Monday, November 17, 2008

The Fifth Winter

It’s been a week of good cooling weather. The climate on some days end of year is that of Perth in later summer. The sun strong and yet gentle, the breeze lightly cool and dry. The sky after the rain is splendidly clear, the clouds and the blueness so distinctively identified. As I sipped my hot coffee on the balcony overlooking Bangkok just after the lazy sunrise, the overwhelming sense of blissfulness again hit me. It’s my fifth Bangkok winter here.

Some farangs had curious questions for me, asking when I will return back to Singapore. Ain’t Bangkok too chaotic and dangerous a place to live in they asked. Ain’t Singapore such a safe heaven to be in. And my reply would always be, that I have never in my life been so truly happy before. I love the chaos. I love the unpredictability. I love the vastness of this Kingdom, and the myriad variety of experiences. I am free, soaring in my dreams, a life out of the cage called Singapore. Yes, the uncaged heavy yellow bird I am.

I was at a Wall Street party recently (a English language teaching institute in Thailand), a party I reluctantly went to with gig. The music I liked they played, of Enigma and Gregorian in tune with Halloween. You could never hear such good beats in Thai pubs, for they have all already been drowned by the hip hop. The lyrics which I know the Thais don’t understand, but they just for no reason follow. In my up state of enchanted rhythms, something set in. Starting a new challenging life in Thailand is not all that a bed of roses. Be aware the roses have thorns. The age of loneliness will come.

One will know coming here alone means no more can-chat-anything sessions with pals, no one to truly understand cock jokes and no one to truly share a real laughter with in an English movie. One cannot change the culture it is, but one must change oneself to laugh in the conversations of Thai. Some lucky folks here have communities in which they gather. Enclosed in their own special group of expat culture sharing their common views, they laugh in their own flock merrily. I the Singaporean however, still till today a lone albatross out of place in the Andaman sea of Thai. Undiscovered maybe, but I blame it more on my unbalanced lifestyle not making an effort to contact. For I want to drive strong a career, for how much longer can we learn? Socializing I can wait maybe, my views we cycle once in this time space, we need to know as much as we can. A bad lifestyle I know, but I must finish walking the path I chosen. I miss my friends.

Seeking a career I found now, a difficult task for all expats. The Thais views us as expensive cost centers, invest in us they will normally not. The most prestigious Thai companies, in reliable proven expensive solutions they invest rather not. So what are us expats then to consider, when the idea of sound investment they doubt. I work exploited alongside my potential, to peak in my innovative skill I have not. And yet I have to carry on, and bear the third gear torque. I want to maximize myself, the time will come but when abouts? Pay sucks, but I am happy, that’s all that mattes now.

Thailand, where some men are prettier then women and where women have girlfriends prettier then the men’s. This Kingdom so strange and chaotic, and yet the plentiful mysteriously attractions so magnetic. Everyday there is something to discover, everyday a holiday to remember. I live my holiday, my name is Kings. Parental stories told when young, I happened to be named after the King of Thailand for reasons. I am back in Thailand now as such, a complete cycle I have come. I am home in Thailand now.

No comments: