a day in my life.

Nightmare

Nightmare means waking up from a dream and feeling all tensed, scared, and fearful of those fresh images still so vividly imprinted, your heart rate at a no reason high in the middle of the tranquil night. I dreamt that I woke up, in Singapore.

Oh Shit... Canada made me FAT

Back from Canada, first words that came out from my colleague’s mouth as I strolled back into the office: “You fat already….. (in Thai)”….

Blame it on the cold. Like how bears gobble salmons to store blubber for keeping themselves warm during winter, my subconscious mind did that to me over in Canada. I feasted on burgers, lots and lots of juicy burgers. This is temporary…. extra blubber on waist is not permanent body fixture. This is transitory stage…. I must not be fat…. I must not be fat…. Burn me waist down oh hot Bangkok sun.

I Found Perth in Canada

I’ve always wanted to try peeing in winter land and see if I can shoot yellow icicles from my wee wee. Well… I got the chance in Canada but try I will not. It was minus 18 degrees. Having my sperm factory (aka balls) instantly freezing and drop off is not exactly my idea of fun.

10 over days, just gone in an instant. I am now back in Bangkok, back to my busy life and ever increasing pile of work. Canada is a place much like Perth, but better. It is a place where Chinese don’t get whacked for no apparent reasons. It is a place where if you happen to stand by the side of the road, the cars will stop for you to cross. A place where there are Indians, Chinese, Pakistanis, Africans and Canadians all rolled into one, living in surprising harmony. It is a place where you can find double layered big Mac and wonder what acrobat your mouth will have to perform in order to consume that mutant burger. 4 layers of beef patties, no joke. It is also a place where your nipples hurts, too much wind chill.

Luckily for me, my rugged double layered fishing jacket from Australia 10 years back withstood the act of radioactive decay and was still usable. My gloves however, brought new but made in China, was useless against the freezing land. Most of the time, I did not know if my fingers were still attached while I frantically snapped away on my Canon. Pictures so many I took.

Left hand drive was a real challenge. Ever seen a squid out of water? Better still… ever seen a squid out of water in the cold half frozen to death? That was me… blur like a sotong. Hands like lost tentacles all over the steering wheel and controls. Cruise control the rental car has. Transmission gear I could not locate initially for it was stuck to the side of the steering. Handbrakes were activated by a foot pedal. Driving in snow, a whole new experience. Slide all over the road our car did for a while. It was fun. Road was wide, cars were so polite. Snow it did and the tarmac was blanketed white. The hunt for a bear that I want to ram my car into never materialized. Out rental car had full insurance coverage paid but unfortunately, we were told the wild bears were in hibernation.

Banff was the next city we took our rental cars to. The number of language calculations and transformation my brain did as my Thai navigators guided me mutated me into C3-PO, the protocol droid from Star Wars. The scenery in the outback, I cannot describe in words. See my photos and awe with your mouth so open. Stopped all over we did, jumped in and out of the car and snapped away. Every corner was a new scenic discovery, every breath out in the cold so fresh. Every 3 minutes my brain disconnects from my toes and my fingers that were warped in the lousy gloves - too bloody cold.

Calgary was where we were for our 5 day intensive training. Food was unusually delicious. Tried my first double quarter pounder. The double big Mac was too challenging for my mouth. I don’t give blow jobs therefore mouth not tuned to eat that. The pounder was wrapped in the cardboard box, the box was damp on its sides. Since when did Macs have such a soggy presentation? Our Asian Macs, all burgers so dry. But the Canadian Macs, one bite and the essence of cow leaks from the crevices of the so thick patties. I can’t help, but miss the burgers there much. The city, was dotted with Chinese restaurants opened by Hongkies. Larded in sugar the batter fried pork, beef and chicken were. As I ate, I thought of Perth. It tasted exactly the same. Chinese food made for the white skin men.

Back in my office, my skin is all peeling now. I thought you get this only from sunburn, but too much cold has the same effect as I discover now. The Canada experience hopefully not once in a lifetime. Back to Canada if chance permit I will. The white winter place so cold that my Canon ran out of juice because my battery froze to death.

Drving Along – Canada

I, me… designated driver for the past three days. Why? Becoz can read English. Thai colleagues are my navigators…. DISASTER!....

Navigator: Strange.
Me: ?
Navigator: Strange there. … Strange Strange.
Me: ??? What? Where got strange things?
Navigator: Go strange.
Me: You meant straight?
Navigator: Yes.

Navigator: Last time see mountain mai? (mai = or not)
Me: (initial blank then…) Err… I never come Canada before, never see.
Navigator: (blank face, then point to the back of road)…. There we pass.
Me: U mean just now I see mountain or not?
Navigator: Yes.

Navigator: 28 kilo leg lwee.
Me: (brain shutdown… then restart, car on auto pilot)… What???
Navigator: leg lwee…leg lwee… cold have a ice.
Me: Lake Louis?
Navigator: Yes.

