Lost in Translation, Life in Bangkok

The Residence Hua Hin

2012-01-07T09:18:00.000+07:00

Jacuzzi in a 2 bedroom villa.

Not the typical hotels that are aplenty lining parallel to the shoreline of Cha-Am and Hua Hin, but more like a cluster of two and three bedroom villas cuddled up in the middle of scorched farmlands within the vicinity of a few also scorched hills. Getting there requires some intuitive navigation skills and some phone calls to the resort as cows passed by your car on the local roads that you will be lost.

Stumbling into cows while driving local roads.

Coordinates 12°38'22.64"N, 99°55'16.46"

The Residence Hua Hin, is located next to Stamford University. However, unlike the university that could afford a large piece of land thus the strategic entrance from the main Phet Kasem road, entry to The Residence Hua Hin is from Hua Hin Soi 6, pass a railway track and through many villages inland that requires some driving. The villas are single storey bungalows toned orange brown enclosed by bamboo fence that's too low for any privacy comfort. So one could not skinny dip into the small Jacuzzi so inviting out front of the every villa on a hot day's night. The villas are all very spacious, a few of which have three bedrooms with the rest made up of two bedrooms units. In fact it is so spacious that if your friends bring along their own sleeping bags, you could sleep well over ten just in the living room. However, the air conditioners have aged and took a long time to cool the room down. So for the first half of the night, your slumber will be an episode between waking up to scratch unknown number of mosquitoes bites and restless naps before one can finally hibernate in the so thick comforter shielding one from the abundant pest.

Three bedrooms Villa.

Two bedrooms villa.

The Kings sized bed, is actually made up of two rather hard mattresses. You will roll over the hard ridge in your sleep on the bed I think intended for people with back problems. It's too rigid for my preference and I truly did not enjoy my sleep at all, waking up a dozen time looking at the clock hoping morning will come soon. Breakfast, I wished they could have done better for the price that one has to pay. Limited in selection and equivalent to two star motel quality which I frequent on my upcountry work trips. Dinner, again a disappointment on my end. Fish & Chips - Cod coated in delicious batter served with French Fires and salad the menu stated. And so I ordered with high expectations on the taste of a true English Fish & Chips reminiscence of my childhood which I had so many. Now the batter was good, but the Cod is not a Cod. It was some fishy tasting thin slab of local shallow water fish. So, don't ever ever ever ever order the Fish & Chips here. It ain't chip either.

Villas enclosed in low fence.

Spacious interior.

Showering in the villas expect some surprises. Well, there's a huge bathtub one could onzen in the bathroom and that's a plus point. Water pleasantly heated will be available and the flow is strong so no minus points on that too. Draining the tub, my bathroom was flooded from the water oozing out from the other drainage hole driving up scores of black scum accompanied by an appalling smell which infiltrated into the bedroom. No more onzen for me after my first try. Maintenance on the clogged drainage had been neglected in the villas and I wonder if they knew. Big minus point.

The big swimming pool.

Restaurant by pond where breakfast is served.

If it is a quite place one is looking for to be with a number of friends to get away from Bangkok, then The Residence Hua Hin is one good idea. Since it is spacious and large, taking on a three bedroom unit will allows for six or more guest. Chilling out to wine and snacks chattering the night away. Holding that cold beer in the Jacuzzi amongst laughter of friends soaking. Away from the packed beach pubs and noisy hotels lining the shoreline, this will be the place for you. However, if you come along with great expectation on the F&B, the quality of sleep matching the price, then one will truly be disappointed. Impression neutral I have, but nevertheless over these New Year holidays, rested my mind somehow I had.

Winter in a Tropical Island - Koh Mak

2011-12-26T09:21:00.003+07:00

Koh Mak, the clear waters.

Getting there to Laem Ngop, 6 hours if you drive really slow.

Parking at THB 60 per night.

This island, Koh Mak, smack in the middle of Ao Thai ocean between Koh Chang and Koh Kood. A journey there will take 4 hours by car to reach the various ferry terminals within Laem Ngop in the province of Trat, so start your journey early. Over at Laem Ngop, on an unnamed jetty, there are speed boat operators offering the sea crossing for hotel staffs on Koh Mak at only THB 350, and for the public at THB 450. They also offer parking lots in private housing for you to leave your cars at THB 60 per night. Now, these boats are not the normal slow massive ferries crossing to Koh Chang. These are fast sea vessels guaranteed at making you regurgitate your food out all over the 16 or so rather comfortable seating under the white canvas canopy shielding you from the sun. It was hell of a ride for me as the December sea was rough. The boat had to continually retard the on the throttle and yet attempt to make the crossing in under 45 minutes. It's the monsoon now and we had to slam through the waves instead of cutting smoothly across clam waters. My testicles swapped positions after the ride.

A pier at Koh Mak where we arrived.

The long beach of Haad Khao.

There are a few beaches on Koh Mak. You wouldn't know which beach you did be arriving on but not to worry, the island has a network of local roads and your hotel will pick you up in a truck. We stayed on Haad Khao which means white beach. The sand ain't white on this wide gentle beach stretching laterally east west, but the waters are clam with very gentle waves offering us sunbathers a relaxing swim. We could float around face up without a struggle and be one with the horizon. The waters not churned is clear this season, see them crabs crawling and the occasional small fishes darting. I love Haad Khao, with the winter sun low, we enjoyed both orange sunrise and radiant sunsets in full view.

The shallow waters.

Sunrise in cold December mornings.

Winter I mentioned, whatever winter am I talking about? This is a tropical island, but December offered contrastingly cold mornings. Every morning, we woke to the sound of bristling trees swaying about in the breeze, it was the music of nature. It was 19 degrees centigrade as the sun rose and I clicked away on me shutter. In double clothing I was in, the wind chill I fought. The cleaners were out early, they comb the beaches keeping her pristine.

Bungalows of Baan Chailay.

Local road entrance to resort.

I stayed in Baan Chailay, about 4 to5 bungalows she has. Easy on me pocket, it cost THB 1,200 and we could sleep three. The air conditioner old, but it was cold. Need it actually we don't, the weather was pleasant. Hot showers in ground water pumped from below we bathed. The water was more of a trickling, and it smelt but hey, I ain't complaining for this price. Breakfast served simple, American or that Khao Tom (boiled rice) went well with the self served instant coffee. We were the only Asians accompanied by a number of elderly Caucasian folks politely chatting. Seated on wooden chairs and over our food laden tables, the feel was easy and homey. I had my 3 strips of bacon in the yellow sunlight accompanied by eggs, bread and butter.

Canoes for rental.

As the hours passed, the sky was a deep blue interrupted by bright white clouds . Still, the relentless breeze blowing. Our scheduled snorkeling trip costing THB 500 per pax was repeatedly delayed hourly since 10am. The sea beyond was too rough and the air too cold. We could have had ourselves a private boat at THB1,500, but it had been already been fully taken up by all the Farangs told we were. Being on Koh Mak during the monsoon season, expect travel plans to be altered. Our trip was eventually cancelled and the operators were worried how they were to deal with them Farangs who came on packaged tour. Nevertheless, we went on to an island opposite our beach known as Koh Rayang Nok.

Koh Rayang Nok.

Beach chairs.

White sands on a rather limited beach.

Koh Rayang Nok offered a small white beach with a few beach chars tastefully placed near the shoreline. Coming onto this island is not free, cost THB 200 for "entry". You could get your snorkeling gear form the lone restaurant operating on this island but the December seas were too strong for me. I do not want to drift away to Cambodia so I just sat on the sand whiter than that on Haad Khao on Koh Mak. That's where we also decided to have out very late lunch, not too tasty and a rather bit pricey. And as when one wishes, just tell the boat operator and you will be on your 10 minutes journey back onto Koh Mak.

Wind surfers during sunset.

Local roads to restaurants.

As evening approaches the cats were out playing. The dogs swam and we tourist strolled along passing the many small decent and simple resorts spaciously spread on Haad Khao. At times, we had the whole beach to ourselves. At times we had to avoid being hit by the beach ball so franticly chased by the sweaty young beach boys playing out front of their resorts. Dinner can be offered by a few restaurants located along the main road hidden behind by all the idyllic accommodations along this beach. Don't expect a gastronomical feast on these joints, they offer only decent simple meal masquerading behind artful names.

Chilling out the night.

Sofas on the breezy beach.

After dinner, there's a only-pub-on-this-beach place you could go to the locals called a Reggie Pub. Its well known to have a once a month Full Moon Party similar to that on Koh Phangan. There will be a live band and I could see that the lead singer was attempting his best to please the Farang crowd. We could not understand a single word of all the easy-listening songs he was bringing to us such. Stand By Me became Can By Me, Missing You became Meeing You . Alternatively to avoid the ear torture, we could just chill the night out over BYO whisky on the sofa set on the beach. Just make sure you order that soda, coke or French Fries from the cocktail stand serving the area. They are there to make a living after all and won't be pleased with you taking up the comfy seats free. It seemed we had the whole beach to ourselves again that night, only our laughter, cheers and chatter filled the windy night air. As we drank that last drop under the star lit skies, we walked the 10 meters back to our bungalows and shut down in anticipating of the beautiful sunrise the next morning.

Gentle waves.

So private.

Koh Mak in December, cool weather on contrasting sunny beach. A quiet place giving you the privilege of having the beach and turquoise waters all to yourself at times. Be warned though, oil yourself heavy in insect repellent. I am now sore with more than 20 or so ugly looking blistering sand fly bites. Locals had told me unlike Koh Kood and the more commercial Koh Chang nearby, Koh Mak does not spray their beaches with pesticides. The waters on Haad Khao will be still and only agitated by passing speed boats. The windsurfers takes to the waters and the power kites the cuts the breezy air. The simplicity of this island, the solitude and the clean air is a comeback that I must. Till we meet again.

2011 Bangkok Flood - Aftermath

2011-11-27T08:44:00.003+07:00

Well it's a good questing to if this should be called an aftermath at all. News has been reporting the sunny side of things. Bangkok is dry and it is true. All major shopping malls are now open and businesses are as usual. Heavy traffic is back on the streets, the signature of a normal working Bangkok. Water and food are back on the shelves. We live every day, drive pass once flooded streets as if nothing had happened. The only reminder, is the watermark left behind on walls by the dark water. The flood is over. But is it?

Truth is, it is not. My mates, some of them still could not go home, flood waters have not receded. In their minds, constant worry building up to stress, as one thinks about the resources needed to restore their flooded first floor to its former glory.

The water stayed in their village, but the news always reported only the good side, that here and there have been receding by 1 or 2 cm per day. 1 or 2 cm? I give credit to evaporation rather than irrigation. Irrigation all blocked, what is there to flow? I visited some folks in factories up north. I asked if they have experienced a flood like what Bangkok do now. They said oh yes they did. But water came fast, water came deep. And water also gone very fast and they are used to it. But in Bangkok - water came fast, water came deep. And water stayed because they don't want water to touch central business district.

Driving around, I assume that everywhere is dry now, but it is not. I had to drive against traffic because I drove on to an impassible section of flooded roads only passable by trucks. I did see a suspicious sign of some sort, but it was in Thai. I wonder, how many expats have experienced inconveniences like I do. This flood situation, all non Thai reading public have been excluded from all warning systems. Comon, at least hand draw a picture of farang driving his car dropping into water, that will at least give us some kind of indication.

A tip I will give is that to get to Saraburi, you can now take the Toll Way all the way till the end pass Future Park. But expect to be stuck on the Toll Way for a while because it exits down to damage road. And if you did take the Outer Ring Road, take note that the road surface have been heavily damaged by the flood. So, expect to experience very slow traffic too. It will take three to four hours to get to Saraburi or vice versa. It normally takes less than two.

I accidentally drove to some areas, witnessing full in the face what "neglected by the authorities" really means. See, as long as all the high profiles areas are kept dry at whatever cost, Bangkok when seen from the outside world successfully managed the flood and it is now over. All these other areas, no authorities were in sight to direct or warn traffic. Debris strewn all over, I was left to negotiate and try my luck across flooded plains, created my own traffic rules and drove in any directions I wanted.

Now people in power are busy with finding a scapegoat for the flooding (as reported in TV). Now some people have moved from poor to rich benefiting from corruption cases. The purchase of donation items are at very obvious inflated prices. Currently we can also see on TV those that did not get a share in the dirty cake bringing these cases to light. So many discomforting cases, you can read them all from the media websites. And we the working force, go through our everyday lives as per normal, ignoring these noises. And they the flooded victims for months, taking on actions by themselves. They organize mobs and activities, breaking down the flood barrier, closing important traffic routes and breaking the windshields on innocent public cars just trying to get through for a very delayed appointment. All these activities and the situation of misery going on now, in the presence of the so many new morale lifting songs about the flood released by famous local artist. "Thais will not neglect Thais" the lyrics of these songs, but the truth is the opposite.

Full photo sets here under The Flood 2011.

2011 Bangkok Flood - So Dumb

2011-11-17T07:11:00.002+07:00

For some reasons or other, water seems to have a mind of her own going and not going where as had been predicted. This again, I believe due to the heavy intervention by man to control the water flow, only to result in more chaos, panic and nuisance. Shopping malls some so unlikely to be flooded, at Robinson Ratchada especially, had closed their parking lots because the frantic neighborhood had moved all their cars into the multi storey parking lots. The departmental store Tops in the basement, had reduced their inventory clearing out the bottom two level of shelves in anticipation of the speculated flooding. Consumers like me, driven into frustration.

For some reasons or other, the Big Bag project carried out to prevent Bangkok from flooding had backfired. It caused people north of the barrier to be soaked indefinitely. They watch news of inner Bangkok's water subsiding while stinky waters in their village crept higher. The authorities should had seen it coming, very short sighted all their short term plans. There have been several mobs activities reported and they had succeeded in breaking the silly idea of the bag at several spots. Water level in their villages finally subsiding and all these little efforts seemed to be working way better then what the government had planned. The most surprising twist is that, although the northern water is coming into town, the levels inner Bangkok have not been rising.

For some reasons or others, Samut Prakan, the last district to be hit by the flood remains dry till this day. I visited my customers there and they voiced "we have sucked our canals dry, preparing to receive the flood waters but we seemed to have waited forever". Some expert from Netherland had been engaged as a consultant to handle the flood in Bangkok. He was seen on TV doing inspections, he commented many. One of which was that the pumping stations were all under performing, if only there were more water for them to suck. The water remains at the northern Bangkok region and never reached these efficient machines. Then for some reasons or other, he was never seen on TV again. Therefore, I blog writer, solemnly decide to christen the Big Bag Project - The Big Joke.

We heard of the misuse of funds here and there, people have reduced donations to the organizations set up by the government. Donations to public TV channels poured in with increasing numbers and the resulting flood relief efforts seen more than what the government had done. Complains big time, the voices wrong side of The Big Joke barrier. Reported on newspapers, it seemed the authorities are waking up and realizing they should not be "keeping the patient ill". They must focus on not containing the water but to find a solution to drain the water away. My point of view, Bangkok do have a large network of canals for the purpose of drainage, but so many of them still remained dry. Cleary, something is not done correctly somewhere somehow.

Vibhavadi Rangsit Toll Way had turned into a new tourist attraction. Many people are touring the new Vibhavadi Rangsit River. We park all along the highway taking the pictures of our lifetime, including me of course. This toll way runs alongside Don Muang Airport, we could see the situation from high and dry, witness planes soaked in water and cars strewn around like plastic toys. This toll way have also turned into a massive elevated peeing ground. I took pictures, I also took in full breathes of dried urine everywhere I parked. Traffic police had removed the dividers along many locations of this toll way. A real convenience for people to make u-turns back into Bangkok without having to exit down into the flood below.

The peak of the flood we believe is over for Bangkok. This confidence could be felt by the increasing amount of traffic on roads. Driving is no longer a breeze like when the flood just started. However, the surroundings, poor souls the people are. Some areas have been speculated to flood till the new year. My mates some, had not gone back home for more than a month and longer still they will wait.

Water level had indeed be receding but at a very slow rate. Photographers by the hordes could be seen scouting the flooded plains on weekends before the water is finally gone from inner Bangkok. Inundated industrial estates in the north are now confident that they will start recovery efforts mid of December 2011. Leg and bikini line waxing saloons in Union Mall remaining closed resulted in an increasing number of Thai girls turning into gorillas. However, this week, some major malls have been reported re-opening their doors and some had set forth planned re-opening schedules.

The water is no longer crawling further into the heart of Bangkok. She is expected to take on the surrounding Samut Prakan and Samut Sakhon, flow into the sea alongside and slowly drain away. Samut Sakon had been hit first but the flooding is gentle. Samut Prakan as mentioned remains dry. Strangely the water, she stopped her advances. Rama II she did not cross and the International airport she did not hit. She is so close to the sea and yet she will not jump. Will she rather drain herself slowly via the machineries and into the central canals, the main rivers? The pumps working mad, the efforts of man she ain't so glad.

Full photo sets here under The Flood 2011.

2011 Bangkok Flood - So Numb

2011-11-03T21:10:00.004+07:00

Staring up your half submerged Prius will results in explosion of sparks, you will probably become part of the car's circuit and die in the process. Ok, maybe that won't happen, I am sure Toyota thought of it but lately, there are many victims of electrocution as the water sets in. Touch this get shorted, touch that get shorted. Stand around in water minding own business also get shorted, which is why the authorities are cutting the power to some selected estates.

If you don't die of electrocution just standing still doing safely nothing, you could be bitten by the recent escape of a bunch of poisonous Green Mamba snakes. Imported pets by some too-much-money-nothing-to-do owners, they are now floating around freely somewhere in our very big Bangkok. There is no vaccine in the whole of Thailand and this is so very consoling.

I was standing still composing a shot, people at a distance from me shouted "Don't stand still!!! Leeches in the water!!". Darn. I wish I had more leg hair, they offer at least some confusion to the leeches before it gets the meat.

Taxi drives, apparently they are a happy bunch now. The uncle said: "So good, I wish everyday Bangkok's traffic is like this. I can estimate my time from one place to another so accurately. Bangkok should remain this way."

Uncle was right, getting from one place to another had never been done in such record time before in my entire life here, as many people had escape the metro and moved to surrounding Rayong, Pattaya and Huahin. People who still needed to work had parked their cars permanently in offices, taking the public transport to and from work. Most of us, our homes are flooded. Getting in and out of the moo-barns means hopping on to military trucks on their rounds which are in place of the public buses. These huge green beasts they call GMCs will drop you off some convenient dry place where you can then continue your journey by other means.

Public bus services, they did not suspend. It's just that hopping on to one every time, the route is different for the very same bus number. As this place and that floods, they change their course according to situation without advance notice. But we are all fine with that. Many areas along the river floods as the sea tide rises opposing the deluge flowing downstream. Twice a day, they get wet, drains and then dries. Markets and tourist destination in Sanam Luang have orgasms twice a day. It's a nice place to experience the climax if one wants to experience the subtle flood just so to be part of it.

Flood danger indication level how to tell? Locals say:
"Level 1 alert which indicates possible flooding is when you begin to notice peddlers selling boots, life vest and plastic boats on dry streets."
"Level 2 danger will be indicated by the arrival of news crew. Water only at ankle level and meaning possible time to evacuate, so start packing."
"Level 3 means all too late - die. Military trucks arriving on site with platoons of sweaty soldiers. By this stage, water is at waist level."

So far the above mentioned had been much more reliable then the so many false alarms and warnings issued by the government. Increasing number of nasty comments from streets and offices. Flood situation seems deliberately extended because of stupidity. You sand bagged an area till it is flooded full as you slowly pumped water out a thousand times slower than it is being filled. As the water overflows the first barrier onto the second sand bagged region, the cycle repeats. Then onto the third, fourth and so on sections of defense, all so very slowly. We are not afraid of the flood, it's not the water that will kill you, it's the smell.

Imagine you have a toilet bowl at home with your discharge that does not drain. Hold it there for two good weeks and I rather break the toilet and let it drain. Well this is what has been happening with increasing frequency lately. Unhappy residents are getting good at destroying flood barriers. The government patching them back up again every now and then.

The Bangkok government has successfully turned the city into the biggest ammonia factory in the solar system. This is what happens when you place a puppet and a bunch of farm animals to manage the country. They put relatives and friend-friend into positions of power within the government and other important agencies, all without the proper background expertise and practical knowledge and thus the result today. "There is a big difference between understanding what to do in a flood and knowing what to do", one industrial estate owner commented on TV. I like him.

Previously, I had blogged that the highways had become a treasure trove for criminals. Now it has become an obstacle course for drivers. As reported on news, motorcycles, cars and trucks have been smashing into these stationary vehicles parked all over precariously along elevated roads. We have many pieces of cars to clean up nowadays. Going into that shopping mall and looking for a lot usually means staying in orbit for a good long while before finally locating one. Cars left by owners in malls had become a permanent feature of the building structure.

Some things did turn for the better. Instant noodles and water have been arriving back on the shelves. But they do not stay there for long. Bottled mineral water of strange brands we never seen are being sold. Eating out we were served "no brand no label" bottled water, very dubious indeed. People staying in western Bangkok bathed in strange smelling yellow water from the tap, but the situation have improved now that the issue at the waterworks had been rectified.

Water creeping slowly, 3 kilometers a day. Encroaching deeper and deeper into Bangkok, the death grip of a python. Extended the doom, the effects of all the rather questionable efforts. We are numb now, we are so very. The news so foul, we are so weary.

Full photo sets here under The Flood 2011.

Whatcha goin to do with Boat after 2011 Bangkok Flood?

2011-10-28T08:54:00.000+07:00

This is worrisome.. I went for a meeting yesterday and my customer looked totally stressed out and tired. His office is underwater and his engineer stranded at some industrial estate far far away. He had invested THB 20,000 to get a boat and fitted it with an outboard to get his engineer out and also for everyday use during this period.

Asked: "You buy boat, ever think about what you gonna do with it after the flood is gone?"

Replied: "It can be used next year again when the flood is expected to be worse. In 2010 during the post rain season, his office was flooded to ankle level. This year 2011, up to his neck. Next year and beyond, with global warming increasing, expect worse." .. . . .

And just to update, petrol stations are now running out of petrol as the main storage depot is now a playground for fishes. Ciggy supplies had been cut, mini-marts ran out of stocks... so for us smokers, maybe it's a darn good time to attempt quitting.. ... .

