New Thai Airport

So they rushed to open the airport. If not, the project will suffer penalty at a per day basis. Just knew that the airport took over 40 years to complete. It actually started construction in the 60’s. Fact - there were numerous cases of corruption and the project was at start and stop stages through-out these decades.

First of all… as foreigners, we can never get the name of the airport right the first time.


Arrived at Swawawa..watever airport on 25th Sept morning; that was the first day of operation. 25th was the rushed opening date. No trolleys!.... They locked the trolleys! Not ready to be used.


Have to admit the Sua-gu-pukimah airport is big, hehehe Singapore’s can’t fight this for grandeur.


Just thought of taking this pic at the Savav-habababa-wateever.. airport. No more chances to get shots like this on… hopefully. Sweeper slept on floor at Departure entrance. 5am.


All currency exchanges in Supukimahnananpum airport stations not ready! Wires hanging all over, LCD’s still in plastic bags. Darn!!!!!!


As u can see… no duty free shopping in Swastika-pump airport since all shops were in wraps.


And hey…. Got prayer room for Muslims too in Swaaaaaaapum-mimi airport… interesting… Lets hope they don’t blow themselves up in there.

Ok… the name.. is Su-Var-Na-Bhu-Mi…. Suvarnabhumi. Very nice airport when all is done.

On the 6th day of Coup

If I can write about my rabbit in my previous blog, that means I have not been run over by the military tanks yet and that all is pretty peaceful here.

Everyday life is as-per-normal. Other then the herd of people flocking to the military concentrations for once in a life time picture taking sessions, everything else is as it is. Traffic jams, shopping, clubbing etc.

New rules are being introduced into the Kingdom during this period. Didn’t really catch them but if I translate correctly, its something like shops are not allowed to stockpile on food. Any shops caught doing things such as ordering huge amount of rice will be heavily fined. This is probably to prevent over-demand due to unnecessary panic. I think they rather stockpile on beer first, then rice.

Another rule that I saw on TV was that we are not suppose to gather in groups of more then 5 to discuss about the political situation. Hmm… kinda used to this already since we have similar rules in Singapore. And why would I want to discuss it anyway? I rather talk about car modifications.


On the streets around my house, the soldiers are still around. Yeah they love the King, they have yellow ribbons. For those who love the Queen, light blue ribbons. All over the edge of Bangkok, there are military tanks. Quite an eye-opener. I was one the way back from up-country when greeted by a bank of tanks parked beside the main road. Huge big-ass tanks. Noting like our small ones in Singapore. And as usual, these tanks are worshipped by people stopping along the roads for flower/food/water giving sessions. That means traffic jam.

And I asked the Thais, what are the tanks doing, positioned on all the inbound roads to Bangkok, pointing outwards? They told me maybe to blast Taksin into thin air on sight, or probably as a just incase. Taksin has many support from the other provinces, they told me. The military is in position just incase some organized mobs or scattered military groups supporting Taksin decided to march into the city. Military group supporting Taksin? I never heard of that. Could be one of those Uncle-Taxi driver talk. But nevertheless, these are what Thais think.

Puff Bunny

Sometimes, after my wabbit had dinner, it would sit still and shake its head from side to side. It thinks it is an owl.

Anti-Singapore in Thailand

Temesak bought into AIS (Telco in Thailand) = start of all Taksin things. Nowadays whenever I go for meetings, the room full of Thai people will say out loud “Uh-oh… here comes Mr Temasek!! Watch out.”

Thank you ah, Singapore.

Happy Military Coup

Well… today.. scary day? No.. its more like a holiday. After the TV declared a holiday, I slept till 3pm. Situation report:

The TV returned to broadcasting normally sometime in the morning. The telecommunications seems restored, but calls to Malaysia are difficult.

Everyone seems to be happy. The TV interviews with common people seem to contradict the expected situation of a military coup. Some on TV even said why the military had taken so long to react to Taksin. Other seems pretty happy about the coup and had been expecting it. On the streets, civilians are enjoying the holiday. Bringing food and water to the soldiers, photo taking session, flowers presented to soldiers. I have not seen any news report of anyone against the coup so far. It seems like it’s an all against Taksin thing now.

The shops closed early. Big departmental stores such as Carrefour closed at 9. Central closed at 8. It’s not scary like how military coups are like else where. It’s a happy mode. No one blowing each other brains out. And if only everyday Bangkok could be naturally this less congested. No traffic, not marauding crowds in shopping center.

