Cheaper by the Dozen

Thailand, a land so much bigger then Singapore. Although Bangkok has the most number of Seven Elevens crammed into one single street, it will not be every time a convenient store such as that or that Minimart is around the corner, especially in the outer regions. So you need Durex and you cycle through the narrow dark street risking crazy dogs chasing you in an attempt to separate your balls, and on arrival, no stock. So what to do when a convenient store is just not a convenient amenity after all and how to prevent mass village unwanted teenage pregnancy? Spray Shelltox into her CB* after load deployment lah!. I mean look, if you ever spray insecticide on a tadpole, it dies. Sperm is same shape as tadpole but 1000 times smaller and opposite color. Just imagine shooting tadpoles out of your dick one by one, same shaped things come out expect may be uncomfortable. Same shape them both, so insecticide should work as well **.


Makro, is the place I am talking about in this entry. It is a giant warehouse where goods are sold in bulk. Soy sauce, pepper, eggs and such, all bought by the dozens, packs of one kg and one fifty respectively. One liter Pepsi sold in bulk of twelve and I so happy they are really so much cheaper then in Seven Eleven. We buy, we store and we use them for long. So we could skip the Shelltox into CB* procedure, buy a cargo load of Durex like you never seen before in Singapore.

* CB = vagina in Hokkien.
** The author of this blog shall not be responsible for any disfigurement, pain, long terms effects on CBs and will not be held responsible in any legal or non legal manner should the reader attempt to try the birth control method mentioned herein.

Students in Uniforms

In the dim atmosphere of the Kareoke venue, the young student waitress in her so tight blouse served, her flaring back mini skirt exposing legs as drooling old men eyes gazed.

“New here?” I asked.
“Yes kha…”
“Study where?”
Blank stare back….. then “No we are not students. We just came from the south a day ago looking for jobs. We have no suitable work attire.. so we brought the cheap uniforms and wear them for work.”

And so now we know, not all students are students. Both 18, young and fresh. An apartment they will share for THB$3000 per month. 2 hours into the night I asked “Much tips you have collected I see, how much already?”

“Just THB$1500 kha”.

Run this through your mind. 1500 x 30 days per month = THB$45,000. Better then working in the office as an educated accountant starting at just THB$10,000. The easy money of the night life, the salary scale of the working world which was never adjusted over the years in a Kingdom. The simple thinking of the many young girls' minds. And so thus the many fun for the seasoned working men with loaded pockets, Bangkok the city of cute young Angels.

Got Hole?

My worker, a girl of 16 married at 15 she did. Why I asked. To tie her flirtatious boyfriend down she replied. Only one word in my mind – Naive. The majority of Thai men I know are sexual predators. You mix around with them, you pub with them, you talk to them you know. A pubbing event is not about catching up with friends and relaxing, but is all about looking for prey. See how desperate they get when near closing hours and laugh in your hearts witnessing what steps and what spoken strategy they use. But strangely, most desperate attempts results in a fruitful night at the short-time shack hotel for THB$400 for 2 hours. Theses hotels are everywhere, theses predators are everywhere and so are preys.

We met a neighboring country business girl during a business trip on the flight so full of businessmen. The next thing I knew my colleague screwed her. A boss went with a worker for an out-country trip, tired he was a traditional massage he needed. But the worker wanted otherwise and so worker was given some welfare to visit the “special” massage while boss went to another joint for the tradition massage. Traditional massages are performed by senior ladies of at least 40 and up. They don’t provide any “special” and even if they do, you did need a massive dosage of Viagra to achieve workable penile status, probably more effective if you are unconscious. We will not screw our grandmas let’s put it this way. The worker finished his business and came over to the traditional joint. He chatted with a massage aunty, then he screwed her for THB$500 while waiting for boss. Puke…..

I once rewarded my hard working staffs. Brought them to a “fish-tank” I did, in a far off dull provincial project I was. Okay, so it was really cheap the rates but I have my code of specifications. I could most certainly associate each of them service providers with at least one type of mammal, crustacean or even trucks in serious high speed crashes. My staffs screwed them anyway. There I sat and waited. I sipped beer and had problems swallowing both the drink and the thought of walking into a zoo and grabbing any otter, platypus, senior squirrels in range and performing procreating acts with them.

