The Holes of Thai Roads

These are the things that make your wheel break away nicely in unpredictable direction. Road repair takes forever in Thailand and so, when driving on un-chartered roads you never been before, always watch out for the holes. Drive slow, or let the car behind take over and follow his pace at a distance. He could be more familiar then your irritatingly slow car. Watch him closely and if he goes airborne, brake hard. One fine day, I finally understood why their existence. I saw cows drinking from these water filled holes after the rain.

The Naga Fireballs

From various sources on the internet:

The Naga fireballs are a phenomenon seen in the Mekong river - in Thailand (Nong Khai province and Isan) and in Laos - in which glowing balls rise from depths. The balls are reddish in colour and about the size of an egg; they rise a couple of hundred meters before disappearing. The number of fireballs is variable, being reported at between tens and thousands per night.

The fireballs have been seen for centuries and are most often reported around the night of Wan Awk Pansa - the end of the Buddhist rains retreat - in October, although displays have also been reported in March, April, May, June and September. It is speculated by Scientist that during particular periods of the year, the full moon will cause methane to be released from the sediments in the river. This rising methane gas upon emerging out form the water then ignites when mixed with the atmosphere resulting in the fireballs witnessed by the public. Mythological beliefs interpret these fireballs as steps for the Buddha to descend from the heavens.

Hmmmm .. very intriguing. I think this October on a full moon night, I will fart in the swimming pool in an attempt to replicate the phenomenon. I want to see if my fart turns into fireball or not. If not I will just make a lot of farting gaseous balls and maybe, just maybe, a passing owl will descend (fall dead) from the sky.

Internet Services in Thailand

Whatever you do, don’t sign up with TOT. TOT is the mafia of telecommunications. They dominate the country with their sub standard and more then expensive Internet services. I would love to have gone with True, faster lines at cheaper price. But unfortunately, their lines do not reach the area which I stayed. This is not like Singapore, wherever you stay you have a choice of all providers, thanks to the first-class nationwide infrastructure superior in all ways to that of backwards Thailand.

The killer tear in your balls is when you pay your bills late. There is simply no way in which you can re-activate your services except to visit their elusive and difficult to locate main offices. If only this was True, their branches would be all over Bangkok and you could just walk in and clear you issues. TOT is as hard as a stubborn piece of shit hardened in the sun. They cannot re-activate your line, or to have your late payment invoiced in the next upcoming bill. They simply cut your lines and say “no-pay-no-line-sorry-na-ka”. As busy businessmen traveling lots and mostly not home to pay your bills on time, TOT kills you.

And so we have the avenue to go to their web, TOT e-Services they so proudly painted all over their homepage. Then the frustration begins, when the English locale you had chosen keeps switching back to the gibberish Thai characters. I cannot read Thai. And so when you try to pay your unpaid bills online, you will then learn the stubborn hard shit rules applies. The bill is shown, but the payment cannot be made, because you are late! Why in the world did they call it e-Services when it is filled with such a considerable piece of inconvenience? I tell you why. Because it is TOT.

And so I though out of the box, and tried to use their Request-For-Invoice service, hoping the bills will be reset and a new bill sent, so that I can go to the ATM and make the payments. The web site then switched to Thai, and when I clicked on English I was presented with scripting errors. For the love of Buddha, you are a leader in telecommunications and IT, and yet you have crap programmers that never check the web services thoroughly. I tell you why again. Because it is TOT.

TOT, go screw yourselves in the ass the whole lot of you, customer services and all.

Hot Springs Beach Resort

I was in paradise, The Hot Spring Resort in Phang Nga. A lesser known paradise north of Phuket but still, stunning beaches and tranquility. The Tsunami of 2004 had devastated her, but she was quickly rebuilt and restored to her former glory. It was not easy to get to this heaven as she was nested deep within the unknown roads of Phang Nga. A destination popular with the Asian crowd I was told, as she was mostly promoted in countries like Japan, Taiwan and China. The Thai holiday makers were scarce in this hidden jewel of idyllic serenity. It is the only resort that has her own natural hot springs, a destination to break stress and detune your busy life to the pace of slow waters gently flowing as run offs by the side of the emerald pool.


It was the mob season and so we read that many tourists had cancelled their travel plans Most of the hotels in this region and others suffered a huge dip in business. To me, it meant having the whole resort almost to ourselves. A normally packed weekend with only 4 bookings. A normally packed season with less then 10% occupancy rate. How else was I able to take those pictures with so little people in it? The normal buffet breakfast had to be turned a la cart style. The restaurant by the beach was closed for economic reasons. It was peace to our benefit. I see it as a small stroke of luck. The loud chats and proud talks of Chinamen were absent.


Almost all resorts in Thailand will exhibit their own special spa courses. The experiences vary and I would call them a good con for most. These so-called spas normally can be interpreted as ultra expensive massages fifteen times the price of a good two hour rub in the normal massage parlous of Bangkok, at a quarter of the expected skill set. But here, I finally found the difference. We had thirty minutes to ourselves in the hot therapeutic pool, bits and pieces of aromatic drifty bits in the water. With our energy sapped out by the warmth and our spirit drowsed down into a lethargic cloud of drowsy soul, we laid on the massage beds and enjoyed one and half hours of exceptional rubs, twist and squeezes. It was poles apart form the con type spas I had in the other so called resorts. You just gotta try it. The sleep on the night of the spa felt like I had never slept in years. The morning after the energy I had was fresh like the first rays of sun. Superb.


The jetty that led to the promised beach was there. The beach that was supposed to be was not. The jetty ended abruptly and so we asked. The season had been strange after the tsunami years. The storms had been odd. They washed the sands away overnight, the beach that once was had gone. But on some good seasons the sands accumulate, and the promised beach was there. A grand wedding party was recently held, the newly weds walked the sands that were present. The owner had wanted to show me the photos just to convince me there really was a beach.


It was a bad season, it was bad business. It was Thais killing their own business which was yet another trait of never thinking of consequences. As you work with Thais you will know by majority count that they have the inherent attribute of short foresight. This season the mannerism exhibited on a grand scale. This is why we have mostly foreigners filling critical positions in most companies. We try our best to pass down the proficiency of envision. I am teaching, they are learning, but however most are not. It was a great holiday nevertheless.









Full photo set at cllim.com under Phang Nga Sep 2008.

TT Money Thai to Singapore

Yet another case I will write about on one of the numerous extra pointless manners in which foreigners like us are exclusively handled in Thailand. In this modern era where customer satisfaction is priority of all practices, banks in Thailand had taken that extra step back just to make matters more challenging for us. I had been occasionally transferring my money to Singapore just so as to pay my card bills. Reason being it is almost impossible for foreigners to enjoy the privilege of credit cards issued in this cumbersome Kingdom. I can live with that.

Just then, as I just tried to do the TT, in addition to showing my passport, I was asked to show my employment letter, my work permit and my pay slip! The volcano in me erupted and I fired away to demand an explanation. Banker informed me that this is a new regulation for Thailand is in fear that we foreigners are transferring the Kingdom’s money out disrupting the economy. We need to proof we are drawing legal salary and it is this legal salary that we are transferring out. Hello! Does my face looks square and is my sir name Shinawatra?? I explained that the target account is in my own name. It is my own money for my own use. It was a fruitless argument as the buffalo rules must be adhered to.

Great! Life in Thailand has now up a notch in ludicrousity. Remember to have all those document guys, the next time you want to TT. I almost wanted to shout in Hokkien very loud: K.N.N.B.C.C.B.

Eating in Phuket, I found Rawai

So where do we eat in Phuket? As tourist, we stay in Patong we eat in Patong. We stay in Kata, we eat in Kata. And all those eatery almost always have their prices blown out of proportion for they are tuned to the pockets of the farangs. Could we then really get the local food there? No. All the restaurants had been made up-scaled and even the Thai food are just that little bit adjusted to the taste of the farangs.


Here’s a tip, firstly, on tour, must rent car. No car, no real holiday. We drove around the island, found this Rawai beach (southern tip of Phuket). Been to Phuket so many times and never knew this beach existed. Affordable looking eating joints were a plenty overlooking the sea. I knew it was local when I saw Thais on every table. Thais naturally are Thais and knows where to spend their money. They will not usually eat in restaurants targeting farangs. One of the strange highlights of Rawai was that, on most tables, I saw there were a farang or two, eating in the company of a number of “sexy” girls. I guess that’s where Phuket “girlfriends” brings tourist “boyfriends” to when asked for “bring me some place local, I hungry” after the night of “I love you honey, sick at home my mommy, give me some money”.

The food was really local I could tell, as I found out that their Tom Yam soup really tasted very different from that in Bangkok. They put in a different kind of spice, and all the taste I was so used to for the regular dishes I ordered, just tasted that slightly different. Whatever you order, don’t go for the Seabass (Pla Kapong), it tasted muddy. I assumed they do not have sea farmed Seabass and instead catch them from the local mangroves. It was the worst fish I ever ate in years.

And whatever different spices the southern kingdom used, it made me able to kill the nearby dog just by farting. It is interesting to note, Thailand is so big, food in each region have their own localized flavors, name of dish the same. Kill radius of fart differs.

What u can get for SGD$ 3.2 Million

Two of these in one big plot of land (outside Bangkok). One for your brother and one for yourself.



Your very own resort style outdoor dining area by the pond.


Your very own little bridge across your personal pond.


And a whole assortment of water features.

Thailand, where a Singaporean’s dream comes true. Ofcoz.. its not mine. But imagine if you have a 4 million property in Singapore, one of those small properties in an upscale district. Sell all out, bring your money here and you could build your own castle.