What an opportunity for me to rest. I slept and woke and went for dinner. Around the corners wherever government offices are, soldiers are positioned. Some of them seemed pretty happy enjoying the eye candy of scantly clad nite club girls where they are position.

See… Thailand is not like Singapore. If the general public is unhappy, no force can keep them quiet. Thai people have more balls then Singaporeans for sure. Mobs, rallies, etc, they fight for what they believe to be right. And now the military is on their side.

For my view on the situation.. I got no idea what’s happening lately really, I’m not political. I’m a working tourist. I’m smiling, what an experience.

Whats happenng in Thailand?

The whole nite, the TV station was playing nothing but songs related to the King. TV station overtaken by Army. There were occasional speech made but i had no idea what they tokking about. Then i have to read CNN to get an idea. Today is a holiday. All banks closed. All people directed off the streets... Curfew?? Some say have to be home before 6pm. But what's really going on i dunno. Going to the office soon. Out of town, away from the center of Bangkok.

Chaos in Bangkok

They blocked all the TV. TV is now full of strange Thai dunno what songs. They even seem to block all mobile comms for a while. There was no possible mobile connection... I cant call anyone. But strangely, SMS and Internet seems to work.

Hot Spring Trip

My rabbit grew so fat… it’s outgrowing the cage. And so I bought a bigger cage for her, fearing she would bore to death in her tiny space. I assembled the cage happily, put her in, and closed the door. And magically she walked right out of the cage.


Fugging realized that rabbits are like cats…. Can squeezed through very small gaps. The bars are too far apart. And so have to soak rabbit in water to determine actual size. Wasted money.. kept big cage in store for future.


Anyway, I just had a long seminar up north. That’s where I encountered hot springs. Thought I could soak in it in the cold northern weather, but was advised by Thais that I could get my testicles cooked. If me and friends were to soak in there, we can exchange testicles for taste after. This hot springs we discovered between Changmai and Changrai. They offered eggs on sale for us to soak them in the spring. Eat them after they are cook.


And so the above shows me living out my dreams.. Drove into the mountains on a cold morning, having my coffee in my white ceramic mug. Life’s good. I’m smiling.

Not all Robbers Are Smart

Picture above taken on one of my impromptu holiday trips. Shitting under the stars, just one of the resort's styling in Thialnd. And when it rained, I bathed in a mixture of rain water. Now we know where Singapore zoo got its open toilet concept from. Thailand is full of such open toilets, even in the petrol pumps.

Now back to amazing news I saw on TV. Near my home recently, there was a robbery case. Two robbers held a man at gun point and robbed his gold chain. The robbers split after that, one ran on foot. The other holding the gun, went onto the road and hijacked a car driven by a lady. He got in the car and pointed the gun at the lady, forced her into the passenger’s seat while he took over.

The robber has not much of brains, or maybe he’s not from Bangkok. The alternate meaning of Bangkok = I Love Traffic Jams. The car was in a middle of an evening jam and it wasn’t moving much. The police had only to stroll up casually and arrested him. I’m not sure about the gun’s authenticity and why he didn’t use it. Maybe robber so stupid he forgot to load bullets.

Bunny

Very kuai-lan rabbit. Very very kuai-lan.

Thailand Big Big

In Thailand, they like it big. The temple is big, the Buddha is big, the incredible candle is so big, the durian sculpture is so big fall on you can die. Everything big, except money.



And here’s something we don’t see in Singapore’s parsa-malam. Delicious fried quail eggs sprinkled with fish sauce and pepper.

Rabbit can climb one meh?

Sometimes I see my rabbit free hanging off the inside of her cage. At times, I see her attempting to scale my dustbin. Herein is photo evidence of her bag-climbing. My rabbit climbs (are they suppose to do that?????). I am suspecting maybe this furball is not a rabbit.

Laos

To Laso and back. Just some pictures.





That metal basin, I saw them wash their hands, wash their face. I half suspect they do more then that there, maybe pee, shit… etc etc etc..



And here’s my BUNNY!!!!.. the grass eating machine. I like it when she does that.

Bunny Weekend

And I got a wabbit. As to why? Because of the stupid wabbit in the office. Too darn cute. So last week, I bought one baby rabbit.