I've been drivin and drivin …. Lotsa fun… but 80% of the time… my brain hangs from error in processing navigator instructions. All the destinations… they make it sound so Japanese…

Here are the Canada pictures. Look under Canada.
And the sunflower pictures in previous blog are up. Look under Saraburi here.

Canada… Hamburgers so Yummy

Ok some short free time in Canada for bloggin.

We, me and my 2 Thai colleges, had our first Canadian meal when we arrived on Saturday, A&W. Why… coz we dunno where to eat and hungry like F. Hamburgers…. First bite… the aroma of the beef… I can only say.... Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hamburgers… they taste different in different countries.. and who would expected A&W to taste so good. Rankings… A&W Singapore: 4/10, service too slow, run by minas with bo chap attitude, burgers are small like those in Thailand. A&W Thailand: 3/10: can finish burger in 2 bites, so weak and flat, beef so lousy and dry and it takes you forever to tell the cashiers what u wanna eat. All they say is yes or nod their heads without having any idea what you are talking about. Then their brains shutdown (you can tell from their eyes and blank face) and you have to repeat all over again. A&W Canada: 10/10, served by strange immigrants with strange assent, fast service, burgers so big and juicy, grilled to perfection. Mmmmmmmmm. Expensive though.

Now… just had my bath a while ago. Soaked myself a good 30 minutes in hot bath tub. 3 men, staying in one room. Toilet = filthy. 3 men using one toilet and u can see lots of curly hair on the floor. I am always the last to take my shower, so it is definitely not me that is shedding. I’ve notice this shedding for 3 days straight. What’s with all these curly pubic discards? Thai people not used to freezing cold so they are shedding their summer genitalia fur for new winter coating? (I see animals do this on Animal Planet) Dunno…. But I guess to find out… when I get back to Bangkok, I have to place my girlfriends CB in front of full blast air-conditioning for one hour straight to see if she starts shedding…. That will definitely be a challenging feat.

Gotta try to sleep… its 1:13 am now… still having a jet lag. Its 3:15 in Bangkok… Goodnite dudes.

Snow Snow Snow!!!!!!

Me in Canada!!!! Busy now. Will update more later.

Xmas and New Year in Bangkok

Ever since I came back from Singapore last month, I been drowning in a sea of work. That will explain why I’ve not been bloggin lately. Summary of life since last blog:

• Work.
  
• Work upcountry (on Chirstmas).
  
• Work everywhere.
  
• Brought a small wabbit to keep GF company while I busy with work. However murderess girlfriend killed the small fluffy fellow in three days. You are not supposed to change the diet of small wabbits suddenly. It will diarrhea until die. No more wabbits for her.
  

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• Christmas…. Brought myself a big present. Peugeot Mi16. 1900cc twin cams. 150hp. 1100kig. Not very fast like my past Civic, need some major work to make it fast. No fuggin time to mod it now. TEN years old. Its cheap, new paint job, but internally, mechanics are all wacky. Imagine you walk all day with your balls leaking sperm. Get the picture? It is now spending a lot of time in the workshop.
  

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• New year. Squeezed time out for a one day sunflower tour. Sunflowers everywhere!!!! Really… whole darn field of them. Will put up the pics when I am really free.
  

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• Found one darn good place for dim sum. Only one I can call real Chinese food in Thailand. Guys…. All dishes… 60 cent!!!!
  
• Work…
  
• Work work….
  
• Going Canada for training Saturday…. Work….
  
• Now sick with flu.... shitty shitty....
  

ChowCheeBye xPerience

Sunday night… was my last night in Singapore. I had a good time catching up with two favorite aunties of mine in Marina. And I had darn solid western food. Can’t find no good burgers and steak in Thailand.

2230 in Marina on a weekend is hell. I just remembered that it was hard to get taxi on weekend nights there. Taxi queue was darn long all over Marina, so fooking long and so slow moving. Fuck u all CHEEBYE people waiting for taxi. So 2 aunties and me walked on the pavement next to big road and waited for taxi. Fuck u all CHEEBYE taxi don’t want to stop at pavements. Then… some taxi did stop but they choose passengers. Fuck u all CHEEBYE taxi that for some reason all going back to Tampines to change shift. Aunty Jac stays in Sengkang, so near Tampines but the Taxi dun wan to go. Then eventually one Tampines change shift taxi did. But he stared at Jac like a X-Ray scanner from top to bottom and paused his eyes on Jac’s mini skirt. WTF!!!!???? Then he say ok… come to papa. Jac stared at me in bewilderment. I look back at her with a silent “good-luck with uncle horny”. Piangs.. Fuck u CHEEBYE taxi who pick up mini skirt girls (and aunties) only. I waited until 11PM ok!!

Still no cheebye taxi so I walked to the bus stop outside convention center. Why my bus never come, wait so long for 502. Fuck u CHEEBYE 502. I was perspiring like mad. Fuck u CHEEBYE weather in Singapore. 1130PM. I want to kill something already.. bus still not come. Then saw the bus timetable and FUCK U CHEEBYE SBS BIG BIG! Where got last bus at 2223 from Marina one???? So early LAST SERVICE for FUCK!! KEE KA LUM PAR TUA SUAY LIAP DUNNO WHAT TO DO.

And so I called Taxi booking. Fuck u CHOWCHEEBYE taxi booking fee. $4 just for booking??? With $4, I already can reach my office about 15 – 17 km from my Bangkok home ok????!. And the IVR put me on hold for 2 minutes no response. FUCK u NTUC Comfort IVR system.

Dragged my angry big small balls under City Link all the way to the bus stop near City Hall. Took 7 back home. Fuck u CHOWCHEEBYE Bus Fare so much more expensive then that of Bangkok. It was the last bus just after midnight. FUCK CHOWCHEEBYE EVERYTHING. I took 2 hours to reach home from the time dinner ended OK!!!? And i had not even packed my luggage for the early flight next day yet. CHEEBYE!

Now I am happy. I am home… my home is not Singapore. My heart, my soul, my home is in Bangkok. Cool December, chaotic traffic she has. All my projects driving me nuts and draining me dry end of year season. But.. I feel home.

Pacific Rim of Fire

Well… that’s how my ass hole feels like right now. Sway lah. Wednesday night and I visited the toilet every hour in the night. Thursday morning 5am and I had already dragged my damaged body to the airport for my trip to Singapore. 7am and I am in the plane and for no apparent reason I started to feel cold and shivered for the entire journey. 1045 Singapore time I was dizzy and had a darn high fever. Strangely, airport security missed screening me for fever. Ah Boon came to pick me up, saw my sorry state and so sent me all the way home.

Once home, my anus had karaoke, singing bubbly in the toilet very very frequently. I laid on the bed, on the sofa for the whole fugging day and felt so weak. Slept at 9pm. Now its 8am. I have a headache. Slept too much I believe.

I think this is the way my body is telling me that it is rejecting Singapore.

Nipple Standing Season

Huhuhuhuh….. yeah yeah winter is here (officially reported 15 Nov) However, in the afternoon… the weather is still blazing hot. It is only from the late afternoon till mid morning that’s cool….

Its been quite a while since I blogged again. Lets see…

Loi Kathong festival just over. Did what other Thais did. Went to hunt for a place to release my floating lantern with gig. Bloody packed every place that’s near the river. Buay tahan. Too darn crowded. So went to hunt for a place less crowded at some weird pier. Released my floating lantern only to see it rammed by a stupid passing boat nearby. Assholes.

Drove lone ranger style (my engineer can’t drive) all the way to Kon Kean and back for a servicing job. Its 1000km drive up north east and back. Had my meals on the hills, the petrol kiosk and such local places. Oh yeahhh the weather so cool, drive with my windows down, the cool breeze messing my hair. I am in paradise.

Weekend just past was spent traveling on the Chao Paya river on the public boat transport. Just like public buses. You hop onto the boat from the pier (yes… jump onto boat over gap of treacherous water), tell them your destination, pay a mere THB11 (40 cents SGD) and enjoy the bumpy ride. The river is very high this time of the year. You see houses along the river partially submerged in the water, the temples and some pier too. There has been lots of flooding lately. Reached my destination called The Wet (pronounce tee-wet). Oh my Buddha…. Soooo many many many big fishies… Didn’t have my camera… shit. Me and gig bought a pack of bread and fed them. There were so many…. They created quite a stir when frantically gobbling the bread that water splashed all over onto the pier. (And the Thais say this is normal…..)

Now back to work… busy like fug.

Old Man Me

Wah…. Incredible…. My office so sweet. They surprised me with cake, birthday song and a present. Shit.,,, me old man now. Big THIRTY FOUR… shit.

And I know why I got bloody toothache. Last Saturday… I went to good old Oishi buffet again with gig. For only SG$16 per pax… u get free flow of Alaska crab, abalone so juicy, tempura, salmon sashimi… etc etc etc. Eat until explode once again. As u can see… Thailand is a place where u can suicide by overeating on good food.

Me Driving License

Heheheh…. I got MY DRIVING LICENSE… legal legal!!!! Fug the strict driving test back home. I got mine here in just one day, and only cost me SG$4. Gig got hers on same day today, after only 16 hours of driving lessons in 2 weeks. Cost.. SG$140 for all the lessons.

Its quite an ordeal. Morning reach test center at 8am. Was handed a bunch of forms. All in Thai. Moody big sized woman officer talked to me in Thai only and I lan-lan try to listen. Medical test for color blind. I shout out colors in English as officer point to colors on a board. Next guy in queue came and also did the same. Officer shouted across the room in Thai “You don’t need to speak English, you are Thai, tell me colors in Thai. You are not from another country…”. Eheheheheheheheh. Theory lessons, one hour in Thai. I catch no ball. So sit in front of computer after that and anyhow press button answer questions. I passed.

Then afternoon, practical test, must use own car. I used the truck. Drove into small dead-end, reversed back out. Then parallel parked to the left in not more then 7 gear moves. Drove out and stopped before a stop sign, had to park within 25cm of the kerb, not more then 50cm away from sign. Got out of car, signed name. Passed the test. Wee hooo…..

Today is an odd day. Me and gig drove in a truck to the test center without license, and drove out with it. We were not the only ones doing that FYI. Some other guys that went for car and motorcycle test, all have no license and they drove to the test center for test too.

And I have a fugging toothache for three fuggin days straight. This is so fug. I hate going dentist. I need to go…. Maybe tomorrow..



As for this prawn picture, the biggest prawn I ever seen when having a business lunch one day. Don’t park under or go near. May be killed by falling prawn head.

2 Trips 1 Month too Many

October.over.so.darn.fast.and.i.will.be.34.soon. FUG!

Time flies. Scary as shit. Half of lifespan over. Piangs… Lao liao lao laio. Si beh sianz.

A bunch of monks came to office on Monday. Blasted the office with chants and holy water and painted graffiti on the wall. In Singapore we get lion dance but here, we get 9 monks.

See pictures here under Office Blessing 2005.

Been on 2 trips, Lopburi and Samui. Pictures here under Thai Trippin Oct 2005.

And if u notice from the billboard above, i be going SG soon on the dates specified.

Shake me Bangkok

Hey guys. I am still alive. I am still alive because I am not dead. (U must be wondering WTF am I tokking about.???) I am not dead because there was no earthquake. Beginning of this month, there were reports on news. A group of geologist has confirmed the high possibility of a tremendous earthquake hitting Bangkok between 13th till 29th October 2005. Over a million people will perish and there will be floods as high as the second story. There was a great crack discovered in jungles of northwest regions in recent years. That was a clue that Thailand could be prone to quake. Geologist discovered lost cities under the ground in north region, indicating entire civilization has perished in the past due to natural calamities.

I sit on the toilet bowl every day. My balls never even swing left to right. There was no quake. The only time the buildings was swaying left and right was when under influence of alcohol in Samui last week.



See… that’s me in the pic, still alive up on the roof doing my usual smoke in the sunset routine. Weather is pleasant now near winter. 4pm on and the sun is kind, the wind is cool.

Samui AGAIN

Guess where I went? Samui again!!!!! It was a long weekend just and my colleges decided to go there and so, yipeeyayea… Samui.


That’s where I saw the greatest big mutha fuggin house lizard in my life. Bigger then your dick and I am sure it has got no problem biting your precious extruding genital off as well. It’s a Tok-Kay. Gecko in English. It has got red spots all over and it is about a feet long.


We had drinking session in the night. See the pic… that’s the way Thai’s do it. Find place put mat on floor and drink. Then just sit talk eat tidbits until senseless and wonder like red face ghost into room and sleep.


Sea was rough this time of year. Rainy too. If you don’t wanna have sex, there nothing much else to do. Cant make love. All colleges there. And I am sure it is not a good idea to penetrate your female colleges. But… hehe my gig was there. (Do not assume I fug like a rabbit there, too much people. Not a good idea.)


Spent 2 nights there. It was a 10 plus hour drive on Friday night from 8pm till 6am on Saturday morning. On the way back, the Corolla blew its engine. I think I am getting quite use to this engine blowing up thing when on long distance. First it was the Volvo a few months back when I was in Kon Kean and now the Corolla. So we sat by the road and fed mosquitoes for a while. 10 people cannot squeeze into remaining car. We spend another night in Surat and took a bus back in the morning.

Nice holiday. Relaxing. And witnessed the death of Corolla.


And here’s a pet squirrel. Can nibble fingers off, dun play play.

Cool Bangkok Ahead

It’s the third day now, the third day when the night is cool. Breezily dry wind that chills your body. I love it. Its like early autumn in Perth. I stand in the shade on a sunny day, the air that blows is cool. I am totally stressed from work. But this feeling I get from the weather makes me bask in delight. I smoke on the roof to see the sunset. I smile for no apparent reason. I love it. Winter is here.

U there… in Singapore still sweating like pigs, ahahahahahha.

Singaporean’s one Bigger n Longer

Fug Dell crashed again on Thursday. Spend whole day reinstall everything. Think ever since ants decided to make their nest in my Dell… things are going abit cranky.



Came to office 630 am today, started working to recover lost time. Saw food stall outside selling Thai version of you-char-kuay and hum-chim-peng. All small small ones… very cute.

Since taking about food, want to tell u guys that I stumble upon bak-kuar lately. Just like then Mei-Chen-Xiang ones in Singapore. Here got one brand called Lin-Chen-Xiang. You won’t believe this….. TH$32 per 100g. That is TH$320 (SG$12) per kilo. Weeeehooooooooooooooo…. Waist expand waist expand.