Thai No Speak English

Yet another frustrating day almost vomiting blood just interacting in simple conversation with an insurance based car workshop. Called up the workshop and they asked what insurance company am I covered under. Naturally not being able to read the Thai company name, I answered the company name in English. They say no they don’t deal with me because they do not cover this company that I spoke. And so frustratingly we argued over the phone till I had to be physically there to show them my insurance slip and the imbeciles then recognized my claim.

And so the following day after I sent in my car, they called me and requested me to fax the driving license to them. And so I asked in Thai who to “attention” to, with the word attention in English as I do not know that word in Thai. The other end kept quite.. and repeated the fax number. After I asked them two more times who to attention to, they cut my line.

Yes, Thailand, no speaking English. And if they don’t understand you, instead of trying to understand, they cut your line and hope to leave you to another operator to handle you on your already furious state. The daily frustrations we foreigners encounter till tear balls point. No matter it be talking about getting that cable for your home, the bill payments for your mobile, the ordering of KFC even, we tear our crouch each time we try to hold a simple conversation with the Thais. We tried our best picked up their language, they tried their best to just cut us off.

Traffic Lights of Thailand

Again another example of – it is assumed that all foreigners have some extraordinary abilities to somehow read Thai. What the sign says? Turn left on green? Wait for green to turn left? Cannot turn left? The turn left light is on the floor? What??? Something quite sure is, turn left blur blur and pay the police. The police will tell you the answer.

Ok.. I share.. signs like these means, wait for green to turn left. If this sign is not present, I think you can turn left without waiting. Or, turn left right center u-turn anyway at any junction you want, traffic rules don’t really exist here.

The Swarm Bangkok

It was unruly. The traffic all built up causing a massive jam. It took forever for me to make that u-turn. It was just 10 am on a Sunday morning but already the traffic was crazy. It was abnormal. People came by the thousands, the walkways all crammed up. It was utter disorder. People who are tried sat on the floor, everywhere. Shouting, loud talking, turmoil, confusion, madness. Mob.. demonstration on the streets, anti-government movements?

No. it was The13th Discovery Thailand & Discovery World 2008. Yah… and Bangkok was supposed to be in disarray. Bangkok was supposed to be dangerous, all tourism business affected as reported in the news. But the crowds were still snapping up the good offers in the so many luxurious resorts across the Kingdom. Who’s missing out? Only the foreigners.

On a weekend in Singapore we can only have a good ridiculously expensive five or so resorts to spend a good night away from home. I… bored like f forever. On a weekend in Thailand, I have more then EIGHT HUNDRED resorts that I can choose to drive to and spend a good cheap night away from home. I… holiday forever.


Ridiculous jam early in the morning 10 am, people all loaded to spend their money.


Worst inside where it was extremely crowded.

Yellow Color Red Color

This is funny…. from The Nation newspapers, 3rd Sept 2008.

As more protesters poured into Government House, where music continued to play and defiant speakers continued to address vociferous crowds, the state of emergency declared by Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej Tuesday morning seemed to have serious effects on only one person - himself.

So, the chaos had been on going for several days. In Thailand, there seems to be a color for everything. Now, anti-government protesters wear yellow, and the pro-government wears red. Guess it would not be a good time to be in your yellow or red outfits. Then how? Paint your face half yellow half red like the football fans. Wear half yellow or half red shirts, or shirts with both yellow and red horizontal stripes. Red underwear and yellow shoes. Bra left side yellow and right side red. Oh yeah and walk the streets to exhibit your neutral thoughts. Either way, either color or multi color, you still did be hit by a brick, set on fire or whacked by sticks. It seems this situation is for the disgruntled Thais to release their stress through violence. When I watched the news and saw the beatings, I simply cannot understand how the crowd decipher the guy in black was on which side. They just whacked and whacked and whacked some more.

Violent behavior, chaos and such, my Malaysian customers on long term work stint had taken their emergency trip back home. Scared again by the reports, but live still goes on for the rest of the country. The violence is localized but the imagination drove the fear. In my office, no one really seems to be worried by the situation. In the shopping center where I eat, everyone is still smiling. And so, why worry?

The union here is powerful, the utilities sector decided to go on “organized leave”. They tend to cut the power and the water, to pressure the prime minister to quit. They seemed tuned to the anti side, and show they will when needed. In retrospect I looked, our NTUC taxi drivers. Disgruntled unhappy and such, their long political talks when you ride. They complained for decades and action none. Such is life in Singapore for such is the way it has to be. It’s good, it’s bad, it’s the way it is enforced to be.

Bangkok Dangerous?

