Just Another Day in Thailand

It is not everyday that u bump into someone and discovered that she used to stay in the same apartment block as you do now. It is also not everyday that this someone tells u your apartment block has many haunting stories. It is definitely not everyday that this someone tells u your apartment ROOM used to have a woman occupant whose HEAD GOT SEVERED off and placed in the fridge.

Died Working

The only time I can work, is in the night when I am suppose to sleep. Daylight means meetings, discussion, stuck in jam, curse at lousy drivers who cut into my lane and fighting the sleepy spell. This is so F*** up! Rome cannot be built in one day …. Rome also cannot be build by one person.



Went to an interesting open air restaurant after a meeting on a day this week. Darn cool place. It even has geese… and err… some really colorful bright short leg duck (dunno what it is called but I am sure it is a duck) roaming freely around. We sat beside the stream and saw mama fish swimming around with hundreds of her little baby fishies. It was a snakehead, known to be very aggressive when protecting her young. So…. I threw ice cubes at the swarm of offspring. Mama disappears and tiny little fishies scramble all over like ants..... kakakakakaka



See… Thailand is so nice… there are many spots of undiscovered pleasantness and many things you get to throw ice cubes at. You only get to see them if you stay here like I do.

Photocopy me Please

No more Samui Updates…. Ask me if u want.. f**king busy. Stupid exhibition over weekend took up all my time.

Come back to office to be bombarded by stupid emails carrying titles like “Skinny Babe Hardcore F**king And Cumshot”, “Nude Shaved Blond Bitch F**king Black 11 Inch Cock”, emails asking you to take Viagra and whatever to make your dong so strong that if u swing it hard it breaks your dining table, and of course that innocent blank email with the virus attachments. Internet is full of cock.

And to top it off, realized that after so many days of lonely busyness, no movement in business progress for the past period because no one else seems to be worried about money and taking their own sweet time to fulfill their F**king responsibilities and instead do unproductive activities… no one else can move as fast as I and no one else can catch up…. let out a silent scream I did….. Why? Am I the only worker ant? I wish I can Xerox me. One does not deserve my respect unless one work as efficient as me. F**k the world.

Coconuts Samui

Coconuts… we just love them. Nice and sweet the fluid, cool and white the meat. Especially after sizzling your skin in the sun, one good cold coconut taste like the fruits sowed from heaven. So… we went coconut hunting. Here there everywhere, drive around for long. No coconuts! I could see coconuts for miles, stretching into the hills. Even in the distance high hill tops, you could see the distinguishable shape of the pointy leaves but no one sells coconuts!



“Coconuts are rare” on Samui but we eventually found them. Talked to the locals and asked why no coconuts. The natives of the islands said that only crazy tourist and foreigners like me will BUY a coconut. It is all over the darn place so why should they sell. They could just pick one up from the floor… Free coconuts. We are nuts to buy them.

Samui Photos

Lazy Dayz Samui

One of those sun soaked lazy days of sleeping by the pool on the island, we decided to ride them big smelly elephants near a waterfall. Touts approached us on arrival like marauding hordes of hungry ants. Kept quite… kept very quite… looked busy and let gig talked. Trying to get Kun-Thai (KT from now on) price na. Ok… tricked them. We got on the elephants at KT price.



Pace was slow… strong steps one by one, strode on like Jurassic mammals steady. We had seat belts. How interesting, why not they put airbags on the elephants as well. I worried if the elephant will miss a step, tumble and overturn. The seat belt will kill me for I will be rolled on, with the belt still secured, by the giant grey body for sure.

Wow… elephant shit looks like huge old brown coconuts. They were roundish. Saw them exit from the rear of the animal whoes huge anus was facing us. The guide, talked on and on… and so he finally discovered that I am not Thai when I expired my mental Thai dictionary.

Suddenly the guide was thrilled and spoke fast to the other guide that was then on foot. His preying eagle eye spotted something in the bush and was pointing jubilantly there and there among the outcrop. What? Gold he found? Money? Pack of free condoms? Cant make out what he was saying. That was when the other fellow went into the bush and pulled out 3 stalks of mushroom. “Tis good eat…. Happi mus-room expensive, tooo-thow-san baht. For full moon par-ti good good, wooo wooo, get happy like E (ecstasy).. buum bumm make love… happy happy..” and he went on and on and on about full moon parties, mushroom, drugs, sex and alcohol. Those innocent brownish top long white stalking fungus, were magic mushroom. First time I ever seen them.



The days always ritually ended with us back in the beachside pool by sunset. Watching the sky dim from a brilliant blue to the dark purple of the night and the stars glittering up one by one in mysterious space beyond. Sound of waves breaking, breeze of salt carrying, I want to be there again.