Thai men, they go for anything with a hole. Witness by yourselves in your prolong time in this Kingdom and you will realize most men are “open-spec”, meaning no specifications required. If you are foreign woman here you could get to see how they make their moves on you. You could be a rich lady on another status level. They could be the boy from lower management. It doesn’t matter their society limits they won’t be concerned. They just want your you know what they want.

So what happens to the DNA of some Singaporeans who were relocated here for a long career? Then back to Singapore these some were posted. Bring back the fun, bring back the days and only in memory should it be linger. Some had changed and became “open-spec” and to hunt in Lucky Plaza some had did. Filipinos, yes some do look like Thais, but for Buddha’s sake have some standards, don’t be a maid fu*ker.

Most Thai men, anything can screw they screw - unbelievable. And also the fire-and-forget principle applies, for which the case of the business girl I will mention. Before the achievement my colleague always cited about her. After the gain, no more references and his target (the hole) had been reset afresh. It’s like they are cavemen of sorts, to eat to sleep to hunt and to sex. How to stop such behavior you wonder? Well, have a domain of single gender and have all men no women. You can’t stop them, you can’t alter their primordial behavior. Some will turn gay and they will try to have children with each other.

The Hidden Bangkok

You could be driving along and turn into a street you never did in Bangkok, and wooo yeah. Heaps of scantly dressed ladies with their bosoms so revealing telepathically communicating with your groin. Smiling in the shadows between street lights, the tigress knocks on your windows as you cruised at a snail’s paced by. You could have them for 1000 a night. The topic ain’t about this… hehe.


You could be driving along and turn into a street you never did in Bangkok, and … be greeted by the most remarkable view you had ever seen while in Bangkok. A field of sunflowers, dead in the middle of nowhere, in a period you know Sunflower seasons ain’t suppose to be. Amazing Thailand.

A Future Business – Sell Boats

It only seems to get worst, the flood I encounter as the Bangkok years went by. Rain like never before, winds so strong they flip trees and roofs over. Flood the streets I live inundated. You want to visit a floating market you won’t need to travel far. The wooden booth, the aluminum push carts, the peddlers on the streets all soaked in water, floating market is everywhere. Rain, it had did heavy, the air in Bangkok so clear after. Fresh the air is, clear the sky I see the distance for miles. Boats a business one could do Bangkok, given another 10 years sea level rises as global warming prevails over.

They Ain’t no Barley

Ok guys, this is gross. If you happen eat around with friends of the E-San and see what seems to barley beans, ask first. This was a picture I took from the menu. Those white bean like stuffs – red ants eggs (the curry pok antz we call them in Singapore, those in rambutan trees). I don’t want no ants to crawl out me backside hole, I don’t wanna eat them.

Numbers

I been busy, that’s all I can say for not updating my blog. It’s been more then a month and I’ve ventured into unknown territory and learned much more about Thailand then I ever could. Those I shall write along the way but today, I bring to you numbers.

Ang mohs believe 13 is bad, 13 is good for Chinese. 13 for Thais don’t really mean anything, but surprisingly some blocks of condos just don’t have the floor 13. 9 is a good number for Thais as I did mention before, and 4 does not mean die (we Chinese don’t like 4). I have been seeing special license plates with all 4s. If one dreams of snakes, then one buys lottery number with 6s or 9s. And now about 25 and 30, not for Lottery or Toto numbers, but these two numbers are associated with something about age. 25 for Thai ladies just ripe, many get married by then, and 30 is just over the edge. Shelf live expires if unmarried, but hey that’s all universal and not just for Thai ladies. Its not about marriage here I wanna share, Thais believe these two ages are critical points in one’s life. If one gets over these two years alive, one would likely go on to live till a fruitful old age.

Thais believe many unlucky things could happen during the ages of 25 and 30. I know someone who is 30, many accidents she encountered this year and in one, the car was completely crushed. Fortunately, she’s still alive and kicking in my office now. So, she will most likely get married, have kids, and expire at 100 or whatever. My worker tells of his many misfortunes, his age at 25 the upper heavens tested him unforgiving. He was knocked off his motorcycle by a robber, and the heavy cars whizzed by him without crushing his head. Many more stories to hear if you just ask around, and you will find them most interesting all the stories they say they could been dead. Be caution all they say, don’t do the adventurous, don’t do the risky at those ages.

25 and 30 they will come, but for me it was way over and I seemed to have the best times of my pubbing days then. Maybe in those years the lightning had struck the tree I was near, but in those state of memory lapses how could I have remembered.