Thailand is the only country where the prime ministers have uncanny facial similarities to characters from Nickelodeon and what not. Thaksin, one look and you think of SpongeBob. Next you would expect his associates to look like Patrick. Lucky, no one had a face like a star. And so Thaksin was overthrown by the military coup and there was no one for a while. And then Thai elected a new prime minister. If for some reason this new Samak were to be in a farm holding a huge steel fork, I bet he look like something out from Journey to the West. Best still if a monk happen to be nearby.

Thailand in Chaos? The news you saw on CNN and papers, oh yes, the mob wants to over throw the prime minister, the police engaged the mob. Injuries and bloodshed a few when the police tried to control the crowd. And then the mob blamed the police for using violence. And so the mob moved in on the police headquarters and demanded the policemen who injured the crowd. All hell broke loose because the mob not happy, the mob grew in size and sprouted up in the other provinces. Then someone with a big idea decided to position the mobs on the runway, forced themselves into the airports they did. They wanted to hit the landing aeroplane's wheel with their face. So Krabi, Hat Yai and Phuket airports closed. Yes, it was true… it was so chaotic, it was a mess. There were the opposing parties, and then the supporting parties. Let them mingle move them close to each other. Let them pacify neutralize or equalize by violence, so the police would not be blamed for causing more injuries. Watch the show from the side lah, then pick up the aftermath without a sweat.

With all the news reported of violence, everyone is in danger. Oh really? So strange that people were still going to pubs, disco and clubs. We all still live everyday as it is. It was the month’s end, salary was out. Thais were still getting drunk on the past weekend, still going for their pop-pop sessions, still going for the karaoke. Chaos? Oh really?

In the tiny Singapore lives we live, we have never encountered a mob. And so we thought the mob equals to the country breaking down. And really it is not so. The news shows and focus, to show only what they wanted to show. If the camera was to turn a 180, you will get to see the traffic still going on slow, the peddlers still are selling and the karaoke girls still are working. The restaurants will all still pack, the holiday resorts on weekends will still full.

Visiting the Clinic - Bangkok

What to do when you are sick in Thailand? Visit a doctor, get an MC (medical certificate), stay at home? Well sort of. The very first strange thing is that, no need MC to show your employer. In Thailand, every employee is entitled to x amount of sick leave. Some companies however will require you to show your MC if you happen to fall sick on a Friday or Monday. So if you don't feel like going to work, just call in sick with a silly excuse. The privilege of a Thai employee.

The doctors. Now, generally, it is quite expensive to visit the doc. Again depends on where you go. In Singapore, we just visit our family clinic and we pay about SGD$30. Here you could too, visit your typical local clinic but be prescribed with Thai medical instructions, explained in Thai and get yourself overdose for taking the wrong number of tablets from misunderstanding.

We each pay what is know as social insurance or something, automatically deducted from our salary. So we each have this social insurance paper slip that we can use to visit the doctor for free or subsidized. Some companies have more employee benefits and enroll their employees with big name insurances like AIA for medical benefits. The difference between the two if you use them when you go to a reputable hospital or clinic is that, you get double standard medication. The medication that you get when using your normal social insurance benefits are of lower grades. Use the AIA one which covers a higher budget and you get the better medication. So, what if you don’t use both and pay by yourself? You get the best. I did that (actually it was because I did not have my insurance thingy with me).

I went to Param 9 Hospital, yes… a hospital. The moment I registered and they realized I was a sick foreigner in their so strange land, they gave me the utmost of treatment. I was ushered here and there, gently and politely guided, smiles and smiles, the way Thailand should really be. I was so happy I could even forget I was sick.


The doctor spoke in English and best of all the medication had English directions written on them. Yeah, pay more get better treatment, in all it cost THB$1300 (SGD$52) but hey, it was worth it.

Normally I did complain heaps when dealing with related customer services in this land and such. But this was one of those times that I was really impressed in the way I was handled. So if you are sick and don’t want to further aggravate your situation, go to the big name hospitals to find their GP. Your are going to be glad.


Look, even the antibiotic they gave was special.. size XL.

Eco Tour Amphur Wa

Eco Tourism, a trendy word. Any kampong hut that’s on swampy land can be made into an Eco destination. Sleep in the mangroves and enjoy the mosquito bites. Be in nature, donate your blood. Eco tourism, a trend. Seems like many Thais now that have really beaten down homes in their provinces can turn their place into a tourist attraction. They could cost as much as THB$1,000 per night, food inclusive (if you ever could eat them E-san food).


Recently I was in Amphur Wa (correct spelling is unknown, in Thailand, there are 200 different ways of spelling the same destination in English). This district of the Samut god knows what province is located just 1 ½ hours drive away. She is famous for her floating market, shellfish flats and Eco Tourism.


The huts on stilts, next to the river, in the night the water level raises. You can half expect the crocodiles to come by and tear your leg off while you are sleeping.


Sleep in the nettings, the defensive against the mossies.


The monks nearby worked their gardens, the morning air was fresh. And then the pack of dogs came and barked, and chased me away to Holland.


Plant a young mangrove tree, the highlight of the Eco Tourism activity, things that you do to save the planet. Suffered so many cuts the people who went in the mud, the hidden shells sharp like razors. Did I do my part to save the planet? I stayed on the boat.


Reach deep in grab the cockles, on plywood like surfboards they maneuvered. I stayed on the boat. I don’t eat cockles.


And we visited the home grown business, of palm sugar the owner operated. The weather was sticky, there was no single element of luxury. When I bathed the water stopped flowing, my head was still then a mushroom of shampoo. As the night approached I died of boredom, just what the heck we could do in the mangroves? So there was a trip, we rode along the river. The thousand fireflies glowed in a dance of mystic synchronism, I awed, we all did. Shall I go back again Eco Tour? Please no unless it is on an island, with 4 star and above accommodations.

Full photos here under Amphur Wa.

A Consolidation of Thoughts

These recent trips consolidated amounts to the longest period I had been out of Thailand. To Singapore, to KL, to JB and to and to re-live the small world where once I lived, oh my tiny life in Singapore.

Changi airport. Everything fingerprint scanner now. The aunty in front of me caused the queue built up in the auto-check lane so funny. Her print was not read, the machine instructed her to remove her thumb. She raised her thumb above her head. And she tried again. And again. And again. And she as she went she spoke out loud “Aye… why cannot leh… ??”. She repeatedly raised her thumb up above her head, down to the scanner, and up above again. Harlo!!! Remove thumb only lah!! No need to so big action lah! Stupid! Technology had moved too fast for the population, the older generation could not catch up.

The next time you do the scanner thingy, watch the glass plate. See the smeared merger of finger prints left behind. Then think of the myriad of bacteria left behind by so many individuals. Then think of the many contact diseases. Think of the prior actions of the individual up front. Think, get eeks. When will we all wake up? This ain’t such a good idea after all.

And me and my Thai engineer was at my lone grandma’s house to drop a luggage. As we left he commented, “Why is my grandma at home everyday, what does she do, she lives like a rat in her cage called home”. And he was right. Everyday that I was there, as I left for work I saw too, the opposite neighbors, the old woman and her old man, just sitting, staring and waiting. We are Singapore, we are Singapore we have no nature in store. When we are old we just wait to depart. That’s life. In Thailand your old folks could wonder and fall on patchy grass. In Singapore your old folks tumble down the HDB and break into pieces. We are the children of the concrete jungles.

We arrived in the Malaysia hotel. Someone had to tell one of my Thai engineers the green arrow sticker up on the ceiling points to the direction of prayer for Muslims, not the direction of the wireless LAN.

And food in Singapore, as usual excruciatingly expensive at the diners. Dining with the slightest bit of style burns THB$2,000 for two, while I can do that for just about THB$500 here in my paradise. My life in the reasonable land, the Singapore life there I can no longer afford.

The number of foreign work force had increased. The Chinamen had taken the common jobs. I see no future for the uneducated population, your rice bowl taken by the immigrants. Younglings, study get rich be quick, or be left in the voids of the society haven. The invasion starts first with night clubs, the trap for gullible Singaporeans. And now they moved to the hawkers. They control the basic low down pillars, the needs of our small word living. And soon we will find them an integral part, an irremovable part of our nation. Sit back relax and watch the culture change, a turn for the worse I reckon.


At the taxi stand there I waited. No smoking in any queue or risk the fine. I saw the opposing teens, they spoke and smoke bellows from their breath. I saw the people down the queue. Smoke bellows, them smoking. Daring bunch I say, you are the future of this country. Daring to exhibit your free will, in the country of countless restrictions. I call them “Daring to be me”. Not me as in me the blogger, but daring to be oneself, to exercises the freedom of actions, to be what one wants to be, to do what one wants to do. To be an individual and not the common. Hey wait a moment, think back and I wonder. Were they all Singaporeans or some were the immigrants? I not sure and I don’t give a damn. For I am here soaring in my dreams, the live I left, I forsaken.

Air Asia Very Smelly

It had been sometime since I took the budget airlines. And now there are baggage charges and a ridiculous option for express boarding (no need queue), all of which had to be paid for. I can live with those.

Now, I sat in the small plane two hours and it smelt like there were urinals that had not been washed for three days installed in the cabin. Does budget airline means no frills till the point where sewage processing is thus not a necessity when the plane makes its stop? Oh jolly smelly shit.


And what’s new is also the cheapo looking menu “Snack Attack”. Oh so much joy looking at the menu, the only reading material available other then reading the fine prints on the puke bags.

Budget. The paint on the airplane was peeling. I saw them clear when boarding. I was half expecting the metal skin to peel away from the wings while in flight. Of course.. that did not happen for I won’t be here to blog.

Landed in Changi Airport and all passengers were so specially welcomed by the unexpected cordoning of our arrival gate. All the police guiding us like criminals for this extra security check, such a warm surprising welcome for all us folks, tourist and businessmen on Singapore’s National Day. To tell the world that Singapore likes to harass our visitors on arrival, they put us on the glorious pedestal to be scanned by the strange unfriendly beeping device, looking under our shirts to see the metal belt bucket. And they x-rayed and they opened the Indiaman’s bag, to remove the computer power cord out. I wonder, the Indian wonder if the police wonder it to be a cobra for the snake dance performance, the Indiaman’s show. I have but two Hokkien words for this encounter for all on arrival – gey gan (extra fuck).

Professional Traffic Bangkok

Bangkok traffic handling, very professional. During peak hours, many parts of roads will be so jammed up. The traffic police in this amazing city of angles have their own very amusing ways to solve the traffic lock ups.

It normally takes me 20 minutes to successfully make a u-turn in the heavy evening traffic back home. The queues of cars are long as each inch daringly with balls of steel into the oncoming traffic the other side of road. This particular u-turn causes massive traffic built up all the time. And the police came up with a very good idea that eliminated the jam. With their professional planning derived from their excellent clever brains, they barricaded this u-turn during the peak hours. With three of them there waving the traffic on, we each drove angrily by.

So the next u-turn is down the road and all cars had to make their turns there. Well, since the u-turn there then caused a massive build up next, the police then with their professional planning derived from their excellent clever brains, barricaded that u-turn during the peak hours. With three of them there waving the traffic on, we each drove angrily by.

So we had to go further down to the traffic junction and turn right to an alternative route. And since that right turn then caused a massive build up next, the police then with their professional planning derived from their excellent clever brains, barricaded the right turn during the peak hours. With three of them there waving the traffic on, we each drove angrily by.

So we can only go straight on to the next junction to make a left to an alternative route that can bring us back to the first u-turn point which was where we originally wanted to be in the first place after going on for an extra 5 kilometers that took close to 30 minutes burning our precious fuel contributing to global carbon built up which Thailand don’t give a dam about since the politicians are happy making money from fuel taxes and such so that they have extra pocket money to go for their weekly massage escapades. But since that left turn then caused a massive build up next, the police then with their professional planning derived from their excellent clever brains, barricaded the left turn during the peak hours. With three of them there waving the traffic on, we each drove fumingly by.

And so… we all want to drive our cars into the policemen who barricade the junctions, the peaks hours of the evening we want to go home. We want to ram them down and have their big balls cut off, and squeeze them tightly into their ears, into their so empty brain cavity until the brain juice leak from their nose. Oh Bangkok, you are so darn amazing.

The Chaophraya Cruise

Finally, I was on board the infamous river cruise so well talked about by the tourist. Cost about SGD$32.00 per pax. We got it at SGD$24.00 during a recent travel fair. To get your tickets, normally would be to call up the hotels along the river side where these cruises are offered. And they range many. From the really expensive ones offered by Shangri-la to the really “low-so” ones by what looks like above average “hotel-fun-fun”. That’s the one I went… “cruise-fun-fun” by the “hotel-fun-fun”. The food was terrible.


Steak was cold, overcooked and somehow powdery. None of that BBQ charred fatty bits giving that unique taste to a good steak, more evidence you can never find good western steaks here in Thailand.

The Thai spread was limited and even the Thais complained it was worst then eating from the lousy street side stalls set up by the unlicensed hawkers. It was terrible. They made even the simplest BBQ river prawns taste bad. They were small and tasted like they had died three months ago but kept in the freezer.


DIY coffee tasted like it had baby cockroaches brewed with definitely not Arabica.


Chunks of cheap looking ice blocks, otherwise known as ice-creams.


The deco of decades old, like that of an old 70’s dining hall. They had a live band and the only things worth looking at were the dancers. The uncles drunk went up to them and they all danced together. Must give tips. Reminds me of bad karaoke clubs in the distance provinces.

And I had to be in the worst place to die if the ship hit a barge, I had to do the big business in their confined toilet, surprisingly, I have to give credit to this. The toilet was clean.


Well, I guess the objective was not to enjoy the bad 15 minutes of buffet accompanied by Pepsi overdosed with too much carbonated water losing its taste. We spent the next 2 hours or so up on the deck enjoying the breeze. And we scrutinized the couples so many, the old men with their young karaoke girls on their Sundays off.

Moral of story. Pay peanuts get monkey. Go for the expensive cruise if I have to. Next time.

Thai Aerobics

The birds chirp away, the morning breeze blowing gently. A bunch of ah gongs and ah mahs in the vacant lot below the block going…. “fuuuuuuuuuuu siiiiiiiiiiiiiii fuuuuuuuuuuu siiiiiiiiiiiiiii”. Typical Tai Chi exercise in Singapore. If you stare long enough, you may just witness one or two of them dropping dead as their hearts stop. And what do we have in Thailand. Its evening about 5pm. Middle age aunties dancing to techno music anywhere there is vacant land where a stage can be set up. The feminine man aerobics instructor dancing vigorously to the beats, the aunties all hoping they had brought better sports bras.

The Pet Clinic

Surprisingly, if you can read Thai, there are so many vets you can find in Thailand just driving around compared to the number of them in Singapore. Clinics and vets share the same common green gross sign so it can be quite a challenge to find one if you don’t read the language of smiles. If you have a dog or a cat (common pets) then every what looks like a vet will be able to treat them. If you have exotic pets, such as lizards, birds or the weird rabbit I own, then going to find a vet becomes an adventure. The wordings out front the vet states what animals they treat, the brain of mine was however unable to make out what is written. Your beloved pet may accidentally undergo a sex change operation, the abundance of gender change clinics here, the same green cross and words in Thai I don’t understand.

Thais are never on time. So fitting a plan to the vet in your tight working schedule will definitely be blown apart. So take half a day off. He came an hour late, and stared at rabbit thinking it was a small dog. I doubt the certificate hanging on the wall. I don’t read Thai. It could have been qualification for balls massage issued by some Temple of Kamasutra. He grappled with my rabbit and of course rabbit panicked. My rabbit was lovely, it ran towards my belly jutting over the low table top. Rabbit attempted to scale my body but sick without energy he stood and cling. I embraced my rabbit to soothe his panic, still he stood and grip on my tummy.

One rectal thermometer probe, two jabs and saline or whatever intravenous drip of a minute it took. Rabbit had a fever the doctor said. 3 days of visiting and now my rabbit is back to almost normal but developed a strange appetite rejecting the pellets he so liked. I will have to change his diet. The visit didn’t cost much, about SGD$14 per trip. You can get the doc’s number, call him for a house visit if in emergency. Vets for dogs and cats are easy to locate. Vets for rabbits and exotic pets are not. My vet is not a rabbit specialist. The medication I took home labeled it’s for dogs.

Dear vet, my rabbit is not a small dog.

We will we will Rock You!

That’s how you rock your cradle of babies over here. Simple, dusty, open to mosquitoes, rats and geckos. Rock your baby to sleep, beware the Python that sleeps nearby. If the Python don’t get your baby, baby may strangle in entangle, the wide gaps of the cradle.

Recess Time

Say, are you in your mid 30’s, do you remember your childhood Primary school days? What do we do during recess time and after school? We did what the Thais do now. Gone are the days where in Singapore we rode our BMX into the forest to catch crabs. Gone are the days when we played catching and such. I am not sure if children still play go-li. I got a feeling the children of Singapore spend their play time in Vice City of Grand Theft Auto. Or they did be stuck to the LCD in cyber world. There’s no more nature in Singapore, life is but full of electronics. Look at the Thai children, they do what we did back then.

People can Die from Food Allergy in Thailand

Singaporeans. Complain, complain and complain. Everyday nothing to do but complain. Go holiday, everything also complain. Come Thailand, complain, complain about service, food and Thai people stupid. Complain, complain I hear so many.

To me, theses complaining I take it as caused by the short patience of our Singapore attitude. I have now adjusted my attitude and think that, hey, it is not Thailand that is stupid, it is us Singaporeans that are just complaining too much, it is our own fussiness that is the fault. It should be the Thais that should be complaining about us Singaporeans speaking too loud and with our bad attitude in their land. Until yesterday….

13 Coins, a very successful chain of family orientated restaurant with affordable Thai and Western huge servings of delicacies catered for the average to middle income group. Who serves? The average drop out or that kid from the slump. That Dek Skoi or Dek Vann (teenagers on screaming scoters), or maybe with some intelligence, the student that works part time. Who manages? Naturally, if the crew managers are educated, they would not be working in 13 Coins serving.

I had my fair share of fun making fun of Muslims, but yesterday a Muslim was my friend. Muslims don’t eat pork. Muslims are known as Kun Islam here in Thailand. It is common sense that Kun Islam don’t eat pork and we all respect that just as how they respect Buddhist don’t eat beef. I specifically mentioned to the boy taking my order about that. I specifically told him no Pig please in all the dishes I ordered and to inform the kitchen. I spoke in Thai, it was very clear my instructions.

Kun Islam and me ate through dinner. Three quarters of the way through, he pulled a piece of meat from the Bake Prawn Vermicelli. Allah shit… we both panicked and asked for the waiter to attention.

“Whats this?” I asked. Waiter kept still.
Then manager comes along seeing our commotion.
“Whats this??!!!” I repeated.
“Bacon.” The manager happily answered smiling.
I tell you that after my screaming, both of them no more smile.
They gave me another Bake Prawn Vermicelli free of charge plus simple “Sorry”. We did not touch that.