Samui Photos

Out of Luck with Volvo

Breaking away from Samui updates for a while… arse luck struck…

The frequency was predictable. Five seconds interval. It starts with an angry boil, fizzle bubble and steam. Then out came the water flowing and flowing. Then it stops… and it repeated. I had what looked like Yellowstone National Park under the hood of my Volvo. The smell of hot metal permeated the surrounding. The immediate area above the dead engine below the opened hood so hot you can BBQ and have metal flavored marshmallows.

1030pm, in the middle of mild traffic yesterday, I saw the temperature needle gone where it had never gone before. It a matter of seconds for some lousy luck reasons, the ominous red temperature gauge moved fast like a panicky ant towards the zone of death. The engine checked light glowed next, indicating imminent danger. Pulled my car to the side of the road as fast as I could. Opened the hood. The not so intelligent automatic cooling system turned on the radiator fan full blast and drained the battery dry. Cant start car no more. Darn f*ck luck. Stranded. Hungry, no dinner yet. And worse… no ciggy.

I Chameleon on Samui

Have to write blog about Samui in pieces. Too busy. 5 days on Samui with almost everyday I got calls from my clients. Over the last 2 day, clear all the piled up shit which normally takes 5 days to complete. Will die one. Anyway, now to continue on Samui.



Double standards, which is so wide spread on Samui. When hunting for a hotel, there are two prices. Normally the Kun-Thai price is 10% to 20% cheaper so I had to keep quite most of the time to hide my identity. The counter staff kept looking at me suspiciously as gig negotiated. The trick is to keep very silent and look busy so that the reception can’t talk to you. When the unavoidable happens, just answer in short burst of Thai (lucky I can speak some Thai now). And if they ask why one speaks weird, cook up an I-went-away-for-long-time story. Say something like your parents neglected you when you were 5 years old at Pattaya beach. A strong current came and swept you out to sea. With the floating support from coconuts, you filtered and consumed plankton from sea water through your teeth and survived for 45 days. Eventually you reached Darwin, Australian shores, where an aboriginal tribe known as WooKaNoooMookMuaw adopted you and renamed you Dances-With-Koala. You worshipped a Coca-Cola bottle for the next twenty odd years, eventually got discovered by authorities and got sent back to Thailand.



Well, the same goes for renting cars, eating in restaurants, massage and almost everything else. EXCEPT the trip back to Bangkok! Got no idea why some shops just refused to sell to Thais (fu*king racist against their own kind). For those occasions, I would start blabbering away in my native ah-beng singlish and then they would finally go to details. Darn bastards. And I had to pay B$150 more for gig's ticket because she is Thai. What kinda weird shit is this? The trip back cost me B$400 where for gig it cost B$550. Furious furious… want to take out Coca-Cola bottle and whack the life out of them assholes.



Had fun… as I got darker with everyday that I basked my naked belly in the sun, the suspicion that I am foreign faded out. I could be both Thai and foreigner, two sides of the same coin, best of both worlds under certain circumstances.

Samui Photos

[to be continued….]

7am Samui

It was a holiday to remember. Escalating stress, swelling amounts of work, I decided to break away from it all. Booked tickets on spur of the moment, by Bangkok Airways we went to Samui. Cost SG$80 per pax. Took the first flight, 6am, Wednesday morning. Went to the domestic airport and was greeted by the lady behind the check-in counter whom seem to have sand in her vagina. Not even a good morning greet nor a friendly smile, her face dark like rain clouds. Bangkok Airways sucks. Gig told me in Thailand, they do not use the phrase “have sand in vagina” to describe stuck up rude ladies. They use “ants in the vagina”… that’s new.



Arrived Paradise, 7am. The airport was a hut. Got meself a mini jeep, SG$40 per day. Took my time, drove all over the island and found the lodging of my choice. Lamai Wanta, bungalows clean and white. We took the apartment style lodging the first 2 day, for the bungalows were full. Lamai Beach, a quite destination. The tourist less compared to the commercialized Chaweng just over the breezy hills. It was low season, the crowds had ebbed away. Just a couple of roaming golden haired foreigners and the occasional street dogs lazing. The peace and the tranquility. It was fun, the first day. It was different the air. The sky so blue, the melody of the shore always near. The mountains and the greens. It was heaven.

Samui Photos

Timeless Paradise

Ever been on a real holiday? Ever been on one that you do not rush? Ever been on one that you know time is something within your grasp and not have to worry about the pre booked timeline set? Too many a times, we returned from a holiday more fatigued then relaxed. Too many a times, we wear ourselves attempting to squeeze in all activities within a restricted span of time. I was in paradise of a different kind. I had no worries. I lay by the beach under the brilliant blue skies scattered with delicious white fluffy clouds. I took my time to dream of plucking them like white marshmallows from the enormous tree of blue. I was there, Samui paradise. Spotless white beach encroached by sea of liquid crystalline cobalt and jade. White water washy sound envelops my everyday there. I stayed, for as long as I wanted. I am relaxed, I am satisfied, I had no plan and discovered as I went. Returned I did from a real holiday.

[more photos later....]