Friends form Singapore came for weekend shopping. So I squeezed time to catch up. Darn… everyone’s getting old. Everyone is married or going to get married. And everyone that is married is pumping their wives full of sperm. It’s spawning season. So many of my friends are having babies. Darn…. This is an official sign. We are OLD!

Rabbits.. I started to compare taking care of one to my friends taking care of their bundle of joy. First of all, bundle of joy can turn to bundle of shit. Now I have to sweep rabbit shit every now and then. I guess it is the same for my fatherly friends. And I have to play with rabbit, else it gets bored. So same as baby right? Can’t put baby in fridge and leave it alone in there. Then.. baby diet. My stupid rabbit chooses her food. Don’t want to eat those rabbit pellets. Panic for fear that it will eventually starve to death, gig went around the neighborhood and plucked some grass. Finally rabbit eats. Just wondering.. what if a human baby don’t eat? Can you go around your neighborhood looking for your neighbor’s pregnant wife and say “Need milk, can borrow those breasts”?

My rabbit is weird. She does not like rabbit food. She prefers BBQ chicken. The smell if it drove my rabbit crazy and it chased me around in the room. “You’re a rabbit… not a dog!!” I have to shout to her. “And your friend died just after 3 days because it anyhow eat (my previous rabbit beginning of year, died of diarrhea)!!! Do u understand??”. Of course rabbit don’t and continued chasing my chicken. Potatoes chips, magi-mee, hot dogs. All drove her wild. But I know better not to feed her. And when I ate my chicken on my bed, she will be standing, all ears up staring.

Thai Road Blocks

Occasionally they are road blocks.

Rain Dance

Here’s something new. In the villages, when there is a drought, they will do a rain dance. Rain dance is done by carrying a black cat over your head and running naked wildly around the perimeter of your village three times chanting hysterically. Just kidding…

The real thing I heard, is similar to our Chinese Taoist “Tiao Dang” customs. The fat black cat will be sort of placed in an altar carried by four people and they would circle the village. I am not sure if they are suppose to shake the cat violently until it is senseless like how the Taoist shake the possessed altar. Interesting Thai customs.

Office Security also Good

While the site I went for projects has a giant pussy cat as a guard dog (see previous post), my office has this fearsome little fur ball. I stepped into the office one day and discovered that one of our staffs has brought her bunny here. Because her kid at home thinks the wabbit is a football and kick it all the time.

Wabbit is named Wipo or something… dunno… must be some Thai thing. It roams in the office freely most of the time. With my training, soon, it will jump to heights on voracious instinct, severely chewing off the testicles of uninvited intruders. For ladies… it shall gnaw off your little nipples oh yeah. Nipples… oh yeah…. Nipples Thailand so many, me so horny… Give em money… touch their body….. WTF??!!! (Stress syndrome.. getting unrelated subject into this rabbit related blog entry.)

Thai Security Very Good

I went to work and I saw something strange. Trespassers will be eaten alive. Welcome to Thailand.

Oasis

Why Stress? Let me quote an example of Thai employees…

(Translated from Thai….. )

“Ring Ring” mobile phone rang at site, one hand operating expensive electrical equipment, the other pick up Nokia.

“Wat-dee-krup Kings, its me at site.” My technician called from 200km away.

“Yes? What’s up?” I said.

“Have a problem here and I need to consult you.”

“Go ahead.”

“Customer needs to share files from one computer to the other. But they do not have a network here. How to proceed?”

“Then what do they have there? Why they ask for computers to share files when they don’t have a network?”

And the answer came. “I don’t know… they only have computers connected via LAN cables to a hub. But they don’t have a network.”

That gave me a whole new meaning to my comprehension of stupidity. STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPID!!!!!! F CCB KNN!! .Puar CB!!!.

How to battle stress? Other then blabbering Chee Byes in my mind all the time, I found some other alternatives. Work at site, spend a bit more money, find an oasis to unwind. Lodge a night next to the beach, in the forest resort whatever. They are all over Thailand. Wake to a morning only to be greeted by the sound of waves and singing birds. Open the notebook and watch porno in the middle of the natural surroundings. Contrast to Bangkok.. or Singapore, all traffic, all people.


Walk into the woods. Careful not to fall into deep trenches or be bitten by snakes. Bring hell lotsa mosquito repellent. Drink it if you have to and have your sweat pores excrete the chemicals (highly not recommended). The above picture my moments. Waterfall in Nakon Nayok. That’s where I sat my big fat ass on the rock and ingested the first few chapters of Deception Point – Dan Brown books. Read… read,,, No GSM signal, no Internet, no work. Listen to water gushing. Pee, contribute to mother nature, the water flow. Distracted from stupidity, ease my mind.