Wait & Wait - 2011 Bangkok Flood

2011-10-27T09:06:00.001+07:00

Now the question on anyone's mind here is not "when will the flood be over" but rather, "when will the bloody flood come???". The media had kept many of us in central Bangkok on our toes for two solid weeks. This has caused unnecessary panic which resulted in the shortage of food and drinking water in the supermarkets. The shortage in turned caused the stockpiled rations at home to be consumed. The circle completes itself with the over demand and undersupply of food and drinking water. Best of all, the government seemed to have overlooked this area. Profiteers now increased their price on whatever is left, from water to rice and exponentially on water gear especially. A life vest, normally left on the shelf to rot, went from TH 350 to THB 1,500. Stash of useless plastic boats that's more like a toy and that nobody buys went from THB 2,500 to THB 6,000. All as reported on TV.

Fear in the eyes of people interviewed on news now turned to impatience and anger. We are now saying "Let it come, just let it come please, we don't want to be on alert and stress forever. Why is the government interfering with the natural course of the water!!". Some would be nagging "Block block block then it breaks, causing destructive currents. Block block block and then the water stays in the village, stagnate and now we have turned suburbs successfully into lakes of sewage!!".

Postman, they have all died it seemed. I am waiting for an important document for two weeks now. There is not a single post delivered to our block during this period. Just using the flood as a good excuse not to work. Kentucky Fried Chicken, they ran out of potatoes and greens, we can only have chicken now while Swensen's ran out of toppings. And you did be lucky if you can order a bottle of mineral water eating out.

Cars, thieves are helping themselves to a buffet of them now. Police, not many of them in sight. Cars parked dry on the highways became a treasure trove for them criminals whose balls deserve to be cut off. So did the houses as them thieves arrived on boats.

Panic had driven many to do ridiculous things. Shops and household barricaded themselves in with high cement walls and sacks of sand bags while the street out front remained dry. Entering requires climbing over. But observe carefully, and you will see the possible passageways at corners where water will easily slip through. What?? Is this a trend that if my neighbor have himself a fort and so must I?

Every day on TV, they will invite some different doctor, professor or what not. Every day a different advise. WTF is the media doing??!! Every hour, news updated on the so many dedicated web sites, none in English. Everywhere on the roads, warnings signs put up to warn of impassible sections and detours, none in English. We want to flush the farangs from this land or what??

Waiting for the food to come, voices from the floor. Let it come and get it over with you bastards, stop blocking the water.

Bangkok Flood 2011? Bangkok still Dry

2011-10-20T19:16:00.002+07:00

Where have all the farangs (caucasians) in my block gone? I asked the building management office below. She said they have all gone down south to the beach to escape the floods. There is only one farang left (not me, I am already more Thai than a foreigner). Farang's office, factory flood, so farangs now holiday. Farangs all afraid of flood, so they escape with Thai girlfriends to holiday.

The flood in the surrounding provinces had driven the farangs away, but it has also in turn brought in a massive flood of countrymen into the condominium I stay. Many residential apartments here in Bangkok had turned into a temporary refuge for someone's mother, father, son, grandmother, grandfather, uncle, aunty, cousin and whatever being that can be traced to their family tree, very large tree. With this, came also an influx of cars, very big bunch of cars. So parking has been difficult these days if one were to come home after six. Kiasunisim (scared loose, scared die which is a Singapore slang) has been brought to a new level in Thailand, witnessed by the inconsiderate and un-orderly parking on all upper decks. Everyone wants to park on the upper floors, no one wants to park on the ground level. Why? Unnecessary panic.

During this period of chaos, political figures each took their turns to steal the limelight on TV. One said here will flood, the other say don't listen to him. One say water will come and order evacuation or urgent preparation, the other said its bull shit and only listen to the other. Flood brings water, water brings flood of confusion as we don't know which authority to listen to. People are frantically parking all over the toll ways in Bangkok without consideration to the traffic. Bangkok is dry, massive jams on toll ways for no reasons.

The sun sets early now as winter is setting in. The atmosphere in Bangkok this week had been gloomy. The gloominess can really be felt. It's a combination of the fear back in everyone's mind, plus the unnatural darker then norm of the sky. Strom clouds and darkness in the far horizon every day we see accompanied by the occasional thunderstorms in Bangkok from time to time. And when it rains it floods, but it floods because of the rain, not the torrents from the north. Bangkok is now encapsulated in a wall of old and newly constructed embankments. And within this large blob of a city, household dwellers many have surrounded their landed property in sandbags. I heard of one whose house was flooded even though he had put up a fool proof defense. That's because when it rained heavily, it kept the water in. Bangkok was dry, but his home was a pool.

The temper of many have grown shorter as the flood period grows longer. There are conflict in many of the affected communities. Some members of a village went ahead to destroy the dam build by another because it kept water in the former. Ugliness of people started to surfaced like flotsam. Boat taxis operators in masses moved their long tail boats across the levee from one waterlogged community to the other. That, just so to make the THB1,000 per trip to transport stranded victims out of their home. But by doing so, by sliding their so many boats across the mud levee, it gave way and water rushed in. All caught on public CCTV these culprits were. There have also been a rise in abandoned property being broken into this period. You moved your LED TV to the second floor, when the waters came you leave. When you return another day on a boat to check on your home, the grill had been compromised, the window broken. You lost more than just your TV. These criminals deserved to drown for abusing the situation, they ought to be shot on sight.

Well I bet the fishes are happy, they got the whole Bangkok to swim in soon. But they do need to be weary, fisherman are now casting their nets where the roads once were. Crocodiles had escaped from the overflowing farms. Rewards are given if we catch some. Leeches a plenty in some areas, wear that long pants if you go into the water. Mosquitoes has been the irritant of so many, the repellent depleted at Seven Eleven. The department store I was in yesterday, not a sight of a bottle of mineral water. The flood had reached some of the water treatment plants, my tap flow lately it smelled of soil so boil and drink I not rather.

Attempts to reason with nature is futile. Attempts to reason with nature will end in chaos. The rivers are where the waters will flow. And we are putting up so many makeshift dykes that prevented the natural flow into them. We want the water to flow here and not there, protect this estate and not that. We do not want the water to go into the river because we don't want the river to break her banks in central Bangkok. But that's what rivers are suppose to do from time to time, turning the surrounding into a flood plain so that water high up could drain. Although Bangkok is dry, I don't think we are making things better for the surrounding majority, I think we are just extending the flood.

Preparing for the great 2011 Bangkok Flood

2011-10-11T18:17:00.002+07:00

I guess Thailand is one of the few places on Earth where one ponders how insurance can be claimed if one were to ram into a boat. It is indeed mystifying this situation. Thailand is also one of the few places on Earth right now that your friend calls you to bring him beer by boat should the flood sets in. Also, only here, we have live vest as part of household necessity items. This season, there is no need for car wash, just drive into the flood to give your car a quick bath.

In the supermarkets, instant noodles had been snapped by the lot leaving the shelves empty. And in the alcoholic aisle, Singha beer had been depleted. There were still two boxes of Tiger left, showing Thais prefer Thai beer after all.

Many provinces in Thailand had been inundated starting from a month back. This season, the rainfall is abnormal and we all conveniently pointed the finger at the easy excuse of global warming. Some folks in my office blamed the so many dams and hydropower plants abundant in this country that challenged nature. When it rains, we hold the water preventing floods. Dams benefit the farmlands holding in water for irrigation. Dams benefit the country's power demands as the held up water churned the turbines, like a battery these hydro facilities are when charged up by the rain. But we prevented the natural flow, and guess what happens when you charge a 1.5 V AA battery over a 115kV line? Like now, we have too much water.

Thais see everything in a different light. One individual said, this is the Lord Buddha washing the country clean of its dirty politics. Another said, this is an intervention from up there resisting the Prime Minister's policy to grant first time car owners a one hundred thousand Baht rebate by wiping out the Honda factory just up north. Over lunch, little coffee breaks in the pantry and during small talks over business meetings, this has been the main topic.

These two days, driving to work has been a breeze. Where have all the people gone? Many folks had returned to their provinces, to help their old parents move that TV and whatever valuables to the second floor I was told. I live in a condo, my room will never flood. But I do try to park my car on the second or third level if lots are available. We live in Bangkok, it is still dry for now. But many have been making arrangements by renting a lot to park their ride in multi-storey office complexes, or that big shopping mall nearby wherever they live. Bangkok had been dry so far because of a system of walls and levees previously build. So far we had kept Bangkok dry at the expenses of surrounding provinces drowned. The waters now embrace our protected space flowing with resistance into the sea. Many said its only a matter of time before we see New Orleans in Thailand. The levee will break.

I seek excitement, I want to witness. I want to drive with the rushing waters chasing my car behind as the levee of Chaopaya gets breached. I want that adrenaline rush or so just to experience what back in Singapore I do not. But do I? And I went to find out for myself. I drove over the bridge crossing Chaopaya and saw that she was heavily bloated. The brown river was strong and just less than a meter before water flows over the long resisting wall. The riverside houses of the poor, many half submerged.

U-turns along some roads are no longer possible. Like with all bridges over the myriad of canals here, you find a u-turn below it. The Mercedes driver thought his European car standard very good and so he plunged into what seemed like a meter of water. He never made the u-turn. I do not want to be floating down the canal in my sphere of a Honda Jazz, so I went on to look for the next u-turn down the long road. I made the turnaround a long distance further. The sandbags already breached and a few of them had toppled in, the black water flowing effortlessly over.

In a village near Bang Bua Thong I was and the next thing I realized was that the exit out was being flooded. The water had breached the village and they had to prevent the flow out onto the main road. By then the water was too deep and trucks making their way out had waters to the mid of their doors. The excavator was activated and was pushing sand to block in the village, a sacrifice - small village flood better then Bangkok flood. Now I know why the news of many stranded in the so many moo-barns in Thailand. Fortunately, I found another small exit rear of this encampment, but I had to negotiate the flooded roads and over a small desperate makeshift levee. Any time later, I would have made wherever I was my second home.

At Nonthaburi pier, the boats were sighted above the line of sand bags. That told me how delicate the situation was. Just one break and I will be paddling in water. The volunteers are on their 24 hours watch, napping in between on the embankments, ready to jump into action to plug that impending breach.

Some shop houses had put up cement walls, that which to be taken down after the flood and that which seemed too low to me. ATMs had been sandbagged in, probably to prevent people like me from dragging a floating ATM to my apartment during the flood. One thing I did like to do if the water breaks then, was to stick around and see if money flows out of these boxes like water, I would be happy.

Its dry now in Bangkok, we go about our daily lives. False security I am not sure, the flood will come we are not sure. In fact we are not sure of anything, even the government is not sure. But deep down, evil in me, I want to see it coming, it's gonna be a selfish experience of a lifetime. Phenomenon like these, never happens in Singapore unless you are talking about the joke that happened on Orchard Road. There is a high chance the flood of Bangkok will happen, but again these are just speculations. Flood, come get us. We are all ready at least.

Taking on Samui Roads

2011-09-24T12:45:00.000+07:00

The good point of having a car on Samui is that one will not be restricted in coverage , bounded by an invisible barrier limited by the range covered by "two-rows" (truck taxis) that one can hop on. And they ain't cheap just for hopping from Chaweng to Lamai or the surrounding areas. I had discovered this stretch of beach facing the sunset. Takhoe is the name of the restaurant and I remembered the food was great and cheap. In contrast to the farang filled stylish restaurants on Chaweng, I was dining among the locals sipping Hundred Pipers with the soda or Coke. We came a wee bit late and missed the setting sun, the waitress told us we should have come earlier when the beach was shimmering in warm tones of orange and red. Didn't want no sand flies to jab into my foot and lay its entire family in there, so for all I would suggest - bring your insect repellent.

Takhoe place is well known for its very weird food. Away from the realm of common seafood, we had jungle mushrooms of some sort accompanied by healthy brown rice which health freaks find it ok but for me felt like chewing on dried straws I feed to my rabbit. Dining on the white weathered plastic chairs sprawled on the sandy beach, the condiments included one of the tastiest Kapi (prawn paste in chill) specially baked on coconut husk which not everyone could stomach. Normally I don't take on these weird dishes guaranteed to cause unusual lingering breath for hours, but this Kapi was something extraordinary.

Coordinates 9°34'40.53"N, 99°56'34.10"E for your reference.

On my previous blogs, I had mentioned of dining up the mountains in a place called Paradise Park. Well again, Samui is not just about the sun, sea and beach. Driving inlands heading up the mountains guided by very poor maps, I had stumbled on The Mountain Grand View Restaurant & Swimming Pool. This restaurant, they tried their best to offer guest a dip in their infinity pool which has one of the best Samui's view, but I don't think anyone would want to dip in the neglected algae infested very green waters. Pool on Samui and what comes to mind is farangs heaps basking in the sun, but I guessed this place is a challenge to find and therefore the desolation.

No guest was there and we had the whole place to ourselves. It became not economically viable to maintain the pool water and so I suppose its purpose now is a giant bird bath, a frog breeding pond or a tourist trip over and fall into water trap. Other than that aside, enjoying a cup of coffee or cooling down that cocktail accompanied by the mountain breeze with an incredible view of the distant horizon makes the trip up worthwhile.

Just watch out for the land slide areas on the way up which ate up half of the road. We were told that the weather these late years had been extreme and Samui had been trying their best to cope with fighting nature.

Coordinates 9°28'42.60"N, 99°59'49.20"E for your reference.

Here's a restaurant that offers quite a feast, not too local and reasonably priced, the crowd is a mix of locals, farangs and mosquitoes . Offering the standard range of cholesterol laden tasty Thai seafood dishes is Sabienglae Restaurant. Its located in between Lamai and Chaweng not too difficult to find. Expect the place to be packed as it is quite well known. I was not too impressed by the dinner but I would rather not risk driving into the dark mountain roads in the night and have my hungry carcass discovered in a Vios at the bottom of a landslide scene. Coordinates 9°27'11.33"N, 100° 2'10.74"E for your reference.

As you cruise the coastal roads and ascend the hills of Samui, one does come across many little spots of pleasant settings so inviting for a chill-chill (Thai slang for chill out time). Appeal of all kinds from contemporary back to rustic rural and pure simple offers a choice too many for the curious soul of an explorer. Amongst that which I mentioned, food for the belly, we scaled the hundred steps up into the temple overlooking the airport, and shopped the weekend night market of Lamai.

And as we tire we had our cocktails by the fiery night beach nearby. Just driving, maneuvering corners and watch that endless horizon revealing up as we rolled on over the top of the hill is already an episode of endorphin in my warm bloodstream.

Full photo sets here under Samui Aug 2011.

Getting to Samui the Cheaper Way

2011-09-18T19:51:00.001+07:00

Bangkok Airways monopolized the only airport in Samui, and with that, they shout the price they want and we have no choice, or do we? Well a short flight in Bangkok Airways to Samui from Suvanaphum cost THB 3,000 one way at least (and that's during the promotion period). Double that and double the passenger, it cost THB 12,000 at least for a round trip. Yes you buy the time and the convenience, but I did it all for less than THB 5,000. That, I took the alternative, going by Air Asia to Surat Thani, and a ferry across to the island paradise. All in all, six hours or so of adventure I see it to be, and it was definitely worth the savings.

Hunting for good cheap budget airlines promotion, one could end up with return tickets for two as cheap as THB 2,000, so with that I had a smile broader then Joker in Batman - The Dark Knight . Now, once at the airport in Surat, there are 2 ways to get across to Samui. I rented a Vios from Hertz, and enjoyed my one and half hours drive over to the ferry terminal at Donsak. Or, you could purchase the bus tickets inclusive of the sea crossing while on board Air Asia when the staffs announces it.

Getting to that speck of paradise in the Ao Thai Sea consist of an enjoyable drive across well paved roads covering a distance of about 100km, that which I took one and half hours. The critical point to note is that the last ferry leaves at 19:00 hrs. So if you arrive at Surat at 16:00 to rent a car, you could be skating on thin ice. The thing about the ferry service is that, you do not know how long a queue there will be till you get there. I bought my advance ferry tickets at Raja Ferry counter at the airport for about THB 500 and they could not guarantee my getting over to Samui on the same day. You have to expect the worst if you are going during the public holiday season, so plan your timing well. Coordinates for Raja Ferry Terminal at Donsak is 9°19'42.41"N , 99°44'39.62"E .

Now, something about renting the car from Hertz, make sure you check them wheels before you take the car. It was into the second day on the island that we realized there was something stuck in our wheels. We called Hertz, they said, whatever we do, don't pull that out. It was part of the previous puncture repairs. The job looked shoddy and we asked what if the tire went flat while we were driving, won't that be dangerous? Should we not get proper wheels in the first place where safety is concerned? To which, there was no answer to our question.

Anyways, I did arrived at Donsak after a fun hour of discovering that being in the Vios taking on corners is like being in a ferry before I even got on one and that the 2000cc engine can churn out quite good torque even at speeds beyond 150km/h. I was relieved to see the clam pier with only less than five vehicles on queue and my girlfriend was glad we were still alive.

We caught the 6pm ferry, drove over the rusty gangway into the belly of the beast, we left the car on the lower deck and head on up into the comfy lounge area above to spend the next one and half hours looking through large windows as the sky turned an orange and into the deep blue. We walked the upper decks and have the breeze blow our hairs into a frenzy.

I was quite surprised the ferry was rather presentable, but not every day is we-strike-lottery day as you can see from the pictures above, on our return trip the other ferry in the Raja fleet was of a much inferior quality. Getting to a destination by never tried before means, yet another exploration chapter in my book of adventures as it continues in Thailand.

Bangkok Airport Link, Don’t

2011-08-02T10:45:00.000+07:00

Well for those of you who are arriving in Bangkok, first advise, don’t take the bloody overhyped Airport Link. Well, fast as it may be, but when I arrived at the Makkasan station, it was like arriving on a deserted island after a shipwreck in the Pacific Ocean. See, Makkasan is supposed to be the so called “City Air Terminal” and one would perceived it to be well served or linked by other connecting public transport at least. Arriving at Makkasan, we found the place almost deserted. There were little staffs on duty and when asked where the taxi queue was, we were told, it’s on the main road. Main road??

That’s when we realized it meant going to the ground floor, out of the terminal, going on foot under the station lugging my baggage to the main road some 500 meters away and to flag a cab by ourselves. And while on the main road, I truly enjoyed inhaling the exhaust fumes of traffic which was at a standstill. I was also thrilled by the experience of waiting extremely long for the crawling taxi. City planners in Thailand (oh they so brilliant) decided to place the City Terminal next to one of the most congested roads (Ratchadaphisek - Phetchaburi intersection) in Bangkok just to proof to tourist the notorious traffic jams in Bangkok are for real. And I had heard on the news lately, the record breaking lowest number of passengers in a day was 300. The average was 1,600. A billion dollar project that’s more like a joke.

Koh Larn on a Weekend

2011-07-27T06:00:00.001+07:00

Heading for a short beach trip on a weekend gateway, not so far, just an hour or more away. Where? Pattaya for the farangs, or Bang Sean for the local folks? Neither. Its an island I will blog here. Well in Singapore we go across to the over developed Sentosa, here we have bustling and crowded Koh Larn opposite of Pattaya.

The Beach @ GPS: 12°55'30.45"N, 100°46'41.68"E

Getting there means joining the sardine crowd on a 20 Baht ride on the common ferry, standing on the roof just like trains in India. Or, you could negotiate with the scary scattered speed boat operators that harass you on your way to the pier for as low as 2000 Baht for a personal speedboat over to a designated beach on the island. We opted for the scary speed boat operators. Depending on the time of the year and the season, the operators will drop you off a beach where the waters are calm. There are a few beaches on Koh Larn for your info.

It was hot and the beach was wide. Popular destination for tourist as well and the number of boats anchored on the shallow waters numbered in hundreds. Para-sail, banana boats and jet skiing are some of the activities there.

That’s also where we learnt that 30 minutes of 600 Baht jet skiing fun could turn out to be 6000 Baht after our friends rammed into a boat. At first I thought it was the Jet-Ski con scheme so common around Pattaya where tourist get ripped off for damages they did not caused. But I learnt that the damage was genuine. I also learnt that jumping into conclusion that all the Jet Ski operators were con artist and cursing them with the word “monitor lizards” in Thai was not a good idea (I wanted to engage them in a fight because I thought they were attempting to con us, also for some reasons or other, monitor lizard in Thai is a very bad word).

With so many boats anchored, an accident is always waiting to happen. The other Indian tourist causing a commotion with the thugs on the beach had 3 Jet Skis slammed into each other, damages claimed to be 50,000 Baht or more and he could not pay. Lesson learnt, don’t Jet Ski there, it just ain’t worth it.

Fresh seafood on Mainland @ GPS: 12°55'29.58"N, 100°52'1.72"E

Food and shop houses are an abundant on this spot of an island. But if you are wise like we did, we bought the yummies from mainland over to the island at a fraction of what you will have to pay on Koh Larn. Along the streets near the pier on mainland, you will find shop houses selling life seafood. We got a kilogram of crayfish for THB350, had them steamed and packed for the trip. On Koh Larn, the same crayfish sold for THB1,200 per kilogram. Same goes for beer and all that alcohol. Local culture, we spent the entire day on Koh Larn in economy mode, brought all the stuffs from mainland and stayed tipsy chatting away into the evening to join the force of boats on the return leg at 5pm.

Good Dinner @ GPS: 12°51'39.90"N, 100°53'43.73"E

Evening time, the sea breeze a blowing. How else to enjoy the transition from dusk colors till deep blue night under the moonlit shores? Driving along the Pattaya shoreline, we found restaurants aplenty. Simple tables and plastic stools lined the pavement separating the road and the shoreline. Anglers catching them Whiting by the buckets stood where the pavement were free. We choose one spot at random and feasted, washing down scrumptious seafood with the last remaining whisky brought over from Koh Larn. A weekend on Koh Larn, cheap, simple and not so far. Just too much crowd as with every other sunny spots nearby Bangkok.

I, ATV Koh Tao

2011-07-05T23:14:00.001+07:00

Moving in and around Koh Tao resulted in sore thumb. Since I am born with an inherited genetic incapability to balance myself on motorcycles, I had to go for ATV on the island. I had to grip on hard as the rocky roads attempted at every bump to dislodge my press on the tiny thumb throttle. Try that for an hour and see how your thumb feels.

You can get the smallest ATV at 600 to 700 Baht for a full day, that’s pretty inexpensive considering the fun you can have. See, Koh Tao is not just a place where you melt and become one with the sofa in your resort, but also a place for an explorer. Riding the ATV over windy roads, challenging the small engine to steep hills, testing the brakes around corners at the bottom of the slopes, exciting I say. And getting lost was part of the fun too.

Travel deep and you can find yourself sipping cold beer on scenic spots overlooking the ocean from some obscure small pubs. Travel high into the hills and you find some of the best food. Travel all over into interesting resorts and survey for your next stay. Challenge the dog to a race. I had fun on the ATV, from Mae Haad to Sairee.