Black Songkran 2009

So it had come to a point where the newspapers called the day Black Songkran. The first day of the festival, was covered in violent clashes and some bloodshed. I spoke to some local folks. One that runs a laundry had gotten sick of the protester and only wanted it to end. She mentioned that the reds are ruining the business for Songkran and interrupting the everyday lives of Bangkokians. She was fuming mad when she spoke of the situation.

And so I spoke to another most interesting character. In Singapore, everyone works. Over here, there exist people who do not work for their entire lives. Alcohol is part of his body’s chemistry. And fuming mad he said, the reds had been treated unfairly, why the soldiers used forceful tactics on the reds when during the yellow protest there was not. Luckily laundry lady and drunk, who are relatives, did not get into forming their own member groups and trashing it out.

Too many stories to hear, too many frustration they want to vent. Frustration is not just about which side one should be on, but the frustration of living with constant poverties in their lives. Frustration over many more matters we could not comprehend, but we know violence is a way to release them.

If you had ever caused chaos, you know it felt great and could be addictive after the adrenaline rush. And this was what had taken place, with many more people joining the protest just for the adrenaline kicks I reckoned. Thais called them the Third Hand. They declared war with many local residence and areas of major businesses such as markets. They threw fire bombs into residential flats, they shoot people and people shoot back. They wore red.



The peak of the event was on first day of Songkran when the situation was really getting out of control. All petrol stations were closed near evening time for the fear they will get blown up. All the major malls closed at eight thirty, I was chased out. But strangely on the streets just a few blocks away from many ground zeros, music was on full blast and the transvestites were dancing in wet t-shirts on the streets. The other provinces were in full celebration, the temple I went for tamboon was packed. Thais just want to have their Songkran day.



Thais told me Thais had a brain like a gold fish – short term memory. Thais forget easily. And true enough on the second day of Songkran, the place looked like no violent protest had happened before. The TV showed the red protesters peacefully going on to buses headed back to north and north east. The protest had officially ended, the red had lost. Red, white, yellow, blue and military green discarded their colors, people playing the water had increased in numbers. We could really see the spirit of Songkran now.

This Songkran – State of Emergency

Living in Bangkok is great, is very very great. Singapore, we have State of Fear, where everyone is living in a constant reminder not to toy with the law. Bangkok we get to experience State of Emergency. The yellows were pretty good at closing down major ports of transportation, the reds are now pretty good at closing major arteries of traffic. Actually, reds could jolly well close the airport as well if they close all roads leading to it. What will happen next no one knows but all can speculate. As usual for one that works like a dog ignorant of the situation, I go about doing my everyday thing. So does many.

There was this red truck up front of me on Thursday. I took 2 hours to get to my destination, only to learn today that the road I took was closed by the reds some distance further down. At least now I know why. As the red inches on in traffic, every motorcycle taxi and cab they passed waved and signaled to cheer them on like some rock stars on their nation tour. The support is now fully for the red I see.

Then out of the blue there was the blue, clashed with the reds in Pattaya to get the Asean Summit going. Blue pink green, what color will come out next? Where’s the yellow now I wonder, like M&Ms Bangkok is now. What color shirt should we avoid? Maybe soon we did have to walk around top naked. I truly have no problem with that, to ogle at girls with no shirts I wish (yeah… me pervert).

Thai festivals are excuses for chaos, the people love that it seems. Already people are getting drunk as a prelude to tomorrow which is the first day of the water festival. I almost ran into one brainless bloke just now, with a face looking for trouble, he was trying to prove to the whole road he could ride his bike sitting cross legged and going against traffic. Small gangs of motorcycles can already be seen forming and crisscrossing the roads like flies. Songkran had always been filled with sporadic acts of gang fights, with the situation now I wonder how this year it will turn out to be. It could well be … water plus gang fights plus flying bottles and big red riot. I think the military can use riot control water measures to hammer the reds as a symbol of Songkran but I reckon it will not be appreciated as a festive gesture.

The roads are strangely quiet tonight as I ventured out for a business meeting. Traversing the maze of the Bangkok roads, I didn’t know which junctions were closed and which not. Maybe the quietness is simply how Songkran had always been, with so many gone back to hometowns leaving Bangkok in peace. Peace… ?