Stormy Thailand

Had a fever last week and mum so kanchoing she thought I gonna die for sure of Dengue fever. C’mon…. if the mosquito carries dengue, then it will have high fever and die of dengue fever first. Also.. I smoke so much that I look like a walking fumigating machine.. no mosquito dare come near me…. Eheheheheh

Talk about smoking…. Recently Thailand had a new rule. No one is suppose to sell ciggies in public anymore. They can only sell them discreetly. So… if u need to buy smokes… u did have to walk into a shop and asked for it. They do not display it anymore. Its hidden. Still… I can live with this, much better the SG$10 (THB$250) ciggys in Singapore.

Cousin of mine came again and went back. Invited me to attend his wedding in October. Whats with this year??? So many people getting married. Already have 3 that I know in October alone. Spawning season??? Nay… didn’t go back for any of them at all. Too busy with work.

And.. its been raining and raining everyday. Gale wind darn fierce. Stay at home watching The Day After Tomorrow live outside my apartment. Wind blew rain skywards, visibility zero. More then 20 lightning per minute. Solid… never seen anything like this before. Then flood flood flood. Heard that in some parts of Thailand when it floods, crocodiles come to visit your house.

Rain means terrible traffic. Got stuck in the car park trying to get out of a shopping complex. 15 minutes and I turn my car into the nearest lot then continue to shop. Give up trying to get out. Interesting… can have heavy traffic jam in car park. Never knew that could happen.

Bought pirated games to play. Ass luck…. And should have expected. The instructions on how to run and crack the games… in THAI!!!. CB… can’t play game. Have to wait for someone to help me translate text.

Some Thai friends of mine went to Singapore over the weekend. When they returned… I asked how is Singapore. Reply was expensive-and-boring. Ehehehehe… I love Thailand.

Sway Sway Week

And so read in RK’s blog its mooncake festival again. I forgot when it is already… lost my darn Chinese roots. Saw mooncakes selling in Bangkok but did not see people playing lanterns. This is Thailand… Chinese although many, cultural practices little.

Its been a sway week. Returned from lunch to find my hard disk gasping for breath on Tuesday. It went tick… gluck gluck gluck… greeeeeeeeeee… tick tick… breeeeeeeeeeeeee.. gluck gluck followed by tons of error and blue screen plus a “ni nam bu CBY” loud loud contribution from me. Also in this same week… some asshole stole my beloved giant Zippo from my table. Why in the world would anyone want that I wonder??? Things has been missing from office lately. There is a thief… and we don’t know who. Lightning will strike him in broad day and his mother will be raped. Fug him.

Brought a new 80G drive. Now my Dell fat with space but I lost my data and my work. This is arse luck.

Saw the show Madagascar, it was good… it distressed me good for that short hour or so. The hippo with the bikini crab made me laugh until die.

And Ed… are u dead… ur blog so long never update.

As for Jacq…. Yeah…. Run Forest… Run…. Run until Jacq neh neh become payaya. Good luck with the name-your-mother thing too... hehe.

Skype Mum

.... My mum uses Skype..................... !

Car Tried to Swallow Me

If you open the boot of your car really fast and with all your might, the boot will re-bounce and come crashing down right onto your forehead just when you are about to bend over into the compartment to retrieve your things.

My car tried to eat me last Saturday night. It was raining I was in a hurry. Pain pain pain pain… now fuggin balukoo still on my forehead.

Bangkok Population Survey

The majority working force in Bangkok who can afford cars holds the occupational post of: Causing Major Traffic Jams. For the part-time work force in Bangkok, their main occupational post is: Causing Major Traffic Jams on Weekends and After Office Hours. The significant unemployed pool of people, freelances as: Contributor to Traffic on Roads Whenever. Bangkokians do not like to stay at home. They prefer to live their free time out in cars.

Article done based on research of Dr Kings, majored in IGotStuckInTheFugginJam,Again.

Live Screensaver

Yesterday morning.. reached office. Usual routine.. plug-in notebook turned on and had a smoke while waiting for system start up.

The first thing that appeared on my screen was not Windows. It was ants. Ants ants ants…. Everywhere ants… Ants came out from my keyboard. Ants came out from speaker socket. Ants from Ethernet socket, CD-ROM drive, the bloody PCMCIA slot.. So many small pesky tiny red ants. Every orifice of the notebook, you name it, it has ants. Ants on my screen. Can squish them and see juice all over my screen. Live screensaver.. can squish one… not bad not bad.

Ants decided to make nest in my notebook because overnight coffee mug left beside notebook is close food source.

I Wanna F*.* The World....

It was evening again… life is routine now. Most have left the office and I was still here yesterday, up in the roof. Life sucks when all around me are play but alone I stride on with work late into the night. Life sucks when my entire mind is set on work regardless of office hours but those around does not. I want to shout the F word loud but I am sure the vigilant security guard below will think I wanna jump of the roof and summon the black car.

Another new sunset I watch, another peaceful moment. It is short moments like these when I stare at nature’s painting that keeps the stress in my head from exploding.

Tranquility among Bangkok Stress

Every day if chance permits, I will take a walk right up to my office roof. My coffee, my ciggy and tranquility. In solitary, I seek silence within the bustle of working stress. The sun sets at 6.30pm. A new evening, a new painting.