Full photo sets here under Koh Tao Feb 2010 & Koh Tao Apr 2011.

Getting to Koh Tao, by Lomprayah and it Sucks

2011-04-24T10:49:00.003+07:00

Koh Tao is an island north of Samui, north beyond the full moon party island of Phangan. No direct flights and the only way to get there is by your personal yacht or the daily ferries departing from Bangkok, Hua Hin, Chumphon or Samui.

I recommend the Chumphon route, so as I did enjoying the 7 hours drive from Bangkok at 3am in the morning, followed by the Lomprayah twin hulled high speed ferry departing at 1pm. The boat journey was an hour and a half. One could get to Chumphon in a short 5 hours if needed to, forgoing all the coffee breaks, the toilet visits, the export outlet shopping and the meal stops along route in mega petrol stations so many in Thailand.

Take your time, drive a slow pace and enjoy the pleasant experience from darkness till dawn and into the daylight morning I say. Recently, they had a new service introduced. Its called Solar Air. You take a propeller plane from Bangkok to Chumphon airport, then a bus followed by the ferry service. No need to wake that early in the morning for self-drive. It cost about THB3,000 one way.

Bookings for the ferry could be done in advance over the Lomprayah web site, that was what I did and luckily I did so too. If not, one will have to endure the slow services of the check in counter as I write later. Getting to the ferry terminal is a challenge. The directional map on the website ain’t clear at all, could end up in Burma. So, in this post I had attached a snapshot of Google Maps for references (Long 10°21'30.60"N, Lat 99°16'1.80"E).

Lomprayah in Chumphon, they provide safe overnight parking looked after by the residence for THB50 per day to watch over your precious ride. Just make sure you get a shady spot for your car if you do not want it to be baking under the glaring sun. And to do so, wait for the return ferry from Koh Tao an hour before your trip, many folks will be driving their cars out on the return trip to Bangkok and that’s when you have the luxury to choose lots under the shade. Not much point arriving too early in advance as the parking could be full.

Now, heaps of whining, Lomprayah, no queue system, no baggage services and very slow checking-in process. Checking-in took more then 10 minutes per person as the counter was only a served by single slow laid back country woman scribbling your bookings onto notebooks. They have speed limits in terms of work but strangely, no one in the queue was complaining. Haven’t they heard of computerization?

Then when it was time, I had to lug and roll my baggage over the fifty meters of creaky wooden jetty under the searing sun, I got my tan even before landing on the beach. The ferry has two levels, the top so labeled VIP and you will have to pay THB100 extra to be in (it was THB 50 last year). But you may not get it as wished. Experienced riders rushed towards the boat in an instant after the onset of announcement to board. I had sat in the mass area below, powered by only three air conditioning systems. It was hot and humid, it ain’t a pleasant ride.

And so on my second trip to Koh Tao, I opted for booking VIP when checking in, ensuring I would get that seat upstairs instead of sauna room below. I was given a special VIP sticker, pasted onto my shirt, it was suppose to indicate to all that I had special privileges. Then, no special privilege encountered, I still had to join the long queue as per normal. Waltzing into the VIP with expectations that there will be available seats waiting for me, I was greeted by a scene of chaos instead. Large noisy families, hordes of noisy Thai folks engaged in frantic throwing of belongings onto empty seats reserving them for their mothers, kids and whatsoever extended families further down the queue. And they did not have the VIP stickers, they just conquered that VIP room in a stampede. To top it off, I did not see any staffs of Lomprayah coming in to check on who had the VIP stickers and who not, by right those who did not had to pay that extra THB100, it did not happen. And when I asked the Lomprayah staffs about why those people were not being charged, here was how it went:

Me (to Staff of Lomprayah):
Excuse me, we are supposed to pay extra when we sit VIP right?

Staff:
Yes sir.

Me:
Why no one come to check on me and ask me to pay extra THB100?

Staff (started looking at each other to find excuse, realizing they forgot to check who was VIP and who not):
Oh we will do so….

Paused… confusion among staffs…

Staff:
Er sir, can we have a look at your ticket… ?

Me hand over ticket… .

Staff: Oh sir… you already are VIP, we no charge you extra.

Me: What about the others? Did you check on them?

Paused… confusion among staffs…

Staff: Oh no need sir, we know who VIP and who are not. So we will charge those without VIP tickets and stickers.

Me: Why I never see you charge those with normal stickers then? I have been sitting up there for 1 hour already?

Staff: That’s because we know those without the VIP stickers currently upstairs had already paid for the extra VIP charge when checking in, the check in staffs had radioed us to tell us who they are.

Bull shit, utter bullshit. Totally bullshit, how could they recognized them all? And if they did paid extra, they would have got VIP stickers!! Lomprayah is full of bullshit but why should they bother to improve services since they are the only company that monopolizes the only ferry to Koh Tao!! Assholes.

Working here for 7 years, that day, I realized why my Thai friends had told me repeatedly that Thai people are very good at telling lies in my course of work as a warning. They don’t call it lies, my Thai mates had said, they simply call it “don’t finish the sentences” that’s all. Thais are very good at twisting the story and changing the facts. This, I totally witnessed on that day.

So my advice to all, forget about opting for VIP during check in and paying in advance. Many of us with VIP stickers ended with no seats because of these ill-mannered folks who horded the VIP level. Pity the other Caucasian tourists who were squeezed out of VIP rooms and made confused by the Lomprayah staffs who gave all kinds of bullshit reasoning. I am just wondering what the Lomprayah staffs had told those who paid but did not get a seat. I got mine because I screamed at the Lomprayah staffs when I had no seats during the beginning of the journey.

My holiday in Koh Tao was almost perfect except for Lomprayah. But do we have a choice?

Full photo sets here under Koh Tao Feb 2010 & Koh Tao Apr 2011.

Live Borderless - Charm Churee Villa, Koh Tao

2011-04-22T08:14:00.003+07:00

Live Borderless, not LG LCD TV, but a resort I will blog about. Live Borderless, see the view out into the gulf spanning the horizon from my personal patio overhanging off the cliffs as the long tail boast sped by. Every morning, I woke to the warm radiance of the rising sun under the shadows of the weathered cliffs. The gentle salty breeze caressed as I stood looking down below into my personal aquarium. The spotted green crabs sunning their shells warmed up as the vibrant fishes played amongst the corals. It was the second time I was there, a hint that I found this resort worth a second visit.

Not your average budget type hotel, but worth every dear Baht I had earned. The resort had been around since 2002, but the corrosive waft of the sea had taken its toll on the wooden huts that makes up the accommodation of this dwelling. I had stayed in unit 34, for the second time. A one bedroom one living room suite, with what I gathered to be the one of the best view Charm Churee could offer. The hike to the room however does require a certain fitness level. It was through 10 minutes of meandering steep steps, over sand and challenging corners that we arrived panting and breaking out in perspiration.

And the first think I could think of was to wash myself down in the outdoor shower. It was, outdoor very much indeed as the so many gaps in the bamboo walls offered quite a good view of my tan free fair shiny glow in the dark butt cheeks. The bathroom and toilet, nestled on rocks offered a most interesting wash experience ever, guaranteed.

Getting to town was like playing a RPG game. I had to look for signs in the jungle path that indicated “To Town”. It took a good fifteen minutes off the beaten track through several resorts before arriving onto sandy tracks that lead into bustling Mae Haad Bay. Through bushes, steep slopes, narrow path and nature, I was half expecting goblin gangs to spring out from behind hidden corners and I had to kill them with my magical sword or cast an exploding spell to wipe them out in a single attempt. The Mae Haad Bay township is laden with restaurants catering to the Caucasian tourist at Caucasian price. Its here you could locate bike and ATV rentals, pharmacies, a Seven-Eleven, packages that offers round the island snorkeling trips and such. In short, there were simply no free shuttle services between hotel and anywhere on this speck of an island in the gulf.

Breakfast was buffet, not a wide selection but not too bad really. And as for dinner, if one does not want to suffer the ordeal of trekking to town in the night and having to kill magical demons of the forest, dine at the Starlight Restaurant I would recommend. Dinner was pricey for Thais, but it was the average price if compared to urban countries elsewhere in the world. And the portion was huge, therefore dividing quantity by price, it was every bit reasonable. Would suggest sharing main course of spaghetti as an option for Thais who do not want to suffer cream and carbo overdoes. The meal setting itself was exotic enough alone. We sat on the floor dining in dusk colors for dinner, we looked over the sides and we could see fishies preparing for their nightly slumber through the clear waters. One thing I do have to mention, while we dined, the mosquitoes dined on us, the whole family of them, several generations across feasting on my arms, legs, neck and even though the clothing into my back. Must bring mosquitoe repellent unless you want to become swell man.

And daytime itself was a time to just laze around and bask in the sun. Enjoy the waters of private Jansom Bay. Jansom means Orange Plates in Thai and the place was named as such for some unknown reasons. I didn’t see any plates in the water, I did’t see any orange trees growing out of the sea. The bay itself has abundant sea life. Sat still in the water and the incredible amount of fish would have chewed off my nipples clean. So, I tried as much as I could not to sit still for more then 5 seconds. Waters near shore was already stunning but swimming out beyond where the bamboo platforms where, it was exquisite. Colorful corals and shoals of large fishes, giant clams with purple lips greeted us as we waddled out with our snorkeling gear. The sea was a clam, occasionally churning only when the distant diving or long tail boats sailed past. Downing that ice cold beer in the high afternoon sun was refreshing. The only problem was getting that beer ordered. The staffs here, neither good in Thai nor English, the lot are from Myanmar, cheap labor I guess.

All in all, Charm Churee was a good stay, and in fact I find myself having good calve muscles after staying there. Yes, Koh Tao may not offer the best waters crystalline like those of Similans, but definitely, it was a resort to rest and blend one’s soul to the rustic charms of the breathtaking scenery. Every morning, I woke to the sound of the sea and the glimmering specks of colors from coral fishes playing out front under my patio. And every evening I watched the vibrant reflections of sunset broken by silhouettes of long tail boats blaring past. In aw, I was in, in paradise again I had been.

Full photo sets here under Koh Tao Feb 2010 & Koh Tao Apr 2011.

Earthquake Bangkok

2011-04-04T10:28:00.000+07:00

I felt it, my mates felt it, most of us in high-rise felt it and the folks in the north felt it most. A roof collapsed and someone died I was told. That was the effects of the recent quake more then a week ago on 24 Mar 2011 that happened in Myanmar measuring 7.0. During that night, I felt giddy and doubted my health. And when I saw my instant noodles swishing about in its foam bowl, I did thought of scrambling for the stairs. It lasted near to a minute but I was cool about it. It was… an experience.

The next few days, we talked and doubted about the safety of condominiums in Bangkok. I was told there was nothing to worry about. I asked if the high-rise could withstand a quake and what are the evacuations plans. My mates told me, no need to worry, there is no plan. Bangkok buildings will just collapse if a massive quake were to hit. The death would be instant. I…. tend to believe this, after living here for sometime, I know the shoddy works involved in projects and the short cuts they take to minimize cost so that the funds could be channeled “elsewhere”. So sad, but so the facts or fiction I leave for others to conclude.

And today we see in the papers the story of Bangkokians still snapping up the budget condo’s so aplenty. I was then told, Bangkokians forget easily. Do they? I don’t know if forget so easily one does here really. I think it’s more of the “lets get on and not worry so much” altitude of the people in this pleasant land. Why worry so much? If one worries about everything, then your life would be a passage of stress. Is this good or bad, one and many us “kiasu / kiasi” Singaporean would contemplate.

Beware the Shoddy Vets and Groomers

2011-02-13T11:02:00.000+07:00

Lots of them, really here in Bangkok. Before you bring your beloved furball to any groomers, check around, ask around. I was at a pet hospital lately and I saw a Pomeranian with both front legs in cast. I asked, and she the owner told me some groomer dropped the dog and broke both legs.

I have seen several grooming shops advertising that they offer rabbit baths and grooming. Don’t bring my rabbit there my vet would say. Rabbits are very naughty and stubborn creatures. They give quite a struggle and most shops are not qualified to handle them. Again… rabbits will fall and die, if not suffer some permanent paralysis or life threatening injuries.

What about Vets? Surprisingly, there are heaps of them around. Small establishments are cheap, but not to say they are bad. Just make sure you do some research first. The live of a beloved animal is priceless. I would pay more for my rabbit’s dental then my own. Four times more to be exact. Thonglor Pet Hospital, from my own experience is good. Its an entire building dedicated to pets and they have all kinds of qualified specialist there who graduated from universities in Sydney down under.

The establishment is like a clinic for people, big clean halls, proper counters, proper clinical rooms and all that we pet lovers would see and trust our furballs to be left in the hands of proper care. It ain’t difficult to locate this hospital for it is located on the popular Thonglor street, and they have several branches around located throughout the metro.

And best of all, this place is expat friendly. They capable speaking language English with farangs. They saved my rabbit from dental complications.

Fireworks from Temple Grounds, ain't no Party

2011-02-07T10:00:00.000+07:00

Numerous times in my many years here, I heard them fireworks go off from some nearby temple, and I could see puffs of smoke hardly visible in the bright blue sky. And so I was having lunch with my colleague one day and the fireworks went off.

Me: “Looks like the temple is having a party again, Thai temples always seem to have temple fair and party all year round.”

Colleague: “No, that no party, that is to inform the township that who ever that died will soon be roasted, so come to the temple to see the departed for one last time.”

I see.

CNY - go Singapore, Malaysia or Thailand?

2011-02-06T10:00:00.001+07:00

Well, in case you are farang (ang moh, or Caucasian tourist as officially called) your best bet to have a good Chinese New Year would be Thailand.

Go Singapore, most shops closed on first day, so no shopping, not so much food. Worst, no festive mood because we go to jail forever for letting off firecrackers. Singapore is a “fine” country. We can’t even play them Hindu drums during Thaipusam else we get fined. Singapore thinks its noise pollution. The drums were supposed to mask out the horrific screams of the Hindus as they pierce themselves in the name of sacrifice.

Go Malaysia, which is where I was, really… no food. I was hunting for all the good hawker food. None whatsoever opened, because, public holiday. All “balek kampong” (go back to home town).

But in beautiful Thailand, it ain’t no public holiday. Office workers still work, shops remained opened so there is no lack of places to go. To get into the festive mood, just go to China Town and there’s a scene there. Firecrackers, we let them off yes we do. Although the dancing Lion speaks Thai, we still have a true Chinese New Year here.

My one bigger, I Win!!

2011-02-05T10:00:00.000+07:00

So the border dispute between Thailand and Cambodia over the temple Wat Kaew Sikha Khiri Sawara had come to this. Both sides had been planting flags all over the temple laying claim. So, Cambodia planted some flags. Then discretely, Thailand counteracted and in the morning, Cambodians awake to the sight of twice as many more Thai national flags and guess what… Thailand’s one bigger, taller too. If this continues, soon we will have the 8th Wonder of the World - Temple Stabbed by Flags.

Thailand is Organized After All

2011-02-04T08:35:00.000+07:00

You know, we Singaporeans come to Thailand, always complain complain. “Wah lau eh, why so disorganized one the traffic lah, the administrative system lah, the restaurant sucks lah no system, the business so jialat no one answer my call, sure no system lah… etc etc etc”. Stop whining. It’s been proven. Thailand when compared to other countries is more organized then you think.

Look at the current protest going on in Egypt. How the hell do you tell the anti vs pro Mubarak guys. Imagine, pro-Murabak guy shoots at crowd, then victim shout back “you pukimah!! I also pro lah!” Shooter then apologies to victim and brings victim to eat good murtabak with good fish curry (I presume the murtabak and roti prata are pro Mubarak’s food).

But in Thailand, no one shoots the wrong guys. Its obvious, red wears red, yellow wears yellow, and the dark forces wears black. So darn clear, we all know who to shoot.

ATMs at Suvarnabhumi Airport

2011-02-03T21:04:00.001+07:00

Again, some bright ass decided to make life for people looking for ATM machines after immigration as painful as possible. I have written of this before, once when I checked in without drawing cash from ATM machines before immigration. Then I left the country without money because there were no ATMs in the departure area. And some months later, ATMs were finally installed and there were no more frustrating moments when one forgets to draw cash before leaving.

And then NOW, it happened again…. YESTERDAY. Not that there are no ATMs but all them fucked up purples boxes by the Siam Fucking Commercial Banks issues only them foreign cash!!! Screw the one who came out with this bloody absurd idea.

Waiting for the Winter

2010-12-12T08:03:00.002+07:00

Have we noticed the change? Do we realize it had happened? Never had I expected that the effects of global warming can be witnessed in the short 7 years I had lived in Thailand, at least that’s what all my surrounding friends are talking about. This winter…. ain’t no winter. I remember from the year I arrived till about 3 years ago, during the months of November to January, motorcycle taxi sheds in Bangkok will have small camp-fire set up burning in some kind of make-shift bin. Motorcycle taxi drivers could be seen cuddled up keeping themselves warm around, palms stretched out absorbing the warmth and rubbing their hands together from time to time. We walked in the cool dense air, I could have coffee outdoors under the sun and not break a sweat. Sip hot coffee from a ceramic mug in cold winter, I loved it. Where is that experience now?

Back then, there were always friends going up north and coming back to share their tales of how cold it was the chilly air they breathed and the romantic atmosphere that such months offered. But just a week ago, friends coming back from Mae Hong Song told tales of extreme heat and only the early morning hours which offered a hint of winter’s mark.

I was happy back in end of October, when the cool breeze came suddenly unexpectedly. Even down south Hua Hin was cold and I could still remember having that hot Japanese soup with me friend in the cold night air. I was sharing with my mates how great living in this Kingdom had been and that part of Unseen Thailand is the secret winter debut that not many had known. How happily telling them I was, how wrong I now am. Even the Bangkok media had predicted that this year we will be experiencing the coldest and longest winter, obviously they had been wrong so far. The cool spell was over after the first week of November and it never came again.

The winter solstice is 21 Dec 2010. The sun is now low and darkness sets in about 6pm. But where, where are you now, the long awaited winter we are all eager for?

Old Town Chiang Khan

2010-11-27T17:07:00.002+07:00

As presumed, we planned a winter trip up north. Keyword… winter… reality, perspire like pigs. End of November, should have been cold, but Buddha decided to turn the sauna on. And so we left Bangkok at 10pm in the night. Can’t recall the entire journey, but when I woke it was near 6, and up the mountains we went in the still cool air hoping it will last.

We were in Loei and joined the flock of local travelers for the sunrise. As we hike up the pathway, many of them were already strolling the opposite way, we missed the sunrise but nevertheless, the view was still breathtaking on Phu Ruea National Park. Misty, top of the peak I was as the sunrays contest the heavenly clouds to reach my lens. First stop of the day for many on their way to Chiang Khan.

Now Chiang Khan had been the talk of many lately. Her old rustic charms attracting many of the city folks, luring them with her backwards appeal into a world where the clock ticks slower. However, the dwellers of this village just ain’t too happy about it. They had been invaded, modernization had set in with the ever increasing loads of tourist. Even farangs had started to arrive in small numbers. The concrete buildings have started to sprout, over shadowing the original rows of aging wooden houses laid along the only street. Chang Khan will turn into another Pai soon as many had already reflected.

The monks walk their daily rounds just as the sun rise. Briskly, they collect alms from the local folks, strolling a slow pace taking in the clear morning air. In contrast to that, during the peak supposed to be cold period of November till January, things are very different. Monks get overfed like fishes. We tourist like to do everything that locals do just so as to do what we tourist are suppose to do. As a result, abnormal number of people lined up the streets and we dump loads of monk-feed into their small bowl. Never mind the cookies, sticky rice and what not had already piled up like mountain, tourist continued to squeeze whatever we can into any opening we chanced upon between the packs of nutrients. I myself was one of them and it was quite obvious the monks tried to walk as fast as he could pass all of us, refusing our offerings tactically. Some, I could tell was calculating how to walk past us beyond arms reach. We tourist had stressed the monks. There should be a Monk Overfeed Protection Act set up in Chang Khan someday.

Accommodation in Chang Khan is basic. Mainly, they are home stay. This is the second time I am at it and I am still amazed that all the elderly are wiling to sacrifice their night sleep for us. For a mere THB1500, they are willing to give up the bedroom and sleep all over the living room downstairs, scattered in a way like cats would do so in a large open area. There are not resorts on Chiang Khan as yet, but in time, there will be as popularity grows.

The old town is located next to the Mekong. So one could talk local to the locals and have a boat ride out on the river for THB1000. Sail next to Laos, see them kids play the water. Wave as we did as the citizens of Laos smiled and waved back. Cycling is the core activity there, for in Chang Khan is a long street where in the night it turns into a bustling market with restaurants, drinking joints and the so many peddlers. Colorful lights reflecting off old wooden charms, a kaleidoscope, it can be quite a picture.

A packed trip up north and back, sleep deprived we were back working the third day. 60% of the time spent in the van, stopping along the way for spots of unknown attractions. That’s the way we do it here, cheap.

Full photo sets available here under Old Town Chiang Khan Nov 2010.

Pink Flowers and Weird Rocks

2010-11-08T18:04:00.000+07:00

Blog about August, some time ago. What’s on during August? Pink flowers season they say. All Thais flock to this place called Chaiyaphum to step on them flowers… no just kidding. Thais flock there to take in the full view of these pink petals blooming all over the slopes in the midst of fresh foggy mountain air. Flowers, so many, but you gotta catch them at the right time. With global warming, it’s hard to predict when they will bloom. We were told we went late for the season. The Dog Krachaio (that’s what they call them) had already started withering.

Chaiyaphum is highlands about 5 hours from Bangkok by van. That’s what we went in. My colleagues are very good (in fact all Thais are) at organizing such tightly pack trips over a short weekend, squeezing every bit out of off work time. We left midnight on Friday, our lives in the hands of the lone driver. Woke up crusty eyed at 5am on some mysteriously misty place, thinking our van had crashed and we were in Heaven. And when sense returned, we realized we were in some national park, Thai name too long, me brain no register.

August, Thais not only flock to Chaiyaphum for the flowers, but to also pose themselves dangerously on precariously looking rocks in order to take the picture of their lifetime. The forestry here in Thailand is good at making every rock sticking out over dropping cliffs an attraction. They are also ingenious in naming theses places, one of which I visited was “Cliff of Penis Shrinkage”. It’s a myth, my penis is still looking good down there.

Other then carrying genital related names, these are one of the few rocks in the entire solar system which has the most number of humans ever stood on them. Just wondering in my mind when a crack will appear and give way, taking a lovely couple along with it.

