Cockles Farm

Ever wonder when flying into Thailand and you look out the window, the shorelines of Bangkok are streaky lines breaking into the dirty green sea, what they are? Well, this area is Samut Prakan, where the river empties into the Gulf of Thailand. These lines breaking perpendicular to the gulf are actually gravel roads and bunds that encircle farms of sea creatures.


These are the crab farms, fish farms, cockles and other shellfish farms, I visited one of them. Roads leading here are gravel, so when it rains there did be a high possibility that you will turn into a rally driver drifting sideways smashing into the pond of a million crustacean forming the livelihood of the simple people. When it rains, especially during a high sea tide, the proper roads leading into these areas could well be flooded so better to drive your 4WD if you got one.


The farmers live off the land (ok the water). They go into the brackish fields and feel for the cockles. They net in their fish or they massively drain the entire farm during harvest time to pick their “fruits” for the local wholesalers.


As the men work the waters, the women waited the side. The seafood is freshly eaten, by steaming, by cooking, by frying with the smell so fragrant. But the farmers will never openly BBQ their catch on the premise, for they believe it to be burning their live stock, their own money. A superstitious belief that they all strictly adhere to for the fear that their stock will diminish, as the crustacean scream on the hot coal and be heard mysteriously by their herd in the water.



And what they do for fun, they swim in the irrigation canals. The current could be strong, but their bodies could counter the streaming waters. And to the pole they held themselves against, and chatted and laughed as I wonder. I wonder the saying Thais cannot swim, and yet I saw them waddle.


Oh strange Thailand, I discover you everyday, I sat smoking, the long boat passes.

Little Miss Grouchy

Well not exactly… she is an old fat bag of grouchiness. This is how all who goes to the Thai Embassy in Singapore will be going to have for the impression of Thailand. She comes around the queue early in the morning, a Singaporean who speaks bad Thai shouting commands at her subordinates. Like your childhood form teacher she will be, checking on all your forms and particulars at hand. And when she spots a mistake, she will tell you to correct them in a stern voice and that “I had not had sex since 23 years ago face”. What’s this many would wonder… ain;t Thailand suppose to be the Land of Smiles? Oh no, in Singapore you are, this ain’t no Little Thailand. And then the Frenchman forgot to bring one of his particulars and turned into a wet market the place did.

OBG (old bag of grouchiness, in very rude tone): “No, you cannot get your Visa today, you must show your air ticket, Singapore to Bangkok and Bangkok to your home country.”

Well the very first rule of customer service she broke, was that she never spoke with politeness…

FM (Frenchman): “I don’t have them with me, but why should I show?”
OBG: “No, rule change now, must show, and you must bring SGD$1000 with you, or else no Visa.”
FM: “But I only have Euro$200.”
OBG: “Then you cannot get your Visa lah.”

Secondly… instead of being helpful to explain, she made the situation worst by emphasizing the SGD$1000. FM then started to get really agitated.

FM: “Why? How am I to show ticket, I live in Thailand, I come to Singapore to get my Visa. I am going back to Bangkok marry my Thai woman, how am I to show ticket for Thailand to my home country? I have not plan to go back to my country. I am marrying in Thailand.”
OBG: “No! Rule change, you don’t have documents you no Visa today. Must have SGD$1000 and ticket to show Singapore Bangkok, Bangkok to home country.”

FM then moved out of the queue, tempers raging as OBG walked away ignoring the FM to check on others. Again, OBG did not explain or help in finding an alternative or suggest a solution but treated the customer like a children with an “I don’t care, no lollipop for you today” attitude. FM then re-approached OBG.

FM: “I want to speak to your boss, what am I suppose to do? Why you have so many rules? You have to help me.”
OBG: “I don’t want to talk to you early in the morning. You no Visa today, must have documents. We changed our rule and all have to follow”.
FM: “I don’t understand why show ticket Bangkok to my home country.”
OBG: “You don’t have SGD$1000 no Visa for you.”

See, OBG simply did not want FM to have his Visa. Then she diverted attention to the fact that FM had only Euro$200. OBG simply wanted to agitate the FM.

FM (raging read faced inferno): “I have Euro$200, how am I to know I need SGD$1000?????”
OBG: “No, no, I don’t want talk to you. You must show ticket Singapore – Bangkok. Then we know you will go to Bangkok, if not how we know you go to Bangkok. Bangkok to your home country, no need. You no SGD$1000, you no Visa today.”

Strangely, she had then revealed a little more info which could help. You only needed to show the ticket confirmed for Singapore to Bangkok, and not Bangkok to another country. That gave me relieve for that was what I had. I was listening intensely as I only had the Singapore to Bangkok ticket.

The argument went on a whole hour, the helpless FM went to the counter arguing, the helpless FM chased down the OBG arguing, the FM was all over the embassy and no one provided him with a clam reply and properly explained the situation to him in a professional manner.

So now when we, the ones who went to Thai Embassy in Singapore think of Thailand, we think of grouchiness, not the Land of Smiles. If that’s the way Thailand wants to portray their image, an old bag of grouchiness, so be it.

A Short Catch Up

We had our drinks my old pals and me. Miss them I did, very much. And as we walked through the shadows in the valley of tipsiness, my black friend mentioned he had just been to Japan and soaked in the natural springs with the untamed monkeys of the surrounding. Wow. When will time allow, for the group of us to go crazy together again, a holiday to be enjoyed in the true company of friends?

If we did be rich and the strictness of time permits, it won’t be just black man in the spring alone. It could be him, Manoj, eyes wide open, mouth opened head titled back catching for breath in the rocky spring with the red ass money sucking his cock under water. And Yoga Brian, with his camera running around naked, taking shots of Manjo in ecstasy, practicing at the same time some obscure lost art of lum par yoga. Three moneys dangling from between his legs as he moves around and snaps away on his SLR. One money sucking his cock, the others independently sucking his left and right ball. Yes and they are all dangling heavily and Brian can take it no problem. Com’on, he can dangle 42” LCD TV from his balls, what are three monkeys to him. Wait… actually there is a fourth money, fucking Brian’s ass from behind, also dangling.

And Evan, well, laughing aloud at Manjo, but with an expensive colorful Japanese carp suckling frantically at his cock underwater. And me, typing away this blog in the mist of the cold Japanese weather oh yeah.

Gotta plan for a holiday with friends. But again, when will time and money permits.

The Singapore Massacre, by China

As I waited for my friend to fetch me form Terminal 2, the lady in her slightly glittering grey dress attracted my eyeballs to uncontrollably just stare. In surprise as then me thought Singapore girls are really getting prettier after long period of not being back on the island city. And then she approached me, and I thought I was lucky.

“Do you speak Chinese?” she asked in mouthful of western accented English.
“Yes”…
“Here is which floor?” in her China gun she continued.

And so, I realized, she was a China women, probably waiting for her Singapore loan shark sugar dad to pick her up.

In the MacDonald’s I was, and there was a fat old man not much to look at, with an accompanying sweet young thing of about twenty two, chubby fair and that so sweet face. Ran through my mind was that hey, I didn’t know it’s a trend now for young Singapore girls to be dating loaded mature man, age differences of roughly twenty. Is the culture changing to that likeness of Bangkok where most girls are in a way “smarter”, following the Darwinian’s theory - survival of the fittest and the boy band looks are not of priority? And in China gun she spoke as they whisked passed me. Oh I see.

And so on the bus I was, and nothing attracted me like the pair of exotic looking girls so much standing out from the rest of the bus load of other people, other girls. In China gun they spoke. And in the car park, the old Beng walks away from his sporty ride, the girl was so attractive, in China gun she spoke.

What has become of Singapore? Is the Singapore girl so bland with their always almost flat facial features? The men are all hooking up with exotic women from the China land. The China women are all attaching themselves to the loaded male Singapore population. The man falls easy prey to the taste of a different pasture. We are invaded and so now I know why many had told me, Singapore is infested with the people of China. They have come to take our money, it’s always about money wherever you are.

In their dog-eat-dog country where competition in this playing field is strong, they had envisioned and devised the ultimate plan. Infestation of the money rich land and reap what they can, there will be a better yield rate. And so we are attracted by their exoticness, men we are all testerone driven. But certain of these people from the lands of our ancestors, are ten times uglier within then that worst of characters you thought.

Thai people don’t like the China tourist for reasons. They shoved their way through crowds without any slight exhibition of politeness and apologies. Rude they are, speaking always at the top of their voices, the world they think under their feet, their chin held high as the talked. They bring their dog-eat-dog mentality to wherever they go, you are a stranger your will always be their enemy, they push you aside.

In my orderly queue at the MRT station, a China Airlines bitch forced her way into mine as I was at the gate, she swiped her card on the reader, just as I was about to swipe mine. She didn’t care, she shoved me and walked into my way then just passed through the gate. This attitude, now injected into the already Kiasu island city as more and more of our gullible men opens the opportunities for more of them to come. How ugly then will the Singaporean becomes. We are not really renowned for our manners, now it will only get worse.

I could see why so many of us are attracted to them. The very majority of Singapore girls are too plain for my taste now and so do many share my views. They treat us like a King in our private domain, we never felt this way before. We are pig’s head on the butcher’s table. But beware, they are descendants of farmers, simple mindedly, they only fight for their own survival and we have to admit, they are very witty, cunning and manipulative to put in bad words. Be awake when you involve them into your lives. Its going to be carnage in Singapore with the ever increasing grow of their infestation.

The Chinese are coming, the Chinese are coming. Or, are they already here?

Do u M?

Ask by a Thai… “Do u M”? In my mind “M simi lan jiao (aka … WTF is M..)????”

“M – MSN.”

Still trying to get in line with Thai acronyms.

MH2001 Wireless Headphones

Thinking that good things come cheap.. no. This is what cost SGD$12, made in China. It will never work in Bangkok. Too many radio waves. Instead of tuning to the TV it was connected to, the headphones tuned itself to all other radio channels with a mind of her own.


I opened it, attempting to attach an external antenna to the circuitry. Obviously as seen in the bin, it was a frustrating 2 hours that resulted in this picture.

Made in China products, can you trust them? I worry now that most power plants and installations are now flooded with aggressive cheap protection products from China. They cost so much less then the European’s. Price cheap, quality zero. But the Thais are buying into them anyway. Too easily fooled by what’s on the cover of the book. Same me as in the MH2001 case.

What goes Ka-Boom on the Road

Your tyres, yes they do. Especially if you have not changed them for two years and especially if you drive fast for work out country most of the time. Thailand is not like Singapore, where there is always a petrol station round the corner where assistance is readily available.

Rules of thumb. Must change tyre once every 2 years, even if they look new, because they can dry up and crack with the ultra hot weather here. Yes, it is expensive if you are using anything smaller the 55s. But stingy you must not I learn. I had them 55s for three years and change them I did not. Could have flown off the bridge in a spinning car and be mistaken for a Peugeot UFO crashing down from Venus.


Totally burnt while driving flat unaware at speeds until overwhelming burning smell detected.


Other still groovy wheels have ashes in them due to wear and tear or heat or whatever I am unaware of. Ticking random time bomb.

It sucks… maintenance sucks. Maintenance = sometimes unexpected last minute unbudgeted spending. On this episode, lucky for me I have spare. I have tools. Have car in Thailand, other then must have money to maintain (especially older cars), must be prepared for self service of everything.

Remember, Thailand is no place where you can expect AA like service and have the mechanic find you. That is if you can tell the mechanic your location in the first place. This land, all signs are Thai and all roads leads to Seven Eleven. Not care about preventive maintenance? Roads will lead to Heaven.

The Fish Bridge

Every town near the sea will always have Saphan-Blar aka Fish Bridge. Well it is not exactly a bridge but a jetty instead. But I guess Thai does not have a word called jetty and so saying “I want to go jetty buy fish” will result in them guiding you to the nearest petrol station called Pump Jet, or Jiffy.


This is Saphan-Blar of Ang Sila in Chonburi. The immediate sea surrounding is a huge oyster farm. This is where you can get fresh catch for your kitchen cheap from the fishing boats arriving. They have scallops too and you could see the discarded shells all over the jetty together with the rubbish stew. Thais are not really environmental friendly and they cannot comprehend the fact that dumping in the area where they eat the shellfish in the oyster beds where they farm is not really a clever thing to do. The folks there are like fish, breathing drinking and eating shit in their own shit pool. So avoid the oysters all you can.


Driving there has always been enjoyable, at speeds of 160 for near 40 minutes enjoying the power of your engine roar before merging into the traffic of Chonburi. However, with prices of stupid petrol inflating like nobody’s business, I am not sure how long more I can enjoy road trips like these as I feel the pockets already starting to burn. Petrol prices now are like in Singapore 4 years ago. At SGD$1.60 per liter. I was complaining then back home. Now, I am complaining in the Land of Smiles. Why did the land not turn into Land of Frowns with escalating prices of everything that was so cheap I don’t know. I am frowning as I pumping gas. The Thais next car still smiling, no effect. New cars flood the road everyday. I must live like Thai, spend all my money no care about future, want the car, want the face, high petrol price no scare me. Or yes go convert to LPG where the electronic idiot mechanics had no idea about air fuel ratio, effects of ECU on engine and drive cheap for $300 Baht per tank till your engine disintegrates. But no, I not stupid must cut down on indulgence. My name is Kings, but I am nowhere near a King.

This is Songkran??

And true enough, over Songkran the accidents and the sirens. About 400 people died in just 4 days. My employees crashed another company car. Sigh.




As usual, the traffic went haywire when the small streets were filled with people. As you can see from the picture, the wetness is not of the rain, but of all the splashy fun. This is a festival where all roads turn into walking streets. Cars have to be caution not to run over their feet. Rules are meant to be broken and so are bodies. Near to 4000 injuries reported. Death comes in comical situation. Gig’s colleague cracked his head and hospital was full. Went to two hospitals that turned him away because of many more broken heads being attended to. He bled to death in the third hospital and added to the nation’s statistics.

And who was the winner of the festival splashing the most amount of water on the most number of people. Oh Buddha floating on your skateboard clouds the winner you are. On the fourth day, a day after Songkran, you made the heavy rains fell. And on the fifth day you broke the rule and throw ice cubes at all of us for a minute in the afternoon. Hail in Bangkok the world is crazy. Global warming oh yeah Buddha.

The Indian and the Snake

Now, most of us Singaporean will know the joke about – The Indian and the Snake, which you will shoot first if you have a gun? Here comes the German version, original from German's mouth unaltered, and not hearing the Singapore version before.…..

You have a gun and only 2 bullets left. You see an Indian and a Snake. What will you do? First, shoot the Indian. Then, shoot Indian again, make sure Indian is dead. The snake you can ignore.

(The German company was conned by an irresponsible cunning Malaysian Indian company, their project was abandoned unfinished by the latter after 90% payment and the German company was left to die.)

Oh Strange Vietnam

Now.. not only do they have an amazing way of brewing the coffee with the above apparatus, what is weird is that these shops are set up along the streets, facing the road. People just sit there and watch the traffic goes by, for hours. And for your info, Vietnam coffee is power, very very extremely power.

Some of these that I have been to play very loud electronic dance floor music. Some are as posh or even more then Starbucks and opens late into the night. Instead of alcohol consumption and dancing to the heavy bass, they all just sit down and drink coffee, again for hours. I don’t get it.



The one beside my hotel has 25 scantly covered young girls serving coffee. They come to sit next to you, but I speak no Vietnam. All they could do was smile, all I could do was stare at their budging breast and droll in silence. I confirm now, that if you think Thailand has the most beautiful girls, you are wrong. 75% of Vietnam women are fair, pretty and voluptuous. No wonder I hear so many Singaporean man love Vietnam. In this coffee shop I read a book, my mind wonders why the rest stares at nothing facing the road, their mind and eyes wonders why I am reading a book.

Voluptuous waitress in mostly male restaurants is also parts of their strategy to attract customers. I been to one and I got full on eye candy, not food. Imagine the restaurants’ plan is to make your cock stand when eating lunch. The Vietnamese man loves it and these restaurants have very good business.


Crossing the roads in Ho Chi Min requires balls of steel. And if you dropped them when doing so, you can never have a chance to retrieve your balls.



There are no MacDonald’s in Ho Chi Min. There is only Lotteria, which at first I thought was a 4D lottery shop or something. Coke with Shrimp or Chicken Balls.. very strange drink. But I believe the balls should be served separately, not in the Coke or it did be really weird.


Best of all, they have a smoking room in there.



Now everything in Vietnam is very small. Small tables, small men, small restaurants, small office, small house. Only the breasts are big. Everything else is small. See how the giagantor ang moh had to sit for coffee. See how we all sit. Not easy when you are fat and could well roll over the stubby chairs, kuay teow on your face.

Songkran has Changed

So what happens on Songkran? The picture above shows what’s gonna happen. Expect scores of drunk drivers, scores of accidents. Any festival in Thailand in this era is represented by the sounds of recurring sirens, injuries and untimely deaths.

It is going to be the Thai New Year just the week after. Denizens of the Kingdom making plans for their annual home visit. Hordes of cars will be leaving Bangkok, family reunion long awaited ensues. It is much like Chinese New Year and scores of business will be off an entire week. And so, we all expect the postcard exhibited spirit of happiness, all the smiling Thai faces drenched of course, all the extra friendliness, all the colors and water splashes. But is this really the case?

I spoke to an old lady, a generation into the future from me. I asked the aunty what she is going to do on the joyful day, expecting an answer that she will walk the neighborhood and celebrate with the long time residence of her surrounding.

Aunty: I am going to stay at home and not go out at all.
Me: What? Why…? Songkran, Thai people love Songkran and it is time for celebration, reunion, splash water with stranger right?
Aunty: No way, stay at home safer. Long time ago, Songkran was pure, we were all happy and throw water at each other. Nowadays, people put salt in the water and that makes our body really itchy after we get splashed.
(Paused…..)
Aunty: When I took bus last year during Songkran, people throw ice blocks at the bus because we had our windows down. They shattered the window. Songkran nowadays is a crazy period, so dangerous. I am going to stay home.
Me: errr… wow.. that’s bad… why throw ice? I thought it is just powder mix with water at a max to prank on strangers?
Aunty: Thai people are crazy nowadays, it is no longer like during decades ago where Songkran was celebrated purely, with pure water to cleanse on to wash away the bad things. Now, you won’t know what get splashed on you.

Songkran has lost her meaning in this modern society. It is now a period to be celebrated with caution against recklessness, you have to be on guard all the time. Songkran is no longer the period where one could be walking the streets getting to be splashed gleefully. The meaning of the festival is to wash away the bad things, but now…. bad things come to you in surprising splashes or projectiles. The whole country will be drenched in a messy dirty concoction instead of being washed by the pure splashes. What have the people been watching on television to cause such a cruel twist in a pure tradition?

So sad.

And what do I do on this festival? I have been scheduled to work in the bloody power plant. Rich people don’t work on holidays. Poor people do.

Whats good in Chok Chai Farm tours?

Bulging inviting butts.




Anyway, Chok Chai steakhouse is 200km away north after Saraburi. Other then spending most of your eyeball time on the guide’s lower distraction, you get to see how milk is made.




They also have a petting zoo there… pet the animals… not the butt.

Gecko Gecko

Yet another amazing creature that shot out behind of the curtain when we were at work. Now I learned their nest is normally somewhere nearby and that its an egg stuck on the wall somehow.

Hash Brown of Thailand

Home delivered from MacDonald’s hash brown with a shred of glass. Complained to MacDonald’s, one more hash brown delivered free without glass. Just how lightly they take things around here in Thailand.

So how, get caught Drunk Driving in Bangkok?

What do Thai people do the first thing they get salary at the end of month? Drink dance drunk. It doesn’t matter if this bash will cost them a quarter of their salary, they just want to live life to their fullest, worry later. Typical of the average employee, three of them decided its time for a drink and took the company car out for a Friday night bash. Maybe they will get lucky and have a wild bang-bang session with some sweet teenage girls, which I guarantee is always on their mind.

Intoxicated at 2am, they returned. From the third left lane of an eight lane road, they made an illegal u-turn cutting across the fourth lane onto the opposite in the quiet no traffic night. Then the sound of shattering glass, the loud metallic crush of metal followed by the silhouette of a rider fist bumping onto the roof of the car and flipping onwards onto the tarmac followed. Yahoo.

Here is what then transcript according to the employee…..

Police to Employee: You drunk?
Employee: Yes.
Police to Rider: Did you drink?
Rider: Yes, just a few glasses.
Police to Rider: Why are you on the right most lane of this road? Motorcycles are supposed to be on the slow left lane, not the right most!!
Rider: It is difficult for me to know which lane I am at. I don’t know where is the left lane and can’t make it out.

I guess, as long as there is nobody killed, no one seriously injured, no reporters, cases like these are treated locally and no one gets arrested for drunk driving. What then followed I will not document, but all I can say is that, there were no fines issued and they got their driving license back on the spot. I love Thailand.

Thai Cashew Nut

I came from the city, Singapore. Nature means waking up in the morning looking out the window to see the occasional malnutrition brown squirrel making its way across the overhead cables, tripping and falling and being run over by the double deck SBS bus on her fist morning run. But wait…. there are overhead cables in Singapore no more, they have all gone underground and so have the squirrels.


