Monday, October 09, 2006

I Came, I said Short Hellos, and I Left.

Hanging by the deep end of the pool on a hangover (highly recommended hangover therapy), I contemplated.

My friends will always be with me forever, close to my heart, if I am just simply thinking of them. My friends will always be with me forever, even though I am thousands if miles away, an expat in Thailand. Fu*king bull shit.

Cold hard facts: I abandoned my life in Singapore, I abandoned my friends. I am thousand of miles away, and I can never catch up with them again. The price I paid for, for living my dreams. The paths of life are cruel and so face it I must, my big fat body and soul. There are no such things as having my friends wherever I go no matter how hard I think of them. The beautiful words that we see on cards in pretty gift shops, the soothing poems of friends afar, are all bullshit and authored only to ease the pain of banging face straight, nose first, into the hard wall of reality. We wished each moment hard that we could bring our friends together to places to share the happiness of things anew. We adjust to reality the impossibility of the wish.

Another one wedded, an old friend of 10 plus years. A reunion again where for a long time, faces you have not seen, voices you have not heard, conversations you had not had all came rushing within a tight tunnel of time. An overwhelming sensation of grief and happiness mixed like a bad cocktail. I miss you all. I wish I was back in Perth. I wish I could still be bringing you guys crabbing at Busselton, see the full moon at Cottesloe, smoke high on Blackwall Ridge and listen to Bell’s Rapids. I wish I could have coffee with you next week. But next week I am in Kop-Kun-Krup land. Facts! The next chance to meet cannot be predicted, it may be a decade again, or maybe it will be never. We move in space-time, sprawled like tentacles, each on each owns destiny. There are no such things as being fun lovingly together forever. The song played on the wedding, Forever Young, only aided to brought forth an onslaught of tears within, held back by the great dam of emotional control, constructed badly in rush. A river of unforgiving emotion I have to let flow, trickling.

Lets see how many names I can remember from a lapse of 10 years… Marcel (fat groom), Jon, Gloria, Gerald, Mattis, Carmen, Max, Derrick, Marcus, Flora, Yapster, Jacqui, Jack, Christina, Claud, Sharilyn, Malcom, Jung, Jeff, Eleen, … etc.. and how are we going to meet again? And when in time will path cross again? Don’t fu*king know dudes. And thanks dude for the hugs and pats, I never knew a hug could feel so good. One hug one memory lane rush.

I miss Orgu Jac, I miss payaya Regine, I miss Pew who’s on a different path. The four of us, together, only a reality in memory. Time changes everything. Somehow the drinking session I had with Orgu was different. I drank merrily and happily as we chatted until alcohol rendered us beyond senseless. It was not like before when I drank with a rock somewhere within. I feel free, Thailand had freed me.

I came, I said short hellos, and I left.

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