Rock features in this region are very peculiar in shapes. Thais looked at them and christened them Radar, World Cup something and whatever they can think of. Aiming through my viewfinder, I contemplate what freaky natural erosive phenomenon could have created them over the millenniums which had past.

Thais like waterfalls. And so, if there is one in the region, we flock there like frogs looking for a pond to spawn. In my restless state, again I cannot register the name of this place, but it was packed with people. As usual, Thais swim in their full daily attire, no bikinis for eye candy. Locals, only locals, hidden away from the knowledge of farangs the place is.

And what accommodation we lodged in? Travel local, stay local. Speak their language, live their language. We bunked over in “Home Stay”. Home Stay in Thai means staying in someone’s home literally. We invaded some farmer’s house for a small fee and the usual occupants young or elderly, will find some hole sleep else where. It was about THB 2,000 or so as I can recall for their sacrifice. Where do we get such incredible deals I asked? The web forums aplenty floating around they said. In written Thai they all are, reasons now we know why we expats can’t find good cheap deals.

They had simple food for us dinner, breakfast and lunch. We can squeeze in as many as we want, they will somehow get all the mattresses and blankets for us all. Just try not to think of the odor that came along with it. I was too tired to think of it anyways. Arrived late in the night and woke early 5am for out next leg of the journey.

Rocky rides, sleep deprived. We traveled them cliffs, flowers and rocks and falls. Had fun aplenty, all within a packed 48 hours. To so many places and back again. Monday, the next work day, was terrible. Will I do it again? Yes.

Full photo set here under Pink Flowers and Weird Rocks Aug 2010.

Thailand Tsunami 2010 – Prophecy

2010-11-07T12:43:00.000+07:00

Ok, I am back, will try to be back to writing my blog that is. Work is crazy now and I am trying to make sense out of all the chaos.

Anyways, dunno which Buddha decided to pass the message to mankind here in Thailand, people are talking about avoiding the south during December. Tsunami will come, and now it will be from both sides. In 04, it hit the western coast where Phuket is. This year, it will be different. On 30 Dec 2010, Tsunami is going to hit from both sides, east where Samui is and West where Phuket still is.

And my Thai friend showed me the action of a clap – Biang! Whatever in-between, meaning the thin strip of Thailand running down the center, will be swept away. Let’s see prophecy right or wrong...

Blackmailing at its Finest

2010-06-01T13:18:00.000+07:00

*Someone was involved in a hit and run lately. The someone was drunk. The someone sped back home, but the one taxi was following the someone. Taxi driver then came to confront the someone and demanded THB5000. Else, taxi driver will report the someone to police. Someone complied, Taxi driver happy. Gosh…. Thailand is just amazing.

(*Someone is someone… not me just to clear the air…)

Reality Time, Au Pair Thailand

2010-05-31T01:00:00.003+07:00

I found out sometime ago, Au Pair Thailand is bull shit. For you Host Families who have gotten them, you’ve been taken for a good one year ride.

First, for the most of us who have never heard the word Au Pair in our entire lives….

An Au Pair is a young person between 18 and 30 years who becomes a temporary member of your family. Usually, it's a young girl (90 percent) but more and more often, young boys are taking the opportunity to improve their language skills and get acquainted with a new culture.

In exchange for free board and lodge, a private room and pocket money (in the western European countries between 200 and 280 Euros per month (140 and 170 pounds), the Au Pair will take care of your children and help with light housework including vaccuming, dusting, preparing the table for meal times and emptying the dishwasher. The costs for flight and language courses are usually paid for by the Au Pair.

Screening is an important key to a successful placement and exchange experience. Au Pair in America utilizes a multi-tiered screening process to ascertain an applicant’s appropriateness for the program.

Applicants are interviewed in person by a trained interviewer. We also monitor the interviewer's performance and applicants complete evaluations about their interviewers. During the interview, the interviewer assesses the candidate’s suitability, ability to speak English and educational level.

Now if you still want to believe in your Au Pair (if you happen to be one of those Host), I suggest that you find the next hyperlink that brings you to other blogs. Especially on the multi-tiered screening process, what I am about to write, is the truth of the workings here in Thailand. During one period of my time here, I was in contact with a bunch of Au Pair candidates (con artist) before they got sent off. I, saw the truth, you the Host Family do not.

About Au Pairs, the following are just marketing materials.

All applicants who meet the program’s minimum requirements complete a four page application detailing occupational histories which are child care experience, educational achievements, interests, hobbies and other personal information. They write an essay describing life in their home country and reasons for wanting to become an Au Pair or companion in the United States. Each applicant is also required to submit photographs showing herself with the children in her care, her family and friends.

All Au Pair in America applicants will have successfully passed a background investigation, which includes verification of schooling, references, psychometric test and a criminal record check (where available within the scope of the laws of a given country).

Applicants provide at least three written references, one of which must be a child care reference. An academic reference is required for all EduCare applicants. Three references will be confirmed by telephone. References from relatives are not accepted as primary references.

Applicants are required to submit a medical report completed in part by a physician. Each medical report is reviewed, and any areas of concern are investigated prior to their arrival in the United States.

Now the truth about some of them…

Occupational History
Some worked as sex workers or coyotes (bar top girls you see in night clubs). But they of course, unless in the wrong state of mind, will never write about the truth. These girls are very good at men hunting and are always looking out for the next golden tortoise to bring them away from what they are. They don’t want to return to the old life when they get back to their home country. So, observe and you will know they are working to that objective as primary, looking after your children is secondary.

Child Care Experience
None for most. Surprise now why the one you have in your household is clumsy at changing the diapers and sometimes does not show any relationship between what you read and what she does? Some agencies here will require the candidate to attend a set number of hours of child care training. But the truth is and always will be, that particular requirement is “close one eye”.

Personal Information
Oh, she so loving, she so caring. It’s only written. It’s like applying for a job and one will never write that she drinks with men and dance her gyrating hips in g-string all night, sleeps in the day, persuade money to part from men, …… and more, believe me, much much more.

An essay describing life in their Home Country
Again, only pretty pictures and lovely flowers are painted of course. Majority of them come from poor family background and lifestyle which you cannot comprehend. Families are normally broken and upbringing has always been tough. They find ways to survive, it may not be acceptable to you. But again, you never will know her true lifestyle.

Reasons for wanting to become an Au Pair
Reason as already elaborated in Occupational History. Some that had gone landed “farang” boyfriends in a matter of weeks. Could be gullible guys from your neighborhood, strange people they meet in clubs during weekends and worse, your plumber while you are away in the day. A number of them Au Pair had already been reported to have disappeared from the Host Family. Dissolved into the population and gone underground, you aided in their passage to America, they smile and thank you in silence.

Submit photographs showing herself with the children in her care, her Family and Friends
I was astonished when they started to call up everyone they know so they could borrow the children of their friends, relatives and whomever they know to take fake snapshots.

Passed a Background Investigation
Meaning that they provided a self selected list of people for the agency to call. And in preparation, all the parties that will be called had been pre-empted and been told what to say.

References from Relatives are not accepted as Primary References
Family circles are very big here. Relatives WILL be called but the relationship not revealed.

Applicants are required to submit a Medical Report
Mediocre. I myself paid just THB200 to get one simply signed from the any clinic around my neighborhood as part of the process for a job interview. Your Au Pair may be an incubator of undesirable diseases. Your child is with her everyday of the year.

Interviewer assesses the candidate’s suitability, ability to speak English
I doubt the interviewer’s language intellectual level. The candidates I spoke to, I had to spend more then a minute trying to figure out what they were trying to say. Oh be warned, they are quite bad with reading the labels on the gadgets in your house, simple gas stove will become exploding gas stove because labels are in English.

..and as a side note…. About Driving your Kids Around
Well, there is this chance that they all be smashed into smithereens on the freeway and you can’t differentiate which parts are car and which parts are children. Acquiring a driving license in Thailand does not require proper prior driving lessons. So if you happen to get one of those bullshit Au Pairs, there is zero common sense at work while driving your kids around. They will just drive into the path of a speeding trailer because they have got no driving logic. They just pretend they know how to drive since they wrote it in lie to score points in their profile.

Enjoy your ride some you trusting Host, it will be a long one.

Bangkok, The Aftermath….

2010-05-30T13:08:00.002+07:00

So they extended the curfew all the way till this morning. Officially it has been announced on papers that it’s over. Although, by right, for the past week, curfew starts from midnight till 4am, but by left, we know of clubs that remained opened still. This is Bangkok, what do you expect? People to follow the rules?

So Central (ironic, it is also called World Trade) is gone, they had not decided as yet to tear it down. She may still be “repairable” as reported, but depends. I may give her a miss if they decide to just repair. Don’t want to die in a communal pool of shit crapping in the toilet as the building collapses.

And the aftermath of the massive Red BBQ Party remains in full view over Bangkok for all to contemplate. Will it happen again? Maybe yes, maybe no, we never know. Friends said the hardcore had gone underground, recuperating for the day to come. Let’s see.

Reds went Supernova

2010-05-21T08:18:00.000+07:00

Our Sun, shines bright and noticeable, stable. But when and it does happens during which the nuclear fuel contained is about spent good, she suddenly contracts and with a surprising turn, explodes with such energy it can be detected throughout the galaxy. Of course, Earth will be incinerated in the process. In a way, that’s how the protest here went out, with a big bang. The protest went on for months, and then the soldiers moved in. Protesters were significantly reduced, and suddenly, all hell broke loose. But just like a supernova, that will be the last signature. The reminiscence glow will remain for eons to come in space, the memory of the reds this year alike. It’s over it seems, but the incinerating will go on for a while.

Majority stayed home, my office stopped for a whole week. I ventured out, no one can stop me from watching Shriek IV on its opening day. I wanted to see Puss fat. And so in the cinema, I laughed away with only a crowd of twenty. The malls, they were still opened but rather empty. Extra security, guarding against the terrorist.

Ratio of nice legs, sexy bodies to normal crowd, abnormally off scale here where I stay. The night ladies were out in groups or with their daddies, their work place had either closed or had no trade.

Car parks were empty, Starbucks was not opened. And just after three the shops started closing. I went to another Starbucks, but they closed at six early. Back home, stayed home as the curfew started at nine.

Just one more note when a star goes out. After a Supernova, the star collapses on itself into a possible black hole. A black hole is not a pleasant thing to have.

Terrorist Camouflaged in Black Shit

2010-05-21T08:16:00.001+07:00

I think the farangs in the news circle are having a holiday. No one is doing the spell checks.

It was 10pm, Central was still Burning

2010-05-20T00:15:00.000+07:00

Well, that’s how the skyline looked like from where I stay. It was the night near to 10pm, Central World was still burning. I could hear gunshots as I snapped in the warm summer air. That’s not the only site torched, there were many. Much earlier in the morning yesterday as I left for work, I could hear the distant explosions from my balcony. And as I sped eastwards and glimpsed into my rear view mirror, I could see dark smoke bellowing out from Bangkok. Ironically it was rather scenic in the morning light, like the volcanic eruption up in Iceland now.

Just incase you are wondering, why no one was putting out the fire. The Central World fire had raged on for hours, and has some many others. News reported whenever firefighter approached with water, gunshots will be heard. So… they scrambled away.

In contrast to the Chinese seventh month, Thais are burning metal cars and concrete buildings. In contrast to the paper money, Thais are burning real banks and currency. It’s outta hand as one could see. Wickedly, excitement did surround me as no one in Singapore will have the correct ball specification to do such a thing.

Late into yesterday afternoon, a call was received. Be back in Bangkok by 8, or stay in Rayong for the night told I was. Curfew, we never had Curfew in Singapore before. So later on yesterday, I discovered that at 180km/hr, the Volvo consumed 16 liters of petrol per 100km. The heavy car, the faster the more stable it was. A feat of Swedish engineering as I experienced slicing the resistive smog filled air like a hot knife easily through butter. Stable she went, turbo spooling, Pedal to the metal, I overtook the police cars. And, I was not the only one. The Motorway late yesterday evening was an arena of erratic high speed driving as people sped back to Bangkok. It was awesome in a way, sadistically.

And back in Bangkok I was, the neighborhood filled with an abundance of activity. People queued up to buy drinking water, food and such. Stockpiling they were. Seven eleven was filled, most of the shelves empty. Many other 24 hour marts, closed they already were.

Newspapers covered the large glass panels, looting and mischief expecting they were. And darn I missed the ATM, they were shutdown. Radio cautioned the public to draw cash in advance for preparation of what’s to come in the next two days. What? What will come? I queued in Seven Eleven, made sure I had two packs of ciggys for the next two days to come.

How a society break down, I am getting a taste of it first hand now. Its starts with petrol pumps running out of petrol, yesterday morning the pump I went had none. So on my return journey, I filled to the brim before entering Bangkok I did. Everyone was filling up, the queue was just long. The tankers had stopped delivering, because one was high-jacked for this nationwide event.

Next food shortage will follow, as market trips and delivery will be made impossible. And so we want to go instant, but then the convenient stores will run dry. Or they will be closed and so expect looting next. Humans will fight for survival, an instinct born in all mammals.

So should the situation get any worse, prepared I am sure to a level. I have much instant noodles in my cupboard, and those frozen spaghetti in my freezer. Should the electric be cut, rely on noodles only I will. And so how next “chu-chian-yee-ting” (Japanese Sesame Oil Instant Noodle) depleted? Its ok, I got a huge 3kg bag of rabbit food, I will eat when survival instinct takes over. I am sure my rabbit will not mind sharing. Finish already then how? I got a decorative water feature out my balcony and it’s full of algae. If I dry it and sprinkle salt, I think it can pass of as Japanese seaweed. Rabbit can eat that too, since it’s veggie in a way. Next? Ok, there are these small little toy dogs such as Chihuahua, Terrier, Shih Tzu that normally wonders around my neighborhood. I will eat them before my neighbors realize their pets can be food. I think Shih Tzu makes good Shushi. Then next how, finish eating neighborhood dogs? Go for parrots, can be colorful substitute for the meat in Chicken rice. I will not eat cats because I think they give quite a good scarring if you attempt to kill them. And lastly, under the direst of circumstance… eat my rabbit. It can fit in the microwave quite nicely anyway.

Bangkok Burning

2010-05-17T08:05:00.001+07:00

That was the skyline yesterday. The mob has this in trend thing of burning vehicles and tyres. News reported that Monday and Tuesday are declared official holidays. School term which was supposed to start today had been delayed by a week. I wonder why they call it a holiday. Holidays are festive period. I guess because of all the firecrackers, excitement and occasional stray bullets hitting someone, they consider this to be one big party minus the booze. My office had sent out last minute emails yesterday asking us to stay home, no work for Monday. The mod is approaching a junction near where we work. Could be in range of M79 RPGs, my colleague joked (note…”joked” we are still taking it lightly).

Now one thing about Bangkok is that there is no zoning, which means all commercial, tourist and residential areas are rolled into one (again… like a bad game of SimCity). So many residents in the down town affected areas are suffering from food shortage, no food and they are very upset about it. However TV highlighted that those hawkers who ventured in to sell are making it big time (there’s always entrepreneurship somewhere). I won’t worry about food when and if the mob reaches where I stay. I have backup reserve already in my apartment. I can eat my rabbit.

Bangkok Bang Bang

2010-05-16T10:04:00.000+07:00

Bang… more bangs and bang bang bang. That’s what had been happening over the past 2 days. The sound of explosions and shootings happened all over down town. It is more like a state of confusion now as all don’t know what is shooting who and what has been shot. News feeds showed people throwing firecrackers mainly but I bet it’s more then that. On Friday, we received SMS forward from unknown sources stating major shopping complexes out of town will be targeted so avoid them. Friends reported that if we want Gucci bags, we could get them free by venturing into the shopping malls down town. I think what he meant was you could break into the shops and no one cared. But I have not seen any news of looting as yet. Reds got shot, soldiers got shot, taxi drivers got shot and motorcycle taxis also got shot. Another Reuters reporter got shot and the radio was suggesting Reuters gotta do lots of Tamboon (visit the temple) this year to correct their luck. Friend of friend’s stories had it that she happened to be in a downtown jam returning to her office when all of a sudden, she saw several motorcycle taxis downed by unknowns. Everyone got out from their cars and scrambled. Everyone, regardless of sides was just getting shot if they happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Scary aye? And yet, contrastingly, just out of the town area, Thais are still shopping, pubs are still full of party goers. Popular diners are still filled to the brim on weekends, we are all still working and going about our project scoping and customer visits. Starbucks, I was there, remained still a poser place for people chatting and surfing away on their notebooks or iPad.

A storm is brewing now as I type, the horizon is very dark. Come rain heavy soon it will and wash away the chaos in town. The onset of raining season, many expected the red shirts to cease and return to attend to cultivating their farms. But will they and maybe they will. But we expect the acts of sporadic violence to prolong. As mentioned, we don’t know who is who and what is what now.

Clearing Red Areas

2010-05-14T07:52:00.002+07:00

It had been announce yesterday that soldier and police will go clean up the red areas. BTS and MRT ceased to pick up passengers at selected stations. Roads closed after 6. Many offices closed early and then….. massive traffic jams as people started to self evacuate from down town. Just the usual.

And in the hours that progressed as reported in the news this morning, shots were fired, some people (very few) were shot. Office buildings bored the scars of stray leads, cars that passed by were harassed. I think they partied with grenades as well, and it was chaos in these limited down town areas. And so, most business there will not operate today.

But out of town, all is normal. We will work today, we did not evacuate our office 4pm yesterday. Warning emails were issued by HR, go home early they stated. But worked on some did still.

How extensive the red shirt supports? Here above show you I have. I was buying my pork’s leg rice for dinner, the hawker had his notebook on WLAN. Turned on speakers loud and blaring he did, was logged on to some online red oriented site was he. Oh, the propaganda speeches, in streaming colors and video. And some homes clearly exhibited their sides with TV turned on loud. To the red channels it was tuned to, for the neighborhood to listen to. And of course, no one complained of noise pollution. No police dare come intervene.

In the pantry my colleague walked up and asked… .
Colleague: “So hey, which do you like? Red shirt people or Yellow shirt people?”
Me: “I prefer naked people, really, especially girls…”

Fish Spa

2010-05-10T18:03:00.000+07:00

Lately, I have been seeing these spas popping up everywhere. Someone must have brought the idea in and within no time, we see them in almost everything shopping malls high-so and low. In case you don’t know what they are, it is for you to soak your smelly feet in for a period of time. During which the fishies will eat away at your dead feet skin as they soften up. And in the night when the malls are about to close, the tanks are covered over with a white cloth as the attendees break off from work. To which an idea I sprang. I will release leeches and piranhas when no one is watching.

Two months and they are still at It

2010-05-09T17:49:00.001+07:00

Everyone is now tried of the situation and the protest has set in to be the norm. No longer was it like when it just began where uncertainty and a pinch of excitement hung in the hot summer air. Threats, blood spill, clashes whatever, no one really talks about it now. Bangkok simply got used to it. It’s really hot now and reported in the news was that the temperatures of consecutive summers has gotten only worse as the effects of global warming sets in. But the reds never gave up, I respect their endurance. I went through field camp without changing underwear for max five days, I wonder how some of the reds does it longer (maybe they don’t have underwear).

Occasionally now, when reported black shirts decided to play grenades in order to heighten up the spirits, the public transportation system shuts down and causes massive jams cascading though the arteries of greater Bangkok. I was in such one. Left the meeting at 4pm, reached home only at 10pm. Not complaining I am, that’s the way life is here now.

So we all carry on with our businesses (less those in affected areas). Fear to begin with was only slight and has but gone now in all. Colleagues we know some join them Reds on the weekends, perspiring under the oven sky. Colleagues we know some branded Yellow we have. And yet we talk, we drink, we have fun still and fight not once did we.

Why do the Cows cross the Road?

2010-04-18T11:12:00.001+07:00

To shit on the other side....

Heath Land, I Say

2010-04-16T12:39:00.000+07:00

Bangkok…. and we think of massage, a good massage that’s traditional I mean. But where to find, especially for you guys on a holiday here? So many of them around your hotel, but are you sure it’s a good massage? Pricing, will you be that cabbage head on the chopping board? Enter any, and most likely, you find the masseur attractive but only lightly she presses you and show more interest directed towards your groin (if you are a man) then anywhere else. Even traditional ones you enter, good or bad their skills you will not know. Get pressed on the wrong nerve point somewhere on your back any maybe you cannot shit for days.

So where’s a good bet? Look for Health Land. They have a umber of branches around. Its well established and truly a decent business. Ask the bell boy to get you a cab to the nearest branch. Rooms are clean, services are good. A traditional massage cost only THB300 (for Thais and expats same same). But I would recommend the aroma therapy course, which cost THB800 (THB600 if with coupons). This course is actually an oil massage done over one and a half hours. You go into the room that’s good and clean. Rooms are either single, or you could go for that romantic twin where you get to shower together openly. The masseur then instructs you to bath and wash away your stickiness after your long shopping trips under hot Bangkok sun. You feel clean fresh and ready for a good rub in the fresh air-conditioned room. I always prefer to have a bath before massage, that way, I can really enjoy it. The bed is a proper massage bed. There is a hole for your face to breathe, unlike many others which I had been to, I had to stuff my face into a salivated pillow when lying face down.

Oh… and one challenge I have to mention, you have to squeeze into those tiny fixed sized genderless black panties given to you (or you could go totally nude) *. These apparels have no ball room. Health Land, I recommend it.

* Writer of blog is not responsible if reader’s testicles do not decent after the good session in tiny black genderless panties. Reader may have to visit the doctor to attempt to relocate balls if the above situation arises.

Party Shirts, but yet the Red Scarf – Songkran 2010

2010-04-15T11:52:00.000+07:00

Earth have made yet another relentless full circle around the sun. It’s the hottest month now. It’s the festivities period yet again. Imprinted into the expat’s mind, wild fun, wet t-shirts and oh yeah I could see them pairs so full and round. That’s how Songkran had always been remembered and the stories we share with our home folks long after many leave the country years later. But Songkran these late years have been different. It has been infused and associated with red violence.

The trucks loads of fun seekers, all ages, still roamed the streets in pursuit of exchanging bucketful of splashes with street parties. The dek skois with their blaring motorcycles in swarms rode out the wet tarmacs. Fun and all but in there behind the smiles…. red spots. Who was who, what was what, sides of which what where we will not know. They were all in there. Anything could be a catalyst to the trigger of not only the normal teenage brawls, but also the taking on of colored sides. It ain’t no fun as before do you know? Some Thais were sad this period.

In our discrete chats over coffee, drinks or clubbing, they share their views. They wanted the protest to end, but hey, it’s not their say. Some were saddened so much when watching the news reports, tears rolled down. Thais had always been a very united happy bunch and in nature, they loved each other. Here long enough, I had seen them exhibit their friendliness towards each other and avoided violence in the most surprising of ways. A joke, a smile, a compromise or an exchange of drinks over uneasy situations. And all became as one, Thais, and they partied hard together. But not theses years. Tears rolled down, they asked themselves, why they are killing each other. I brought up my glass of beer, and we drank and chatted into the night as the lead singer on stage sang her best.

Red Chaos and So?

2010-04-08T19:04:00.000+07:00

Life goes on for everyone. Don’t be taken in by the mass media.

Here Something you don’t see Everyday

2010-04-07T18:50:00.000+07:00

And this is indeed a rare one, I have seen dancing policemen, but singing?

Here’s Something you see Everyday

2010-04-06T18:48:00.001+07:00

For many moons now... red infestation. Have to watch where we drive. Roads closed, business appointments affected. We are still fine.

Working on Red Shirt Day

2010-03-14T10:44:00.000+07:00

First of all, there is an upside to things here when red shirt gathers. The traffic on roads this period is surprisingly pleasant. Everywhere I went I could reach speeds of 100, it is like Songkran period when most return to their province. Only this time, Bangkokians hide in their homes and avoid travel unless absolutely necessary. One advice however, don’t venture where the red shirts are. Gotta check with your friends where to avoid. It was reported that someone got hit in the head with a loudspeaker because he politely asked the red shirt convoy to give way. Another advice told by my mates, careful when talking to taxi drivers this period. They are all red shirts and the slightest wrong comment you utter, they will drive you in into the river.

Now, going into work site presented another problem. I was not allowed in for the fear of sabotage. I don’t speak like a true Thai, so the guard suspected I could be from some mountains in the red infested north, planning to put poison into the water treatment plant. Twenty minutes of clarifications before I was allowed in on this Sunday morning.

But all is good here and travelling is safe to a certain extent. Hazard hangs in the air ready to pounce on you, unlike in Singapore where everything is so contrastingly stable, clam and boring. I feed on chaos, I feed on uncertainty. Thailand and her mysterious amazing ways.

Simple Toilet Pastime

2010-02-19T08:17:00.000+07:00

Found only in male toilets round town, for you to practice aiming. Attempt made even more challenging if done hands free. Not available in female toilets. Vaginas cannot take aim unless you are the ping pong lady from Patpong.

That Ledge

2010-02-18T08:14:00.001+07:00

See that ledge over there that’s way too high for a ledge? Thought it was to be anti vermin, but hey rats could jump. Thought it was anti reptiles but hey, snakes could climb.

Well, lets say you have one of those cheap one-man-operation nursery full of babies from neighboring houses. Teenage parents leave them kids with you because they have to sell hand phone, tout pirated DVDs or whatsoever at MBK for whole day. Rain come heavy, you have to go upstairs for something. Flash flood begins, the Chaophaya overflowing. Next thing you know when you come down you see all the toddlers floating face down motionless together with cockroaches using them like islands in Maldives accompanied by one or two drowned cats also floating face down.

Found in most low lying houses, it’s to prevent genocides like the above. That’s how high the water goes during heavy rains. Was told the water gets higher every year and ledges like these needs to be raised. The ledge, something that you don’t get to see everyday.

Chuoy Duoy Chuoy Duoy So Soft

2010-02-02T09:00:00.003+07:00

Chuoy Duoy, the Thai word for “help me”, a voice so squeaky and soft we heard while dining by the road side. Me car parked alongside up ahead, the street lights never maintained and broken, the pavement for pedestrians so dark.

As she ran weakly her body so petite, she screamed but sounded like she was more of talking “Chouy Duoy, Chouy Duoy…..”. The diners all stood up and moved over to watch the commotion as she ran alongside traffic chasing the invisible man we did not see.

She was walking along minding her own business, a man just walked alongside her, pried her handbag off her and took off like a hyena with its catch in its crutches. Volunteers from the shop, some diners, dashed in her direction towards the animal. But in the end, the robber took a turn somewhere into the myriad of dark alleys, he was never caught.

As the commotion died down, the people returned to their tables and the talk continued. Bangkok so chaotic, the sound of sirens, flashing red and blue sped passed towards an accident somewhere. Scooters so loud blaring by, Taxis driving like formula one. Suspicious looking characters on motorbikes wearing full faced tinted helmet cruising close to the walkways. So it is reputed, Bangkok is dangerous as sometimes we get to see. But be wise, avoid uncertain dark places that’s all to is. Bear in mind you tourist expats or what not to be, someone will always be watching you for that opportunity and when it happens, you did be stun beyond action. Watch your belongings, tight grip on your handbag ladies. Bangkok will always be Bangkok, the denizens from darkness there always will be.

Watching the Opportunities Slip By

2010-01-28T17:26:00.001+07:00

For many us here, money no enough have we, lucky not are we. So we watch and only watch. Opportunities, one after another, they slip by. Was at Hua Hin lately, dining next to a Farang table were we. Lucky E-San wife net in what look like an aged seventies elderly. Dutchman he is, spoke much he did not, but land he was buying.

A crooked faced man was with them, believe him I would not, but looked like the Farang did. The man I would not trust was a middle man looking for the land. He was calling all over, spoke aloud proudly he did. Priced 1.9 million, 39 rai of land for the Thai-Farang couple half a generation apart. The lady looked thirties, she was way beyond Coyote expiry. But still, she is half of seventy.

Farang and expired Coyote, lucky I consider them to be. Grab the opportunity both did I see. Land, land so big, damn these big plots are taken up like hot cakes now by the some who have the currency. 39 rai is 62,400 square meters, about 250m by 250m. 1.9 million is only 80k Singapore dollars. 39 rai of land is big enough to build a decent home, a small café or what not. They buy, kept buying and are still buying. Soon, all the goodies will be gone. Expired Coyote will inherit the land in 10 years to come. And when the elderly expires she will be free.

Curses, curses, why some us no money. Wait and wait we shall, but buy and buy the others does well. By the end of waiting, we are ready to buy the land in with our funds, what’s left will only be crumbs.

We dream sometimes, we want a plot of land that nobody wants – cheap. With our entrepreneurship and creativity, into a popular resort we could turn up one. But sigh, lets just for now watch the others does.

Pai, How to Get Rich Guide

2010-01-25T17:41:00.001+07:00

Pai, a little town up north in the middle of farmlands has been growing in popularity with both Farangs and Thais. I’ve been there and back. Most people there are mountain folks who had stayed on inherited or illegal lands for generations. Now how to get rich?

Coffee in Love, the coffee hole I will talk about, is situated along the main road with a lucky view overlooking the flat valley. So are many other small coffee joints set up to cash in on the 4 winter months where tourist arrives like packs of wild animals on a stampede. Coffee in Love is reputed as such, you never arrive in Pai unless you have visited and drank in this coffee joint. What’s so amazing about it? To me, nothing. Its all synthetic.

You have a land acquired or inherited, all you need to do is to put up some colorful tasty buildings painted in bright colors. Then buy some junk cars and refurbish them up in attractive colors with the name of the town painted all over. Put up a bunch of senseless signs that points to North Pole or far off places with their distance shown. Plant trees and flowers all over, put swings in place. Have larger then life signs erected, put some cheap tables and chairs with unique design not local to the province and scatter them all over, white seems to work. Get some stunned horses to roam around the grass, white ones seems to work too. And then sell coffee or cakes and they, the money will come.

It is just that simple, it does not take much of an investment if you already have a piece of land, oh yeah those lucky sons and daughters. But for the farmers many still, this is just a remote dream. For broken chairs and worn out tables, in wooden huts so broken they live. How to have more money to paint that pretty house or buy them fancy tables and chairs? Come, lets buy them off the land, lets turn the potential into kinetic money. Lets exploit them with our higher spending capability, so many of Bangkokians do now. The driver complained on as he drove us touring the idyllic landscapes of winter Pai.

Metropolitan Electricity Authority, Up their Ass

2010-01-18T21:55:00.001+07:00

Metropolitan Electricity Authority (MEA) of Thailand can go fuck themselves good. As always in Thailand, doing some of the most basic stuffs such as paying your bills can sometimes tear your balls into pieces. For no fuck reasons, they had disengaged Internet payment arrangement with the local bank I use. And calling them on their 1130 hotline for their English operator gave me a feeling that he or she died (was put on hold forever). Now I have to find their branch in front of some wet market to pay my bills, that’s if I can even find it. And until today, they still assumed Thai is the language that is understood throughout the nine planets of our solar system, still my bills are in Thai and I have no idea what the breakdown is. That goes for DTAC and TRUE MOVE as well whose customer care director can go fuck themselves good. In fact… all the three customer care directors or whatever of MEA, DTAC and TRUE could go well fucking each other regardless of gender in their own lousy threesome.

Koh Kood – Urban Transition gone Wild

2010-01-16T10:43:00.002+07:00

Anywhere Thais discover the last potential paradise, the sea life will die. While the resort I stayed boasted of its abundant wild sea creatures that visit the jetty in the mornings, the next resort just a hundred meters right was spear fishing the life out of the blur sting ray that ventured to the wrong place at the wrong time. The Thai guy, crouched low on the jetty platform, long spear on hand. With a quick bolt, I witnessed him probed deep into the shallow sands. And then he pulled up a good sized ray. Proudly, he walked back to his resort and everyone came gathering making him even more proud.

Koh Kood is the last island south east of Thailand before Cambodia. It is reputed to be untouched. And so it is with only one main dirt road on the island. It is an island with only the occasional Farang spotted, it is an island full of Thai tourists. It is, their land, their playground and I could see they prefer to keep it that way. Though the island is truly backwards, there are hints that points to another making of Phuket, that which is the ever strong GSM signal on the island. Even when on snorkeling trips an hour on to the middle of nowhere, you will still get strong GMS reception of 5 bars. The island has got unorganized constructions of all sorts turning the coastal parts into great balls of yellow dust. Uncontrolled exploitation of nature, it’s always a Thai thing.

Why are there no great concrete luxury type resorts on the island I asked? All resorts are now built on land with only temporary permits paid for at high price. There is still no official ownership of land for the resorts' owners. So the resorts are built cheap. And when things are built cheap, nature will be neglected. The owners take the risk and assume they will get the land in time, but one never knows for sure what the future offers. I for one wish the grey permits will all be taken back, the shoddy resorts destroyed and the proper cash rich developers come on to properly build some luxury resorts. This will reduce the number of developments. This will make the island exclusive. This, they will preserve the island with more consideration at least and not taint what is supposed to be crystal clear coastal waters of Koh Kood. But, this is the land of the Thais and is one of the last few island paradises where it still remains un-Farangnized. This they want, shoddy but Thai.

Shoddy but Thai? Let me elaborate further. The waterfall, is now a bath tub. It is no longer trekking in scattered groups towards the middle of jungle to find you can have almost the whole place to yourself. It was wild and noisy when I was there. It looked like a temple ground fair. It was littered with human debris. The parking ground was a dustbowl, the visitors in streams. The waters polluted. The freshwater fishes were dying. The crowd control was nil.

Snorkeling trips to distant islands. Ever seen dead floating groups of ants in a cup of overnight cola? Well that’s what it looked like. Boats too many, excreted oil leaking from old engines aplenty. And a thousand Thai girls, women and aunties splashed about in full clothing. Detergent residue overwhelmed the waters. The coral life whatever decent was left, will not be able to take it. They will die the fishes will be gone. Another spot of nature will be exterminated. The people have no brains, they do not have a thing for nature. They love it and they are killing it.

The soldiers came about asking each boat the number of visitors. They can monitor, they can write down the numbers, but do nothing they can to control or limit the damage to nature. This is sad, the paradise will be gone. Already it has begun. The visibilities in these waters were only a good 2 meters or so as I floated aimlessly breathing through my snorkel.

This is an island for one to experience the beginning of another hot spot. With what seems to be uncontrolled number of exploitations going on there, soon, it may well be another Koh Samet before her transition into Phuket. Money talks it works like that in Thailand. All matters of nature will be overridden, goodbye to the fishies. Go there while you can now or forever gone her natural beauty will be.

Koh Kood - The Natural Beach Resort

2010-01-15T10:41:00.001+07:00

What’s there to do on Koh Kood? Nothing, absolutely nothing. It is not all that bad, for nothing was what I was looking for. To rest my work worn mind, to be away from my job, to be away from civilization.

Now this resort is rather pricey, but hey how can I complain because it was Thai Father’s Day then. Be warned the prices will double for such occasions, but the friendly boss came about and tried to ease the pain in everyone’s wallet by being as friend as he could. An old Chinese, he spoke Teochew and Mandarin to me.

The bungalows are wooden and only in the night you get power to the air-conditioning. Unless like I stayed, paid more I did for the Beach Sea View Deluxe. I get them luxury including heated bath water for all day long. Just one complain, the flat screen in my room was too small.

Opened my doors and out the patio I sat. Sipped my coffee and inhaled the sea breeze accompanied by my cigarette smoke. My eyes were hit so hard with the bountiful deep colors. So clear what’s above, so hypnotizing blue the horizon, so much the colors between beyond and the shores, the bands of blue to green, the clear waters breaking the rocks and sand. The reward of staring into the Gulf of Thailand from Koh Kood. The tall coconut tress swayed gently, the dogs in their state of dreams on the fresh green grass.

Lunch and dinner served, every meal made they tried to match the experience of an exquisite banquet. For this small but well maintained resort of the beach, the food served was surprisingly excellent and not too pricey. This I could see the difference, compared to some other equivalent resorts I had been to.

Majority of the guests were Thais, only 2 units of Farangs on this trip I saw. They baked their bellies in the sun doing nothing most of the day, while the fully clothed Thais drank Black and chatted as they enjoyed the sea. Canoe some did, and swam I had. Disappointingly, the water while deceiving clear from above, was not that so when I was in it. I cannot complain I was told, The Gulf of Thailand can never compare to the Indian Ocean south west of Thailand, where Similan the islands I had been.

Island paradise, one would envision the experience of a Phuket like holiday. But no, not here. There is only one main road running down the middle of the island, many parts still just dirt tracks. There will not be the up-market massage spas, and in the night the girly bars. About the only other thing to do is to go for the waterfall trekking trip. After our pickup made numerous tight passes on the single lane roads, we arrived. Packs of people in pink, it was Thai Father’s day, that’s what Thai people wear to show their love for the King.

And in the night all there is to do is laze and gaze into the night sky, drinking as usual the Thais did. Finished the Black as they chatted into the morning hours. And for the first time for many on the island this trip, they experienced unexpected winter weather. Someone up there turned on the air-conditioning to blanket the whole island that night. It was strangely abnormal.

For snorkeling trips off shores, there is a bunch of islands north between Koh Kood and Koh Chang. That I went, but it was rather disappointing the clarity of water. Food served in Styrofoam boxes, mineral waters served from ice filled coolers. We lunched on an island, sat on sand. The dirty littered beach telling a tale of uncontrolled tourism. Paradise will soon be lost.

I would have loved to have stayed a day more, doing absolutely nothing but to take an afternoon nap on the deck chairs under the shady trees. But my trip was just a short 2 nights that time instead of my normal 3. It is an island, a little bit backwards, for that ultimate holiday of having your mind at peace with the sounds of gentle splashes. I was there, enjoyed the melody orchestrated by the rocky shores of the island.

Koh Kood – Getting There

2010-01-14T10:35:00.001+07:00

It was three hours before the first beam of sun, that’s how early one would have to wake up in order to drive and catch the boat to Koh Kood scheduled between 8 to 9 am. While the hunters at pubs were at their last leg of attempt to net their easy intoxicated preys, I started the cold engine breaking the sound of lonely footsteps made by the security. And there in the stillness of night, one would venture into the darkness, amongst cars driving erratically after a night of heavy drinks. Drive south east one would go to the town of Trat. GPS was on hand lighting my cabin. They were ending their day, I was starting mine. My next island, Koh Kood.

Taking into account one would get lost, it takes about 4 to 5 hours to get to the pier. So be advice those of you who want to adventure, start early or miss the boat one shall. One would then be pleasantly greeted by the cold air in December during toilet stops en route to the sea. Fighting the ever increasing weight of one’s eyelids, down the coffee on these stops one will have to. As dawn broke, I drove my car fast at 140, the colors of orange and red reflecting off the white polished bonnet cutting into the cool winter air. I ramped my engine towards paradise. Exhilaration of speeding long distance, one could never in Singapore. In Thailand I still am, my adventure continues.

Resorts on Koh Kood, you don’t get to drive there. Park your car where the pier is, they will have caretakers to look after your precious on wheels during your absence of days. My trip, 3 days short, that I recommend being the minimum at least. Free coffee will be offered as one waits their turn to board the stream of speed boats leaving the pier. One by one the boats were lowered into the water, group by group we left.

Set to leave at 9, at 10 or 11 some will finally depart. For bastards there sure will be who arrive late on your scheduled boat. We waited a good 1 hour for a family group to arrive, the boat operators called them ever so often complaining on behalf of all passengers. So be early one should be, and don’t be the asshole of the day.

Our boat left, speeding from greenish brown shores. The wake we left in our journey, the flying fishes played. Silver strips of bullet shaped bodies, squint my eyes I did to catch a glimpse, the sun above the horizon so high then. The journey would take more then an hour, and in emerald glass water one would arrive. December is a good period, the waters will be clam, the sound of gentle splashes on the worn out beams.

Strange it was for me, the path to land was completely covered in water. Don’t wear shoes, just wear slippers for the journey, it may be wet, you have to walk in water. There I was, camera clicking in madness as I took all blue skies, green trees and clear seas in. Only one long word – woooooooooooow.

What day is Today?

2010-01-13T09:21:00.001+07:00

Today is aeroplane crash into power line day. Weather’s been strange these few days, getting cool and foggy. Global warming for sure…

The Egg Crab

2010-01-03T10:43:00.001+07:00

Long long time ago, in a place far far away from where I am now (that means in Singapore lah), stories of old I was told, of the legendary egg crab so full of roe. A crab so heavily full that eating one will cause your cholesterol level to shoot up 10 notches. And so form then till now, I had searched the world for this golden treasure (actually only in Singapore and Malaysia lah).

Ever so often during the dinners when crabs were ordered, I overturned the red cooked shell to disappointingly discover only small amounts of golden roe. That which I had to scrap painstakingly with me dinner spoon off the crevices sides of the shell. And so until one day, in the seaside restaurant I was.

(Picture of egg crab shell, clam shells at sides to show sizing refernce.)

Holy mother of Buddha, the golden treasures so filled up to the brim, both crabs we ordered were so. There was no need for scraping, it was like scooping on ice-cream. Chinese, these roe very “potent” we believe, eating a whole shell of that we could shoot our you know what not only to the ceiling, but into our neighbors window. Can even target the moving dog and shoot it in the eye.

Next time in Thailand, you just have to specify “egg crab”. But not always it is that you will get what I had. You gotta be at the right place at the right time of the moon phase (I dunno when). I was at Chonburi, eating next to the oyster farms.

And so New Year Came - 2010

2010-01-02T14:16:00.001+07:00

And so it is that another year had whisked past fast. Bangkok is quiet you could drive fast and furious on the everyday roads you travel for work. Bangkokians travel this season, to their home towns and all. Through the small streets I drove, many houses opened wide I saw. Tables on floors, the stereo blazing music out the doors. The beer bottles scattered abouts, the friends and relatives talked aloud. In Thailand, New Year is like a time of Songkran minus the wet and wild. It is to be a time where families gather, for some, great distance they will have to travel. Many had taken that extra long leave for a holiday, mostly traveling locally to the northern region in order to enjoy the once a year cold season.

Cold season I say, this year has been erratic. Bangkok is way too hot, while last year was pleasantly cool. Global warming is it not? I concluded the reason to be it is. Just look at the island I just went (Koh Kood), the jetty was under water when we arrived. The frequent travelers whom arrived said “I’ve never seen this much water before”.

Same it is for all years, on the stoke of midnight the fireworks were lit, and all 360 I spun around I saw them skies lit up. The kaleidoscope of luminescence colors overrode the lone moonshine for a good quarter of an hour. The countdown festivities everywhere, the crowd I saw on next day’s papers overwhelming.

In the midst of festivities I spend my New Year days about this quiet town, and here forth began my sixth year in Bangkok. Travel I was unable to, the resort prices just so over inflated, the extortion of tourist as always for such great occasions. And all the good resorts fully booked, some even from a distant six months ago they were so.

Staying at home, watch me TV, clean my room and dust my rabbit (you be surprised how much dust a rabbit can accumulate). Spend good time with gig, not turning on my computer I did. But stayed away I could not for long, hence me typing here as blogged on the third day of a long weekend. Staffs are off from 31st to 3rd, 4 short days in total with extended periods many had opted for.

A new year has began, the old work carried over. Now I typed on my fingers polished keyboard, reports, business plans, contracts and all. Happy New Year all.

There and Back Again – Similan Islands

2009-11-28T13:33:00.000+07:00

Similan Islands? No, not in Hokkien (In Hokkien, it is…. What Testicles Islands… ). Similan Islands is not a chain of giant buoyant testicles floating west of Thailand. It is a chain of beautiful island nestled in crystalline waters west of Khao Lak. One of the last few beautiful gems in Thailand, they are open for visits only from the months of November till April. An attempt in conservation, an attempt to keep the coral reefs intact. Anyone can get there to a tune of THB2,000 for a one day trip, the journey beginning from the piers in a town within Khao Lak by the name of Tahplamu (Thap-la-mu). Getting to Khao Lak in a crowded van from Phuket will set you back by another THB500. You gotta get there early, the only boat leaves at 9. And so we took off in our rented Accord, don’t want no crowded van.

Unlike Singapore, if you did walk into any military facility you did be shouted and probably shot, here in Thailand, we just waltz into the naval base where it doubles as a pier for passengers boarding the speed boat ride to testicle islands….. I mean Similan. The journey took a good hour and a half, all heads on board dozing off left and right. The braless Caucasian in her so loose top puke herself all over. And as she waggled her way to the toilet, all the passengers were treated to a show of swaying papayas. It was enjoyable.

There are two types of waters in Thailand. Most will be green, but Similan is blue. It was snorkeling time and into the waters we went. Swimmers or not, we went in. And some were swept by the strong currents to far far away. Be warned on such trips, stay around your boat. And keep your head up constantly. For anyone not familiar with trips like these, be told now that the sea is not your private backyard. Boats will come and go and can run you down unaware. So please wear bright yellow bikini or trunks. Or stick a flashing torchlight up your ass. Be a beacon in the so blue waters.

Dare to bare, even the Asians did. In our conservative bringing up, this is not the norm. But they did. And they swam free topless in the ever blue inviting waters. Borderless, free to sway and unbounded. Perky but well tanned Asian flesh. I would love to see my friends doing that someday.

And to Donald Duck Island we headed. Someone put a large rock the shape of a duck on top a rocky hill (just a matter of speech, no one could have put it there). And so came the name the Island was christened. Further up hill, some one else put a very large rock precariously balanced right at the top. And so we were invited to climb to that rock, young old male and female. Unaware of the treacherous journey, we went, barefooted! On damped soil we stepped, on sharp rocks we made our feet gripped. I ain’t no monkey but the crossing I must make. Some passage required us to hold on to ropes to go around large rocks, the plummet to oblivion a possibility. We were all instant professional cliffhangers. And so atop the hill next to the well balanced rock, the view was beyond words (probably because scared until balls gone and no words can come out from mouth). Crowd control was never present. An accidental nudge will cause someone to cliff dive into cliffs. But no one cared, this is Thailand. We did the ritual of putting sticks to support the rock, in a testicular believe … I mean Similan believe that our wish will come true as long as our stick holds the rock in place.

The trip, one of my never ending crusade to visit all the nice islands of Thailand. My journey continues.

Full photo sets here under Similan Nov 2009.

The Cheapest of Phuket

2009-09-26T10:45:00.003+07:00

Cheap has never been a word related to Phuket and so many will think. Was on a short trip recently for some errands down the paradise island. With rental cars going at an average of THB1,200 a day, I asked a local car rental “is there anything cheaper? Old old also never mind.”

The rattling Suzuki 2 seater 4WD arrived in the morning on the grand lobby of the hotel. THB800 per day. I signed the papers and drove happily from naught to a hundred in like 120 seconds. The gear shift was rough during attempted F1 accelerations, the engine screaming out “oh my god what are you doing to me???!!”

Driving through scattered downpours, pity the tourist who came during this wrong September season. I breathed the sea air, I looked into the horizon, my life is great and my gig sharing the experience. The gale was the onslaught of the next coming rain, on the edge of the quiet mountain I stood against the greens. This is the homeland in my heart, Singapore is just a small dot far away.

To Rawai which I have never forgotten, down the slopes at exhilarating speeds we drove. And there still waiting for me, the wet market in the hidden corner only exposed to explorers such as I. Four pieces of monster Tiger Prawns, for THB200 (SGD8) I got them for. Over opposite to the sea dwellers selling their catch, the bag of the sea catch I handed over to an eatery. For THB50 (SGD2), the sizzling prawns arrived on my table within ten minutes, I gouged the sweety meat out and down them with cold beer. My lunch, my cheap lunch, in Bangkok it would have cost THB800 or so. We enjoyed the simplicity, the farang raising his beer for a cheer as I snapped away at the locality.

On a mountain top the next day we were, our final drive to the airport my errands were done. North Eastern food in south of Thailand, opposites of worlds but yet they compliment the scenery. This place famous for friend chicken and fried minced prawns, so ordered we did and lunched high on the rocks where it met the sea. The blue the green and the extensive horizon accompanying.

I can come here now anytime, a short flight from Bangkok and a small dent in the wallet. Such is life I will mention again, Singapore is just a small dot far away.

Brown Water Rafting

2009-09-11T08:16:00.000+07:00

The long distance drives, an ever enjoyable part of the occasional holiday, the perks of living and working in Thailand. So many places and will one ever be done with all of Thailand? A couple of months back, gig and band of giggling squeaky friends decided to go white water rafting. Meaning many more squeaks and screams that pierce the tranquility of nature.

The business all started when some bored farangs long ago decided to engage in adrenaline pack activities within the peaceful life of the river dwelling folks. Then the local Thais, some ever so bursting with the spirit of entrepreneurship (aka…. desperate, must squeeze money from every possible idea), these white water rafting operations catering to the mundane lives of Thais popped up wherever the rivers looks dangerous. Phitsanulok is voted as one of the best places to engage in these lets-try-to-terminate-our-lives activities. The river is so much wilder compared to the others, I was told by the folks. With the arrival of rainy season starting after May, the brown water churns the excitement notch up depending on rainfall. The operator, a mid fifties aunty who happen to own a plot of land with a beaten hut along the river, advised always to call them a day before to check on conditions for sometimes there will be no rain, the river will be flat. And sometimes with too much rain, no one will dare to bring a bunch of inexperienced screamers down the river. Especially so if one knows the shoddy natures of such operators, anyone who had been on the river can be qualified as a guide, no certification, no proper safety or rescue training.

The kid who took me to all the spots where I snapped away as the dingy splashed and spun about arrived, he told me on occasions he too lead groups down the winding waterway. How it all started I asked. He said he learned from relatives after a few trips himself with them. The journey began …. anywhere I guess. It was a shady spot picked beside a bridge, the century old tree tall and filtering the sunlight. One will be given a short 10 minutes course on safety, what to do when you fall off the raft and how to row and such. But they never did tell you what if you fall off, got your one foot stuck in rocks and the powerful water push onto your body and snaps your shinbone like a twig (ok…. I have riverphobia….). A short training and it was expected everyone could row in synchronism. Imagine a panic crab with all legs attempting to move in all different directions within the same space-time.

The adventure began and so I drove all over with my kid guide to all accessible spots he could find. Slippery rocks, I jumped, skidded and skipped, gravel roads, my Volvo attempted to be 4WD. And so I asked about the raft, it was imported I was told. And what about repairs and such as tears will be inevitable with years of usage? Is there an authorized branch abouts there run by farangs or so to carry out the repairs? And he said “No, we use the glue……” .

It was near to two hours, the raft floated down the last peaceful leg of the river at six in the evening. Arrived on shore, the aunty brought us ice cold coffee. She was a kind person, Thai Chinese, and even prepared us a moo-ka-tak (BBQ pork) dinner waiting complementary. It was only during later when we ate did we discover the pork was green. That ain’t no complementary dinner, that was leftover probably they could not finished the day before. Stingy Chinese…..

The raft was left to dry in the shed, we had our sleep in the so hard beds. It was morning, it was time to return to Bangkok. Along the bends the rubber was left to sun bake. The folks supplement their income as rubber tappers. Lunched on the floating eatery as we gazed onto the brown river. It was an experience, yet another first. Into the raft I did not however, I did not want to fall over and go crouch first onto protruding rocks hidden in the white waters. Star rating for the resort? If only there are meteor ratings that I would give.

Smelly River Scary Taxi

2009-08-28T07:56:00.000+07:00

So, to avoid the jam, one would discover one of the local transport modes Thai uses. River Taxis. First of all, the little black water channels. One would think it is a giant drain. But hey, the water is all choppy, waves all churning thanks to the countless speeding long boast that goes about their daily formula one routine up and down the channel. Speed, no speed limit. Safety, no life jackets. What about paying attention to people boarding and alighting? No attention.

One lesson learned is that, don’t queue in lines. Just horde over to the boat when it arrives, everybody at one go, parallel to the arriving vessel. Then jump on, or alight as fast as you can, synchronize your timings with the boat movements as the side bangs onto the platform. No one to tell you, no one to guide you. You have to develop how-to-board-the-bloody-boat-instinct in a matter of seconds especially if this is your first time.

My lady friend queued up behind us. We jumped, she did so after. The boat separated, and she missed. Her little frame landed onto the rough wooden portside knees first. The attendant was next to her stunt fortunately and grabbed before she fell into the abysses. Worst will be if she did and the portside came slamming back to the platform, she caught between. Well, that’s life I was told. Near mishaps like these occurs almost every other day. Safety has never been a point as the captain races against time to net in as much money as he can. The race.

Thus the harrowing ride one would experience as the boats speed past each other doing last minute maneuvers like an acrobatic plane. And then there was a loud bang behind me. I turned to watch the tail leaving the concrete channel side, the metal structure had bent but so what, the captain continued his formula one routine. The looks on everyone’s face? Nothing except me, balls rolling down my pants.

But all in all it was good fun. You just gotta try it, it is a time saver.

Happy on Mothers Day?

2009-08-20T06:39:00.000+07:00

Once again, the odd Mothers Day had come and gone last week, the day, coinciding with the Queen’s birthday. It was a Wednesday, it was a day where most families will bring their mothers out for a good happy dinner. Happy and hearty dinner….. and so it seems.

I forward my balls whole heartedly to all the Thai restaurants (except those posh and really well organized ones). Balls to you.

I was once in banquet, I know on coming holidays, the hotels and restaurants in Singapore will call up all their standby waiters on list. To be prepared, to be organized and to prevent logistical nightmares on these fully packed occasions. That’s in Singapore. We have brains.

In Thailand, if we analyze, most restaurants are run by the anyhow bloke picked off the streets without management training. So are most of the owners. They can manage herds of buffalos, people manage they cannot. What happens the on these holidays I advice one never to eat in the restaurants. I guarantee you misery on a happy holiday. Balls to the restaurants again now accompanied by my waving middle fingers (both hands).

You will on these occasions find that firstly, looking for a parking lot means extra contribution to global warming and the already polluted Bangkok. You circle for many orbits before you find one. This comes with added fun of ramming your side mirrors into stupid people who walked the narrow streets like their father owns the roads. Assholes.

You will then most likely be greeted by queues of people without reservations, you yourself inclusive. Having to wait more then an hour, many decide to leave and find the next restaurant. You see people holding on to their shaky grandmas with walking aids inching about. It is like motion in a tortoise pond. Shaky grandmas to people ratio, 1 is to 3. Walking aids to grandma ratio, 1 is to 2. Tortoise movement 100%. These poor old souls, they come, they go without eating.

And so you find a seat finally, that’s because it is already 8.30pm after turning yourself away from at least one or two previous restaurants. You sit and its 20 minutes before some one cleared the aftermath of the previous diners off your table. The old grandmas on the other tables enjoying the same anguishing moments of happy Mothers day as you, you wonder in their hunger if they pick the meat off the eaten pork rib the previous guys left behind while no one is watching.

There will be some, those angry sons who stand up and shout at waiters passing by, and to no avail as the waiters ignore. Your eye contact with the managers will quickly be cut off as he stared and linger elsewhere into shadowy corners as he is unable to cope. And orders will be taken but serve your food will not in the next decade. You witness tartar on the many grandmas’ teeth growing as they wait silently for their food. There will be little staffs attending to all the tables this you will know. And so the energy drains from the old folks and they could not even undergo photosynthesis to supplement their strength for it is night and however green their shirts or extra large bras can be. Many tables will be silent as anger and frustration turns the night darker then night. Some will run out of patience and without paying leave, the old folks unsteadily running on reserve lead away. Go back home, eat that Maggie mee. Curses to the restaurants. Happy Mothers day in Thailand.

One word for the Thai restaurants – Stupid.

Flood of Singapore Food

2009-08-19T07:54:00.001+07:00

More… more Singapore food. In many of theses “high-so” shopping malls popping up, we get to see more of these setups. Kopitiam, they have the bread and butter plus coffee set. Singapore Chicken Rice… coming soon and will end soon. In their other branches I see elsewhere, only quiet and stillness. I have to say that the Thai Chinese chicken rice is much better that what’s offered here. Singapore Chicken Rice stall has other dishes such as Laksa and Fried Hokkien Mee. I will give the Fried Hokkien Mee a miss anytime, it just ain’t Hokkien enough.

This Car got Balls, Yellow Ones

2009-08-18T07:40:00.000+07:00

Somewhere in my previous post, I did mention about Thai people hanging some dollies behind their cars and its significance (Dolly behind Car). Now here’s a new twist. Balls (lam par zhi) behind cars. Let me guess, he ran over someone’s testicles on the road. Both testicles went to heaven. Now he hangs the balls there, so that the spirit of the victim’s balls has a place to stay in instead of lingering around in his cabin.

Shame is not a word in Thai

2009-07-25T07:01:00.001+07:00

I got a missed call way past midnight, I was too lazy to answer. In the morning at 6 while I was in deep state of salivating sleep, my pillow the kotex soaking up my drool, he called and I answered. The other end of the line, a man I knew not much about but just through some business acquaintances he knew me.

“Can I borrow money… I have no money.”
“No” I answered solid.

It’s very strange this Kingdom. I am still trying to find the word for shame translated to Thai. Maybe there is just none. But one thing is for sure, shame is not something in most Thais that you will meet. Maybe it is their upbringing, maybe it’s just the culture. They just reach out their hands and ask you for money. They will tell you a story for which you must not hear, for as us expats we will be easily taken in…. at first at least. And then we learn. For in our countries all are capable, and with hands we know we work them they generate money. We survive we find our own money. But not here.

It’s not just the karaoke girls I am taking about, it could be men and anyone sexually undefined. There was once a high ranking army officer, he drives a big new Merce. Never did I think he would call to borrow 10k, for which till now he did not return. And best of all, he don’t answer calls. Everything you must learn here had to be experienced once. But try you must to minimize that experience fee (they ask for 40k, you say you only have 5k to spare). Its not just people, it’s the Thai companies as well. Not just in employment terms, but in B2B transactions these shameful acts exist. Apply this knowledge of Thais in your business endeavors, safe you will be.

Some us foreigners soaking here long, soak up these undesirable traits some did. Forget that their hands could work, and instead device confident-acts in their minds they did. And so they call to ask for money with a story indirect to “borrow” they did. It was through the 10k fee, I learned not to invest the 100k scheme. Sounds like Ponzi his tactics, it’s sad now even our own we cannot trust in this country.

Singapore is a beautiful land and full of morally truthful denizens. And when one does move over to a contrasting land, targets of gullibility the others will see. Be on guard trust no one, and enjoy the best of the land. That’s how once could survive these harsh but yet deceptively beautiful surroundings.

Red Light Cameras

2009-07-24T08:53:00.000+07:00

And so we still think that Bangkok is a place where we can make illegal u-turns anywhere we want, drive against traffic on occasions and speed through red lights scaring the balls out of pedestrians. No more. I got a ticket sent by mail with glorious pictures of my daring feat speeding through the red lights. Yes, they have it now. Mails have been circulating warning us about these newly installed police gadgets. Where they are installed, I never know because the stupid emails were in Thai.

But one thing remains for sure from the ticket I received. Thais still work slow. The incident was captured in March. The ticket received only a week ago in July by post. That leaves me 4 months to forget who was driving the car or what I was doing. The police were probably spending quite an effort trying to figure out how to download the pictures from the camera. They are way much better in downloading porn in their offices and chatting up young girls on MSN and other trashy Thai web boards.

Red Light Cameras, they are here to stay.

Local or Overseas Contract

2009-07-10T06:31:00.000+07:00

How to be those lucky folks that work here and get paid fat to live like an Emperor with his so many concubines? We know MNCs are great paymasters but if you ever are lucky enough to land yourself a job in one, knowledgeable you must be that they have two types of contractual agreements. Local and Overseas. Local means you get treated like Thais, get paid lean like one but be assured your job last you a lifetime as long as you can bear or perform. Overseas means you get paid two to three times more, you get accommodation in posh districts and that chuffer in at least a reputable car to pick you up for the next two to three years ahead. But your contact will end on the date of expiry or prematurely and to live on in this land, you gotta change yourself to be under local (subjected to economic conditions), losing all the privileges that came along as an expat.

But again if you being one that had lived here long and try hard you did to stay and get into a MNC somehow you had, they treat you local so there is no need to pay through their nose to get you. Which ever way you end up, whatever reduced benefits you get, as long as you love living in this Kingdom, scarifies some you just have to make. I made.

Monks – Pirate Version

2009-07-09T06:07:00.000+07:00

And so I was in the market again. The peddler asked if I had made offerings to any monks in the market. I said no. And he advised and pointed, that at the corner is real, those at other side are fakes, so are the ones that are coming there and there, but these right in front of us a bunch of them real…. and so and so and so.

Darn… not just fake Louis Vuitton they have here, but fake monks as well aplenty. How the heck are we suppose to tell which to be genuine and which not other then lifting up their robes to see if they wear underwear. Real monks don’t wear underwear (at least that was what I was told).

Thai Crushed Cats

2009-06-14T08:12:00.000+07:00

I didn’t do it.
Disclaimer: No cats were hurt in anyway physically, mentally or sexually during the documentation of this blog. They were in a deep state of weird sleep.

Thai Girl Scouts so Cute

2009-06-13T08:06:00.000+07:00

If these were the girl scouts I have seen during my schooldays as a young boy, I would have definitely developed an attraction towards boys and turn gay in midlife.

The way Thais Prepares Garlic

2009-06-12T08:00:00.001+07:00

Back home we peel our garlic clean before we eat them, that’s what our mothers taught us in the kitchen. The only time we leave the skin on is in certain dishes like Bak Kut Teh (pork bone soup) where we throw the whole glove intact to be boiled forever in the soup.

In Thailand, the large garlic we have, they called them China Garlic. Thais don’t really like em as they are too spicy and not that fragrant. Thais uses Thai Garlic. Very small cloves of garlic which will kill you just trying to peel them all. So how? Don’t peel (Anyway many Thais are lazy people so why should they?). Just crushed em all up, not even washed them beforehand. Their excuse, the garlic skin gives additional flavors. True to an extend depending on what had clung onto the skin.

This is the way we do it, we grab a handful blind, we throw em in and just pound them with all our might. Little critters, small stones, soil and some, do we bother, not we do. Which was why I lost half a tooth four years ago eating garlic fried fish happily as I chomped onto a small rock and my tooth then after rots.

Packs of them in the Wet Market

2009-06-11T10:08:00.001+07:00

In the wee hours of the morning they come by genetic instincts to the wet markets. Never alone but in pairs or in packs some will arrive. There will always be that alpha male of a different breed leading and seeking food for the pack. They wonder the narrow lanes of the market, or they stand guard on corners accepting whatever people will feed to them. These are territorial creatures and warrant a fierce brawl should one pack accidentally step onto the other’s ground. No, they are not dogs nor wolves. They are monks from the so many nearby temples.

The alpha male, usually not a monk, leads and collects the alms into bags when a person gives. He is more like the manager and seeks out territory and resolve disputes should one occur. The yellow robed monks, walks along quietly and performs rituals when people come forth and kneel. These are everyday scene one could experience when visiting the markets in the mornings – aka legalized begging. If this would to have happen in Singapore, the lockup cell in your neighborhood police post would be overflowing with yellow robed monks filled up like sardines, with the occasional one or two drunk drivers from earlier.

Ad so I snapped away on my phone curiously. That is until the alpha male gave me the stare. I walked away and stood having my Nestle coffee in my hand waiting for my friend to arrive. Alpha male came forth and “bark! grrrrrrrrrrr… woof woof… rrrrrr (growling… )”.

Translated:

Alpha Male: “Why take picture you many many? 7 am it is not. I have rights and permission to stand at corner!”
Blogger: (silence and blur)…..
Alpha Male: “I have card from police I show you now!”

He took out a card with the police logo hung around his neck hidden by his shirt.

Alpha Male: “Why take picture? Nothing wrong I do, I follow my permission given, this my card permit from police, see logo police.”
Blogger: “Big brother, I take picture many many because in Singapore land home of I, market no have monk. I see monk interesting, want to take picture show friend friend. Holiday I am in Bangkok, I not Thai person big brother.”

The after that it was all smiles and pat on my back and welcome to Bangkok very warm feelings. He even bid me goodbye when I was carrying bags of veggie along with my friend walking to the car.

I am Thai now.

Cheaper by the Dozen

2009-06-10T08:29:00.002+07:00

Thailand, a land so much bigger then Singapore. Although Bangkok has the most number of Seven Elevens crammed into one single street, it will not be every time a convenient store such as that or that Minimart is around the corner, especially in the outer regions. So you need Durex and you cycle through the narrow dark street risking crazy dogs chasing you in an attempt to separate your balls, and on arrival, no stock. So what to do when a convenient store is just not a convenient amenity after all and how to prevent mass village unwanted teenage pregnancy? Spray Shelltox into her CB* after load deployment lah!. I mean look, if you ever spray insecticide on a tadpole, it dies. Sperm is same shape as tadpole but 1000 times smaller and opposite color. Just imagine shooting tadpoles out of your dick one by one, same shaped things come out expect may be uncomfortable. Same shape them both, so insecticide should work as well **.

Makro, is the place I am talking about in this entry. It is a giant warehouse where goods are sold in bulk. Soy sauce, pepper, eggs and such, all bought by the dozens, packs of one kg and one fifty respectively. One liter Pepsi sold in bulk of twelve and I so happy they are really so much cheaper then in Seven Eleven. We buy, we store and we use them for long. So we could skip the Shelltox into CB* procedure, buy a cargo load of Durex like you never seen before in Singapore.

* CB = vagina in Hokkien.
** The author of this blog shall not be responsible for any disfigurement, pain, long terms effects on CBs and will not be held responsible in any legal or non legal manner should the reader attempt to try the birth control method mentioned herein.

Students in Uniforms

2009-06-02T07:48:00.001+07:00

In the dim atmosphere of the Kareoke venue, the young student waitress in her so tight blouse served, her flaring back mini skirt exposing legs as drooling old men eyes gazed.

“New here?” I asked.
“Yes kha…”
“Study where?”
Blank stare back….. then “No we are not students. We just came from the south a day ago looking for jobs. We have no suitable work attire.. so we brought the cheap uniforms and wear them for work.”

And so now we know, not all students are students. Both 18, young and fresh. An apartment they will share for THB$3000 per month. 2 hours into the night I asked “Much tips you have collected I see, how much already?”

“Just THB$1500 kha”.

Run this through your mind. 1500 x 30 days per month = THB$45,000. Better then working in the office as an educated accountant starting at just THB$10,000. The easy money of the night life, the salary scale of the working world which was never adjusted over the years in a Kingdom. The simple thinking of the many young girls' minds. And so thus the many fun for the seasoned working men with loaded pockets, Bangkok the city of cute young Angels.

Got Hole?

2009-05-27T11:00:00.001+07:00

My worker, a girl of 16 married at 15 she did. Why I asked. To tie her flirtatious boyfriend down she replied. Only one word in my mind – Naive. The majority of Thai men I know are sexual predators. You mix around with them, you pub with them, you talk to them you know. A pubbing event is not about catching up with friends and relaxing, but is all about looking for prey. See how desperate they get when near closing hours and laugh in your hearts witnessing what steps and what spoken strategy they use. But strangely, most desperate attempts results in a fruitful night at the short-time shack hotel for THB$400 for 2 hours. Theses hotels are everywhere, theses predators are everywhere and so are preys.

We met a neighboring country business girl during a business trip on the flight so full of businessmen. The next thing I knew my colleague screwed her. A boss went with a worker for an out-country trip, tired he was a traditional massage he needed. But the worker wanted otherwise and so worker was given some welfare to visit the “special” massage while boss went to another joint for the tradition massage. Traditional massages are performed by senior ladies of at least 40 and up. They don’t provide any “special” and even if they do, you did need a massive dosage of Viagra to achieve workable penile status, probably more effective if you are unconscious. We will not screw our grandmas let’s put it this way. The worker finished his business and came over to the traditional joint. He chatted with a massage aunty, then he screwed her for THB$500 while waiting for boss. Puke…..

I once rewarded my hard working staffs. Brought them to a “fish-tank” I did, in a far off dull provincial project I was. Okay, so it was really cheap the rates but I have my code of specifications. I could most certainly associate each of them service providers with at least one type of mammal, crustacean or even trucks in serious high speed crashes. My staffs screwed them anyway. There I sat and waited. I sipped beer and had problems swallowing both the drink and the thought of walking into a zoo and grabbing any otter, platypus, senior squirrels in range and performing procreating acts with them.

Thai men, they go for anything with a hole. Witness by yourselves in your prolong time in this Kingdom and you will realize most men are “open-spec”, meaning no specifications required. If you are foreign woman here you could get to see how they make their moves on you. You could be a rich lady on another status level. They could be the boy from lower management. It doesn’t matter their society limits they won’t be concerned. They just want your you know what they want.

So what happens to the DNA of some Singaporeans who were relocated here for a long career? Then back to Singapore these some were posted. Bring back the fun, bring back the days and only in memory should it be linger. Some had changed and became “open-spec” and to hunt in Lucky Plaza some had did. Filipinos, yes some do look like Thais, but for Buddha’s sake have some standards, don’t be a maid fu*ker.

Most Thai men, anything can screw they screw - unbelievable. And also the fire-and-forget principle applies, for which the case of the business girl I will mention. Before the achievement my colleague always cited about her. After the gain, no more references and his target (the hole) had been reset afresh. It’s like they are cavemen of sorts, to eat to sleep to hunt and to sex. How to stop such behavior you wonder? Well, have a domain of single gender and have all men no women. You can’t stop them, you can’t alter their primordial behavior. Some will turn gay and they will try to have children with each other.

The Hidden Bangkok

2009-05-25T08:35:00.000+07:00

You could be driving along and turn into a street you never did in Bangkok, and wooo yeah. Heaps of scantly dressed ladies with their bosoms so revealing telepathically communicating with your groin. Smiling in the shadows between street lights, the tigress knocks on your windows as you cruised at a snail’s paced by. You could have them for 1000 a night. The topic ain’t about this… hehe.

You could be driving along and turn into a street you never did in Bangkok, and … be greeted by the most remarkable view you had ever seen while in Bangkok. A field of sunflowers, dead in the middle of nowhere, in a period you know Sunflower seasons ain’t suppose to be. Amazing Thailand.

A Future Business – Sell Boats

2009-05-24T08:22:00.000+07:00

It only seems to get worst, the flood I encounter as the Bangkok years went by. Rain like never before, winds so strong they flip trees and roofs over. Flood the streets I live inundated. You want to visit a floating market you won’t need to travel far. The wooden booth, the aluminum push carts, the peddlers on the streets all soaked in water, floating market is everywhere. Rain, it had did heavy, the air in Bangkok so clear after. Fresh the air is, clear the sky I see the distance for miles. Boats a business one could do Bangkok, given another 10 years sea level rises as global warming prevails over.

They Ain’t no Barley

2009-05-23T08:00:00.001+07:00

Ok guys, this is gross. If you happen eat around with friends of the E-San and see what seems to barley beans, ask first. This was a picture I took from the menu. Those white bean like stuffs – red ants eggs (the curry pok antz we call them in Singapore, those in rambutan trees). I don’t want no ants to crawl out me backside hole, I don’t wanna eat them.

Numbers

2009-05-21T07:53:00.000+07:00

I been busy, that’s all I can say for not updating my blog. It’s been more then a month and I’ve ventured into unknown territory and learned much more about Thailand then I ever could. Those I shall write along the way but today, I bring to you numbers.

Ang mohs believe 13 is bad, 13 is good for Chinese. 13 for Thais don’t really mean anything, but surprisingly some blocks of condos just don’t have the floor 13. 9 is a good number for Thais as I did mention before, and 4 does not mean die (we Chinese don’t like 4). I have been seeing special license plates with all 4s. If one dreams of snakes, then one buys lottery number with 6s or 9s. And now about 25 and 30, not for Lottery or Toto numbers, but these two numbers are associated with something about age. 25 for Thai ladies just ripe, many get married by then, and 30 is just over the edge. Shelf live expires if unmarried, but hey that’s all universal and not just for Thai ladies. Its not about marriage here I wanna share, Thais believe these two ages are critical points in one’s life. If one gets over these two years alive, one would likely go on to live till a fruitful old age.

Thais believe many unlucky things could happen during the ages of 25 and 30. I know someone who is 30, many accidents she encountered this year and in one, the car was completely crushed. Fortunately, she’s still alive and kicking in my office now. So, she will most likely get married, have kids, and expire at 100 or whatever. My worker tells of his many misfortunes, his age at 25 the upper heavens tested him unforgiving. He was knocked off his motorcycle by a robber, and the heavy cars whizzed by him without crushing his head. Many more stories to hear if you just ask around, and you will find them most interesting all the stories they say they could been dead. Be caution all they say, don’t do the adventurous, don’t do the risky at those ages.

25 and 30 they will come, but for me it was way over and I seemed to have the best times of my pubbing days then. Maybe in those years the lightning had struck the tree I was near, but in those state of memory lapses how could I have remembered.

Black Songkran 2009

2009-04-15T12:06:00.001+07:00

So it had come to a point where the newspapers called the day Black Songkran. The first day of the festival, was covered in violent clashes and some bloodshed. I spoke to some local folks. One that runs a laundry had gotten sick of the protester and only wanted it to end. She mentioned that the reds are ruining the business for Songkran and interrupting the everyday lives of Bangkokians. She was fuming mad when she spoke of the situation.

And so I spoke to another most interesting character. In Singapore, everyone works. Over here, there exist people who do not work for their entire lives. Alcohol is part of his body’s chemistry. And fuming mad he said, the reds had been treated unfairly, why the soldiers used forceful tactics on the reds when during the yellow protest there was not. Luckily laundry lady and drunk, who are relatives, did not get into forming their own member groups and trashing it out.

Too many stories to hear, too many frustration they want to vent. Frustration is not just about which side one should be on, but the frustration of living with constant poverties in their lives. Frustration over many more matters we could not comprehend, but we know violence is a way to release them.

If you had ever caused chaos, you know it felt great and could be addictive after the adrenaline rush. And this was what had taken place, with many more people joining the protest just for the adrenaline kicks I reckoned. Thais called them the Third Hand. They declared war with many local residence and areas of major businesses such as markets. They threw fire bombs into residential flats, they shoot people and people shoot back. They wore red.

The peak of the event was on first day of Songkran when the situation was really getting out of control. All petrol stations were closed near evening time for the fear they will get blown up. All the major malls closed at eight thirty, I was chased out. But strangely on the streets just a few blocks away from many ground zeros, music was on full blast and the transvestites were dancing in wet t-shirts on the streets. The other provinces were in full celebration, the temple I went for tamboon was packed. Thais just want to have their Songkran day.

Thais told me Thais had a brain like a gold fish – short term memory. Thais forget easily. And true enough on the second day of Songkran, the place looked like no violent protest had happened before. The TV showed the red protesters peacefully going on to buses headed back to north and north east. The protest had officially ended, the red had lost. Red, white, yellow, blue and military green discarded their colors, people playing the water had increased in numbers. We could really see the spirit of Songkran now.

This Songkran – State of Emergency

2009-04-13T00:09:00.001+07:00

Living in Bangkok is great, is very very great. Singapore, we have State of Fear, where everyone is living in a constant reminder not to toy with the law. Bangkok we get to experience State of Emergency. The yellows were pretty good at closing down major ports of transportation, the reds are now pretty good at closing major arteries of traffic. Actually, reds could jolly well close the airport as well if they close all roads leading to it. What will happen next no one knows but all can speculate. As usual for one that works like a dog ignorant of the situation, I go about doing my everyday thing. So does many.

There was this red truck up front of me on Thursday. I took 2 hours to get to my destination, only to learn today that the road I took was closed by the reds some distance further down. At least now I know why. As the red inches on in traffic, every motorcycle taxi and cab they passed waved and signaled to cheer them on like some rock stars on their nation tour. The support is now fully for the red I see.

Then out of the blue there was the blue, clashed with the reds in Pattaya to get the Asean Summit going. Blue pink green, what color will come out next? Where’s the yellow now I wonder, like M&Ms Bangkok is now. What color shirt should we avoid? Maybe soon we did have to walk around top naked. I truly have no problem with that, to ogle at girls with no shirts I wish (yeah… me pervert).

Thai festivals are excuses for chaos, the people love that it seems. Already people are getting drunk as a prelude to tomorrow which is the first day of the water festival. I almost ran into one brainless bloke just now, with a face looking for trouble, he was trying to prove to the whole road he could ride his bike sitting cross legged and going against traffic. Small gangs of motorcycles can already be seen forming and crisscrossing the roads like flies. Songkran had always been filled with sporadic acts of gang fights, with the situation now I wonder how this year it will turn out to be. It could well be … water plus gang fights plus flying bottles and big red riot. I think the military can use riot control water measures to hammer the reds as a symbol of Songkran but I reckon it will not be appreciated as a festive gesture.

The roads are strangely quiet tonight as I ventured out for a business meeting. Traversing the maze of the Bangkok roads, I didn’t know which junctions were closed and which not. Maybe the quietness is simply how Songkran had always been, with so many gone back to hometowns leaving Bangkok in peace. Peace… ?

Anyways anyhows whatever, no worries we still can go about to do our everyday things. I know news readers overseas will think it’s like Bangkok very dangerous now and we could be run over by a tank or caught in the line of flying bullets or have a grenade land in our laps to blow our balls into outer space. But truly it is not as to many places these days I’ve been. Just be wise that’s all there is.

Eating in Lanta

2009-03-25T14:12:00.000+07:00

Strange it was how mushy the crabs, it was like cream of crab dug from the fissures of the half body. Stanger it was the way the parrot fish meat just disintegrated with the pinch of my chopsticks. Only the consolation we had from the white prawns, the meat still sweat and tight. Where had all the fresh seafood gone? A sea town Sala Dan, the restaurant we dined named after – Sala Dan Restaurant. Ain’t a sea town by the sea supposed to have the freshest of catch, the fish meat sweet and white? Nay.

On this island getaway, all the freshest of catch, all had been snapped by the Chefs. At a premium they will pay, so why should the folks keep them for later part of the day. We envisage a sea town where the best of food will be kept for the local taste. But this is a misconception now in these days. To have good seafood, eat only in posh restaurants on the island. Only then your palate will truly be satisfied, that is if you are willing to pay. I’m not.

Dissatisfied we left the restaurant, and feel cheated we did for 300 grams of prawn charged when there were only 200 I had witnessed weighted. To be on Lanta, the best seafood will not be in the local eatery. How so saddening, commercialism had set in. The small engine putted in the dark roads back to Cha Da Resort. The roads were wet it had rained. Raining season in Thailand we knew starts from mid April to late October, but not so as told by the driver steering us back to our pool clad hideaway. In Lanta, the season starts in March, the tour operations were ceasing and they had only 2 boats out of many in service. Soon by end of April, the seas will be fiercely strong. The sky will no longer be forgiving, the winds will work with the storms. Lanta will then operate on low season, till November when tourism returns to norm.

Click here for full photo sets under Lazing in Lanta Mar 2009.

Koh Rok

2009-03-22T15:17:00.003+07:00

The seas south of Thailand are like an ocean scattered randomly with gems. Koh Rok, one of the most distant islands south of Phuket and Koh Lanta is the furthest the operators will go without turning the trip into a sea sick torture adventure. The journey will take an hour and there are two island surrounded by emerald waters abundant with sea life for one to snorkel around in.

Being on a virgin trip to Koh Lanta, I booked the trip directly from the operator booth located next to the beach in Cha Da. Bad mistake. The opening price of $1400 was knocked to only $1300 and I took it. Only to realize later then when in the town of Sala Dan, I could get a similar trip for as good as $800.

A favorite haunt that I frequent for coffee or that ice cold lemonade is called Cat Fish Restaurant. They have plenty of cats there. As I spoke Thai to the friendly old lady, she told me of the $800 trip to Koh Rok, special price for people roo-jaik-gan (who know each other on the island). She could have gotten me that but I had already took on the one in Cha Da, bait line sinker and all.

The town of Sala Dan is dotted with a number of tour operators. In Cha Da where I curiously asked for car rental, I was offered $2000 per day for a pick-up and they had no other smaller vehicles. But in Sala Dan, the Suzuki was only going for $1000 ($1200 for Farangs the operator said discreetly).

And onto Koh Rok I went in the morning, to be the first passengers we were as the speed boat fetched the passengers from one beach to the other. The sea was rough and we ain’t going full speed as the pilot throttled up and down riding the swelling ridges and moving valleys created by the enchanting blue ocean.

The journey an hour long and could had been shorter on a better day. We reached anyway and were released into the inviting green waters on the west of the island pair. In the bay the sheltering effects was a good thing, preventing us from being swept away west and be collected in pieces on Indian shores.

Lunch was served simple, we had Thai food. Each lined up to scoop our servings and ventured off in our own directions to gorge under shades as the hermit crab scrambles into the crevices between roots of trees.

The wind caught up without warning and darkness gloomed at a distance sinisterly. In a time frame less then a third of an hour the boats sped away leaving us in wonder. Not long later the storm touched shores, the sun bright day had bleak down in rain, our mood turned a wee bit sour.

As the rain lightened with about thirty ticks of the minute, the shower had lightened but still the waters churned in anger. My day shall not be ruin, I fear you not swirling waters. And so many ventured in, one by one with me joining the order. Surprisingly the water was pleasingly warm in contrast to the air so breezy, at a distance the roar of thunder. The waves broke shore with strength, my heavy ass the anchor. I win.

The day ended near 2 pm, we had snorkeled 3 bays in total. We galloped the high seas back to Lanta which took more then an hour. The body tired, the sun burn was impending. I soaked my self on the steps, I sipped my coffee with the room to my back. I enjoyed my day, the breeze was on, but darn, the squeaky screams of toddlers.

Click here for full photo sets under Lazing in Lanta Mar 2009.

Lazing in Lanta

2009-03-20T07:25:00.003+07:00

And there I sat in the after light of the sunset contemplating. This will be my final holiday for now and shall be uncertainly long before I have the next. A package again I bought about a year ago during the Thai travel fair. Business was still rolling then and I had no troubles buying a break. Business is really bad this year and so at the fair just 2 weeks ago, I could only drool and dream. No more good relaxing holidays for me as there I sat concluding sadly.

Cha Da, located north east of Koh Lanta Yai is proclaimed to be one of the top 3 destinations on the island. This resort had two large pools visible form Google Earth. One of which I never dipped in lay further west near the beach, and the other made for rooms with pool access nested inland. There are a couple of different rooms offered but the highlight of this resort has to be the Gold Suite (having pool access). Having my own private waterfront meant a place to berth my whale of a body anytime I wanted when the heat got too extreme. Sitting on the steps half soaked enjoying a cold Heineken as the sun shone fiercely on the cool blue waters was exquisite. On one night the weather was hot, windless and humid. I stopped my copious flow of perspiration by sipping cold apple juice soaking in the same manner. Again, my thoughts if only everyday could be like that.

To get there, I got on the minivan service offered as part of the package. When the driver was asked on the travel time, he could only answer that it will take 1 hour to get to the pier. Beyond that, the timing was unpredictable. As no bridges links mainland to Koh Lanta Yai, we had to get on 2 vehicle ferry services across to Koh Lanata Noi and onto Koh Lanta Yai. If we had arrived during the peak season where both Thais and Farangs are a plenty during the New Year months, it could take as long as three hours just for queues. Since we will never know when chaos will set on the barges used for decades or we could never predict if there will be sudden mass human short term migration onto the island, he rather not speculate on the exact time it will take to get to Cha Da.

I had fish and chips on first arrival 3 in the afternoon after a 2 hours ride. It was large fishes swimming in sea of chips delivered. Definitely worth the 300 Baht it cost as the servings was made for that of the Farang. On some nights the restaurants offered buffet which was only satisfactory to the taste buds but very fair for the wallet. I would recommend for one to use the vouchers on the Ala Carte instead for the orders were generous in servings and the taste on a different level compared to mass cooked food. One advice I have on dining in Cha Da, bring your own mosquito repellent. On the first night, there was no breeze after a short rain. I had a hundred flying insects joining me for dinner sticking onto my sweaty arms and legs. On other nights, my legs were mosquito food in between sporadic occurrence of cool sea breezes. And the breakfasts were conveniently a buffet everyday and I had issues with their Dim Sums. The Siew Mai (Chinese meat dumplings) could be used as a ball replacement in a squash game and it could outlast the best squash ball ever made to last. The bacon was overdone tasting and having a texture like beef jerky. The rest of the spread were fine, I gave my thumbs 85% up on Cha Da food and 100% on the attentiveness and politeness of staffs.

Koh Lanta Yai is a very long island with about three large stretches of beach westwards for one to explore. This trip for me, no car rental. I am having a very bad economic crisis in my wallet and the GDP in my bank account is negative. So I spent my days only in the resort and the town called Sala Dan just a kilometer or two away. The sandy beaches front of Cha Da big and wide, the sand however not at all white. I was greeted by the color brown, to be stirred into a Milo shake as the sea broke the shore. The water ain’t clear on Lanata, it was definitely not Nai Harn of Phuket.

Though this ain’t no Phuket, the Farangs still flocked there in hordes, it was Swedish galore at Cha Da. I had no idea what’s with their country, but it seemed to me they are in a hurry to breed and over take the world. The Swedish occupation of Cha Da involved about 90% families with two to three screaming toddlers. The morning breakfast in the dining hall was more like a nursery gone wrong. Of the hundred or so occupancy, there were only three Thai clusters inclusive of me.

I turn my head to the east, I see screaming toddlers to my side,
I turn my head to the west, still the toddlers in sight,
So I turn my head to the north, want to purchase a pill called cyanide….

Just a joke about the cyanide thing… he he. Anyways, I asked the reception what’s with the Swedish spawning season. Was informed Cha Da had always been Swede occupied most of the time. There is a big agency in Sweden promoting the resort as a family destination with heaps of kiddy activities while the parents romance their time away. On everyday in the pool clad paradise, I saw different white rabbit or orange kola mascots entertaining the screaming sound machine toddlers so invasive to the chirps of birds and soothing sounds of breaking waves.

As I walked in the violet evening light in Sala Dan seeking out fresh seafood, Farangs, more Farangs and so many more Farangs. Strange it is how there exist hidden zoning factions in Thailand, like Bang Sean is mainly for Thais, but Pattaya will all be Farangs. Lanta? At least for the part I was in north west – Farang’s Zone.

To get around from Cha Da, there were “two rows” parked waiting front of the hotel. It cost 50 Baht per pax standard to get to the nearest town of Sala Dan. It cost only 40 Baht for Thais to get back.

And what breed of taxis were on Lanta? That of which was made of motorcycle with a passenger carrying rack woven together on a third wheel. Between clicks of gear change, the sun basked mid twenties driver told us about the upcoming Songkran, which will last only a day compared to Bangkok’s one week of wet t-shirts and wild fun. This is Muslim island he said, and Muslim not like wet and wild, Allah not like. The driver said he rents his service out for three hours at 300 Baht, one giant tank of water and maybe up to three Farangs. Around the towns he will go, as the Farang will play the Songkran.

And so I spent a 3 nights in Cha Da like any typical Asian, while the Farangs I knew from conversations heard had been there a whole 2 weeks and some even more. How you Farangs managed it I envy so much, as I believe yours will be a true holiday compared to the short Asian try-to-pack-everything-in-4-days style of travel. We Asians often end up more tired after a holiday then a working week. We don’t have the privilege of time-off-work on our hands like you do, we could only envy. However this trip round I lazed like you do (actually crisis in wallet) and I got to really rest my mind just waddling around the pool and doing nothing compared to how I would normally set off on exploration and cataloging the Island like the first man from the sea do. I had rested a plenty and am now back in Bangkok, my working holiday continues, the stress from bad business I am not immune.

These are the Emerald Suites, nothing much to them, no pool access.

Pool access rooms, otherwise known as Gold Suite.

I have heard of Crop Circles… but never heard of Crab Circles. The whole beach was just full of them.

A fat village cat in Sala Dan.

An island south of Koh Lanta I visited known as Koh Rok. Will blog about it soon.

Click here for full photo sets under Lazing in Lanta Mar 2009.

Tamboon Condo

2009-03-09T13:36:00.000+07:00

And they came, not too early in the morning, a group of nine monks delivered in a van. We had tamboon in our condominium, organized by the office below. All residents were invited to attend, not all turned up. And we donated money in envelopes or bought food for the monk’s morning meal.

It seemed the first time our condominium had organized this, no one knew exactly what to do and some residents who had experience helped in. Not to worry as these monks although looked and dressed the same have an order in there. Somewhere in the nine, will be the F&B monk. He will tell you how to prepare the food and how it is to be offered. Event Organizer monk will appear among the nine to tell you what to do with the candles, holy water and such when all is lost and not know what proceeds in the middle of prayers. A Marketing monk will appear from thin air if you start to talk about future events. Welfare monk will tell you to turn the fan or air conditioning on when it gets hot. And how much money to offer, how it is to be presented? The Finance and Accounting monk will emerge and help you out. Band Leader monk (who sits first on the left) doubles as the Water Party monk to sprinkle all us with holy juice. The rest will be prayer monks. Lots of us were greenhorns in the blessing session. I had been to many but still hardly know how it works. But in all I had attended and when we were lost, the roles of certain monks will be revealed and came forth to aid.

If you are into community living in Thailand, Thais believe you should attend these in your residence if any or get one organized if none. It is good luck. It prevents bad things like… getting stuck in the lift for no apparent technical reasons for fourteen hours, toilet turning into a powerful geyser with your lovely neighbors’ contents when sitting on it, your car being attacked by cat scratches from about sixteen neighboring cats in the parking lot, pigeon running into your eye beak first when you open your car door, running into a hot iron on the ironing board in the morning naked and groin first… whatever.

So there I sat through the session, immersed in the monotonous gothic like chorus of chants. The drone of hymn reverberated through every cell of my body and every particle of the walls. It was good to be there.

Jobs in Thailand

2009-03-04T08:05:00.000+07:00

It is an indication that the job market is bad when one advertisement in JobsDB lands you overwhelming heaps of resumes. It is an indication that business is bad when friends in MNCs tell you they have a retrenchment exercise and a head count freeze. It is also an indication when the farang you know got retrenched and get stressed about how to go on in this Kingdom. The market is bad, everyone is cutting back. However, the only companies that are charging forth through are the energy and oil businesses. Five and a half month bonus, some of my friends got. Back to the topic of bad economy, a lady friend had a Korean boyfriend turned ex. He got retrenched and just disappears, with the one million Baht car signed under an installment plan in her name. She will go to court soon. Who said girls in Thailand with an expat relation are lucky? Wrong assumption, some expats can be bastards.

And still, Thailand remains an attractive environment to work in for her various charms. And still, would be expats are sending out hundreds of resume only to be left hanging in the dark without a reply. As I have been here a couple of years now, I have learned the best way to land a job would be through re-assignment/location from your home country’s company into this City of Angels. That’s when the lucky expats get big fat pay living like high-so kids from well off families. Ever wondered why our resumes never get read, ever wondered why we are always left hanging? Why does a great big European, American, Australian or what not MNC not hire your white, yellow or whatever skin of an expat?

The HR in such companies are Thai and Thai will know Thai pay. Maybe to impress their relocated expat boss they want by telling the big savings getting an equally qualified but bad English speaking Thai. Maybe it involves jealousy when looking at what expats expected to be paid and most likely will by their expat boss. And most likely, the entire HR team is so short sighted they don’t see the investment value in us. They think in a small box, narrow minded and uncreative. They are why we don’t get hired. Wrong, all wrong these stupid ways, for I had witnessed a daring Thai company invest in an expat and the sudden influx of foreign related business the company beneficially enjoyed. An expat also brings professionalism to one’s company and could also influence and change the “sabai-sabai” working attitude of Thais for the better. Expats are efficient, creative and energetic engines (just don’t hire a drunk). Expats can bring a whole new world and clouds of original ideas into an operation. HR, please think out of the box for the benefit of your companies, tune to an investment mind for Buddha’s sake. Expats wannabe, I understand you.

Luk Kruengs Lucky?

2009-03-02T09:47:00.001+07:00

It’s a question difficult to answer, it always depends on the equation. A story of that I will tell, of that which happened in the condo I live. Bart (lets call him Bart for he was more of a brat as the residence knew him) is a “luk-krueng” (mixed blood), father a Japanese mother is a Thai. It is in the Thai’s eye that “luk-kruengs” are the luckiest people alive, with one money loaded parent of overseas origin, they are presumed to mature into someone smart, rich or a beautiful/handsome movie star. Well not all share the same fate as this tale I will tell.

Bart hung with the security guards 24 by 7. He hardly went home. He slept in the gym, in the ping pong room and ate with the security guards or staffs of the office. At an early teenage transition he was, rude and harassment associated remarks he would pass on the girls in our condo. Lately, he had disappeared. No longer do we see the dark bespectacled boy lingering all day around our condo. As inquisitive as I have always been, I asked the Thais.

Bart was a problem child, his mother had huge issues with him. Unable to control him, she let him be and so he decided to choose his own way, drop out of school and move out of the apartment. Where his father was no one knew. And so without his parents support and with no money for meals, residents started to help him out. Some would ask of him to go buy food and deliver to their rooms, giving him a large tip in return for his daily necessities. Why this treatment his mother did, no one knew either and could only speculate.

A life desperate, a life would lapse into the unethical route, as always the easiest avenue in Thailand. Near his last few days around, he kept the money advanced by the residents and disappeared for periods using the doe for his own affairs. The residents started to complain and it was decided to bar him from the condo altogether. His mother was notified and in fear that Bart would return, she simply sold the apartment and moved out as fast as she could. That’s it, simple, just run, run away from it all. Thailand is so big and one could hide so well. Bart never returned to the condo, or maybe he did but to find his only parent had gone. There, he faded into just another statistical part of the population.

The stereotyping that all “luk-kreungs” are lucky, get good education and grow up to be someone great and live a comfortable life is not so correct an assumption anymore. I had even seen “luk-kruengs” boys or girls selling garlands at traffic junctions. It all depends on the equation.

What Car Insurance Policy for Thailand?

2009-02-27T10:09:00.000+07:00

Another day on the road, another witness to stupidity. Can’t blame them for crashing into each other. What can you expect out of drivers in a country where you don’t have to take proper driving lessons prior in to taking a test at the driving center?

Regarding insurance, I don’t know what they call it exactly, could be level one insurance or something, but I do know, its gonna be the most expensive of all insurance policies and you better have one if you drive in Thailand. This country is unlike some countries where it is mandatory for all car owners to have at least a third party insurance, or level three as they call it here. Having a car, we adopt the same mentality and think all we need is third party.

Logic behind is that, well, firstly in cases where we were to run into someone, our policy will cover our fault. This covers us running into really expensive cars and having no money to pay. We can ignore the damage on our own vehicle and the repairs could wait.
Secondly, if someone were to run into us, their (at least) third party policy will cover our repairs. So we think third party insurance will be enough for us as long as we are careful, it is a just-in-case-policy with a calculated risk involved. DEAD WRONG THINKING!!!

My workers were in a petrol kiosk, stopped and getting their car filled. Then a car came from behind and whamp – crash. Rear bumper of our Corolla suffered quite a bit of damage, tail lights were broken and the rear had definitely changed shape (anything Japanese and is a car can otherwise be know as tin can). The person at fault was of course the driver who decided to ram his car front into the Corolla’s butt. He was a high ranking naval officer. He had no money. He had no insurance, not even third party. He had only one thousand on him, and that’s what he gave our workers. More negotiations only lead to more frustrations, his answer “no money”. Even if we do engage the police or bring him to court, we will never be able to squeeze one more Baht from him. Thailand, no money people many many, force them to pay they just say no money. One thousand Baht only, enough for the petrol back to Bangkok. This was a soldier of the country, at least he had a thousand on him. Imagine if a motorcycle taxi run into you, they could only give you some hundreds or so. But most of the time as I had even personally encountered, they just sped away, curses to their mother’s genitals!!!! (this genital thing is a Hokkien tradition).

The third party policy we have does not cover our office car in this situation. Be warned, be advice. By all means if you own a car here, get the level one insurance. Yes it will be typically five to eight times more expensive then the third party ones, costing like fifteen to twenty thousand Baht, but at least it covers everything. It covers scratches, hit and run without witness, dents, you running into trees, tress falling on you, bird strikes, cars running into you but no money to pay, fire, thief, cats and dogs falling onto your car from a high rise, bicyclist trapped under your car and you dragged him for 50 meters, drunk old man on speeding wheel chair cashing into your sides, whatever and what not. Only catch to it is that, in order to get level one insurance, you need to have a car less then ten years of age.

Eating out in Sing Buri

2009-02-26T15:47:00.000+07:00

Working life in Thailand, an adventure everyday. MacDonald’s is not everywhere, we eat where the cows shit on the roads, we eat wherever we find anything that looks like they serve food. Venturing to a far away customer in Sing Buri, no big petrol kiosk could be found that had a civilized clean toilet. Hungry we were, we turned into a very quiet deserted house with a big sign stating “Quay Teow” (noodle soup).

Chairs and tables stacked, one lonely woman sat under the wooden roof baked by the searing afternoon sun. We could not find food for miles, we just had to eat what we found. And there in contradiction, she said no Quay Teow served, never bought noodles for the day. We could however order anything we want, such as fired rice and such. In the midst of occasional ten wheelers roaring by, it seemed we were the first customers in this entire world she had. Deserted, isolated, no one seemed to have eaten there in decades. A rolling stack of passing hay would have made the scene pretty dramatic. Our bottles of Coke were served, the ice she said “we don’t have much today, never buy”. Coke, okay it tasted like Coke… minus the bubbles that were supposed to effervescent. I sipped the dull water pondering if she bought the carton 20 years ago, one bottle served once annually.

Some chickens walked by pecking the hard ground, some very elderly chicken. Waited for so many years to be eaten, their feather were tattered, they were balding. One stared at me, and in its stare told me telepathically “order fried whole chicken or I will commit suicide tomorrow, please eat me”.

Someone came by and the place was soon immersed in the sharp melodic strumming of old E-San music. A juke box, it still worked I thought it didn’t. It had a TV in, a very old TV embedded. I believe the jukebox was made when I was still a sperm.

I ate my fried rice on the aluminum table top. The sunny side up egg slapped on top of my cuisine. Was it an egg on the way to the status of century egg? Never mind, I was hungry I just ate. Swallowing the bits, I stared up the wooden wall. The calendar, the most interesting artifact, was actually a wanted list of criminals. Just my another day in Thailand.

Sudden Death

2009-02-25T10:38:00.001+07:00

Was watching National Geographic the other day, a program called Sudden Death. In this program, Thailand’s North East was much talked about. Some decades ago in Singapore, fit and healthy Thai construction workers started dying for no apparent reasons in their sleep. The hospitals in Singapore traced and found that these sudden death victims came from E-San (North East) Thailand. In E-San itself, the folks there encounter many of these unexplained cases, people dying for no apparent reasons in their sleep. In Thailand anything un-explainable to that which can be proven scientifically means paranormal. Easy way to understand the world.

Sudden Death is a genetically passed down defect mainly in men, the heart goes into an erratic quivering rhythm so that no bloods gets pump around. Then, everything dies. The only way to save the victim is to jump start the heart by using a heart defibrillator. Sudden Death in the farmer’s terms means a visit from a female ghost in their sleep. She takes the men’s soul away. The only way to prevent one from becoming a victim, dress as woman in their sleep.

National Geographic highlighted medical intervention can help. The person needs to be tested first for heart murmurs or something. If this symptom is present, it means the entire family tree could be affected and surgery for an implant should be carried out to prevent Sudden Death for those tested positive. Cost… USD $20,000 (THB $700,000).

How in the world is a farmer earning an average THB $6,000 per month suppose to afford that? They don’t. They just die when the time comes. Have a standby heart defibrillator? Cannot afford. Maybe they can jump start their heart with a car battery when it happens. Improvise whatever. It is so different the life of many here compared to Singapore. We live sheltered in a small place, every imaginable amenity is near. We have a medical problem, our insurance would have covered it. Singapore is a place where every man and woman is a piece of walking insurance policy. In other words, we have money and money diverts death (other then being run over by SBS bus). Thailand, everything left to fate, born rich and one is lucky, born poor and life is cheap. Knowing the impending death, they would accept. Knowing an impeding death a Singaporean however, we have the luxury to engage all kinds of money incurring solutions to divert. We have a choice, they don’t. A big world of difference, a life we can never imagine how to live.

Hunting for Ghost

2009-02-20T08:22:00.001+07:00

If you live here long enough, you will start to encounter at first eerie anomalies to that which is an accepted part of Thai culture. Sometimes after periods of months, calling up your business contacts or dropping by his office to look him for a chat, you will be surprise the receptionist informs you that they have no Mr Somchai (example name) in their company, and never had before. Calling Somchai’s mobile and be greeted “the number you are dialing does not exists” or something. Mr Somchai never existed, especially with the pretty receptionist you have never met before insisting you have the wrong office with her large confused ~~boobs~~ eyes. You met a ghost. Does one really exists by the name of Somchai, did one encounter an angle that have given a large order once, an aid from the other world to help one’s business and then returned to the other side? It does happens, Somchais from the parallel universe.

Maybe they believe so much the fortune teller, maybe they just feel like it. If you live here long enough, you will know more then a handful of people that changed their names. Thais, I asked them why, I always do ask them why. “Err… just want to change name…”, “Err… someone else in my office higher position have same name…”, “Err.. doctor fortune teller say this name better…”. Just some but not all of the reasons. Thais can even change their sir names. It is not necessary for the wife to follow the sir name of the husband’s, it is possible for the husband to change his to follow the wife’s. Done for reasons such as wife is from a family with some distance royal ancestry, with permission from the wife’s family the husband must seek. One can change the name given by one’s parents, it doesn’t matter one’s roots in the meaning of names. Mobile numbers I see as one’s important identity in life, not to be changed as friends from a decade ago could still call and locate me up. Never the Thais see this as an essential, change them numbers one after the other they did. MSN for life I believe, but with the advent of password remembering messengers, many will loose their accounts when moving from one computer to the other. That just simply because one never bothers to remember the passwords.

Somchais becomes Samchais, Tivakorns changed to Tinakorns. Even Davids can become Jennys after an operation in the gender hospital, and mobile numbers recycling a popular statistics. Thais vanishing from the face of planet Earth just another thing of this amazing Kingdom. Eventually you will find them lost souls. Eventually they will tell you the reasons.

Thai Girls So Friendly

2009-02-16T09:33:00.000+07:00

Late in the night, I had just reached home. Before me, an attractive young Thai lady was going into the lift. Just me and her, two of us, going to the same floor of the condominium. She’s my neighbor. I can’t help but stared below her waist level and quickly returned my eyes to venture elsewhere. Then, she smiled back and we chatted. She then voluntarily unzipped, I stared at her pussy full view. I reached in and pat her pussy. She was so happy and chatted as my hands were all inside and played her pussy.

Her Persian cat is now 1 year old. (Just what are you thinking about?????!) It’s a big fat cute fur ball weighing in at 3 kgs. The eyes so gleaming with curiosity, the fur an art of brown streaks so smooth and long. Frequently she brings her pussy cat out in her kitty carrier which has a zipper door. Thai girls so friendly, she let me played her pussy in the lift.

Romancing the 9 Temples

2009-02-09T16:57:00.002+07:00

9th Feb 2009 a holiday. Something Buddha come down from sky day again. This weekend, many Thais took to the streets to Tamboon. Like when buying cars, Thais will go full option where possible with all the fog lights, leather seats, navigation, 18 inch wheels and what not. This holiday period, Thais does a full option Tamboon. To pray at any selected 9 temples. Why 9 I asked, why are Thais so fascinated by the number 9. 9 is the biggest number before 0. 9 is the biggest. Must thus be 9 temples the Thais will visit, 9 big number equals good number.

We did a visit of 9 temples with lunch at the floating market. An unusual Tamboon compared to my office staffs driving up to Ayutthaya in a car, gig, family and all the moo barn folks had ours by boat. We “mao-ler”, or in other words, engaged one of those river Taxis all to ourselves for the pilgrimage which started at 7 in the morning.

Getting on and off the piers is an everyday thing to some here. Old as they are the senior citizens, they jumped from jetty to ship without falling into the brown Chaopaya. The river Taxis, all part of life for them, bet your grandma can’t do that, not to mention, do that for like 20 times in one day.

Walk, more walks, and some climbs. Wat Arun was steep and to some it could have been Everest. Steps so steep, I was prepared to see the Koreans on their tour cartwheel a couple of times off the sides of the temple. Of course, it didn’t happen or this blog will be filled with them injured pictures.

Fish, fishes and more fish. Everywhere there’s a temple, the rivers were just teaming with them. Feed and we all fed, the catfish so big and fat.

Rub them trees, rubba rub rub till the barks reveal them numbers for your Lottery. The old folks gathered as the playful kid rubbed. I was on a high ledge photographing, the kid came up to me and asked of me to pray to the tree, the numbers he cannot see, the blame he put on me. Diligently I obeyed and the rubbing continued. Soon after the old folks started to take out their notes and pens, scribbled the magical numbers which appeared they did.

The ledge of any temples I was told, never to step on them I never knew. It is disrespectful to the Buddha, as the action is like putting your foot above the temple. Do that at your own risk if believe me one will not, and have them cats by the ledge mysteriously attack you like tigers, between your legs they rip out your pongs pongs. I prefer the cats to stay where they are, gingerly, I entered the premise.

One thing ingenious about Thai people, they are very efficient in space usage. Under bridges, along walkways, right in front of their houses, given any empty plots of land, they will turn them into some makeshift shops selling sporadic items or restaurants. Here on the floating platforms which are suppose to be piers, they sprawled tables on it and turn them into a food court.

We all know of Noah’s Ark, I saw the Thai version if it. 2 years ago when I first visited this temple, it was under construction. 2 years later now, it is still under construction. Slowly the donations poured in, slowly the temple takes shape.

By 5pm the day was almost over. I was reduced to a rubble of melted gooey puddle. Drained of energy, and my thirst never quenched by all the bottles of mineral water. February the hot months had began, my sweating does the overdrive run. 9 temples in a day by boat, the full option Thai Tamboon pilgrimage. I only paid THB$250, that’s 10 dollars sing (SGP$) for it. Thailand the land of a million temples I presume, the temples the burning incense fumed.

Click here for full photo sets under Nine Temples Feb 2009.

Public Pools Bangkok

2009-02-06T09:20:00.000+07:00

Here is an entry that exhibits the elusive public swimming pools in Bangkok. Finding one is a challenge for all signs here are in Thai. Looking out for one by sight is even tougher for Bangkok is like Sim City gone really wrong.

Firstly, it ain’t such a conducive environment that has the allure to pull me in. Does not have the country club feel. Notice the shades all dirty blue and wrecked by years of weathering. Why have shades?? Ain’t swimming a sport to get tanned?

It’s a sports club this place is. A badminton hall and pool rolled into one. Located deep within a soi, it has no parking lots. Normally quiet with only the occasional kids splashing about. The parents don’t dip, they chatted along the narrow sides. If you think coming to one just to drool at bikini clad girls sprawled and tanning, it just ain’t gonna happen. This is Bangkok, Thais can’t swim. Throw one in the deep end and they will drown. I don’t see no lifeguards around either.

The Brotherhood

2009-02-02T01:00:00.001+07:00

So what is the latest unseen Thailand thingy going on here in Thailand, hidden fascination of Thailand’s everyday common livelihood unknown and undiscovered by the tourist? Two big schools are killing each other. Remember our schoolboys’ behavior so many of us went through some 20 years ago in Singapore, where when on the playground we encounter a bunch of student from neighboring schools? Full of testerone pumping in our blood streams, questions on each groups “SS” (secret society) status will be thrown and any slightest wrong answer will most likely result in bruised faces, torn shirts and flying punches. Kids (stupid kids)… that was what we were up to, we were there once. If one happened to stare at another for a period longer then some mysterious number of seconds (unintentionally as he was using both fingers to dig both his nostrils at the same time or something), the other would shout back to one a question surrounding the topic of testicles in Hokkien. Same thing may follow… punches driven by pumping testerone in a teenager’s blood. Walking tall in the parks, kids looking for trouble.

See, in Singapore, we had parangs, metal pipes and sticks to bash the stupidity out of each other. But here, students have a lot more fun. They have pastimes like ridding a bike and have the pillion shoot into a group from the other school. They have home made bombs stored in their school lockers in case of World War III and they love to stab each other just because of a different uniform. The whole school is a “SS”. Police had recently raided some schools here and found an assortment of ingenuous home made weapons of mass destruction. Raid was a follow up to the increasing number of never ending I-shoot-you you-shoot-me incidents. The locals had given advice to avoid some popular destinations in town this period just in case one happens to be standing in the path of a flying bottle, bullet or whatever high speed projectiles.

Such brotherhood grows beyond that of school days and is carried in the blood of the Thais way into their career lives. As adults, the testorone level would have dropped, so luckily, we don’t have incidents where the interviewer shoots the interviewee. One common question I always observe during interview sessions which I sat in was the question of schools. And if both are from the same, the interviewee will greet the interviewer as “brother” and it is most likely that he or she will get the job. Political situation in the working environment is also driven by the same reasoning and it will be obvious when one soaks long enough in big companies. Same goes for deal. Research the customer’s background and send someone in your team from the same school if possible. The “brother-brother” thing will show results as “brother” must help “brother”. Thailand is chaotic no doubt, but in chaos there is always an order if one seeks.

Popular Items

2009-02-01T01:00:00.000+07:00

It is amazing what people shoplift at the supermarkets. These pictures of high tech anti-thief secured chocolates only exhibit the amount of widespread petty crimes Thais will commit. They gotta eat chocolates and if no money, must steal (one large M&Ms = about 3 meals on the streets). Must be cacao addiction.

CNY 2nd Day

2009-01-31T09:29:00.001+07:00

What do Thais do on the second day of the Chinese Lunar New Year? Chinatown some say. For a good lunch and all the festivities. Lion dance procession in the middle of road without regards to traffic. See…. Thailand is a place where you can do anything you want, anywhere and anytime you want. It was like Chingay plus mob rolled into one.

And in the night, all relevance to the Chinese tradition would have been disconnected. Its Coyote time. In fact, its Coyote time all the time for some. Who says beware the recession coming? Look at them party and splurge on alcohol. Gong Xi Fatt Chai.

Do Thais Celebrate Chinese New Year?

2009-01-26T12:25:00.001+07:00

On the eve of CNY, I received a bunch of promotional SMS from a bunch of night clubs. Yes Thais do celebrate. It is just another occasion to get drunk. Drown yourselves in alcohol and have your faces engulfed in the no bra cheongsam chests of this beautiful Kingdom. Yipeee…..

Well, that’s what most will be up to. But for a large handful of scattered Chinese who have not lost traditions, altars will be set up for prayers. The Chinese came some centuries ago to work the land into economic upturn. Most started off as coolies working hard in construction or as laborers in factories and such. Without the Chinese women imported from their land, they paired up with the natives and cross marriages transpire from then till present. The Chinese then promoted their own social statuses by working hard and exercising their business mind. Soon, they were big owners of successful corporations and businesses such as large scale rice mills which are still now family oriented and handed down from one generation to the other.

The Chinese traditions had been handed down as well but many of the current generation had conveniently forgotten the practices. Ask some Chinese Thai and then you will see they no longer know what steps to be taken, how many joss sticks to burn, how many times to pray and which direction for prayer (actually, I have forgotten too). Sounds like a dying culture ain’t it? But as one walks the streets of Bangkok, the hidden scatters of Chinese practices will be revealed one street after another. Give another fifty years or so when all the Teochew speaking old folks are gone, will the loud continuous bangs of fire crackers still be around to mark the turn of the Chinese Lunar Calendar? Maybe yes, maybe no, yes and maybe but could be no. It is the auspicious first day of the New Year today, it is just another day. We are working in the office now.

Happy Plan?

2009-01-25T01:00:00.000+07:00

I had this shoved to me in SCB bank one day. For one that don’ read Thai, I really don’t see how can one be happy when one knocks people down, or one gets knocked down riding a bike and have the life crushed out of one’s body. If Thais wanna sell insurance to foreigners, I suggest they change their tactics. Have English for Buddha’s sake.

Visibility 100m

2009-01-24T08:26:00.000+07:00

Right here, right now, 8am, Bangkok 24th Jan 2009.