So, if you are one of those that are allergic to certain food. Don’t trust nobody in Thailand. The food service industry is full of stupid uneducated people, proven!!!. To them, BACON or HAM could be interpreted as meat from another imaginary exotic animal but not that of a pink fat PIG. That’s how simple minded they are, word for word they understand. Dismantle your food and scrutinized every piece of suspicious object. You may die developing a reaction and add to statistics – People Dying from Food Allergy in Thailand.

Words of Wisdom

From an old wise Singaporean whom I recently met in Bangkok (an no, he is not Taxi driver):
In Singapore, you have freedom of speech. But after you speak…. No more freedom.

I Keep Water

No, they are not giant urns where the centuries of family ashes are poured in and accumulated. Neither are they strange looking garbage bins. Of course it is impossible to balance yourself squatting on one of these so, they are not the open air nature toilets.

Kind of reminds me of the show Dark Water, could be a dead Jap girl in each of them. These huge concrete jugs are use to collect rainwater for the everyday use, from cleaning, bathing to washing the dishes. I am not sure if they cook and drink the rainwater but I hope they do not. Of course they don’t belong in the metropolitan though you do get to see them once a while among the older households within the city area, reminiscence of the past once was. However, they can be found in abundance among the rurals, where we thought of the past still lives.

Death by Balls

This news had been circulating lately. The Thais told me it was on their newspapers (I don’t know if to believe). Broken hearted, the male who got ditched decided to hang himself, by the balls. He succeeded and was found dead.

Singapore Songs

Guys…. Check this out. Found an island of dead floating ants in my leftover Cola glass in the morning.

Lyrics:
Singapura… oh Singapura, sunny island, set in the sea.
Singapura… oh Singapura, Pretty flowers bloom for you an me….

Singapore, an island of economy. Not much of natural resources and granite had all been mined. Singapore, we live each day chasing for money for that’s what rolls the economy. That’s the only thing we got, people and brains. Envied by thy neighbors this country so rich and clean. And yet as an ant in the millions we each are, work till death do us apart. That’s what we are, like the floating island of dead ants. We work we can’t relax. We don’t join in the rat race and we will become obsolete. We have no farms we can’t be leading the simple life. We max out our life just to be a passage for the island’s cash flow.

Chorus:
This is my country (the island of ants), this is my flag
This is my future (they are all dead eventually working for their colony), this is my life (a bloody ant)
This is my family (all the dead ants), these are my friends (also… all the dead ants)
We are Singapore, Singaporeans

Flood so Many, Bangkok no Money?

Normally after a sudden heavy downpour, we get floods, floods, accidents, dead rats floating and more floods. The drainage system here in Bangkok ain’t that great. Couple that to the urban myth that Bangkok is sinking and the global warming induced high sea level, channeling the waters out of this crowded metropolitan could be a real challenge.

Floodgates are everywhere for control, but I guess the operators are usually drunk somewhere near their post. We see some water pumps on the roads to aid the channeling of the water, but I guess most of them don’t work when needed. Financial budgeting may not have touch down to this ground level for the much needed civic maintenance, hush-hush filtration effect of the higher echelons. One soi (street) as your only route in and out of your accommodation is common, so if it floods you are stuck. That’s the way of the Bangkok life, guess we need to have a rubber dinghy for standby when flood.

Cockles Farm

Ever wonder when flying into Thailand and you look out the window, the shorelines of Bangkok are streaky lines breaking into the dirty green sea, what they are? Well, this area is Samut Prakan, where the river empties into the Gulf of Thailand. These lines breaking perpendicular to the gulf are actually gravel roads and bunds that encircle farms of sea creatures.


These are the crab farms, fish farms, cockles and other shellfish farms, I visited one of them. Roads leading here are gravel, so when it rains there did be a high possibility that you will turn into a rally driver drifting sideways smashing into the pond of a million crustacean forming the livelihood of the simple people. When it rains, especially during a high sea tide, the proper roads leading into these areas could well be flooded so better to drive your 4WD if you got one.


The farmers live off the land (ok the water). They go into the brackish fields and feel for the cockles. They net in their fish or they massively drain the entire farm during harvest time to pick their “fruits” for the local wholesalers.


As the men work the waters, the women waited the side. The seafood is freshly eaten, by steaming, by cooking, by frying with the smell so fragrant. But the farmers will never openly BBQ their catch on the premise, for they believe it to be burning their live stock, their own money. A superstitious belief that they all strictly adhere to for the fear that their stock will diminish, as the crustacean scream on the hot coal and be heard mysteriously by their herd in the water.



And what they do for fun, they swim in the irrigation canals. The current could be strong, but their bodies could counter the streaming waters. And to the pole they held themselves against, and chatted and laughed as I wonder. I wonder the saying Thais cannot swim, and yet I saw them waddle.


Oh strange Thailand, I discover you everyday, I sat smoking, the long boat passes.