Birds Use Tools

Hmmmm lets see. First of all… busy like F.

Pew, Charles, Kenny, Shin and their wives, wife to be, were all here over the weekend. Shop like some tourist they did trying to buy the whole Bangkok back to their new love nests. It was good to see them… have not laughed at silly singlish jokes for a long time. Felt darn good to see them again… an element of I-am-missing-something-from-home arise. Nowadays… encounters with good pals happen only within short burst of transient time. Next window to see them may be 3 months away. Miss them all.

Short Reports:

Saw someone with a pet Slow Loris. Didn’t know u can have them as pets. Its one of those nocturnal animals with eyes so big that if u hit its head from the back, its eyes will pop and roll onto the floor.

Mum on MSN says:

*-)AK(f)Mrs Fu*-) says: Loong, if you go to the sea, pls pls pls don't play the something flying in the sky, the one pulled by a boat, very dangerous

*-)AK(f)Mrs Fu*-) says: the wind will blow to other direction and make you get injured or killed. It happened to one of Uncle's friend recently in Thailand

*-)AK(f)Mrs Fu*-) says: no joke, ok?

First of all… no way I gonna play that. Imagine… kena bird strike… not very pleasant to have a flock of birds tattering your body into pieces. Also… fly so high… balls drop for sure. What if.. aeroplane run into u…. ok lah.. that won’t happen. But.. what if fly into swarm of hostile bees?

Then on Animal Planet… saw birds very smart. They use pointed sticks to poke into holes on trees. The stupid fat worm in the hole attacked the stick by biting. Then bird pull big fat white worm out.. and munch munch munch… didn’t know birds uses tools.

For the first time in my life… saw a durian like tortoise at some night market. Pew says that’s a Star Tortoise. It looks like half a durian and its brownish, spiky as hell, visually really dangerous. Throw tortoise on road sure can make car tyre flat. If u don’t like your friend, can strategically place tortoise on seat where his balls are predicted to land too.

Ate Japanese buffet lunch (Killer Oishi Grand at Siam Discovery Center)… THB650 SGD24+++. Better then Kushin whatever bowl back in SG. Eat eat eat… then saw Sharks FIN SOUP!!!!!!! That killed me. Then… WAHHHH COD FISH COD FISH!!!!! That really killed me. Tummy detonation.

Saw the movie Stealth. Darn good darn good.

Weekend Report

6am Saturday. Got stuck in lift. Wait in complete darkness pressed alarm bell. Wanted to smoke but no oxygen will die. So no smokes. Climbed out of lift when rescue team came. Total waiting time 20 minutes. Sway.

Krabi Weekend

Just came back. 4am reached Bangkok. Came to office straight for work.

Krabi had less people compared to the last time i went, less shops too. All the inside shops behind the front row shops, all gone.

However, delicious Krabi pancakes survived the Tsunami.

This season, waves too strong. Speed boat ride around the islands resulted in serious testicular trauma. Balls blue and black, much worse that what ah pew experienced the last time when his balls slamed flat againts the seat up in the front of boat.

Went around trekking this time round. Found some nice places.

Oh… and one other boat capsized because wave too big. All the ang mohs got thrown into water. Lucky I not on that boat. They rescued all of them. No one die.

Photos are here.

Krabi Paradise

Happy belated stinking propaganda national day F*.*ing Singapore!!! I wish u rot in Hell!

Ok… not all rot in hell lah…. hope all the friends I know there are well and fine. But… I still hate Singapore.

I got my permits… my visa, my everything. I am 1/2 Thai now. Life’s good. Yeah! Will be going Krabi find tsunami victim remains today evening. Yeah…. Crystal waters here I come.

Business Lunch

Just came back from one and half hours drive away up north. Hot like F... then suddenly now back in Bangkok, rain like F.

Meeting delayed, so we detour to have lunch. Eat prawns eat prawns.....


Life snake head fish has stick poked right through em. Then salted heavily and BBQ instantly.


Otak, Thai version.


Deep fried God knows what fish....


Ohhh yeah... come to papa.... BBQ live.


SGD$ 6 per kilo!!!!

Now... u see why my horizontal waist expansion seems to go on forever since i came to Thailand?

Mother Of Water Has Big Penis???

U guys know Bridge Over The River Kwai? Well.. River Kwai… is known as Mae-Nam-Kwai-Yai (direct translation – Mother Water Kwai Big). Kwai… very interesting word. A slight tone difference and it means Penis. Naturally, I been saying it wrong many times over.

Was around that area, Kanchanaburi, Friday till Sunday for a site visit, business meeting plus small rest and relax.

By the way, be going Krabi coming Wednesday…. Ehehehehe…

Photos are here.

Massage Thai

Uncle Presvin came along with some other biz pple from Singapore. So, met them yesterday nite for a catch up. Where to go we dunno. My back, hands and neck all tense from work.. so here we come, massage Thai (not sleazy ones ok… real Thai massage).