Anyways anyhows whatever, no worries we still can go about to do our everyday things. I know news readers overseas will think it’s like Bangkok very dangerous now and we could be run over by a tank or caught in the line of flying bullets or have a grenade land in our laps to blow our balls into outer space. But truly it is not as to many places these days I’ve been. Just be wise that’s all there is.

Eating in Lanta

Strange it was how mushy the crabs, it was like cream of crab dug from the fissures of the half body. Stanger it was the way the parrot fish meat just disintegrated with the pinch of my chopsticks. Only the consolation we had from the white prawns, the meat still sweat and tight. Where had all the fresh seafood gone? A sea town Sala Dan, the restaurant we dined named after – Sala Dan Restaurant. Ain’t a sea town by the sea supposed to have the freshest of catch, the fish meat sweet and white? Nay.


On this island getaway, all the freshest of catch, all had been snapped by the Chefs. At a premium they will pay, so why should the folks keep them for later part of the day. We envisage a sea town where the best of food will be kept for the local taste. But this is a misconception now in these days. To have good seafood, eat only in posh restaurants on the island. Only then your palate will truly be satisfied, that is if you are willing to pay. I’m not.


Dissatisfied we left the restaurant, and feel cheated we did for 300 grams of prawn charged when there were only 200 I had witnessed weighted. To be on Lanta, the best seafood will not be in the local eatery. How so saddening, commercialism had set in. The small engine putted in the dark roads back to Cha Da Resort. The roads were wet it had rained. Raining season in Thailand we knew starts from mid April to late October, but not so as told by the driver steering us back to our pool clad hideaway. In Lanta, the season starts in March, the tour operations were ceasing and they had only 2 boats out of many in service. Soon by end of April, the seas will be fiercely strong. The sky will no longer be forgiving, the winds will work with the storms. Lanta will then operate on low season, till November when tourism returns to norm.

Click here for full photo sets under Lazing in Lanta Mar 2009.

Koh Rok

The seas south of Thailand are like an ocean scattered randomly with gems. Koh Rok, one of the most distant islands south of Phuket and Koh Lanta is the furthest the operators will go without turning the trip into a sea sick torture adventure. The journey will take an hour and there are two island surrounded by emerald waters abundant with sea life for one to snorkel around in.


Being on a virgin trip to Koh Lanta, I booked the trip directly from the operator booth located next to the beach in Cha Da. Bad mistake. The opening price of $1400 was knocked to only $1300 and I took it. Only to realize later then when in the town of Sala Dan, I could get a similar trip for as good as $800.




A favorite haunt that I frequent for coffee or that ice cold lemonade is called Cat Fish Restaurant. They have plenty of cats there. As I spoke Thai to the friendly old lady, she told me of the $800 trip to Koh Rok, special price for people roo-jaik-gan (who know each other on the island). She could have gotten me that but I had already took on the one in Cha Da, bait line sinker and all.


The town of Sala Dan is dotted with a number of tour operators. In Cha Da where I curiously asked for car rental, I was offered $2000 per day for a pick-up and they had no other smaller vehicles. But in Sala Dan, the Suzuki was only going for $1000 ($1200 for Farangs the operator said discreetly).


And onto Koh Rok I went in the morning, to be the first passengers we were as the speed boat fetched the passengers from one beach to the other. The sea was rough and we ain’t going full speed as the pilot throttled up and down riding the swelling ridges and moving valleys created by the enchanting blue ocean.




The journey an hour long and could had been shorter on a better day. We reached anyway and were released into the inviting green waters on the west of the island pair. In the bay the sheltering effects was a good thing, preventing us from being swept away west and be collected in pieces on Indian shores.


Lunch was served simple, we had Thai food. Each lined up to scoop our servings and ventured off in our own directions to gorge under shades as the hermit crab scrambles into the crevices between roots of trees.




The wind caught up without warning and darkness gloomed at a distance sinisterly. In a time frame less then a third of an hour the boats sped away leaving us in wonder. Not long later the storm touched shores, the sun bright day had bleak down in rain, our mood turned a wee bit sour.






As the rain lightened with about thirty ticks of the minute, the shower gentle but still the waters churned in anger. My day shall not be ruin, I fear you not swirling waters. And so many ventured in, one by one with me joining the order. Surprisingly the water was pleasingly warm in contrast to the air so breezy, at a distance the roar of thunder. The waves broke shore with strength, my heavy ass the anchor. I win.


The day ended near 2 pm, we had snorkeled 3 bays in total. We galloped the high seas back to Lanta which took more then an hour. The body tired, the sun burn was impending. I soaked my self on the steps, I sipped my coffee with the room to my back. I enjoyed my day, the breeze was on, but darn, the squeaky screams of toddlers.

Click here for full photo sets under Lazing in Lanta Mar 2009.

Lazing in Lanta

And there I sat in the after light of the sunset contemplating. This will be my final holiday for now and shall be uncertainly long before I have the next. A package again I bought about a year ago during the Thai travel fair. Business was still rolling then and I had no troubles buying a break. Business is really bad this year and so at the fair just 2 weeks ago, I could only drool and dream. No more good relaxing holidays for me as there I sat concluding sadly.




Cha Da, located north east of Koh Lanta Yai is proclaimed to be one of the top 3 destinations on the island. This resort had two large pools visible form Google Earth. One of which I never dipped in lay further west near the beach, and the other made for rooms with pool access nested inland. There are a couple of different rooms offered but the highlight of this resort has to be the Gold Suite (having pool access). Having my own private waterfront meant a place to berth my whale of a body anytime I wanted when the heat got too extreme. Sitting on the steps half soaked enjoying a cold Heineken as the sun shone fiercely on the cool blue waters was exquisite. On one night the weather was hot, windless and humid. I stopped my copious flow of perspiration by sipping cold apple juice soaking in the same manner. Again, my thoughts if only everyday could be like that.




To get there, I got on the minivan service offered as part of the package. When the driver was asked on the travel time, he could only answer that it will take 1 hour to get to the pier. Beyond that, the timing was unpredictable. As no bridges links mainland to Koh Lanta Yai, we had to get on 2 vehicle ferry services across to Koh Lanata Noi and onto Koh Lanta Yai. If we had arrived during the peak season where both Thais and Farangs are a plenty during the New Year months, it could take as long as three hours just for queues. Since we will never know when chaos will set on the barges used for decades or we could never predict if there will be sudden mass human short term migration onto the island, he rather not speculate on the exact time it will take to get to Cha Da.


I had fish and chips on first arrival 3 in the afternoon after a 2 hours ride. It was large fishes swimming in sea of chips delivered. Definitely worth the 300 Baht it cost as the servings was made for that of the Farang. On some nights the restaurants offered buffet which was only satisfactory to the taste buds but very fair for the wallet. I would recommend for one to use the vouchers on the Ala Carte instead for the orders were generous in servings and the taste on a different level compared to mass cooked food. One advice I have on dining in Cha Da, bring your own mosquito repellent. On the first night, there was no breeze after a short rain. I had a hundred flying insects joining me for dinner sticking onto my sweaty arms and legs. On other nights, my legs were mosquito food in between sporadic occurrence of cool sea breezes. And the breakfasts were conveniently a buffet everyday and I had issues with their Dim Sums. The Siew Mai (Chinese meat dumplings) could be used as a ball replacement in a squash game and it could outlast the best squash ball ever made to last. The bacon was overdone tasting and having a texture like beef jerky. The rest of the spread were fine, I gave my thumbs 85% up on Cha Da food and 100% on the attentiveness and politeness of staffs.


Koh Lanta Yai is a very long island with about three large stretches of beach westwards for one to explore. This trip for me, no car rental. I am having a very bad economic crisis in my wallet and the GDP in my bank account is negative. So I spent my days only in the resort and the town called Sala Dan just a kilometer or two away. The sandy beaches front of Cha Da big and wide, the sand however not at all white. I was greeted by the color brown, to be stirred into a Milo shake as the sea broke the shore. The water ain’t clear on Lanata, it was definitely not Nai Harn of Phuket.


Though this ain’t no Phuket, the Farangs still flocked there in hordes, it was Swedish galore at Cha Da. I had no idea what’s with their country, but it seemed to me they are in a hurry to breed and over take the world. The Swedish occupation of Cha Da involved about 90% families with two to three screaming toddlers. The morning breakfast in the dining hall was more like a nursery gone wrong. Of the hundred or so occupancy, there were only three Thai clusters inclusive of me.

I turn my head to the east, I see screaming toddlers to my side,
I turn my head to the west, still the toddlers in sight,
So I turn my head to the north, want to purchase a pill called cyanide….

Just a joke about the cyanide thing… he he. Anyways, I asked the reception what’s with the Swedish spawning season. Was informed Cha Da had always been Swede occupied most of the time. There is a big agency in Sweden promoting the resort as a family destination with heaps of kiddy activities while the parents romance their time away. On everyday in the pool clad paradise, I saw different white rabbit or orange kola mascots entertaining the screaming sound machine toddlers so invasive to the chirps of birds and soothing sounds of breaking waves.


As I walked in the violet evening light in Sala Dan seeking out fresh seafood, Farangs, more Farangs and so many more Farangs. Strange it is how there exist hidden zoning factions in Thailand, like Bang Sean is mainly for Thais, but Pattaya will all be Farangs. Lanta? At least for the part I was in north west – Farang’s Zone.


To get around from Cha Da, there were “two rows” parked waiting front of the hotel. It cost 50 Baht per pax standard to get to the nearest town of Sala Dan. It cost only 40 Baht for Thais to get back.


And what breed of taxis were on Lanta? That of which was made of motorcycle with a passenger carrying rack woven together on a third wheel. Between clicks of gear change, the sun basked mid twenties driver told us about the upcoming Songkran, which will last only a day compared to Bangkok’s one week of wet t-shirts and wild fun. This is Muslim island he said, and Muslim not like wet and wild, Allah not like. The driver said he rents his service out for three hours at 300 Baht, one giant tank of water and maybe up to three Farangs. Around the towns he will go, as the Farang will play the Songkran.


And so I spent a 3 nights in Cha Da like any typical Asian, while the Farangs I knew from conversations heard had been there a whole 2 weeks and some even more. How you Farangs managed it I envy so much, as I believe yours will be a true holiday compared to the short Asian try-to-pack-everything-in-4-days style of travel. We Asians often end up more tired after a holiday then a working week. We don’t have the privilege of time-off-work on our hands like you do, we could only envy. However this trip round I lazed like you do (actually crisis in wallet) and I got to really rest my mind just waddling around the pool and doing nothing compared to how I would normally set off on exploration and cataloging the Island like the first man from the sea do. I had rested a plenty and am now back in Bangkok, my working holiday continues, the stress from bad business I am not immune.


These are the Emerald Suites, nothing much to them, no pool access.


Pool access rooms, otherwise known as Gold Suite.


I have heard of Crop Circles… but never heard of Crab Circles. The whole beach was just full of them.


A fat village cat in Sala Dan.


An island south of Koh Lanta I visited known as Koh Rok. Will blog about it soon.

Click here for full photo sets under Lazing in Lanta Mar 2009.

Tamboon Condo

And they came, not too early in the morning, a group of nine monks delivered in a van. We had tamboon in our condominium, organized by the office below. All residents were invited to attend, not all turned up. And we donated money in envelopes or bought food for the monk’s morning meal.


It seemed the first time our condominium had organized this, no one knew exactly what to do and some residents who had experience helped in. Not to worry as these monks although looked and dressed the same have an order in there. Somewhere in the nine, will be the F&B monk. He will tell you how to prepare the food and how it is to be offered. Event Organizer monk will appear among the nine to tell you what to do with the candles, holy water and such when all is lost and not know what proceeds in the middle of prayers. A Marketing monk will appear from thin air if you start to talk about future events. Welfare monk will tell you to turn the fan or air conditioning on when it gets hot. And how much money to offer, how it is to be presented? The Finance and Accounting monk will emerge and help you out. Band Leader monk (who sits first on the left) doubles as the Water Party monk to sprinkle all us with holy juice. The rest will be prayer monks. Lots of us were greenhorns in the blessing session. I had been to many but still hardly know how it works. But in all I had attended and when we were lost, the roles of certain monks will be revealed and came forth to aid.


If you are into community living in Thailand, Thais believe you should attend these in your residence if any or get one organized if none. It is good luck. It prevents bad things like… getting stuck in the lift for no apparent technical reasons for fourteen hours, toilet turning into a powerful geyser with your lovely neighbors’ contents when sitting on it, your car being attacked by cat scratches from about sixteen neighboring cats in the parking lot, pigeon running into your eye beak first when you open your car door, running into a hot iron on the ironing board in the morning naked and groin first… whatever.