I woke to the calling of only birds and the light sea breeze caressing. The air fresh with a slight tingle of the sea. I saw two large furry squirrels among the tress where they are suppose to be, in nature. Many orange jumbu like fruits scattered underneath, I took a closer look. This is where cashew nuts come from, in the hard covered brown husk of that growth top of the fruit. I see, I see now. Cashew nuts are not grown in Tong Gardens, they grow on trees.

Little Gems Beyond Pattaya

The nearest beach party found on the mainland of this kingdom is about 150km away, south west and is well known. Agogo nudes performing strange tricks, famous Walking Street, nice expensive resorts, party till dawn, drink till drop – Pattaya, the commercial seaside town where thousands of tourist flock to per month.

I hate Pattaya waters however and am more of a guy in search of the crystalline. Just about 30km further south, you will be greeted by the town of Sattahip. The entire area is military run, so expect to see scores of barracks, military structures and entrances with always the sentries on guard. It’s a pity not to know Thai and not realizing that these encampments are actually opened to the public. And in there, you will find scattered patches of paradise.





Though the beachscape is not a pristine white, the inviting clarity of the water is enough to blow you away. It is surprising that the water could be so different just next door to Pattaya, which is murky. There is an island opposite where you can reach by a boat ride. They have bottom glass boats there to view the corals. The sand there is powder and white.





Don’t expect to find those luxurious expensive and exotic treatments of Pompeii here, but enjoy only the slightly overpriced simple food (for a Thai), the hut without air conditioning and of course the basic foot massage on the rental beach chairs. You can enjoy sail boating, canoeing, the banana boat and I saw parasailing.

Drive there with a Thai friend and he will be able to bring you to most of these nice short shorelines after speaking to the locals and finding out where best to go. Most of these gems are hidden and located deep within the military compound. It’s worth it and it’s not too far from Pattaya if you are already there.

I was there for work, but every morning I woke early to have breakfast on a different beach.

Breakdown on Motorway

What does a foreigner do in Thailand if his car explodes in the middle of motor way?

2 options.

1. Call all the Thai friends you have in your mobile. Eventually one will help.
2. Wait for the occasional yellow tow trucks that belong to the Motorway department. It was 2 hours before I saw one. They will stop by, asked a couple of questions then perform on the spot repairs if necessary. If your car needs to be towed, it cost THB$3,500.

I took the first option and friend arranged everything, from tow truck to destination workshop. And remember to pray that it does not rain. Attack anyone you see resembling a medicine woman attempting to rain dance in the immediate vicinity.

What to have when you own an old car in Thailand?

Always have a fire extinguisher on board. Thai mechanics are very crappy with their workmanship, especially electrical. My air-conditioner piping leaked and the system lost all its gas. Gas leakage is indicated by your entire car engulf in noxious white fumes. The compressor should have cut-off as it is a standard safety feature to not overheat the compressor when no gas is circulating. However, since Thai mechanics lacks the basic discipline and know how, they had previously hardwired many of my air-conditioning components. The compressor did not cut-off and overheated as a result, and BURNS! This is indicated by strange burning metal smell and when you slow the car, you see smoke coming out under the car. Open your hood and you could see small flickers of flames in or around the compressor. Put out fire immediately with extinguisher.

What happens after you tow the car to the Thai workshop?

Any job that requires major removal and re-fitting of engine or console will result in your car being wired up in the most imaginable wrong way ever. Car will spew black smoke with no power and engine constantly dying. Brakes normally does not work in such cases so drive dead slow. Since Thai mechanics sucks and lacks discipline, they will deny they had done anything wrong and had not messed with the electrics, since it is only the compressor that they had changed. Expect the workshop to refer you to another, and another and even offer to drive your car to the next shop they know. Drive car back to original shop and prepare your own tools. Check all wiring on the ECU. You will see that they have wired it up wrongly. Correct wiring by yourself and have the mechanics staring at you in awe after your turn on the ignition and the engine runs smooth without a glitch.

Thailand, land of smiles, but could unfortunately also be land lack of basic knowledge for most.

How fresh is Thai Milk?

Have a cow next to where you sell milk. This was taken at one of the shops in Farm Chokchai selling milk. They have a live cow producing the milk.

