Friday, July 21, 2006

My CheeBye My Medicine

Hey guys, let u in on a little personal secret. Maybe my dear friend Orgu which is part physiologist now (psychopathic tortoise) may be able to explain why. When I am heading for a burnout, stressed beyond all my tolerance, I think of CHEEBYE, the word CHEEBYE that is. In case some angmoh is reading this, CHEEBYE is the watery gateway you burst out from between your mummy’s legs.

CHEEBYE.. a beautiful word. It makes me laugh. Two years in Thailand is as if I have undergone furnace treatment in a language refinery. I no longer used that word. Thailand is not like Singapore where u often hear CHEEBYEs floating around in neighboring conversation.

The word for CHEEBYE in Thai is Jim. One day, I met an old lady and she introduced herself as Jim. I fell off the chair and my mind is a squash court for a piece of CHEEBYE bouncing all over the suddenly blank room of my skull. Very very confused. After some friends helped me out of my CHEEBYE confused state, I found out that Jim actually means something small and cute, thus adapted and applied to refer to the Thai CHEEBYE. But… I can’t utter a word out and call her. In my mind the words Aunty Jim simply cannot be processed properly without bursting out in laughter. I cannot call her Aunty CHEEBYE. It does not work. Imagine… “Sa-wat-dee-krup Aunty CHEEBYE????????”

Lost in translation in this strange land, I sometimes mix languages up and speak as Singaporeans do in Singlish. Jim in Hokkien is crab. In a seafood restaurant, I would process before speak as “Lets eat curry CHEEBYE?????” and nothing came out of my mouth. WTF????

When I am stress, I think of the situations above… it makes me laugh.

Now CHEEBYE is a universal word. There are Internet mailers flying around glorifying the word Fuck. There are articles written, and even a UK accent sound clip, on how universally Fuck can be applied. I found out same goes for CHEEBYE. Thus CHEEBYE should also be on the Pedestal of Universal words, glorified (aka pussy on a pedestal).

“What the CHEEBYE is that?” (What the fuck is that?)
“What CHEEBYE things he doing?” (What is he fucking doing?)
“My CHEEBYE car fucking broke down.” (My fucking car fucking broke down.)
“Why he so CHEEBYE one?” (Why is he an asshole?)
“I am kan-puar-CHEEBYE angry.” (I am fucking angry.)
“Holy shit!!! What the CHEEBYE???” (Holy shit!!! What the fuck???)
“I am working on a very CHEEBYE thing.” (I am working on a fucking difficult thing.)
“CHEEBYE u lah! Why u so like that?” (Fuck u lah, why u so like that?)

See… Universally Adaptable Word, the beautiful CHEEBYE. Double CHEEBYEs up with fucks and you get double the effect in driving your message across.

Example. “Why the fucking CHEEBYE did he do such a CHEEBYE thing to the fucking CHEEBYE situation? Does he have any CHEEBYE brain left? Did God bless him with only a fucking CHEEBYE grain of brain? Chow CHEEBYE!!! Fuck!”

CHEEBYE when added to sentences also makes me de-stress in times of chaos. Look at the following email. It is a business related issue and the names have been changed to protect all their CHEEBYE identities.

[Original script.]
1. Adam u r right… John Lee behaves exactly like woman.
2. [censored out, sensitive business issue]
3. [censored out, sensitive business issue]
4. Adam… u nambleh… u know John behaves like women and yet u want to stir him up. Now John Lee attacks James Lam.

[Sprinkled with CHEEBYEs and yes I sent this out.]
1. Adam u r right… John Lee behaves exactly like woman.
2. [censored out, sensitive business issue]
3. [censored out, sensitive business issue]
4. Adam… u nambleh… u know John behaves like women and yet u stick your big fat finger into his small CHEEBYE and stir (he is kuniang, kuniangs have CHEEBYEs). Now whatever small pocket of air (xiao chi) left in his small internal CHEEBYE has oozed out because of your big fat finger. Stir some more!!! Without the small gas, for some microbiological bacterial god knows what reason, his CHEEBYE is now dry and feels like the second day of a sore throat. This brought up an onslaught of CHEEBYE rage because his small CHEEBYE is not happy. So he launched his dried up CHEEBYE initiated attack on James Lam. It is now Small Dry Bye verses James Lam.

I dunno about u readers, but this edited version sure made me feel lighter. I have been in a cocoon of hard CHEEBYE work for the recent CHEEBYE months. My CHEEBYE dreams are full of my CHEEBYE work when I sleep. My CHEEBYE brain is not functioning right. I think of the CHEEBYE, it makes me laugh. Pathetic self induced CHEEBYE relaxing method I discovered.

I am heading for a full-blown CHEEBYE burnout. Laughter is the best medicine as some say. A little CHEEBYE a day keeps my CHEEBYE mental health in check.


Antz said...

CHEE BYE X 100..... Very Funny, Adam and John and James...... Ya Right......

Anonymous said...

bui bui

cannot like tat.. u need other distractions like neh nehs :)
or else if for some reason u sore throat cannt utter CB,then u will be in serious withdrawal state
coz u'll be too CB dependent

come, repeat after me.. neh-neh neh-neh