So there I sat through the session, immersed in the monotonous gothic like chorus of chants. The drone of hymn reverberated through every cell of my body and every particle of the walls. It was good to be there.

Jobs in Thailand

It is an indication that the job market is bad when one advertisement in JobsDB lands you overwhelming heaps of resumes. It is an indication that business is bad when friends in MNCs tell you they have a retrenchment exercise and a head count freeze. It is also an indication when the farang you know got retrenched and get stressed about how to go on in this Kingdom. The market is bad, everyone is cutting back. However, the only companies that are charging forth through are the energy and oil businesses. Five and a half month bonus, some of my friends got. Back to the topic of bad economy, a lady friend had a Korean boyfriend turned ex. He got retrenched and just disappears, with the one million Baht car signed under an installment plan in her name. She will go to court soon. Who said girls in Thailand with an expat relation are lucky? Wrong assumption, some expats can be bastards.

And still, Thailand remains an attractive environment to work in for her various charms. And still, would be expats are sending out hundreds of resume only to be left hanging in the dark without a reply. As I have been here a couple of years now, I have learned the best way to land a job would be through re-assignment/location from your home country’s company into this City of Angels. That’s when the lucky expats get big fat pay living like high-so kids from well off families. Ever wondered why our resumes never get read, ever wondered why we are always left hanging? Why does a great big European, American, Australian or what not MNC not hire your white, yellow or whatever skin of an expat?

The HR in such companies are Thai and Thai will know Thai pay. Maybe to impress their relocated expat boss they want by telling the big savings getting an equally qualified but bad English speaking Thai. Maybe it involves jealousy when looking at what expats expected to be paid and most likely will by their expat boss. And most likely, the entire HR team is so short sighted they don’t see the investment value in us. They think in a small box, narrow minded and uncreative. They are why we don’t get hired. Wrong, all wrong these stupid ways, for I had witnessed a daring Thai company invest in an expat and the sudden influx of foreign related business the company beneficially enjoyed. An expat also brings professionalism to one’s company and could also influence and change the “sabai-sabai” working attitude of Thais for the better. Expats are efficient, creative and energetic engines (just don’t hire a drunk). Expats can bring a whole new world and clouds of original ideas into an operation. HR, please think out of the box for the benefit of your companies, tune to an investment mind for Buddha’s sake. Expats wannabe, I understand you.

Luk Kruengs Lucky?

It’s a question difficult to answer, it always depends on the equation. A story of that I will tell, of that which happened in the condo I live. Bart (lets call him Bart for he was more of a brat as the residence knew him) is a “luk-krueng” (mixed blood), father a Japanese mother is a Thai. It is in the Thai’s eye that “luk-kruengs” are the luckiest people alive, with one money loaded parent of overseas origin, they are presumed to mature into someone smart, rich or a beautiful/handsome movie star. Well not all share the same fate as this tale I will tell.

Bart hung with the security guards 24 by 7. He hardly went home. He slept in the gym, in the ping pong room and ate with the security guards or staffs of the office. At an early teenage transition he was, rude and harassment associated remarks he would pass on the girls in our condo. Lately, he had disappeared. No longer do we see the dark bespectacled boy lingering all day around our condo. As inquisitive as I have always been, I asked the Thais.

Bart was a problem child, his mother had huge issues with him. Unable to control him, she let him be and so he decided to choose his own way, drop out of school and move out of the apartment. Where his father was no one knew. And so without his parents support and with no money for meals, residents started to help him out. Some would ask of him to go buy food and deliver to their rooms, giving him a large tip in return for his daily necessities. Why this treatment his mother did, no one knew either and could only speculate.

A life desperate, a life would lapse into the unethical route, as always the easiest avenue in Thailand. Near his last few days around, he kept the money advanced by the residents and disappeared for periods using the doe for his own affairs. The residents started to complain and it was decided to bar him from the condo altogether. His mother was notified and in fear that Bart would return, she simply sold the apartment and moved out as fast as she could. That’s it, simple, just run, run away from it all. Thailand is so big and one could hide so well. Bart never returned to the condo, or maybe he did but to find his only parent had gone. There, he faded into just another statistical part of the population.

The stereotyping that all “luk-kreungs” are lucky, get good education and grow up to be someone great and live a comfortable life is not so correct an assumption anymore. I had even seen “luk-kruengs” boys or girls selling garlands at traffic junctions. It all depends on the equation.