Just how friendly is Thai for Disabled?

Picture above answers your question.

My one better then Yours

Chatukam craze. It as popular as hell last year with many people queuing up at temples forever just to get one. Now it seems Chatukam has gone commercial. Why are people so crazy about it? Thais say wearing one will have you blessed with invisible God armor. No accidents will kill you, no knife can hurt you and no bullets can hit you.

There was a story of two Thais challenging each other on whose Chatukam was better. First guy said to the other, you shoot me with your gun first then I shoot you. First guy never lived to return fire. News showed case the gullibility of some people in Thailand

Hamster Balls

Stumbled on this in front of Central World.

Wonder what it would be like to be in one and to release a slow hot silent fart, then light up a cigarette in there and explode. Hamster balls for humans. What would they think of next?

How to Kill Yourself Buying Groceries in Thailand

One of the hazards about living in Thailand is that, everything is in Thai. So turning off the wrong road flying off the cliff because the “danger - you are going to fly off the cliff” sign is written in Thai is just one of the many situations we foreigners may encounter.


I deliberately placed a bottle of salt among the multipurpose cleaners. As the picture above shows, if it was the other way round that I did put the multipurpose cleaner among the bottles of salt, some poor old farang with bad eyesight could have been sprinkling the corrosive agent into his baking pizza at home and wondering why his pizza sizzles like never before. I had once used the floor cleaner to wash my dishes because both detergent and floor cleaner looks so darn similar, with the almost identical red packaging and all the Thai words sprawled over. The detergent liquid was red, the floor cleaner liquid was red and both smelled of strawberry. English is not necessary and even if it is, the words are placed discreetly in small fonts. These are pure examples of the Hokkien saying “have mustache, blindly recognize as father”.

When at Tops, I see expired farang products everyday. Instant mashed potatoes, not every Thai will consume. Apple chips and such, all left to rot on the shelves and no staff bother to check on them since they are all English. I pointed out that a package had expired… EXP: FEB 14 2008. The staff told me.. E-X-P printed on the package was the packaging date, F-E-B is January in Thai….. WTF!!! I had to correct her and she then removed all the goods from the shelf, probably recycling them into the yellow pails we buy as offerings to the monks since Thai monks are unlikely to read English.


Non Stop Banana? Till this day I am wondering what genetic mutation causes a banana to be un-stoppable.


Worker Ants…. Wow.. didn’t know ants has an effect on air quality in Bangkok.


In a world where translations are never done correctly and where the talking bird speaks Thai, you really need to learn to read, really need to learn to write. Speaking their gentle language is just the first of obstacles.

Green Soup E-San, DON’T

I was in Sattahip for the most of last month. We had meals by the road side, breakfast by the sea, lunch in deep parts of the naval base with scenic views, coffee by the beach and drinks everywhere else. There, the scary food stories began.

First…. I took a piece of that fragrant fried fish that we waited for half an hour. Gobbled it down and what remained on my plate was a leg. My mouth paused. My brain paused.


I looked to my Thai friend and asked…. WTF is this, eyes wide open. He said, its delicious, dot worry, its just parts of fried cricket leftover in the wok frying our fish. True enough, my other colleague found one lone cricket hidden among the fried garlic garnish, whisked that into his mouth and chomped it down deliciously. Ok… so that was not so weird.

Next, that green soup of E-San. Don’t drink it. In fact, don’t drink anything that you know are pieces of cow floating in what looks deliciously like the green mutton soup of the Singapore Malay stalls.

When the dish came to me in the Som-Tam stall (North-East Papaya Salad Food), I was overwhelmed with delight to think that there was finally a mutton soup equivalent in Thailand. I was happy. The meat was ok, real steak, gingerly. One spoonful of the soup was next, firely gingerly taste that eventually left a huge cloud of bitterness in the mouth. I thought it was herbal, like certain Chinese delicacies. So, it was not Malay Mutton Soup.

In my best Thai I asked, in my best deciphering I understood:
“So what’s this?”
“Its soup of the final intestines of a cow.”
“Final? Near the backside?”
“Yes, it is special E-San dish.”
“Final? Where the shit is?”
“Yes, but may not be shit yet, final part of intestine, where food 90% turns shit, but have no chance to turn into 100% real shit because cow got slaughtered.”

Holy cow…. I ate cow shit!!!!!!!