My CheeBye My Medicine

Hey guys, let u in on a little personal secret. Maybe my dear friend Orgu which is part physiologist now (psychopathic tortoise) may be able to explain why. When I am heading for a burnout, stressed beyond all my tolerance, I think of CHEEBYE, the word CHEEBYE that is. In case some angmoh is reading this, CHEEBYE is the watery gateway you burst out from between your mummy’s legs.

CHEEBYE.. a beautiful word. It makes me laugh. Two years in Thailand is as if I have undergone furnace treatment in a language refinery. I no longer used that word. Thailand is not like Singapore where u often hear CHEEBYEs floating around in neighboring conversation.

The word for CHEEBYE in Thai is Jim. One day, I met an old lady and she introduced herself as Jim. I fell off the chair and my mind is a squash court for a piece of CHEEBYE bouncing all over the suddenly blank room of my skull. Very very confused. After some friends helped me out of my CHEEBYE confused state, I found out that Jim actually means something small and cute, thus adapted and applied to refer to the Thai CHEEBYE. But… I can’t utter a word out and call her. In my mind the words Aunty Jim simply cannot be processed properly without bursting out in laughter. I cannot call her Aunty CHEEBYE. It does not work. Imagine… “Sa-wat-dee-krup Aunty CHEEBYE????????”

Lost in translation in this strange land, I sometimes mix languages up and speak as Singaporeans do in Singlish. Jim in Hokkien is crab. In a seafood restaurant, I would process before speak as “Lets eat curry CHEEBYE?????” and nothing came out of my mouth. WTF????

When I am stress, I think of the situations above… it makes me laugh.

Now CHEEBYE is a universal word. There are Internet mailers flying around glorifying the word Fuck. There are articles written, and even a UK accent sound clip, on how universally Fuck can be applied. I found out same goes for CHEEBYE. Thus CHEEBYE should also be on the Pedestal of Universal words, glorified (aka pussy on a pedestal).

“What the CHEEBYE is that?” (What the fuck is that?)
“What CHEEBYE things he doing?” (What is he fucking doing?)
“My CHEEBYE car fucking broke down.” (My fucking car fucking broke down.)
“Why he so CHEEBYE one?” (Why is he an asshole?)
“I am kan-puar-CHEEBYE angry.” (I am fucking angry.)
“Holy shit!!! What the CHEEBYE???” (Holy shit!!! What the fuck???)
“I am working on a very CHEEBYE thing.” (I am working on a fucking difficult thing.)
“CHEEBYE u lah! Why u so like that?” (Fuck u lah, why u so like that?)

See… Universally Adaptable Word, the beautiful CHEEBYE. Double CHEEBYEs up with fucks and you get double the effect in driving your message across.

Example. “Why the fucking CHEEBYE did he do such a CHEEBYE thing to the fucking CHEEBYE situation? Does he have any CHEEBYE brain left? Did God bless him with only a fucking CHEEBYE grain of brain? Chow CHEEBYE!!! Fuck!”

CHEEBYE when added to sentences also makes me de-stress in times of chaos. Look at the following email. It is a business related issue and the names have been changed to protect all their CHEEBYE identities.

[Original script.]
1. Adam u r right… John Lee behaves exactly like woman.
2. [censored out, sensitive business issue]
3. [censored out, sensitive business issue]
4. Adam… u nambleh… u know John behaves like women and yet u want to stir him up. Now John Lee attacks James Lam.

[Sprinkled with CHEEBYEs and yes I sent this out.]
1. Adam u r right… John Lee behaves exactly like woman.
2. [censored out, sensitive business issue]
3. [censored out, sensitive business issue]
4. Adam… u nambleh… u know John behaves like women and yet u stick your big fat finger into his small CHEEBYE and stir (he is kuniang, kuniangs have CHEEBYEs). Now whatever small pocket of air (xiao chi) left in his small internal CHEEBYE has oozed out because of your big fat finger. Stir some more!!! Without the small gas, for some microbiological bacterial god knows what reason, his CHEEBYE is now dry and feels like the second day of a sore throat. This brought up an onslaught of CHEEBYE rage because his small CHEEBYE is not happy. So he launched his dried up CHEEBYE initiated attack on James Lam. It is now Small Dry Bye verses James Lam.

I dunno about u readers, but this edited version sure made me feel lighter. I have been in a cocoon of hard CHEEBYE work for the recent CHEEBYE months. My CHEEBYE dreams are full of my CHEEBYE work when I sleep. My CHEEBYE brain is not functioning right. I think of the CHEEBYE, it makes me laugh. Pathetic self induced CHEEBYE relaxing method I discovered.

I am heading for a full-blown CHEEBYE burnout. Laughter is the best medicine as some say. A little CHEEBYE a day keeps my CHEEBYE mental health in check.

3am Thai Chicken

Starbucks just opened near my apartment. Yipee. They put shit like things in the ashtray. Was there this morning savoring double espresso.

Anyway, yesterday 3am, knocking on my door. Sleepily I dragged myself to the door. Peeped outside to see big white milk. She kept knocking. I opened the door. “Wrong room.” I said.

I heard her papa-san down the corridor spoke to her “Wrong room, come back here.”. She left without even an apology. Should have dragged her in and fucked her upside down.

Ahmed wants to Bomb Thailand

Someone left me a comment in the previous post. It reads:

Ahmed said...
Islam will destroy Thailand. Allah people will rule Thai. Submit to Allah and find peace.

9:59 AM

Highway Thai

This is the way I got to work for the past 2 weeks. 70km on an elevated highway, elevated all the way. Not much traffic and speeding shoik.


Start.


10km….


20km….


30km….


40km…. petrol empty…!!!


50km….


60km….



70km later I finally reached my destination. Check out the mountains in the distance, nice view out of Bangkok. You don’t want to be up there on the highway with a full bladder. Can deo-cheong-nau (contrary to seow-cheong-nau [sperm go up brain]). My internal penis equipment almost explode one day. It’s not as if I can swing my dick out over the driver’s window and pee.

Thai Traditional Dance, Uncut

This the way Thais do it. Taken at a temple festival. Uncensored, uncut and no fancy traditional costumes. The raw deal. Download the file at http://www.cllim.com/movie/dancindrunk.mpg (right click the hyperlink). You will get to hear the real Thai out-country music as well.

Thai Mafia Kills Doraemon

As you can see, this is a bullet riddled Doraemon. The poor blue fat stupid cat, shot all over and finally with two going right through his eyeballs. What a way to die. Wonder who the goondu came out with such stupid signboard.

Thai Durain

This one fall on u sure die.

Kenny is DAD!!!!

http://bbjazelle.blogspot.com

Stress in Bangkok

When I am eating, I am on holiday. When I am sleeping, I am on holiday. When I am in the toilet, I am on holiday. When I am smoking, I am on holiday. Whenever I am not on my computer I tell myself I AM ON HOLIDAY. I am on holiday because I am in Thailand, away from Singapore. So anytime when I am not working, I am on holiday. These are the things I tell myself to prevent going crazy. I am stressed from work. Too much work.





Past Saturday, me and gig was looking for a place for dinner. We wanted to have seafood by the shores of Bangkok and so we drove south. We stumbled upon undiscovered territory. This area of Bangkok has elevation profile so low that when the tide gets high, water is everywhere.







Saw factory outlet, therefore shopping time. I liked this place. Bad business, no noisy crowd. Peace and quiet.





Stumbled upon boat ride without knowing where it is going, except that it says Bangkok shores tour or something. This place, no tourist knows because it is nestled in the neglected areas of Bangkok.



Boat transverse the marsh waters of Bangkok in the network of farms. It reached the open seas where the boatman said that on occasions, they get to see dolphins. There right at the edge of the water, stood a restaurant. And the boat is the only method of transport to get there.





So we dined by the sea, the sea wind marinating the food, drinks and my big fat body. It was a short period to rest my mind, detached from work. I call it holiday.

Da DoGGie Code

Decode this....



... quite shocking....

I Boycott Shell Thailand

Recently, Shell petrol stations here started to give out fridge magnets. However, the attendants are buffalos. Buffalos without brains. Several times I have paid using my cards for petrol and they returned my card with the bloody magnet next to it. Then when I go shopping, I can’t use my cards as the machines can no longer read it.

Told the bloody attendant about the problem but they bo-chap. These low-knowledge people do not have credit cards… so they never knew this problem I guess. They are gaping stupid ass holes without any common sense. No more Shell for me.

I love Shell, but she turned stupid on me.