Nambleh… two out of the three good massage paradise around my house infested with chatty and loud Asian tourist. So we ended up at a Vej Thai massage or something parlour. Vej Thai = Vietnamese Thai style. THB$250… 2 hours.

More then 2 months never massage liao.. so.. when the old lady press on my big fat white chicken thighs… I burst into laughter. Too darn ticklish. Next… press on major blood vessels located at inner thighs with her hands and partial body weight. Blood stopped flowing to both my legs. Where blood goes I dunno… but I think into my balls. After a good minute of holding on to that position, she released the pressure gently and I could feel warmness flow down both my legs…. very very relaxing.

Next came some amazing anus stretching exercise. She bend my legs up into the air, open them wide and twist here there stretch snap and a whole lot more. I think Kamasutra went on for a good hour. Then she move up to work on my arms shoulders. Flip me like a burger next and worked on my back. Snap twist turn stretch pull me like rubber band (big and thick rubber band that is). Wow… 2 hours… after that went home sleep so good that I woke up 45 minutes late this morning. Alarm clock rang but I slept throughout.

So… late for meeting lor.

Bangkok Bus Ride

It is one of those days where all company cars are gone on a weekend because people took it for god knows what non-company purpose. So late in the night, I decided to try the public bus. Legend has it the number 30 can take me to my destination for only 6 baht (24 cents SGD).

• Bus stop has no sign indicating what bus comes here.
  
• Bus stop…. Very very dark.
  
• Bus no air con. Not surprised.
  
• Bus don’t stop fully so u had to run and climb aboard. Have not done this for 20 plus years.
  
• Bus floor made of wood!!!!!
  
• There is a conductor on bus. They have a magic tin can that contains everything. Coins, notes, bus tickets… and it goes clank clank clank.
  
• Realized that bus fare went up by 1 baht. It is 7 baht now.
  
• Engine very loud and big, beside driver at front of bus.
  
• Got small little fans attached all over ceiling twirling round and round.
  
• Must press button to stop bus. Just like Singapore… so this is normal.
  
• Got no idea when to press button because can’t see and dunno where the blardee bus stops are ahead. So… anyhow press.
  
• Bus do not stop fully for you to alight… so have to dismount and run abit due to momentum of heavy body fats.
  

A Bangkok Ghost Story

Darn scary… it was about 2 or 3 nights ago. Was driving a college back to his home late in night about 10 plus. His apartment is located deep in somewhere and the truck I drove had to go through some very narrow and dark lanes. I was on the return trip back to the main road, was the only car on the dark lanes then. Then I notice a silhouette of a man in my rear view mirror. Friggin CCB…cant see his face some more. Can only see an eerie figure floating to the right rear of the truck, swaying a bit to the left and right as I traveled. It was like the ghostly apparition was riding on the wind behind the vehicle.

Balls shrank and dropped on floor…. pee almost came out. Stay cool… maybe I was tired and this is a hallucination. Looked back at rear view mirror. Still the thing was following me. The dim street lights behind casting a shadowy ominous dark silhouette. KNN… this time die liaos… why the F is that thing following me. Step on accelerator… truck no sports car… can’t move fast, balls rolling all over the car floor. The faceless shadow was somehow attached, stuck to my rear right. No matter how fast I move or slow when breaking, it was always there… floating in the exact same position about 2 feet away.

Then I was glad to see the street lights on the main road ahead. It was like light at the end of dark tunnel.. okok drive faster… hope the thing will go away.

Kan paur tua CB. When I reach the bright roads ahead, the ghost behind me, was a blardee pesky motorbike. Drive without his CB lights on! KNN how I know it was a motorbike???? If bike behind… I sure can see his headlights mahhhhhhhhhh… why the F#@$@# did he not turn on his light?? Energy saving ah? Kan paur bye.. And his head made of metal izit??? Why never wear helmet??? If the shadow has an outline of helmet… at least I know it is a bike mahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… F#@#$#k pesky ass hole.. don’t even know basic safety road rules. No lights, no helmet.. and tailgate so close to me for f**k??? Addicted to diesel fumes izit??? Want to smell my exhaust izit??? … Ass hole.

Blardee Bangkok Spaghetti

You know u can get lost on highway? Lost for two hours on the highway this morning… going round and round and somehow reaching back to the same starting point. And all the different highways seems to be interconnected somehow. I think I just had a very good aerial (the highways are elevated here) tour of Bangkok this morning. Blardee signs… 50% in Thai. How the F I know where I am going. Did I reach my destination?? NO! These are not highways. These are blardee elevated Thai spaghetti.

Killer Aircon

Hehehe… went to customer place. Four people in total were then discussing something in his room. We were all feeling hot and perspiring. So the IT manager (aka my customer) went to check on the aircon that cools the servers located in an adjoining room. He came back hilarious. The air con was missing from the ceiling…… hehehe… smashed everything directly below, computer parts, peripherals and stuffs. Must have fell the night before.

Thailand workmanship…. Better be careful. Don’t place your bed under the aircon. Die cock stand when aircon falls on you in the morning.

Amazing Singapore???

Am i missing something here? See this paticular report form Bangkok post.. Singapore so sat-sat now ah?

If Prime Minister Thaksin is really serious about creating economic recovery then the solution is easy.

Allow the nightlife to flourish by allowing nightspots to remain open to 3am or 4am or whenever, and allow tourists to spend their hard-earned cash in Thailand instead of Singapore which now has more bars and less police harassment than Bangkok.

It is a crying shame that the most popular anecdotes swapped by visitors to this great country is about the police arresting tourists for not having their passport on their person, rather than the place for the best holiday of their life.

If Thaksin really wants recovery, he should let this country turn back into `Amazing Thailand'.

All Dogs Go To Heaven

I hate to dream about dogs. I love em too much. Phases of your lives that seems to withstand the transient of time. Lives with you forever, permanent programs imprinted like resilient virus of hard disk that no matter what you do to format, they remain there. My dogs are gone, long gone.

Why do humans have this big fug-up authority to decide on everything not capable of speech? Why do we put our dogs to sleep? Oh no…. my friend just got into a roller blade accident and his arm is fractured. Lets send him to a doctor and stick a needle up his arse, put him to sleep, he is damaged. Gee… my wife looks weird, she’s already 55 and she seems to walk slow tripping over her own saggy breast. Sent her to the doctor, put her to sleep. Why don’t all of you, put your old grandfathers or grandmothers to sleep? See the point?

Instead of nursing them dogs for all the joys you had, u put them to sleep.

Evoluton

Erm….. ok… I remember reading Orgu’s email some time ago regarding her previous working experience in Penang, about her unforgettable visit to the beach there.

Well yesterday (gig pre booked me 2-3 weeks in advanced so I had no excuse of being busy) I had to go with gig’s young energetic friends to Bang Sean (pronounced - bung sand) which is a place much like Pattaya. This place however is much cheaper, and nearer.. and is the Pattaya for Thais. Pattaya is for ang mohs and tourist and man who wanna penetrate other man or vice versa and sex tourist.

Was sitting and melting under the stupidly hot sun when suddenly I witness what Orgu mentioned…. But more…. Incredible… really really incredible. They go into the water in their full costumes… they run around in the hot sun in their full costume. Cant believe my eyes.

Software Feature

I'm gonna build this into my program someday. Why are users so stupid! Fug em!

A Typical Work Day

Today is Thursday…. Darn time pass stupid fast. Tuesday.. 6am, drove 6 hours to Kon Kean. Work 7 hours there, had dinner… then took turns with me college drove back to Bangkok. Then deep in the nite 12 am, me drove truck at 120km/h plus plus… plus a few more I guess… and out of no where.. see waving red light in front.

What the heck was that I dunno… but as I approached… see police waving. Hmm… who he waving at wah…. ? asking me to stop??? Dun look like leh… he just wave wave only… maybe he saying “hi” … so … zoom past at also… 120km/h.. plus plus plus… plus a few more lor…

Got back yesterday 2am, reach home 3am, flip in bed because Redbull for driving still in blood stream. Slept short hours, woke at 8 am, zoomed to customer place meeting until 2pm, came to office rush work and reports until 7pm, met Japanese until 12 am.. go home wash underwear and sleep …. Blah blah blah.. .

Now blogging… eyes heavy… brain stoned. Wat a wonderfully stressful life.

MSN

Some joke on MSN... and no RK (my ex payaya tree),... its not about u, really... kekekeke...





Last words in Thai are : Alot of time izit?? Why are you not working?? Want to die izit??

Honda vs Toyota

Lets see… hmmmm over the weekend… nothing much. Came to work both Saturday and Sunday.

Yesterday… went to some amusement park called Dream World with me GF.. almost died.. no have energy like I used to last time. I mean… look.. work non stop, think non stop for 5 x 24 hours per week.. plus work eating into sats and suns, naturally, very tired when the weekend is here. Want to idle, want to rest, want another holiday but I had to go to a theme park and walk non stop, queue non stop, and scare my balls with all the rides. Well yeah, it was fun, but I almost fell asleep on the roller coaster.

Nite time, swung over to office for some work. No bloody internet access at home u see. Anyway was shitting happily on the fourth floor. Then realized not enough tissue to wipe my big butt. Alternatively, I turned on wash backside tap… no FRIGGIN WATER SUPPLY!!!!!!!!!!! Had to run butt naked in towel down to first floor toilet. Nambleh.. They forgot to turn on the water pump that channel water to the upper floors.

Then deep in the nite… some goondu ran into my company car parked outside the office. Bloody hell… waste time.. go down stairs and waited for insurance representative to come. It was Honda vs my company’s Toyota. Toyota, parked stationary. Honda Civic brand new, reversed into rear of Toyota. Honda bumper sustained huge damage, dislodged. Toyota… one small dent and 2 small scratches. As u can see… Honda’s are sure die cars if in big accidents, they are soft tin cans…makes me never want to buy one if I ever gonna buy a car here.